Friday, November 30, 2007

Back On My Meds & A Movie Whore

So, I’m back on my meds. It’s been a rough few weeks, not something I share on the blog too much, and I hope to be feeling better soon. Roller coaster of emotions. My doctor has been great. She describes it as truly a disease, and just as a person with diabetes needs medication, or a person with kidney disease needs medication, I have chemical imbalance in the brain and I need medication. Deep sigh. I’m totally OK with that. I like myself WAY better when I’m on Effexor. And I know my family does too.

In the interim, I was a movie whore yesterday. Saw one while the kids were at school. Saw one with the kids after school. Loved them BOTH! Loved the music in them both! Loved the leading men in them both!

Do yourself a favor, screw shopping this weekend, and treat yourself to a movie:

August Rush


A couple other things:

~ Fave author in the world Jen Weiner had her baby, thanks to Swishy IMming me to tell me today! Phoebe Pearl is the baby's name. Thought you'd all be as excited as I was to hear this news!

~ Going to Weight Watchers for real tomorrow morning. For really real. It’s time. Really time. I’m not kidding. There. I said it. It must be true. Shitola. And yes, for those wondering, that is pronounced SHY-TOE-LAH!

~I'm cleaning out my office--it's like training for a marathon--you know, like preparing for a major event, and my major event is to get my ass into gear to write my second book, well finish the first draft I'm half-way done with. I need to bulldoze through the crap in here, declutter my clutter and get into shape to start writing again. Because we're just about one month away from Resolution time!

~ Be safe this holiday season. A neighbor in our subdivision was not just ‘robbed’ on Wednesday, but ‘ransacked’ is the word used to describe the robbery. Apparently, the thieves broke in via the front door, then drove their van into their garage, went through every drawer in their house. They rang neighbor’s doors to make sure no one close by was home. I’m very thankful we have an alarm system that I set each and every time we leave the house. Make sure to keep your garage doors closed, your home doors locked, and packages out of view in your car. And always lock your car doors. That’s just asking for something to be stolen. And don’t let your kids out of your sight. It’s one thing to have possessions stolen, but the real valuables are your family. Keep everyone safe. This has been a Manic Public Message.

~ This weekend marks THREE freaking years I’ve been blogging. Has blogging even been around that long? Am I insane? Why do I continue? Again, Shitola.

To give you an idea of where I was three years ago, I give you two installments of what I wrote on that first day’s post, December 3, 2004:

So, being freshly relocated to the Chicago area, the men in this family are all about the sports scene. Mr. Manic’s buddy was able to score some big tix for a box at the Bulls game. I used to follow MJ back when he was 23, then 45, then we moved east and I became disenchanted. Now we're back, and it would be really cool to see a game, experience the Chicago sports thing again, and maybe eat and drink some free grub. I thought it would be a fun family night, seeing as we've all been a little stressed with the relocation.

Hub: Joe got about 25 tickets to a Bulls game skybox.

Me: Cool! Can our whole family go?

Hub: Uh... I'll have to check with Joe. [grabs the cordless, walks into the other room and makes a call - or maybe he didn't make a call? hmmm....]

Hub (returning from the other room): Actually, he's only got 10 tickets.

Yeah, right.... and next time someone in this house wants to score, there just might not be a ticket available for the box...

And then, this post---

Last night, my seven-year old, out of the blue, mind you, opens up an interesting topic of discussion. Let me replay the incident for you within quotation marks:

AJers: Mom, how do you spell fuck?
(Emphasis was placed on the word DO, as if he had been contemplating this earth shattering question for days now in his young life.)

After my eyeballs were suctioned back into my head by the inhalation of my breath, I said,

"Where did you ever hear that?"

AJers: (shrugging) "I dunno."

I pressed further: "Come on, where did you hear that?"

AJers: "Nowhere."

Me: "AJers?"

Unable to come up with a logical answer he lifts his shoulders and his eyebrows, almost as if a question and says: "You?"

Me: "You never heard me say that!"

AJers: "Yeah, remember the other day, you started to go 'ffffffffrrrr'?"

Me: "I was going to say FREAK."

Then I sat him down and said, "AJers, that is the baddest, baddest worst bad word in the entire world. Worse than stupid or dumb or hate or fart or crap and I never want you to say it again, okay?"

AJers: "Okay."

Me: "I'm not mad at you. I'm glad we had this talk."

Fuck, what am I going to do now?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Tukey Poop

Addendum to Tukey Talks, here's a Tukey Poop for your reading pleasure... or not. This is not for the light-hearted. This is Poop Talk. Consider yourself warned.

Well, Tukey still needs some help in the potty on occasion. It’s because I’m anal (pun intended), and since I’ve been a butt-wipin’, diaper-changer for some point in the past 10 years I have no problem going into the bathroom to help the little guy out once a day.

Beats skidmarks on his skivvies. I hate the thought of tossing poopy-pants into a load of laundry – the thought of that mixing into all the other clothes does not seem like it’s getting clean—it just seems like stuff is being relocated to other clothing. Right? Right.

So, today, I hear the tell-tale yelling from the bathroom, “Moooohhh-oohhhhmmmm! I’m Dooonnnnne!”

I go in, and ask, "You done?" He beams up at me, and leans forward.

I take a quick look-check into the bowl, and, well, let’s just say this was not your typical six-year-old poop!

You know the usual comment, “Looks like you took the Browns to the Superbowl?”

Well, instead, I went with the: TUKEY! My Gosh! You didn’t just take the Browns to the Superbowl!

You took the Browns! You took the Bears, you took the cheerleaders! You brought along the sportscasters, the coaches, and even all the fans to the Superbowl this time around!

His comment:

“Don’t forget the Mascot!”

~ ~ ~

And then, another potty discussion, upon another wiping episode, another day, when Tukey sees me reach for the pack of matches because the smell was quite, well, you know, STINKY!

Tukey, clearly awestruck: You need to light a match?

Me: Yep.

Tukey: You need to light a match all because of me?

Me: Yep.

Tukey: You need to light a match all because of a huge poop from me?

Me: Yep.

Tukey: Wow.


Tukey: Can I light it?

Me: Nope.

Tukey: Giggles

Then I hear him go downstairs and say to his friends…

Hey guys, my mom needs to light a match!

And, to quote my cutie Tukey Patookey at his best: The End.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Deck The Halls & Such

This year, I'm loving Christmas. And that's only because I've cranked out sooo much shopping already. AND, I've wrapped AND shipped some gifts already. STOP! Don't throw your coffee mug at your monitor--you'll just make a mess. I've started decorating. Check out how cute my front door looks!


I might even put up a sign that says: Your PRESENCE is welcome! Get it. Presence. PRESENT. I know. Dumb. But who cares.

You're lucky you caught me in a good mood because seriously, I was vacillating between either this post or a post titled GIFT OF THE MANIC, which I will write soon, that's going to be a play on this O. Henry story.

But you're lucky. Cuz, this immediate second, (and as it is with seconds), it could change, but I am feeling like it's OK that I'm off my meds. Last night, and most of this previous week, I was not so sure. Here's to the holidays. Right? Right.

But, as it is with free-writing, I digress.

Anyway, really, most of my shopping is done, even a present for myself, which sparked the idea of the O. Henry-soon-to-be-plagarized Gift Of The Manic short story (is it considered plagarized if it's spoofed?), and I think we may get our tree up this weekend, and I'm hosting a neighborhood cookie exchange with like 30+ women in a few weeks, and I'm like ALL spirited and shit. What the heck is going on with me?

Where did my inner Grinch go!?!?!?!

And we saw Fred Claus yesterday! Dude! GREAT MOVIE! All-star cast, including, Kevin Spacey, playing an evil villain! This movie's right along the lines of my other faves ELF (SANTA'S COMING! SANTA'S COMING!) and THE SANTA CLAUS.

Here's a youtube trailer, cuz you know how big I am on the youtube movie trailers. Feel free to skip it if you like, but the dancing section is really cute. I think Vince is a hottie, and who is the song by? Elvis?

And a Dancing Vince Vaughn. Yum. I would so like to hang with Vince. I mean, I would want to drink an appletini with him (although I had a tangerine-tini the other night that gave my beloved appletini a MAJOR run for its money let me tell you!), but Vince... he is my kind of guy. Jennifer A. and he were positively NO match. I like him because if we were together, I'd be like, "Honey, I didn't feel like making dinner," and he'd probably say, "Baby, that's OK, let's you and me go grab a pizza, and then I'll give you a back rub, and let ME make love to you. But ONLY if you want me to, OK?"

Nah, he wouldn't say that.

But, he seems like he is just my type. If I had a type. I guess I do have a type. He's tall. He's dark. That's part of my type. He seems like a Mr. Manic type, when Mr. Manic is on my good side, which he is sllooowly working his way back to, and I wasn't even going to 'go there' and boy, if you folks could read the hand-written BLOG I own... HA! Can you believe that! I HAVE A HAND-WRITTEN BLOG!

I crack my self up! Anyway, he was up to less than standards this week. That's why maybe I need to go back on my meds. So I can like him better.

That's ALL I'm gonna say on THAT subject. Because I could go on and on and on and on. And I won't.

But Vince. Yep, Hottie in my book. A guy's kinda guy--you know, someone a guy would befriend at a bar, and not be intimidated by, not be afraid he would be trying to pick up his chick, although he would be totally capable of stealing away another man's girl. A girl's guy. A charmer. Someone Swish, Jess and I could hang out with till 4:00 a.m. and teach a few things to, right gals? Maybe we'd let him show us his boxers or something? Maybe get out a measuring tape? Hmmm... you betcha!

Anyway, what really sparked this post, which really was supposed to be just a two-line hey, Merry-Holidays-Check-Out-Melek's-Post was what the talented and cute Melek has to say over at her blog about Christmas and memories. So go check her out now. Tell her Manic sent ya.

And remember...

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing aloud for all to hear--
Buddy the Elf

Peace UP!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


Wishing you blessings upon blessings and loads of mashed potatoes and gravy!

Remember to thank the people most important in your life today, and tell those who mean the most to you just how much they mean to you. To all those in my life, and you know who you are, and if you're reading this, this includes you... I'm thankful for you and I love you!

Oops, and I just remembered something else important--even those who annoy you--make it a point to tell them you're thankful for them, because if nothing else, you've learned from them--how NOT to be!

Oops, forgot one more thing--I'll probably not post through the weekend, so if you're checking in, please leave a comment and let me know how you've spent your holiday, including what you ate, cuz you know how I love me some food!

Oh crap, I forgot ONE MORE THING! Tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day is the sixteenth anniversary of the day Mr. Manic made it known to me and the world that he wanted me for his wife. Sucker! I am sooo thankful for him. And he's thankful for me, cuz as we all know... IT'S CHEAPER TO KEEP HER!

Peace UP, Manic Style!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Quite the "Spry" Evening

Don't mean to leave you hanging, but well, I don't even know if famed author of the upcoming novel, Driving Sideways, Jess Riley, is still alive!??!!? Quite possibly we may have the makings of the sequel to Misery??

Here's an abbreviated update, or check in with Swishy, as she's got more of the scoop anyway.

Some highlights to the evening:

Started out with Swish getting lost to my place, then other awesome surprise guest arriving, none other than, well, I already told you up there, didn't I? JESS RILEY! And gosh, I do hope she's alive! Jess?!?!?! Please, be alive!

The last time the three of us were together, this is what happened.

So, we had some wine and cheese and crackers at my place cuz THAT'S HOW I ROLL!

Then we all did that sorority sister thing trying to find outfits to wear and I ended up with shoes I wasn’t happy with but then I was happy cuz at the bar, a girl came up to me and said, “Hey, I like those shoes!” That’s like such a good karma thing. They are like cloggy leopardy, zebra-y, tiger shoes, and really, I shouldn’t have been wearing them out, but once I got the ‘shoe compliment’ I was OK with it.

Previous to going to the bar, we all had agreed we wanted to see this FABULOUS movie, so we did:

And I was bawling, and Jess was rubbing my shoulder during it making sure I was OK. How sweet was that!

Then we went to dinner and had our drinks. Can you guess which one is mine?

And that's when the moral dilemmas we had to contend with entered into the evening, and went straight out the window. We had to ask ourselves at that point, WWJD when the conversation turned to girl-on-girl lap dances... we decided good old Jesus had left the building and Lucifer was now at the party.

NOOOOOOOOOO! We didn't GET lap dances. We were JUST discussing them! Keep in mind, we are authors. THESE are things authors talk about! Well, officially, Jess is the only author to date, but Swish and I will be someday soon. If nothing else, we've got notebooks full of our times together!

This is a lipstick touch-up:

Next up, we went to see some band of doctor rockers. Yeah, we don't get it either. But we figured if they were a bunch of doctors pretending to be a bunch of rockers, we could be a bunch of writer / bloggers pretending to be a bunch of groupies so I guess it all makes sense.

They are called Ed whom Swish nicknamed Erectile Dysfunction and we threw Blue Little Pills up on stage at them (and sorry Swish if I stole your joke, cuz I do have to give that one to Swish, cuz that's hers... she coined that one)... so, that wasn't all that great. I mean, it was, because we were like the YOUNGEST people in the WHOLE place, but we were also the only NON surgically enhanced people in that place, so we could only determine the doctors were plastic surgeons! Then we met up with fellow blogger Kristabella who reminds me of me, so obviously, she is very cool and fun and nice to be around, and her pal Darcie, who just happens to be a new neighbor of mine, and a teacher, who fortunately for her she will not have to ever teach the Manic kids!

And then, because I have this effect on men when Swishy is in town, the sparks flew. I don’t know what it is about me, but I emit this sort of elixir that from whence it comes from me, it attracts men to Swishy!!! Because seriously, whenever Swishy is in town, I help her to meet men! I know! I am her Wingman! I am her Makeout Muse! It has nothing to do with the fact that she is beautiful and charming and fun and sincere and that she alone emits a beauty that draws men to her like bees to nectar!

But, I have to also stop here for a moment to let everyone know just how equally beautiful Jess Riley is. Unfortunately, for all the men in the world, both Jess and I are passionately, madly, irrevocably in love…

NO, FOLKS! NOT WITH EACH OTHER! Although I do find her attractive… I just mean we are both married! So, sadly, we are OFF THE MARKET!

So seriously, like within THREE minutes of walking into a new bar, after leaving erectile dysfunction--heh heh TOTAL PUN INTENDED--these CHARMING men come through and one of them speaks to Swish, and she does her cute giggle, hair flip, flirt thing that girls on the make do. Not that she’s on the make, mind you. It’s just that I don’t have any of those moves of course, so I watch, with envy.

Then they walk away, then they come back, and then we spend the whole night talking with these charming men who, would you believe are LAW STUDENTS FROM NEW YORK!!! What a score! And of all the women in the bar, they chose US to talk to all night long! And they were so charming and nice and kind, they even bought drinks. You do not find young men in bars these days willing to buy women--even women with large rocks on their hands--drinks in bars. But yes, these guys knew how to roll!

Two guys in particular were very fun and sweet, unlike their other friends, like one who was nicknamed Neanderthal Date-Rape Boy, who was just flat-out mean. I totally tried to get the him drawn into conversation because I like to engage people, and he seemed bored that his friends were paying my friends attention. I like to learn about the nuances of people. I like to learn what makes them tick. So, back to NDRB… I just wanted to know why he was so angry. I asked him, “Why are you so angry? What happened in your childhood to make you so angry?” He didn’t tell me. Instead, he flat out told me, “You’re a three. Definitely a three.”

So I asked him, “OK, so I’m a three at 10:00. Do you think I will be a 10 at 3:00?”

The dude didn’t even LAUGH AT THAT? What kind of person is that? How angry of a person is that?

Anyway, back to our fun boys, who I won’t name, because I know they may or may not have very high profile fathers, who may or may not be lawyers, who are definitely NOT doctors, who may or may not live in Burr Ridge, who may or may not be hockey players for De Paul U, who may or may not be “connected,” who may or may not like the number 44, who may or may not have ever had sex with a 40-year-old thong-wearer in Fort Lauderdale, who may or may not smoke Parliament cigarettes, who may or may not be “spry,” but who most definitely were very fun –Thanks to “F” and “J” for such a fun night—and even though we know you were not ‘completely’ honest with us all night long, we harbor no ill will. Because you know everyone tells a few white lies, right?

Boys, just promise us one thing—you’ll ask the girls your age to be honest when it comes to that topic we openly discussed, OK? Because, you all know for sure that they are LYING TO YOU TOO!

Oh, I forgot one of the most important parts… the night wasn’t a complete loss for me as I did get picked up by a hottie too… but since I’m married, I had to turn the poor guy down:

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Big Weekend for Manic

But first, the important thing: The Tooth, after living inside Diva's mouth for about seven or six years, depending on when it popped into her mouth, no longer resides there! And how ironic that I just mentioned it in yesterday's Daring post! Go ahead, read about the trauma that is a Diva Tooth. I'll wait. You'll see. Pure Trauma.

I was more excited than Diva was when she got off the bus, and it suddenly fell out. You could hear me screaming from down the street. That tooth fairy better bring her a Ben Franklin!

Go Diva.

And in other, equally exciting news, I'm getting me some ME time! Yep, I am kickin' 'em out! All of 'em. And having some very special guests this weekend. You will not believe who is coming to Manic Land! There will be martinis, movies, munchies, music with some doctors pretending to be musicians, and much, much, much more...

Stay tuned for a possible suburban invite!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Daring Book for Girls

Exclusive Minute With Manic

By: Andi Buchanan and Miriam Peskowitz

I had the chance to connect with Andi Buchanan when I was living near Philly and read about her book, Mother Shock in Philadelphia magazine. I was like, “Wow! She’s got kids! She’s written a book! She says it’s not all fun and games, this parenting thing!” I wanna be her!

But, Andi IS all fun and games because she and co-author, Miriam Peskowitz, have written a book on fun and games, on being a girl, a daring girl, and it’s called The Daring Book for Girls, and if you have not yet seen this book in a store, or in an advertisement, or on the Today Show, or in a magazine, or at the store, then surely, you are living under a rock. And, guess who got a copy?

Well, yeah, me. But guess who snagged the copy the minute I got it and called up her two little girlfriends and hoarded it up in her room and then laughed and giggled and wouldn’t even let me see the book for the first two weeks it lived in our home! Yep, my own Daring Daughter Diva!

Although, now that I think about it, she's not very daring because THIS TOOTH HAS STILL NOT BEEN EXTRACTED FROM HER MOUTH! Yep, since the dentist tried to yank it in May. I think there needs to be a chapter on extracting teeth for these daring young women! Just a sidenote. So, let's get back to the topic at hand, shall we?

So, I’ve had a chance to look through the book, believe it or not, me being the cell-phone-abusing-busy-executive that I am, and I had a few questions of my own for Andi. I figured I’m a bit behind in the Minute With Manic forums, and I promise on the death of this blog that I will feature those four of you I promised, but since Andi is a best-selling author, a mother, and a cyber friend (can I say that Andi? I mean, I’ve been email stalking chatting with you ever since Mother Shock came out!), I figure this would be the best way to showcase The Daring Book for Girls! So, anyway, Andi, please define for me, if you will, what is a ‘daring girl?’

Andi: Someone who has enthusiasm and spirit and isn't afraid to get in the game.

Manic: Hmmm… Sounds like a cheerleader could be a daring girl. Or an athlete, or a scholarly girl, or a musician… I’m getting a bigger picture. Like ALL girls can be a daring girl! What age of a daring girl would enjoy this book?

Andi: Eight to 80! Well, actually 90 because Miriam’s 90-year-old grandmother loves the book!

Manic: Major shout-out to Miriam’s 90-year-old daring grammy! Mine is 93, and she is still kicking it! Love that lady, my little granny! Ninety-year-old girls sure are daring! Now, regarding the chapters, of course I flipped straight to the BOYS section. Don't you think that's where all girls will go first?

Andi: Depends on the girl! For some girls, that's the last place they'd look!

Manic: Is there anything you didn't include in the BOYS section that maybe you should have? First kiss would not be appropriate, you think?

Andi: No and no. Our motto for the book was "no sex, no body stuff." There are plenty of books that do a great job of navigating girls through their changing bodies as new teenagers…

Manic: Can somebody suggest a book to navigate me through MINE!?!?!?

Andi:… and of course current pop culture itself is an unfortunate primer for what's expected of girls in terms of how they present themselves, how they look, and how they interact with boys. The Daring Book offers a refreshing alternative to all that.

Manic: Would you consider your nine-year-old self a daring girl?

Andi: Absolutely! I did things at nine I might be nervous to do now!

Manic: Me too! Like the time I hit the neighbor kid over the head with my lime green skateboard cuz he called me a baboon. I think that was pretty daring. Boy, I ran like heck after that! So, what were you like? Tomboy? Girly-Girl? Bookworm? Diva? Somewhere in the middle?

Andi: A little from column A, a little from column B. As a nine-year-old, I'd alternate between wearing my Sears Toughskins and running with the boys, and wearing a flouncy dress and Mary Janes and hanging with the girls. As a 15-year-old I was a definite bookworm.

Manic: Me too! I had a ton of books and spent so much time holed up in my room reading. Being a lover of words, I especially enjoyed the Words To Impress chapter. What are some of your most favorite words that you like to slip into conversation to bamboozle the person you're speaking with (kinda like I just did with the word "bamboozle!").

Andi: Oh gosh, I think we covered most of them in that list!

Manic: You’re gonna make me look up the list aren’t ya? OK, I did it. And I know like two words from that list. Those are definitely impressive words!

So, here’s what I need, and not in light of yesterday’s post, but I need a book called Daring Book for Moms©™*... You know, like chapters on how to cook for your family. How to fold laundry. How to unfold the ironing board – who are we kidding – how to find the ironing board! How to clean the toilets…

Andi, do you think I've got a best-seller on my hands with this idea? So many moms could benefit! Like for instance, a chapter on How To Pretend You've Spent The Day Cleaning… my tip is to spray Pledge all around the house and sprinkle Carpet Fresh deodorant on the floors. Oh, and I could also put blue food coloring into the toilet so Mr. Manic thinks I've deodorized it! Good one, huh?

Andi: I think a Daring Book for Moms would have to be all about learning to be comfortable in your own skin as you figure out parenthood – whether or not you're good at all the "practical" stuff. (Also: perhaps a truly daring thing would be to have Mr. Manic do the deodorizing himself! I'm just saying...)

Manic: Oh Andi, don’t get me started on Mr. Manic. We’re actually friends again. He was totally on my “you-know-what” list yesterday. Anyway, back to the book! While Diva likes the How To Be a Spy and Putting Your Hair Up with a Pencil chapters, I myself gravitated toward the Slumber Party Games chapter. What other slumber party games did you play as a young, daring girl?

Andi: The ones in the book were the basic ones we did as kids.

Manic: We used to steal the bra of the one girl who had boobies and we’d wet it and then stick it into the freezer. Or we’d try to put a sleeping girl’s hand in a cup of warm water in the hopes she’d pee in her sleeping bag.

And, when we got around to Truth or Dare, we were pretty daring, I think! I remember having to eat rabbit pellets mixed with peanut butter and milk, and also running down the street in the birthday girl’s mom’s bra and yelling at the top of my lungs as a dare… that is pretty daring! And, Light as a Feather, well, no one could really lift me.

And what about Bloody Mary? You’ve listed that one in the book! Have you seen her? That one always frightened me!

Andi: I remember playing Bloody Mary and freaking myself out, but I never actually saw anyone in the mirror other than myself and my freaked-out friends!

Manic: The only Bloody Mary I've ever seen had a celery stalk and vodka in it. And now that I think about it, the only scary ones were the ones without vodka!

Andi, thanks for playing Minute With Manic. I’ve been a little stressed lately, if you can’t tell from previous posts, and just taking some time with Diva to peruse (ooh, that’s another impressive word!) through the fun chapters of The Daring Book for Girls has brought me back down to reality a bit.

It’s a great book for girls truly of all ages – daring ones, ones on the verge of being daring, not-so-daring ones, and even ones that are so daring they may need some daring instructions to keep them from being TOO daring!

Everyone should add this book to their holiday gift list – the little girls, and not-so-little girls in your life will cherish it!

Go ahead, I dare ya!

In fact, I double-dog dare ya!

*Notice how I trademarked and copywrited my idea for the Daring Book for Moms? All mine!

A Friend of a Friend

I try not to write about other people on here, but I don’t think this person knows about Manic Mommy and well, it just bugged me and I feel it warrants a conversation.

This friend calls me up regarding another friend and it’s something little, but I wonder if everyone can relate. It’s a spousal thing, so men, you may want to click onto something else, like one of those Fantazee Sports sites or something. And yes, it’s a rant.

So, this friend wakes up the other morning to a note from her husband written on her cell phone bill and summary. It has something snarky written on it about her going over her monthly minutes and wow, she must be a busy executive, or something like that. I don’t know for sure the exact wording, but I think you get the gist of it by just what I’ve written above.

The thing is, my friend said the bill wasn’t even OVER the usual monthly amount because she must have had rollover minutes or something so like what was the big deal? Was her husband just trying to be mean, or snarky, or FUNNY for God’s sake, or was he trying to put her in her place telling her she’s NOT a busy executive and she doesn’t need to be making 1000+ phone calls in a month’s time. And it wasn’t like February with twenty-something days… October hath thirty-one!

A busy executive: Did that husband know what she did all day long? Does any man KNOW what a mother does do in a 24-hour timeframe? I, for one--just last night--was up doing a ton of stuff, and it kills me when I’m finally tucking the kids in (because Mr. Manic had a work dinner because he is usually great and a total hands-on dad) and they want to cuddle yet I can’t because I still have two hours of straightening, and cleaning, and laundry, and lunch-making, and check-writing, and organizing, and freelancing, and … UGH!

Did this snarky note-writer know all of the things his cell-phone using wife had done the whole day? That she probably had all of his laundry clean and put away, that she did all the homework with the kids, that she fed the family… yadda yadda yadda…

I’ve been there. Why is it that husbands sometime feel the need to pull their wives back a bit. Like, “Me caveman, she getting too much freedom, must yank her hair and bring her down back in cave.” Why be like that? How does that help anyone?

I know this woman. I know it made her feel lousy. Cuz it woulda made me feel lousy. I can imagine her coming down the stairs on a bright sunny morning, having had a good night’s sleep, being in a good mood, happy to have such a nice life, a great family, her health, ready to make a cup of coffee and start in on the piles of stuff we moms must start in on. And then I imagine she finds this “busy executive” snark-note and it plummets her mood. I imagine she starts snapping at her kids, to hurry up and eat, to brush their teeth, to put their lunches in their backpacks, get their shoes on and get out the door for the bus. I imagine she makes her little one a chocolate milk, goes to her computer and cries a bit as she writes this post.

I didn’t mean to say that. But I can’t help it. And I don’t care if my mom reads this and gets upset because I’m upset for like 10 minutes of my day. I’m allowed to be upset. I’m allowed to be mad at my husband. I’m allowed to have feelings.

I am a busy godgosh-damned executive (Sorry to God, and I hate that curse, but I am trying to make a point). But don’t demean me for using my fucking cell phone.

In yoga the other day… SCREECH! Don’t get me started—Going to yoga is just too frivolous! I shouldn’t even admit to going to yoga because ‘busy executives’ should not HAVE TIME to go to yoga!

But, our instructor mentioned someone once said that before you say something, you should ask yourself three things:

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

Yes, it was true that I went over my minutes.

No, it was not a kind note (even with the added smiley face and I LOVE YOU, I felt there was an underlying message, obviously).

And no. It was not necessary.

Monday, November 12, 2007


OK, so, am I the only person in the entire world who goes on a medication proven to cause weight loss in OBESE people, yet find that I’ve gained weight while on the drug?

What, may I ask, is up with that shit?!

Phentermine. Well, it didn’t work. I think if it came with a roll of duct tape along with the pills it would have done a better job at keeping me from eating. Why do I have such a hard time? I exercise. And I think I exercise A LOT! Well, a fair amount anyway. Three to five days a week. Nothing. I got nothing.

And here’s the scary thing. Mr. Manic joined the health club. MY health club. So now he’s all going around telling everyone, “Oh, it’s great! It’s got something for everyone! A perfect gym. And let me tell you, the gauntlet, yep, that’s MY thing.”

OK, he’s done the gauntlet a total of THREE TIMES, and suddenly it’s his thing? This is what I mean: A guy gets a little warning that his blood pressure is high and suddenly he’s Arnold Pump-Me-Up Schwarzenegger

and here I am, feeling like Roseanne Barr, trying to bust my ass with exercise, and pills, and Weight Watchers, and whatever else I can concoct and he’s probably going to lose 15 pounds by the time he wakes up tomorrow morning.

How unfair is that?

I’m just feeling really, really uncomfortable in my body these days. Like it doesn’t belong to me. It’s not mine. I don’t want it to be mine. I want the body back I had when Tukey was one year old because that, well, THAT was A BODY! I had it. I worked on it. I got it. I lost it.

And ‘tis the season for copious (dontcha love that word?) amounts of food—cookies, and turkey (I could give a rat’s ass about the turkey, but the mashed ‘tatoes, gravy, corn mush -- remind me to give you THAT recipe – jiffy corn mix with creamed corn and regular corn, cheddar, sour cream, butter… need I say more?)…

OK, I just discovered my problem.

I Heart Food.

That’s all there is to it.

But back to this Phentermine stuff. Like OK?!?!? A drug specifically designed to make FAT people less fat. What does it do for me? Makes me GAIN WEIGHT. There is someone up there playing a really cruel joke on me.

And now I’m going on this daily migraine medicine. I just can’t wait. It’s guaranteed to have my head throbbing, me writhing in pain for shiggity sure. Because that’s just the way medicines work for me, apparently!

I should have my thyroid checked again. I betcha the Synthroid I’ve been on for almost two years is doing nothing for me! That’s another one of those jokey things—“Oh yes, Synthroid can actually regulate your weight; you may LOSE weight on Synthroid!”

Who’s the bastard messing with my metabolism and why can’t he go fool with someone else?

Not fair!
Not fair!
Not fair!

The only way I'll actually feel better is if I wake up with my period tomorrow.

See, the ranting is back.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


I can't tell you the amount of relief I have knowing I don't have to do a Minute With Manic tonight. Thank you all for being so kind and understanding! Now, I'm going to curl up with Diva and let her read me a book titled: I DON'T LIKE TO READ. Then we are going to watch Elf. Then I'm going to say a silent little prayer thanking the higher-up for the seven-mile walk I took with a friend around her lake yesterday, the family time we had, the awesome meal, and the three appletinis (and the fact that my head wasn't pounding too terribly this morning).

Hope everyone had a nice weekend. Now, it's time to get ready for some important stuff... I need to order a turkey breast and figure out how I'm going to pull of a Thanksgiving meal!

Peace UP!

Friday, November 09, 2007

November 9, 2007

Minute With Manic

Blogger Name: Manic Mommy
Blogger URL/link: Duh. Here.
Blogging since: December 2004, coming up on three years.
337 posts from my first Blog; 510 posts from Manic’s Blog

Manic: Well, this evening, we have a very special guest interviewee, and I’d like to introduce you all to Manic Mom.

Manic: Hey there. I still cannot believe I was randomly chosen for a Minute With Manic. It’s great to be here.

Manic: You don’t sound so great, what’s up?

Manic: Well, I think I have to quit this daily Blogging thing…

Well, it’s just that… I may have over-extended myself with this feature-a-blogger-daily thing.

Manic: How do you mean? It’s great! People are excited, they love your interviews. You’ve never gotten so many comments from such nice people in all of the three years you’ve been blogging! You’ve posted 847 times in almost three years! What’s that come out to per year?

Manic: I don’t you. You know I suck at math.

Manic: So do I!

Manic: You know, I really thought I could do it, but it’s like, it’s just too hard! I’m neglecting my family big time. I mean BIG TIME! I should be focusing on my freelance work more. I haven’t touched my novel (or my husband!) in like a month practically. And don’t get me started on the laundry.

Manic: Oh come on, everyone has laundry to do. That’s a lame excuse.

Manic: I know. I feel really bad about the whole thing, like I’m letting people down.

Manic: Yeah, you kinda are, but when you think about it, family comes first, and you have to prioritize.

Manic: Prioritize! I know! I suck at that. I try to take on more things than I can handle, and it just comes back to smack me in the face.

When I thought up this fun idea to do an interview every day for the month of November, I was thinking I’d do three quick and easy questions, but then I really get invested in it, and it’s fun to learn about everyone and… can I have a Kleenex please?

Manic: Oh, Manic, don’t cry. I understand, and I am pretty sure the people out there will understand too.

Manic: I hope so. But I don’t want to quit, and I’ve promised four or five other Bloggers who have already been selected that they will have their Minute With Manic. I’d love to do two or even three a week, but … well, I could make them all feel really sorry for me and start talking about the migraines and all that, and my doctor’s appointment yesterday, but I don’t need to go there.

Manic: Migraines. Man, I get them terrible too! What do you take for them?

Manic: Maxolt. But my doctor’s going to put me on that daily drug for migraines now. I’ll be fine. I just hope I don’t get shunned in the Blogger community, cuz I do love to Blog. I’m just now realizing my limitations. I don’t know if it makes me brave or a quitter, but I’m admitting that I just cannot do it every single day.

Manic: Well, what do you plan to do?

Manic: I think I might try to do Monday’s Minute With Manic. That way I can give the featured Blogger the attention she or he deserves, and really put more energy into it. But for the rest of November, I am going to fulfill my promise to those who already have their Manic Minute questions, and for those of you (DREW!)! who would like to be a future feature, you can leave me an email at Put MINUTE WITH MANIC in the subject line, please. I’ll put them on a list, and in the meantime, I’ll start a document with fun questions that I’ll have on file already, so it won’t be as stressful to come up with questions and do the interview.

Manic: That sounds fair. I’m sure everyone will understand.

Manic: I really hope so. I’ve seriously been a wreck about this, and I know I shouldn’t be, but I think Bloggers are all in this little community and we look to one another on a daily basis. I love checking out everyone’s Blogs and learning what everyone’s been up to. And I would really feel a loss if I didn’t have the camaraderie I’ve gained through being a Blogger.

Manic: OMG. I feel the exact same way! We must be kindred spirits!

Manic: Or twins separated at birth!

Manic: So, Manic, now what’s on board that you’re dissin’ all of us?

Manic: Hey, don’t say that! You’ll make me cry!

Manic: Gawd. Can you not take a joke? Do you not know my sense of humor? How LONG have you been reading Manic Mommy? Get a clue!

Manic: Sorry. I’m just kinda emotional right now.

Manic: PMSing?

Manic: Yeah.

Manic: Hey! Me too! So, as I was saying, what’s the plan now?

Manic: Well, I’m actually heading over to the neighbor’s for a much-needed bottle glass of wine. And then the Manic Family is getting away for a short while this weekend. I’m going to regroup and have some quality family time, and hopefully be back Sunday or Monday, refreshed and ready to continue Blogging, with Minute With Manic still around, but just not daily. I want to live to see my children have children, and that was seriously going to be the death of me.

Manic: Well, take it easy, then. Don’t get too crazy over the weekend, but hey, if you do, I know you’ll have some crazy stories to share!

Manic: Don’t worry, Manic. I’ll be good.

Manic: Good girl, and now, what’s that little catch-phrase of yours?

Manic: "Are you not entertained?"

Manic: No, not that one, although that is pretty funny!

Manic: Oh, you mean…

Peace UP!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

November 8, 2007

Minute With Manic

Blogger Name: Jules
Blogger URL/link: House of Jules
Blogging since: I turned years of harmless threats into a promise in April 2007. I'm proud to say that at times my friends and family are not only thrilled, but also horrified.

Manic: So, your Blog is titled House of Jules. Have you ever been to the House of Blues?

Jules: That sound you just heard is everyone who knows me personally spitting out their beverage after reading that question.

Manic: Ooh, good, so that means you’ll be telling EVERYONE to come read Manic!

Jules: Yes, and of course I've been to the House of Blues; here in Chicago, and many of the other HOBs across the country. I'm a little bit obsessed. The one here is like my second home.

Manic: Ooh, I’d like a second home like that. Who’ve you seen perform there?

Jules: I've seen lots of concerts there: Etta James, Pink Martini

Manic: HOLD IT! Stop right there! There’s a band called Pink Martini! I am sooo checking that out!

Jules: … And George Clinton, Sophie B. Hawkins, Russell Crowe's band (before that whole telephone-throwing incident, back when he was the hot gladiator and not a crazed asshat).

Manic: Ooh yes, he was a hot gladiator, was he not? What was his tagline in that movie? You wanna piece of me??!?! No, that’s not it… Bring it on?!…no… You can’t handle the truth!

What does he say to all those bad guys?

Jules: Ahem… So, anyway, some of the employees (ok, just the bartenders) even know me by name--but in a GOOD WAY--not because I'm a bad tipper or something.

Manic: Anytime a bartender knew ME by first name it was also in a “good way” if you know what I mean! Winka Winka!

Jules: The House of Blues is my favorite place to hang out in Chicago and if you haven't been, they should get there ASAP. It's the best place to meet fun and friendly people, and isn't a meat market.

Manic: Until you hang out with a bartender in a “good way!” Hee hee.

Jules: I've had MANY of my own best weekends there, a couple of which I don't even remember (just kidding). It is seriously my happy place.

Manic: What happens if they find out you've stolen their logo; will they come kill you?

Jules: Probably not; their company slogan is, "Help Ever, Hurt Never!"

Manic: My slogan is … well, I don’t have one actually. I’m feeling quite like a failure right about now. I need to get one.

Jules: If they found out I’m House of Jules, I'm sure they wouldn't get violent, they'd probably just test me to make sure I know all the words to Soul Man, which is a test that I would pass with flying colors.

Manic: How totally ironic that Ajers asked me to buy Soul Man from itunes to put on his iPod. Legendary tune, I tell ya. What are the odds that you tell me about this random song, and I’ve just purchased it from itunes!

Jules: By the way, I met Dan Aykroyd there once. He was in town for a charity event, performing at the club with Jim Belushi and their band. He refused to give me Jim Belushi's number. I have a little crush on Jim Belushi.

Manic: About Last Night—one of the best movies in the ‘80s! Now, back to Belushi—what’s the attraction there?

Jules: Even though I usually go for the hot, English-as-a-second-language type; my taste runs a broad spectrum (sense of humor=BIG points), as readers of my blog are painfully joyfully aware.

Manic: You might like Mr. Manic then. He has many, many times been likened to Will Farrell; In fact, at a wedding in NY once, some chicks thought he really was Will and they started chanting FRANK THE TANK! And at my reunion someone said he reminded her of Dane Cook. The humor brings out the sexiness in men, don’t you think! Who’s that dude you’ve photoshopped on the photo?

Jules: It's Jeremy Piven, another of the many famous men I claim as my own. I've loved him since the Gas 'n Sip scene in the movie Say Anything

Manic: For the record, I just watched that clip and got MAJOR GOOSEBUMPS!!! “I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen!” Lloyd Dobbler—Love him! One of my all-time fave movies EVER! And that’s where I first heard this awesome song, and we actually played it for our second dance at our wedding.

Every time Mr. Manic or I hear it on the radio, we call one another. We are such soul mates. Anyway, speaking of relatives, I had the opportunity to meet your sister the other day! She’s quite famous!

Jules: Yes, Melisa Wells! Can I assume that when she gets picked for her "Minute With Manic" that you'll ask her about having me as a famous sister?

Manic: Jules, you know being picked for Minute is completely utterly and fairly random so one never knows.

Jules: Anyway, she's the author of the fantastic book Remembering Ruby: For Families Living Beyond the Loss of a Pet. She was born to write that book, and it's already helping a lot of kids and their parents deal with the animal-sized holes in their heart left by a beloved pet. Everyone should buy a copy and tell 10 of their friends to do the same. Also, it would make great stocking stuffers, and they're currently on Amazon's (buy)-4-for-(the price of)-3 special! Can't beat that!

Manic: Which holiday do you loathe the most and why? And you cannot say Thanksgiving cuz that’s just right around the corner!

Jules: I would have said Thanksgiving if you wouldn't have said that one is off limits.

Manic: I am a psychic. Which is EXACTLY why I said you can’t choose that one! I know things. Like I know next up you’re going to talk about the horrendous Thanksgivings you’ve already experienced.

Jules: I mean, the food is fantastic but we've had some horrendous Thanksgivings with our extended family that no amount of sweet potato casserole can erase.

Manic: Not even sweet potato casserole with pecans and brown sugar?

Jules: One day we'll be able to look back and laugh but there were a couple of years there where I was ready to put the entire month of November on moratorium.

Manic: One year, no lie, my sister grabbed a turkey leg and hit my mom with it, or maybe it was the other way around, I can’t remember, I was probably drunk. So, favorite holiday then, since we all agree Thanksgiving leaves us with some emotional wounds?

Jules: I guess I'll go with Valentine's Day because I have a love-hate relationship with it. I love having a specific day when you can give a red construction paper heart glued sloppily to a doily to someone and not be looked at strangely, but I hate that it's so commercialized. I send out Valentine music mixes that I painstakingly put together every year for my loved ones instead of buying $6 cards, because I enjoy sticking it to the man.

Manic: “Sticking it to the man” … What man? Is that a sexual innuendo? You mean Cupid? In college, my roommate and I were so depressed because no one loved us that we made black construction hearts and pasted them all over our dorm room. Then we went to a party, kidnapped this dude who was wearing a black fedora, took him back to our dorm and forced him to buy us a pizza. It was the best Valentine’s to date! On the subject of holidays, did you know they are playing holiday music on the radio already! They usually don’t do this till after Thanksgiving!

Jules: I worked at Hallmark all through high school, and they start playing holiday music (and install the ornament displays) EVERY JULY.

Manic: OMG!!!! Jules!!! I worked at Hallmark in high school too. Yorktown Center! But I am slightly, just a teeny bit older than you (but also slightly, just a teeny bit younger than your sister!). I remember having to listen to Elvis’ Blue Christmas like thirteen thousand times during one eight-hour shift! And we were forced to wear Elf caps!

Jules: Well, then you know, you’ve never met people less enthusiastic about the holidays by the time they roll around than employees at your local Hallmark store. You know, last year I put that photo of Jeremy Piven and me in some nice black photo cards and signed it, "Hope your holidays are filled with love, from Jules and Jeremy.”

Manic: OH! I KNOW THIS STORY!!! Your sister told me!

Jules: You would not believe how many people thought I somehow got engaged without them even knowing I was in a relationship. I got a lot of angry calls from people who wanted to know why I shut them out of the loop of my love life. It was hilarious for the first few calls. After that it was just really, really sad to keep reiterating that I wasn't engaged, especially to--of all people--Jeremy Piven. Maybe this year I should have gotten all of those people HBO subscriptions so they would get the joke. I'm a glutton for punishment though, because this year I have another one in the works. I realize this is very much the boy who cried wolf and that when I do get engaged it's likely that nobody else will even care. Except for my mother, who will be somewhere in the distance, pumping her fist in the air with happiness.

Manic: Unless she can’t stand the dude. Speaking of dudes, Santa or the Grinch… Who’s cooler?

Jules: Sorry, I have to go with the Jon Lovitz SNL character Hanukkah Harry. "Oy, presents!"

Manic: You can’t say A WONDERFUL LIFE (which, for the record, I have never seen!), but what’s your favorite holiday movie?

I always watch Home for the Holidays just before Thanksgiving to gear me up for our own family gatherings. Ours will never be as dysfunctionally entertaining as that movie so it relieves the anxiety. If you've never seen it, I recommend it for the cringe factor alone. The past couple of years I have also watched The Family Stone for that same reason.

Manic: Ooh, I did like that one. Some hotties in there! I just saw Dan in Real Life, and it was vaguely similar to The Family Stone.

Jules: And for the feel-good flick, it's always the TBS marathon of A Christmas Story. My friend Shoni and I keep our TVs on the entire time (while doing other things around our respective homes)…

Manic: Like licking flag poles, eating soap, shooting your eyes out, getting out that special holiday leg lamp, saying the EFF word? LOVE that movie!

Jules: You didn't ask this question but as long as we're on this subject, I always like to play all of my Harry Connick, Jr. CDs during the holidays. His "When Harry Met Sally" soundtrack is perfection, just like his pretty, pretty face. I mean voice.

Manic: No Jules, I didn’t ask that, but my motto is (now!) Help Ever, Hurt Never so I won’t give you a hard time for throwing in your two cents on that one! Whew Jules, you’ve tired me out! But one last question for you… Resolutions—What do you resolve to do every year?

Jules: I just resolve to keep doing things that are involuntary. You can't go wrong with something like, "I resolve to close my eyes everytime I sneeze" or "I resolve to keep breathing." If you break that last one, you have more important things to worry about than a broken resolution.

Manic: True! And hey, thanks for playing Minute With Manic, Jules. You did so much of the legwork for this interview, I think you might have a knack for this kind of thing yourself!

Jules: I look forward to seeing lots more of Manic's fabulous and funny readers and their comments over on my Blog now, too! It'll be like a pub crawl, but without all the beer. Wait, what am I talking about? I meant that it'll be like a pub crawl, but without all the crawling.

Manic: Aww, come on, can’t we still have the beer?

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

November 7, 2007

Minute With Manic
November 7, 2007
Blogger Name: Rob, The Nerdy Redneck
Blogger URL/link:
Blogging since: THREE WEEKS AGO!

Manic: Well it’s our first ever Man Minute, so let’s rake him through the coals, shall we ladies? Nah, I’m just kidding! We here at Manic Mom love it when the boys stop by! It gives us a chance to learn about the weaker sex – ha ha! Anyway, I’m glad to have self-appointed, Rob the Nerdy Redneck, as our first-ever Male Minute With Manic. You’ve gotten quite a bit of slack from some of the commenters just because you like to discuss boobs and Britney’s nether regions. Why do you think that is?

Rob: Slack? Is that what they call it now? I think I have about 12 stitches from the "slack."

Manic: Rob, clearly you haven’t been around Manic Mom’s long enough. We thrive on making the lesser of the genders well, appear lesser, if you know what I mean. But anyway, what’s up with Britney?

Rob: I think I stumbled onto the secret of discussing Britney – don’t be nice! As long as you savage her, the ladies will jump right in!

Manic: So true! So true. Really, I don’t think I’ve met a woman who likes Britney all that much. Women either think she’s a ho, a bad mother, bad singer, or all of the above. They either hate her or feel sorry for her. There is no in-between when discussing Brit.

Rob: She is such a trashy bimbo whore and a horrible mother as well! Am I right?

Manic: Yes Rob! You’re on to something! Now, to any of our more modest readers, please just leave, because we are going to discuss boobs. Because I want to. I want to know the male’s perspective, so Rob, let us have it. Straight up – Boob talk.

Rob: Boobs are a different thing altogether. I just adore boobs. Big or small, short or tall, I love 'em all!

Manic: Nice poetry Rob; you taking lessons from me? But seriously, I think you are the voice of all men when it comes to women’s body parts. What do you think about women and their own perception of their bodies?

Rob: I read this week that 85 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies.

Manic: Women readers, how many of you are completely satisfied with every aspect of your body? Come on, be honest. What don’t you like about your bods?

Rob: Hey, are we discussing them or MY thoughts on them?

Manic: Yes, sorry.

Rob: As I was saying, 85 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies, yet men only find 15 percent of all women unattractive. We are just not that hard to please.

Manic: Speaking of women and looks, did you ever hear that joke about a guy in a bar and he’s checking out a chick, who, on the scale of one to 10, she’s a ‘two’ at 10:00, but at 2:00, she’s a 10? Ha! That one always cracks me up. Get it? Like he’s drunk by 2:00 AM so then she’s really hot? OK, thoughts on breast augmentation?

Rob: There is no need to go through the agony of getting your chest cut open and having water balloons installed.

Manic: Installed? Is this a tune-up? Don’t you mean implanted? And can you imagine some crazy doctor clown man putting in animal-shaped balloons? “Ooh, I see you got a set of giraffes installed?” Hee hee, sorry, just my Manic humor shining through!

Rob: I actually get upset when I see one of those TV shows where a girl with cute, perky little A cups get butchered up to have beach balls sewn onto her chest so she can meet some bizarre undefined standard of beauty.

Manic: Yes, but come on. She’s got some major self-esteem issues and those beach balls are just going to bring out the absolute best of her personality and charm. That’s all it is. She just needs a little personality lift!

Rob: It’s just such a waste. In all of my life I have NEVER heard a man say, "You know Rob, I really like her, she is fun and cute but no way am I asking her out! Her boobs are just too small." It has never happened ladies, NEVER.

Manic: See Rob, we are crazy ladies!

Rob: Oh, while we are talking about standards of beauty, gals, what is it with the earrings and fingernails?

Manic: Hey ROB? Are you now interviewing ME? I’ll tell you what’s up with the earrings and nail thing. They don’t make us look fat! In fact, my fingernails have just started growing for some odd reason (must be the healthy lifestyle change I’ve undertaken), and I just started getting manicures again, after more than a decade! I like flicking my nails in peoples’ faces, saying, “Hey, check out my nails!” It detracts them from looking at my butt.

Rob: Well, in all the years I have been hanging out with guys and discussing women, never, EVER, have I or any other guy said, "Ooooooh, two o’clock, second from the end, check out the earrings on that one... Or how about, “ Gawd, be still my heart, look at those FINGERNAILS! French Manicure! I am totally marrying her, dude!

Manic: Do you know what a gal with nice nails can do to you? Hmmm…. Can you say BACK SCRATCHES? Come on, seriously, think about what a woman like this can do to your back:

I’m just curious as to how she’s going to manage to paint her other fingernails?! So, anyway, next question for you. See, this isn’t too hard now, is it? Are rednecks and cowboys kinda the same thing?

Rob: Well, there is some overlap. In fact, I guess it is safe to say that most cowboys are rednecks but not all rednecks are cowboys.

Manic: Interesting.

Rob: Now Webster's defines a redneck as…

Manic: Ooh, another lesson. I am learning so much from these educational Minutes With Manic!

Rob: Webster’s defines redneck as: an uneducated white farm laborer, esp. from the South. Or a bigot or reactionary, esp. from the rural working class.

Manic: Do you think that’s an accurate definition?

Rob: Rednecks come in all levels of education. I know rednecks with doctorates. Personally, I define rednecks as people with no pretensions. We don't have to pretend something is beneath us just to impress others. For example, if I show you a picture of a dead squirrel with two GI Joe dolls posed over it, some people would feel they have to act grossed out. Other people would feel the need to pretend they were just too high-brow to find humor in such an uncouth act.

Manic: Hold it right there! You’ve just done it! You’ve stumped the Manic! Give this boy a prize! I tried to “youtube” DEAD SQUIRREL GI JOE and NOTHING CAME UP! Every other time I had a youtube idea, I’ve found what I wanted—the eyeball, Freak-a-zoid, Brad Pitt, cow-chewing, and here you bring in this dead squirrel thing, and while I did find a youtube video totally unsuitable for Manic readers called THINGS TO DO WITH A DEAD SQUIRREL, I did not feel it was an appropriate video for viewing. Nice job there Rob!

So, let’s talk elusiveness in women, shall we? What is the most elusive thing you’ve discovered about women?

Rob: Beats me! They’re just way too elusive!

Manic, batting her eyelashes: Oh Rob! You are just so funny!

Rob: Seriously, I guess it would be what I was talking about earlier, why so many women feel so bad about themselves most of the time. We men just adore you, we live for you, we spend our lives and our money trying to think of ways to make you happy and yet so many of you still feel so bad about yourselves. That is tough to grasp.

Manic: When you say, “we men spend our money trying to think of ways to make you happy…” can you do me a favor and send a memo to Mr. Manic telling him this: DIAMOND EARRINGS the size of dimes are what will make us happy! Me anyway.

OK, now I’m gonna ask you the really tough questions you’ve been dreading… If you could be a woman for a day, who would you be?

Rob: Odds are good I would be a total sports bra and Danskin-wearing slut. Yeeehaw!

Manic: OK, like how Cubmommy said she might want to be Angelina for a day, who would you choose - who is your male dream boy? In a non-gay way, of course, not that there’s anything wrong with that:

Rob: Two Texas men pop right to mind, Patrick Swayze (Road House version) and Matthew McConaughey.

Hmmm. Patrick yes! Soooo hot!

But Matthew? Hmmm… I’m just not seeing what all the fuss is about? I just don’t see the attraction there.

So, Rob, tell me, what is the most aggravating thing about the weaker sex?

Rob: Well, I hate it when they get all obsessed about big trucks and fishing. Oh, and worn out old ball caps. Hubcap sized belt buckles are pretty annoying, too. And what is it with plumber’s butt anyway? … OH! You meant women? The weaker sex? HA! That’s a funny one, Manic.

Manic: Thanks Rob, I just knew you’d get the humor in that one! And thanks for being open to being the first Male Minute With Manic interview. I know you were scared about opening yourself up to us like this, but if I may speak for women everywhere (because I’m gonna anyway), we truly appreciate your openness and honesty, and thanks for shedding some light on some of the mysteries of manhood!

Matthew McConaughey and The Nerdy Redneck?? Hmmm…. Maybe we can throw in a couple bongo drums and a case of beer? Hot. Very hot!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

November 6, 2007

Minute With Manic
November 6, 2007
Blogger Name: Kay
Blogger URL/link:
Blogging since: April 2007

Manic: Hey there Kay! First of all, major apologies for the delay in getting your Minute With Manic up on the blog. I've tried to explain to the kids, my husband, and my employers that what I am doing here on Manic Mommy is of utmost importance! I'm bringing people together via the Internet! Who needs dinner? Who needs clean clothes? Who needs for mommy to help with homework? Why can't they just drive themselves to basketball and gymnastics, and while they're out, why can't they grab some groceries?

They clearly do not understand the meaning of the commitment I have made, and the importance of my job here during the month of November! So, let's get started, shall we? What’s the oldest item in your freezer and why haven’t you thrown it out yet?

Kay: I just cleaned out my freezer last week.

Manic: Yeah. Sure ya did. You're just saying that.

Kay: I did! But I still have old stuff in there. I can’t stand to throw food away.

Manic: Me either! It totally pains me when I have to toss stuff that I know is good, yet I also know no one in the Manic family is EVER going to eat it. Like my mother comes to visit and she's always dieting when she visits, so there's been a frozen Swedish Meatballs Lean Cuisine and a package of frozen broccoli in my freezer since like, um, July. And I can't throw it out. Because she'll be back! And she'll be dieting again!

Kay: Yes, but if it’s covered in ice, it has to go. I guess the oldest thing I have in there is Popsicles from three years ago.

Manic: Three years ago! Let me guess, they are GRAPE flavored!

Kay: Not sure, but they should stay good forever right? It's just frozen Kool-Aid!

Manic: Kay, darling. Clearly you have never tasted frozen freezer-burn. Please toss those in the garbage PRONTO. So, even though you just cleaned out your freezer, would you say usually your freezer is over or understocked?

Kay: Sadly, since I just cleaned it out, it’s pretty much empty.

Manic: ‘Cept for some stanky grape Popsicles that have ice fur on them!

Kay: It’s definitely time to go to Costco!

Manic: Those super stores scare me. We go to Sam’s like once every year, and that’s enough to make me crazy. So, I have the side-to-side freezer/refrigerator and I absolutely HATE that. You can’t even put frozen pizzas in there! When your freezer’s full, does a bunch of stuff fall out like it does in mine? I dropped a frozen Uncrustables on my big toe the other day. Hurt like a mutha-effer!

Kay: When it's full, stuff falls out. No one in my house has my talent to get as much stuff as possible into a little bitty space.

Manic: OMG! I totally know what you mean! Like all this talk of food and groceries and freezers and stuff, and yesterday I went to get groceries. You should see me do the “I’m-pissed-at-my-freezer” dance every time I try to restock it. Ask the kids how the matching song goes to the dance. Lots of four-letter words. Anyway, how 'bout your purse? What is in your purse currently?

Kay: I love my purse! I got it on eBay two years ago and I get so many comments on it.

Manic: Like, “OMG, I LOVE YOUR PURSE WHERE DID YOU GET IT?” That kind of stuff? I bet you love telling people you got it off eBay!

Kay: It’s huge! I can put snacks, books, toys and any other crap my kids throw at me in it!

Manic: Perhaps you might put some Popsicles in there too! Do you change out your purse cuz I know some people who have a different purse to match every outfit!

Kay: I usually change my purse twice a year. I have a spring/summer one, and then a fall/winter one.

Manic: Guess you’d want to put those Popsicles in the fall/winter one then, and not the spring/summer one. So what’s in your purse now?

Kay: My purse is full of junk. Tons of receipts.

Manic: Mine too!

Kay: Pens, coupons, lollipops, Carmex, tampons, crayons…

Manic: Crayons? Are you crazy? You do not put crayons in your purse. Don’t you know what happens when they crack and crumble? That’s asking to ruin your purse! Not too smart there Kay!

Kay: Power compact…

Manic: Power compact? I could use one of those. Like Red Bull in a compact, huh? That’s GENIUS! Oh, you must mean POWDER compact! I get it!

Kay: There’s more. Change, lotion, Kleenex, hand sanitizer, band-aids, Legos, my wallet, photo album, a plastic whistle, hair ties, combs, ticket stubs, my iPod, my camera, directions to places, cracker crumbs, keys, sunglasses (3 pair!), a tape measure, a marble, a bionicle mask, mini notebook, Curiously Strong Altoid gum, and a bottle of water. Wow this was like Let's Make A Deal!

Manic: You could totally just throw your kid in there probably. Say, “Hey kid, you bored? Jump in! There’s plenty for you to play with!” And by the way, I bet like how some people didn’t know what The Gong Show was, there are probably a couple folks out there who are like, “What’s Make A Deal?” And, interesting that you brought up the Altoids cuz I have a big problem with them. They give me HEADACHES! Seriously, I take one whole Altoid and I have to just chip off about an eighth of it if I’m needing a mint. And by the way, have you heard about how you can enhance your sex life with Altoids? I bet Nerdy Redneck Rob knows all about that! So, gum or mints?

Kay: I prefer gum, but I don’t chew it in public. It makes me think people are wondering what I am eating, so I usually just chew in the car.

Manic: I usually just chew on youtube!

And after I made that video, some random chick retaliated with making her own COW video, and I think it was a dig at me:

But, I am not too sure if she was trying to be mean, or trying to be funny. What do you think?

Kay: I think it’s time we discussed me again!

Manic: OK, sorry! I know you’ve been waiting for a long time for your interview, but it’s been crazy over here at the Manic house. Crazy I tell ya! Anyway, talk about bad breath, if you will, not that you have it, because I haven’t exactly gotten close enough, but in general, what do you think about gum and bad breath?

Kay: If I’m going somewhere and I feel like my breath is bad, I’ll whip out a piece. And my fave is Curiously Strong Altoids Gum, and I can’t just say Altoids. I have to say CURIOUSLY STRONG ALTOIDS. I love to give them to people and see their eyeballs pop out.

Manic: Like this?
[URGENT WARNING: If you thought all the barf talk over at The Gang’s All Here Minute was gross, you DO NOT want to watch this video of me popping my eyeball out when Kay gives me the piece of gum. Just sayin’]

Kay: Didn’t I tell you!? CURIOUSLY STRONG! I recommend Altoids. Good for so many things: fresh breath, clears out your contacts by making your eyes water, and helps with a stuffy nose!

Manic: You know Kay, while you stepped out to brush your teeth, your sister stopped by. She was looking for some Altoids in that big ass purse of yours.

Kay: MY SISTER!?!? What’s she trying to do, sneak in on my Minute With Manic just cuz she ain’t never gonna be picked!

Manic: Now, now, Kay, you know these Minutes are random, and your sister has just as much of a chance as you did. Now, didn’t you want to say something about the best thing in your life being your little sister, your sister, Melek? I hear she’s wonderful, and gorgeous, and so much fun to be around! I’m really hoping after I pop my eyeballs back into their sockets, I’ll possibly be able to pick her for a Minute With Manic. I’d love to know what’s in her freezer and purse!

Monday, November 05, 2007

November 5, 2007

Minute With Manic
November 5, 2007
Blog Name: Adventures in Writing / Colorado Writer / Dorky ButterflyGurl
Blogger URL:
Blogging Since: August 2006

So, Featured Blogger for November 5, 2007, is WOW, another girl named STEPHANIE, and I swear I am doing this as random as possible. This is odd even to me. So, from now on, if your name is Stephanie, don’t even bother… Ha, kidding!

Anyway, I’ve know Stephanie aka Colorado Writer aka Dorky Butterfly Gurl (BTW Steph, you spelled GURL wrong!) for a long blog while now. I forget how our paths crossed. Maybe I was bored one day and decided to Google Stephanie and found her. Cuz sometimes that’s just a fun thing to do.

Let’s start this interview, shall we?

Manic: Speaking of interesting names, what’s up with the dorky butterfly?

Dorky Butterfly: I collect butterflies. Tattoos, notecards, bookmarks, figurines, etc. I just love them.

Manic: OK. (Thinks to self: Ooh, this is gonna be one hot interview, I can already tell… ‘butterflies are sooo pretty!’)

Dorky Butterfly: Every summer we get gigantic yellow butterflies in our backyard. If I come back in another life, I'd love to be one.

Manic: If I come back in another life, I’d like to be… hmmm…. Let’s see… Angelina Jolie’s LIPS! OK, back to the butterfly thing, and your blog name, please.

Dorky Butterfly: So, when I was trying to find a name for my blog, I wanted to be "butterflygurl." Of course it was TAKEN!

Manic: Well, perhaps you should have tried to spell it THE CORRECT WAY, like butterfly GIRL. Then maybe you wouldn’t have had such trouble, you big dork. AHA! I get it! You ARE a Dork! Classic!

Dorky Butterfly: Yes! I am such a freaking DORK. Butterflies and dorks. See the connection? I've thought of changing it to something a little more professional, like stephanieblake, but there's a porn star who goes by that name. That's not the profession I'm going for.

Manic: Wow, another Stephanie out there with the professional world by her balls. Good for her. BTW, what the heck does a porn star need a website for… oh, never mind. And sorry ROB, I am not posting the porn site of Stephanie Blake here! Onward, shall we? If you had one free day to do absolutely ANYTHING in the entire world, and WITH any one person in the entire world, who would you choose, where would you go, what would you do, and WHY?

Dorky Butterfly: Recently, I had nine free days all in row while my family went on a trip.

Manic: Whoa. Stop.Right.There. You are a mom. You have children. How in the heck do you get NINE free days alone? That would be Heaven. Okay, wait. I don’t want to know. It’ll just upset me. Continue with the original question, please… what was the highlight of that nine free days?

Dorky Butterfly: The highlight of the time? A box of cream puffs. I also bought new socks.

Manic: Please don’t make me cut this interview short. I’m looking for GOOD stuff here. I guess I can understand cream puffs, although there would have to be some chocolate in there, but socks? Are you kiddin’ me?

Dorky Butterfly: I'm big on new socks. And the cream puffs – I see the mini cream puffs all time in the frozen dessert section, but you know, they are kind of expensive. I bought them anyway, and wouldn't you know that I ate every last one of those cream puffs, five or so at a time, each night, in my bed, with a book in hand.

Manic: Well, five doesn’t seem like that many; you said they were MINI! So come on, I want something GOOD HERE! Spill it, girlfriend. If you were able to do anything, anywhere, with anyone, WHO…WHO…WHOOOO?

Dorky Butterfly: Brad Pitt. Italy. Because? Well, duh. I've had an obsession with him since Thelma and Louise.

Manic: Well, I’ve had an obsession with him since he was the character Early in Kalifornia and he was a pig-snortin’ gun-wielding murderer –

Did you see THAT movie? That was a great flick! Tell me that pig-snortin’ Brad ain’t hot, Dorky Butterfly! So, what’s this little fantasy of yours anyway?

Dorky Butterfly: First we'd have lunch together at a little street cafe. I've never been to Italy, so I have no idea where we are, but I imagine the town as a cross between the town in Chocolat or Under the Tuscan Sun.

Manic: There’s your first mistake, missy. You don’t go for lunch first when you’ve got a day with Brad Pitt! Nuh-Uh sister! OK, so enlighten me… set the stage; what are you guys wearing on this imaginary date?

DB: I'd be wearing white slacks and a gauzy white shirt and my hair would be soft and shiny and to my waist. There would be no zit on my chin. Brad would be wearing the outfit from the Friends episode. The one where he comes to Thanksgiving dinner and he hates Rachel.

Manic: This one?

Ha, that’s funny. Wonder if that was a tell-tale sign. He hated her in the episode! They shoulda never got married! He shoulda married ME when he had the chance! What else?

DB: But no shirt.

Manic: Just like Phoebe says in the clip! No shirt! Good idea!

DB: And, he would NOT be smoking.

Manic: ‘Cept in bed… oops, did I say that out loud? What are you eating and drinking with Mr. Pitt?

DB: Perhaps we'd drink a bottle of wine. He would feed me grapes and figs.

Manic: Like Fig Newton’s? Ewww. Those are a total granny food. Like my granny would always give them to us as a snack!

DB: Look, whose interview is this anyway? We'd dip bread in oil. He'd play with my hair and stare at me.

Manic: While he’s thinking of me, no doubt!

DB: Of course, he would tell me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. And I'd say, "Even next to Angelina and Jen, and Manic?" and he'd say, "Who?"

Manic: ‘Cept for the Manic part. You better believe Brad remembers me! What next? This is getting hot!

DB: Brad would read poetry to me and we'd stroll around the streets.

Manic: Poetry!!! Come on! Like he’d probably read you this poem:

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
I Wish I was with Manic,
Instead of with YOU!

Bwahahaha. I so crack myself up!

DB: I’m ignoring you! Next, we would find a little store and Brad would buy me a bracelet or something. He'd find a pretty flower and press it into my hair.

Manic: When you say “press it into my hair” do you mean like rub the petals and leaves all over till they smash into your hair and it gets all gnarly and stuff? Then you’d have to leave to go wash your hair, and that’s where I’d step in to be Brad’s REAL fantasy girl!

DB: No! Romantically pressing them into my hair.

Manic: I still do not get how that is romantic. Whatever. It’s your fantasy. And I’m stressing the word FANTASY!

DB: We'd walk through an alley and he'd toss me up against the wall…

Manic: Like tossing spaghetti or salad?!? You do not ‘toss’ people up against the wall unless you’re about to steal their wallets!

DB: Gently of course! He’d put his hands into my hair and kiss me until I had whisker burn. Kind of like when he kisses the girl in Meet Joe Black.

Manic: You know, that is one movie I may regret not having seen.

DB: Perhaps, we'd dance in the fountain or roll around in a field of wildflowers (but, only if I had taken my allergy medication). We'd make out and take a nap, all tangled up together, and when we woke, we'd talk nose to nose about anything from movies to books.

Manic: First of all, you do NOT sleep when you are with Brad Pitt! And, nose to nose? What about the fear of having Brad see you with a boogie? And wouldn’t you have bad breath from the Fig Newton’s and olive oil? That might be a little too gross.

DB: Later, we'd have a picnic and watch fireworks while lying on a blanket. We'd eat lots of good food and drink wine into the evening.

Manic: MORE FOOD!!! Come on, when’s the SEX part??

DB: Then, late into the night, we'd walk hand and hand, back to my villa. We'd stand out front and giggle. He'd ask if he could come up, and I'd smile and say, "Another time. I didn't shave my legs."

Manic: OK, now you’re just being a tease! But hey, this has been a FABULOUS interview. You’ve got me all revved up over Brad and I usually don’t swoon too much over him.

Hey! It’s times like these where I totally wish I had the time and the inclination to use photoshop! Then I could photoshop you and Brad together, like in a field or in a fountain in Italy singing, “I Got You Babe” but instead of saying the word Babe, you would say Brad!

DB: Oh, did I fail to mention there’s no need for photoshopping? Here. Enjoy these photos, and try not to be too jealous over them Manic!

Manic: It's hard to be jealous over wax, missy! You shoulda bitten off his ear as a souvenir!!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

November 4, 2007

Minute With Manic
November 4, 2007

Blogger Name: The Gang's All Here!
Blogger URL/link:
Blogging Since: May 2007

So, Featured Blogger for November 4, 2007 is none other than The Gang’s All Here! Let’s get started, and I’m kinda on this food thing here, so I’m gonna ask some food-related questions.

Manic: First of all, what do you think about milk and spaghetti? Is that not the grossest thing E V E R? Like my sister will eat spaghetti for dinner AND drink a glass of milk with it. That to me is just so gross. To me, I just imagine a stomach full of white curdly milk and chunky red spaghetti sauce all mixing together with stomach acid. Nasty. What is a nasty food combination to you?

Gang: Yes, spaghetti with sauce and milk are truly nasty. But since I really don't love red sauce and rarely drink plain milk, it doesn't affect my life. But peanut butter on pancakes, smothered in maple syrup? Now THAT's gross. And coincidentally, it's also The Boss and The Gang's favorite Saturday morning treat, made better only by the addition of bananas to the pancake batter. Eeeew.

Manic: OK, yes that is kind of gross, but the milk and spaghetti thing is grosser. Incidentally, the one thing in the kitchen I’m really good at making (aside from reservations, of course!) is pancakes! I use cinnamon, vanilla extract and loads of chocolate chips in mine. I tried to sneak bananas in one time but Diva busted me on that. Favorite junk food of all time to eat?

Gang: Cheetos. Lots and lots of Cheetos.

Manic: OK, hold on here a minute, you’ve got like four kids, right? Do you let them eat Cheetos in your home? Like on the couch and stuff? I am a bit of a mean mom when it comes to the orange family of foods. I NEVER buy Cheetos for my kids, or Doritos or Cheese popcorn or puffs because that stuff just does not come out of furniture!

Gang: Well, I could eat them till the roof of my mouth turns raw from the crunch and salt. And I'm not a Cheetos snob - I'll eat baked, generic, whatever! I also love Combos, Bugles, Herr's Salt and Pepper chips, and popcorn. Now there's a perfect food: popcorn with real butter drizzled over it and lightly salted. MMMMMMMMM! Yes, I'm a salty, I confess. Carbs are my friends.

Manic: I used to be solely a salty, but now as I’m aging, I throw in the chocolate thing too. I used to hate chocolate. I’d always choose like Skittles or Sprees over a chocolate bar. But I love carbs too. ‘Cept they unfortunately don’t love me back. And the popcorn with real butter at the movies – my kids love that, but I try to deter them from getting the butter. It totally makes their tummies ache afterward!

Next question! You may have read some past entries where I have vomited in odd places, like a taxi perhaps, or a garbage can at the train station. Do you throw up often? I personally hate throwing up, but sometimes it’s a necessity. Have you ever been in a place where you needed to throw up but couldn’t?

Gang: I don't throw up often; in fact it's been about a year. I hate throwing up. I gag fairly easy, but I'd rather dry-heave my way out of it than actually throw up. I do NOT get that train of thought that says, "I know I'll feel better if I just throw up." Who really thinks that?!

Manic, raises hand timidly, “ME!”

Gang: And yes, I've been stuck, needing to hurl and not having a place to do it – just about every morning at work when I was pregnant with Shaggy.

Manic: Yeah, but that kind of puking is EXPECTED! I was talking about like the time I went on a cruise with my parents and I got really drunk. Then the next day we had to go on one of those tours of an island, and we were walking along a beach, and I had to puke. I could have puked and just tossed it all up in the ocean except a co-worker of my dad’s and his family was with us. That was one of the worst days in my life. You need to puke, and it’s coming out, and you have to force your body to make yourself re-swallow your vomit. Ooh, I’m making myself sick thinking about it.

Gang: Yeah, well, I didn't really feel too comfortable tossing my morning pastries into my circular file in front of my boss!

Manic: NOT THE FILE CABINET? OK, that IS gross! At least it was cuz you were pregnant and not drunk. You weren’t drunk, were you?

Gang: Next question, please.

Manic: What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever had to eat, and you can’t say that foi de gras duck innards thing. Because that’s just a given. Who likes THAT crap? And I use that word literally!

Gang: I think the worst thing I ever ate was bad seafood. Now that was some heaving and gagging to behold. But last month, The Gang was at an "all you can eat" Chinese buffet and Dr. Doolittle REALLY wanted to be brave enough to try sushi (not even the raw fish kind). He even got it as far as on his plate and to our table. But none of us could do it - just the thought and the image that the word conjures. Ugh.

Manic: Ooh, there are probably quite a few readers “booing” you right now. I think many people love sushi; however, sushi in A CHINESE RESTAURANT?? They do that? I am not one of those people who crave sushi. I mean, I like it, and have been to a sushi house before, but after like trying the fourth different kind of eel-roll-thingy, wrapped around some raw chunks of Nemo, I started to feel a little iffy in the stomach myself. Really, I do have to agree with you, eating raw fish is just nastified. Why can’t we cook it up a little, maybe fry it, stick it between two buns and call it a Filet-o-Fish. Do you make your kids eat stuff they don’t want to?

Gang: Yes!

Manic: Why?

Gang: What other revenge do we moms get in this life? Legally, that is?

Manic: I don’t know, that’s kind of cruel! Like that scene from Mommy Dearest where she makes her daughter eat that meat (Go to 1:39 on the video, or -5:00):

But then again, there are different levels of cruelty, like the fact that I don’t buy my kids Cheetos is pretty mean. But, I don’t really like my kids bawling their heads off at the dinner table, clamping their mouths shut while Mr. Manic tries to unlock their jaws to toss in a veggie. So, what’s the point of making them eat something they don’t want to?

Gang: My utter amusement! Seriously though, I do make them try new things and things they swear they hate. And occasionally I even make them finish them too. I like my kids to know that they should be willing and open to trying new things - and food is usually a pretty safe risk. Especially if it's on our table, and even more so if I made it. And I always remind them that they might just like it. You know what, sometimes they do!

Manic: Unless it’s sushi! Well, this has been fun; what do you think? Feel like puking yet?

Gang: Nope! I've got a giant loaf of banana bread baking in the oven right now and it's cinnamon-y goodness is completely obliterating any negative imagery that this interview has initiated. Plus, I'm still kinda cracking myself up about the revenge bit.

Manic: Mmmmm… sounds yummy! Hey Gang, thanks so much for playing Minute With Manic! BTW, I love cinnamon bread! Can you invite me over?