Heading to 2008

This is the quote that's going to drive me into 2008 and the successes I hope to achieve:

"The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people fail more."

So I'm saying... Bring on the failures! Because that's the secret!

Hope you've set some goals to make you a happier and healthier YOU!

See Ya Next Year!

Peace UP, Manic Style!

Christmas Rollover **Addendum in Comments

I did NOT get that low-sodium cookbook I was positive I was getting, which was a BONUS not to receive! Instead, I got PEACE and joy, and surprise and delight in my children’s eyes as they discovered all of their gifts. I got naps and treats, and calmness and relaxation. Yesterday AND today.

Today I got a spring-like day of 41 degrees, and an awesome walk outside to some great music and my very own thoughts. I got sunshine to warm my face, no soggy snow, a skip in my step, and genuine good feelings today, a nice cross-over from a very good day of Christmas yesterday.

I got a husband who came home from work today at noon, who is having maybe even more fun playing the Wii than the kids are having. I haven’t seen this much bonding with the family since we went to Disney World. Wait. That wasn’t bonding. That was hell.

I got 26 hours and 10+ years’ worth of home videos transferred to seven DVDs where I can watch my children zoom through their childhood at a moments’ notice. I can watch as Ajers build towers out of paper towel rolls and then knock them down as he loved to do at age three, and listen to him as he tells me how he, “Definitely, definitely loves his presents” at age four.

I can watch Diva say, “Hi Steffy!” at age two when she decided that’s what she was going to call me instead of Mommy. I can watch as she holds her newborn brother and caresses his cheek. I can watch as poor little Tukey spends HOURS rocking in the swing, stuck in the corner of the family room, while the other two kids danced to “Turn The Beat Around” in their t-shirts and undies and diapers. Now I know how I survived those years. I kept Tukey happy in the swing, and I never clothed my children!

I love having these snippets of their childhoods available to skim whenever I want. I love looking back to see what their bedrooms looked like; what the house they grew up in used to look like; how CALM I actually was as a mom to three little kids under the age of four. I love knowing I did it and I love knowing that I’m kind of a good mom, and that my kids are happy, that my kids were happy, and that they’ve had a great Christmas, and they are completely totally loved by my husband and me, and to me, there is absolutely no other gift better in the world!

I hope your Christmas was special and memorable, full of surprises and love!

Merry Christmas!

May the gifts you receive be the kind that cannot fit under the tree.

May they be the kind you can receive as well as give, continuously, day in and day out, throughout the year, throughout your lives.

May they be the intangible best kinds!

Peace

Love

Joy

Hope

Kindness

Love

Faith

Health

and Happiness!

And yes, I just realized LOVE is on the list twice. Subliminally, I must have put it there twice for a reason. Peace UP!

All I Want for Christmas

OK, if asked what I want for Christmas, the first two honest answers I’m gonna give are diamond earrings the size of quarters, and a laptop. But ideally, what I really want is a thoughtful gift. A thoughtful gift to me is something that requires THOUGHT. You know, something the gift-giver needs to THINK ABOUT. Not something the gift-giver needs to rush out the weekend before Christmas in a flurry of excitability in hopes of finding the most perfect-smelling candle (which, as a sidenote, whether it be a candle, or just a smell in general, I am drawn to these families of smells: cinnamons, citruses, peppermint. Aren’t those just divine scents?)

Anyway. Thoughtful gifts. Not candles. Although, if a candle in one of the above families of scents were to come prettily wrapped, I would be delighted, and rush to light it, and be happy to sit in the glow of the flickering glimmer and be happy. Not that it’s particularly thoughtful, but if it didn’t arrive in musk or floral scent or those heavy dark and warm odors that give me headaches, I would light it and bask in the glow and the smell and be happy and thankful.

Other thoughtful gifts might include pretty stationery, notepads, journals, things for my office because I love to write, love to be in my work space, love to be surrounded by pretty things that inspire me to write. And books. Obviously, I love books. But books are very hard to pick out for me. I am very picky when it comes to selecting books for me as gifts. Your best bet is a bookstore gift card, and I for one, will never, ever look a gift card in the horse’s mouth. Or however that saying goes.

Now, this post is starting to sound greedy, and it’s not intended to be so. It’s meant to be humorous, and I’ve got a story to share. So, I told Mr. Manic, all I wanted was some sort of thoughtful gift; after, of course, telling him my first choices would be the diamond earrings and/or the laptop, which we both laughed because we are so not extravagant gift-givers.

The other night, he said, “I think I’ve got a couple things figured out for you for Christmas.”

“Are they thoughtful?” I asked. Because, of course, I have already chosen, purchased, and wrapped quite a few thoughtful gifts, not only for him, but also for his three children, his parents, my parents, his grandmother, my grandmother, his siblings, my siblings, etc. etc. etc. etc. You get the picture. Loud and clear. Yeah. Thought so. Thoughtful.

“Are they thoughtful?” I asked again.

“Well, I think you might be offended by one of them.”

“Offended?!” I paused to think about this. Why on earth would somebody, a spouse even, want to give you a gift that would offend you? Who does this? This sounds like a Seinfeld episode! OMG, I wish Seinfeld was still ON! I could submit this for an episode! It could be Jerry and Elaine discussing this very topic!

So, I start thinking about gifts to offend. “OK, I think I’ve got an idea, but I don’t want to say it in case I’m right.”

“Say it.” He says.

“Hmmm… A PERSONAL TRAINER!”

“No, but that’s a good idea.” He said.

“For the record, I would not be offended if you got me some personal trainer sessions for Christmas.” I reply.

Our day went on, and we didn’t discuss it further. In the back of my mind, I really didn’t think he’d get me sessions with a personal trainer because that is quite expensive, and I’m already “working on my fitness” via the health club, and yoga twice a week, and Weight Watchers (where I lost .08 this week and am now officially down 5.6 pounds DURING THE TOUGHEST TIME OF YEAR TO EVER DIET!) So, I pretty much wrote off the personal trainer thing, which was fine with me.

But last night, I was upstairs, and it came to me suddenly and I KNEW what the offending gift was. I just KNEW it, and without even saying anything, I thought to myself, “It so better NOT be what I think it IS going to be, because it would be the most non-thoughtful gift EVER!”

I went downstairs and I said, “I just figured out what your offending gift is.”

“What do you think it is?”

“I DEFINITELY don’t want to say it. But I’ll write it on a sheet of paper and when I open the gift on Christmas morning, I’ll hand you the sheet of paper with what I wrote down and then you’ll know I knew.”

“Just tell me what you think it is but don’t look at me and I won’t look at you when you say what it is.”

I’m laughing and he’s laughing because we’re both freakishly convinced we both know what we know what it is. Because we do, and I’m like, Dear God. Puhlease. Get some creativity.

And I go: “It’s a low-sodium cookbook and don’t even wrap it, and you might as well return it right now.”

And he goes: “Am I that predictable after 15 years?”

“Yup.”

Two things to consider here:

I HATE to cook.

HE'S the one on the low-sodium diet.

Ode To My Doctor

I took a Christmas gift to my doctor today. I had a follow-up appointment. The last time I went, she watched me as I fidgeted, listened as I cried, told me I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, and she was absolutely right. She could tell just by watching, listening to me. She knows me, she gets me. I walk in and she's totally there for me, ready to hear what I feel like telling her, what I need to tell her, what's on my mind. She's sympathetic, proactive, caring, considerate.

She'll give me any test I ask for. She's open to trying new medications to help me feel better, to help me with weight issues, thyroid issues, headaches, depression. I walk in the door and she'll shove a Xanax prescription at me (not really, but I do joke with my mom about this). She calls to check in on me, is available for appointments practically immediately, knows my history, smiles when she walks into the room while I'm sitting there, waiting never more than a couple of minutes for her to arrive.

I haven't had a migraine in over a month because she put me on topamax. And strangely, this medication has given me an adversion to STARBUCKS, can you believe it?! I have not had a latte since the day after Thanksgiving, and even then I didn't finish it. Think of all the money I am saving! I'm back on Effexor and feeling the need to pummel the kids less and less every day. Kidding! I've never wanted to pummel my beautiful angels! I'm really feeling I can face the holidays cheerfully and readily. That's got to say something. I'm back on WW, and enjoying the choices I'm making in food, although it's going to be a challenge the next couple of weeks. So, all in all, good feelings abound.

I've never given a gift to a doctor before. Never felt like I should, or never wanted to. But I wanted my doctor to know how much I appreciated the time she spends helping me to get well, the time she spends caring for me. I know she's busy; she's a mother of three young boys, AND she's a doctor! She's got her own problems! I just wanted to let her know how important she is to me.

It was just a little gift-a candle, a notepad, a beanbag paperweight with one side imprinted BAD DAY, the other side printed GOOD DAY, a monogrammed post-it note holder and some chocolates.

I'm hoping the card is the most meaningful gift though. In it I wrote: "I'm hoping the season brings you all the peace, health and happiness your care has brought to me."

Because she really has made me better!

Is there an unexpected person in your life you have considered giving a gift to? Someone who would totally be surprised by it? These are my most favorite gifts to share!

Kids Keep Reminding Me: Five Days Till Santa Comes!

Crazy Quick Blog

Cuz I know you can’t possibly have time to read it, and I don’t have time to write it, but since it’s kind of been a tradition for well, I don’t know, THREE FREAKING YEARS NOW, I guess I’ll post something real quick here.

STRESSING OUT!

You too? Yeah. You too.

Let’s see. Tukey’s sick. Had to pick him up from school. Supposed to take Diva on a field trip tomorrow, one in which the parent has to drive oneself and not go on the bus. WTF kind of field trip is that? But I guess that’s a good thing. Who really wants to be on a bus with a bunch of screaming-hyped-up-Santa’s-coming-in-one-week third graders going on a field trip? Yeah, glad I’m going in my own car. But wasn’t sure I was going to go since Tukey is under the weather, but neighbor extraordinaire, (pick one, they all rock) came to the rescue.

Another neighbor’s dad passed away so I was busy organizing meals for the family, cuz that’s another thing we do in our ‘hood besides cookie exchanges and drinking. It’s sad, especially this time of year.

I’m also in the throes of trying to get these dang packages together and shipped out so I don’t have to pay priority shipping and was waiting for last-minute things to arrive in order to send them out.

And on top of all that, yes, I’m crazy, and am hosting another smaller neighborhood “Adam” party here Sunday evening. Why not have a party a week after hosting another party. All the shit’s still out. Right. Yes, I am Manic. I am shaking my head as I type, thinking, what the hell am I thinking. Why do I overschedule. What am I trying to prove. What am I doing? Why am I doing this?

WHAT AM I DOING THIS FOR!?!?

I guess I enjoy it.

Some housecleaning necessary blog-talk.

Be on the look-out for my friend Eileen Cook’s book (hey, that’s kinda funny, like it’s a cookbook, but it’s not a cook book, but it is a Cook Book cuz it’s Cook’s Book…)

Anyway, UNPREDICTABLE by Eileen Cook will be debuting in February and you’ll definitely want to pick up this book. Just trust me on it. Have I ever, ever, EVER steered you wrong on a book recommendation? No. I haven’t. And don’t worry, I’ll be reminding you again when it comes closer to Eileen’s debut date. And Eileen will be here in Chicago late February, right when it’ll be perfectly chilling and freezing and probably icy stormy and snowy, and you can bet I’ll be front and center cheering her on as she reads something hopefully smutty and hilarious from her debut novel. And hopefully, all you Chicago readers would want to join me for this fun event! Go Eileen!

You can also read the first chapter by going here: Chapter One: Unpredictable.

Another great woman, another cyber pal of mine, Kim Stagliano, who I am just as certain would be a real-life pal of mine if we were to live near one another, is holding a contest on her blog right here. Yes, just simply click RIGHT HERE to win some fun teaching products for kids. Go Now! Tell her Manic sent you. Please! Pretty please. She rocks. She’s awesome. She’s funny as hell! You’ll love her! I promise.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

WEIGHT WATCHERS RECAP:

Now on to the fat-ass recap of the week. With all the cookies around, I was really going to be thrilled if I managed to just not tip the scale in either direction; if that little needle just teetered on that exact same spot it had been on the week previous. When I got there, my palms were sweaty, and I admit, I get very nervous before stepping onto the scale. My heart does race a little, I feel truly nervous. And… I wear the EXACT.SAME.CLOTHING. Every single time. No matter what. Since I started out this time in the winter, I wear like work-out pants, but they are capri-mid-length, because even I don’t want long pants on when I weigh in. And I have on a short-sleeve Life is Good shirt. Cuz, I need to be reminded. That life is good.

Damn. This is not your regular Crazy Quick Blog I had intended it to be.

Shitola.

OK, so, first, let me tell you some of the things I ate this week. Oh, screw it. Some of you already know what I lost because you read the comment trail. I thought the chick wrote down the exact same number as last week after I got on the scale, and I was like, “OK. That’s cool.” Then she said, “Good job.” I was like, “Good job?” For staying the same. The she said, “You lost 2.2.”

Yay me!

With an eighteen-hundred-plus cookie exchange included!

And here’s some of the stuff I got to eat and ENJOY this past week, cuz it’s all about writing everything down, and tracking those points, right? RIGHT!

The first night, we went to Carrabba’s and I had Shrimp Scampi, and I asked them to go easy on the lemon butter sauce, and instead of eating all EIGHT pieces of garlic bread, I only ate one piece. The guy even came back to clear our plate and was like, “You’re not going to finish it?” We told him we were starting our New Year’s resolutions early. I also did have another piece of bread, a $15 freaking glass of wine, that made me LOOPY! But it was some damn good wine! And an awesome dish I had been craving of crushed tomatoes, grilled chicken, pasta, garlic, white wine, easy olive oil. I took half of it home and ate the rest for lunch the next day.

I also ate this plate of two hot dogs with buns and these chips:



Total points for THIS WHOLE PLATE – SIX!
The kids keep asking me: "Mom, why do you keep taking pictures of all your food?"

Grilled peppers, onions and goat cheese pita pizzas, like four points total.



There was one day where I had like 10 points left over. I had the big dilemma of NEEDING to find something to eat. My WW gal pal suggested I needed some dairy or some protein. Here was a hard thing to figure out. Should I go to McDonald’s and get a sundae or a hamburger?!?!? Can you believe it? I went, and had a vanilla cone for three points, and that was all I was going to eat, but then Tukey didn’t like his cheeseburger, so I ate three bites of it, called it three points, and called it a day!

And let me tell you, I had my share of cookies, but I made sure to make myself accountable for everything I put into my mouth…. GET YOUR FILTHY MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER YOU PERVERTS WHO READ THIS AND CRAVE LINES LIKE THAT!

OK, that’s all, so much for a crazy quick blog. Now it’s back to wrapping, and planning for Santa, and field trips, and making sure kids aren’t sick, and trips to the post office, and not overindulging, and Christmas parties (other people’s, and one I’m hosting), and remembering ‘the reason for the season, and being thankful for friends and family, and still figuring out how to fit in the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking, the planning, the oh my oh mee oh my when can I get a vacation……

Already I’m ready for school to start back up and it’s not even out yet!

I’ll try to fit in another post before Santa and his reindeer visit but if not…

Oh, who the hell am I kiddin’? I’ll be back!

Peace UP and goodwill toward men! And women too, cuz we just totally ROCK!

Here's to being stress-free--want a tip--go knock back some egg nog!

Cookies Aftermath

First, I want to show off the cookies *I* MADE:




As I write this I am savoring the remnants of a Seven-Layer cookie bar… yum… And yeah, so much for the freakin’ willpower. Of course, I did fabulous all day yesterday. Unbelievably fabuloso. Even put on a pair of pants I wasn’t sure would fit and hadn’t worn in over a year. Not sure if they looked all right or not, but they were zippable so that was a plus. Am not looking forward to WW tomorrow but Oh-to-the-Well. That’s the start of a rap song by the way. One I’m making up. Sounds catchy… Oh-to-the-Well, Weight Watchers is hell.

So, a blast last night. Like 14 bottles of wine between 35 women, and ON A SCHOOL NIGHT! What does THAT say about my neighborhood? Yes, we like to par-tay. I have the best neighborhood in the entire world, minus the crack addicts that keep trying to rob all of us, I’d say it’s a pretty rockin’ hood! Not often does a hostess throw a party and does she actually GET to enjoy the party herself, but even I had a great time!

Mr. Manic was out of town so I got a babysitter to strap the three kids down upstairs so they would not murder one another so I could relax. Another thing I was a bit pre-stressed about was my carpets. The weather outside is frightful. Well, the snow has stopped, and there are no more ice storms, but that means it’s now all muddy and sloppy and salty and goopy out, which translates to muddy and sloppy and salty and goopy getting tracked all inside. If you haven’t guessed my now, I’m pretty anal about crumbs and dirt and messes so I was concerned about my carpets and asked one of my friends how rude it would be to ask everyone to remove their shoes upon entering.

“People will understand,” she said. “It’s crappy outside. They have kids, they know what it’s like.”

“But what if they don’t?” I whined.

“You’re creative, come up with something!” she suggested.

So I did:



And it worked:



And not having to worry about my carpets getting filthy and having to steam clean them today sure beat taking and handful of Xanax last night and following everyone around with a bottle of Resolve or Bubble wrapping the floor (remember that commercial from a few years ago?!)

Here are some pics of the cookies in my dining room the night before, as I had all the ladies drop them off in advance--look at all the boxes of cookies!



The pre-assembling of the cookies was even so much fun!

Here's how the boxes were shaping up as we assemly-line filled them in my kitchen:



Here's a close-up of what the boxes looked like after they were filled:



Cookie boxes filled -- Don't they look like pretty presents?





One of my neighbors who helped with the assembly line of cookie assortment box filling brought over a newspaper article on some la-dee-dah neighborhood cookie exchange and there was a photo of the women wearing their Burberry (did I even spell that right?) Gear, and drinking their la-dee-dah wine, with their foo-foo la-dee-dah whatever crap and they were looking all you-know, and I was like, “HEY! Let’s call the local paper and get them to come out and do a story on OUR cookie exchange, cuz ours is gonna be way better than this foo-foo one!”

So I called and left a message at the editorial desk, but sadly, no one returned my call. I bet they were afraid to come to this section of town seeing as we've got the crack addicts trolling around here lately looking for houses to break into. Too bad they didn't want the story though, cuz then they might have gotten some happening shots from a REAL cookie exchange party:







Anyway, it was so much fun, and neighbors were so gracious and kind and fun and I couldn’t ask for a better group of neighbors who I can honestly call girlfriends too! And guess what? I discovered this last year when I hosted the first Annual Manic Holiday Cookie Exchange. There’s this thing called a "hostess gift." I had no idea but people bring presents to the person hosting the party! Look at THIS:



I have decided to keep them all under the tree and open them Christmas day and make believe they are all from Santa Claus!

Cookies

You would not believe how many cookies are lounging on my dining room table at this very moment. Chocolate, mint, candy-bar cookies, kit-kat bars, Frango-mint cookies, sugar cookies, homemade biscotti, cranberry nut bars, peanut-butter bars, pumpkin chocolate chip bars, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, blackout cookies, snowball cookies, wait, I have to go look to see what else is over there... Andi's mint cookies, glazed butter cookies, Italian cookies, some in boxes I'm afraid to look at, seven layer bars, Kerry's Krispy treats... and there are more coming TOMORROW!

And I have not eaten a single one.

How's that for freaking willpower. You can smell the butter and sugar and chocolate wafting through the house.

Don't worry, I'm taking pictures, and will have a full account of the cookie fest (which is tomorrow night), which I feel is fast becoming a neighborhood-excuse-for-the-women-to-get-loaded wine party!

PS... ANOTHER BREAK-IN, this time ON MY STREET! And someone was home when it occurred! The dude got scared and ran to his car and the guy in the house didn't get the license plate number. Duh. I just keep laughing cuz the joke's gonna be on them if they attempt to rob me...there's nothing here to take! Well, unless they come tonight, cuz then they'll get a lot of yummy cookies!

ME WANT COOKIE! But me want skinnier ass more than cookie!



Peace UP!

Weight Watchers Week 1 Done

So, I had a good week on Weight Watchers but did not lose that six pounds I hoped to in the first week. I only lost 2.6, which to me, was kind of a disappointment, to be honest. I know, I know, don’t yell. That’s a good start, especially around the holidays, but looking back on my track record (yes, I’ve kept all my WW records cuz I’m anal that way), I lost 4.4 pounds the first week I got serious with WW and lost 60 pounds. But that was back in 2001, and it was a month post-partum, so maybe that had something to do with it.

But, I had some GREAT food this week! I’m gonna tell you what I ate, and keep in mind I didn’t eat all of this at one sitting; this was throughout the week:

Salmon with black beans and rice and a spinach salad with almonds and dried cherries.

Baked potato with low-fat cheddar broccoli Green Giant stuff on top (this was my dinner and it was sooo filling!).

Whole wheat pasta with cherry tomatoes, basil, and fresh parmesan cheese.

Tomato soup and a grilled Panini made with Pam spray. I put tomatoes, avocado, low-fat mozzarella cheese in the Panini and it ROCKED!

Another night I had like zero-points corn and bean salsa with avocado (I know avocado is a higher-fat, higher points food, but actually, it’s only one point per ounce, and the good kinda fat, and if you like avocados and save your points, then you can have it, so I did). I added fat-free sour cream and the Light Tostitos in the blue bag, which are different than the Baked Tostitos, which, when pushed, I will tell you they suck, but, stuck on a Survivor island, I wouldn’t turn them down. This was so awesome and so filling and so points-friendly I had it twice at dinnertime.

During the days I munched on pre-cut apples, microwave popcorn, and at night if I had points left over (which I usually did since I have a lot to lose, I have a lot of points to use throughout the day), I ate junior mints, but only like a small amount (15 of them = 3 points), and one night I even mixed a few in a small cup of ice cream! Twice my girlfriends and I (I’m partnering up with neighbor pals in this fight for flab) went to lunch at Subway, which is great cuz we’re all about the quantity versus the quality, not that Subway isn’t quality, but it does fill ya up. Just ask Jared. Except now that have that fat cartoon guy from The Family Guy or The Family Man as their mascot which I just don’t get. They go from some real-life fat-to-thin guy as their company mascot to some cartoon fat-guy figure to motivate people to eat their food? Weird. But it must work, I ate their twice this week.

It’s great working together with friends to try to lose weight. My other friends both lost weight also: 2.6 and 2.8 pounds. The first morning of our weigh-in I emailed them this note: “Are you fat-asses out of bed? We have to go weigh in!” I like to joke that way. Neither of them are fat. I’m seriously thinking they’ve secretly banded together to help ME lose weight. Like they said to each other, “Hey, we feel sorry for Manic. How is she ever gonna lose weight? Hey! I know, let’s PRETEND we need to lose weight and we’ll go to WW and she can come with us and then SHE’LL lose weight that way!” Hee hee, I know that’s not true, but sometimes I’m just silly that way.

And one day this week I was talking to WWGalPal#1 and she was having a dilemma over what to do with a French Silk Pie left over from a family event from the previous weekend.

“Throw it out!” I yelled at her.

“I can’t just throw out a pie,” she said.

“Why not?”

“My girls will kill me.”

“Do your girls need pie?” I asked her.

“No.” she said.

“Throw it out! Take it to the sink, turn on the water… let me HEAR you turn on the water! TURN ON THE WATER!”

I hear her crying into the phone but I also hear her turn on the water while she’s whimpering.

“Put the pie under the water,” I say, as gently as I can. “Put the pie into the sink, let the water runneth over the pie!”

“Bye bye Pie,” I hear her whisper.

“Bye Bye Miss American Pie! Drove the chevy to the levy but the levy was dry!”

No, I didn’t really say that, but that woulda been funny!

So, ya see how much fun Weight Watchers can be! Now, if I can only get through this week, where I will be surrounded by, let’s see… you know I suck at math, hold on a second….where is my calculator…

30 women with 5 dozen cookies each =

EIGHTEEN HUNDRED
HOMEMADE
HOLIDAY COOKIES
IN MY HOME THIS WEEK!

Too Much Time On My Hands

I got a present in the mail today from Jess Riley and a great card where she writes about how she's glad we're friends (A real author is HAPPY to be friends with ME!) And that she knows I'll be a published author someday! How awesome is THAT! That's the kind of stuff that keeps me going! So thanks so much Jess!

She recently wrote about how her husband mentioned she has no upper lip and according to her gift to me, I guess she thinks EVERYBODY has no upper lip. Well, I have an upper lip. Mine just happens to need a shave, according to Tukey this a.m. when he announced to me, "You need to shave" as he pointed to my upper lip. I then informed him that girls do not shave their faces.

Anyway, Jess sent me this cool lip stuff called Sexy MotherPucker!

It's tingly! It's got fun slogans all over it like:

Lip Size Found Crucial for Sexual Attraction!

and...

Scientists Confirm: Size Matters! (Duh. Like you need a scientist for that. Just get out a tape measure, right Spry-Man?)

and...

Fuller Lips Attract Men More!

Fool Your Lips into Looking and Feeling Fuller without Plastic Surgery!

If only I could fool my ass into fitting into some smaller pants I'd be golden!

So, what do you think I did right after I suited up my three kids and sent them outside to find the nearest flagpole to go lick?

Sure, my house is a disaster. I have garland strewn all over the place. Wrapping paper bits everywhere, Christmas cards and tissue paper, receipts and ornaments, boxes ... you know, I should just take a picture to give you the visual of how Manic Mommy REALLY lives:

Looking into the living room:
At the bottom of the stairs:
In the dining room:
From upstairs, full view of the disaster:

Instead of cleaning and decorating and wrapping Christmas gifts and preparing for the neighborhood Cookie Exchange I am hosting here in one week for 30 women, what am I doing?

I am doing a scientific experiment with Sexy MotherPucker Lip Gloss to see if my lips will plump and make me more sexually attractive to men.

Because I'm all about trying things for the good of science, right? And yes, of course I documented it. But when I took the before photos, I felt like Nora Ephron and her book, I Feel Bad About My Neck cuz I looked at the photos and I really did feel bad about my neck which made me sad because when that book first came out I remember thinking, "Good God, who in the world feels bad about their neck. Butts, thighs, stomachs, yes, but a neck? Come on already!" Well, I now feel bad about my neck. I'm getting old and I don't like it! So I "scarfed" it up for the photo shoot.

Before:




After:






Final Experiment Analysis:

The product makes my lips tingle for a while.

It tastes kinda yummy.

The color, called Nude, is subtle but nice.

The model on the package looks a lot like Lucille Ball.

The product does plump up my lips a little.

I should probably stop bleaching the hairs on my upper lip and consider waxing or even lasering the hairs off.

Jess Riley is a thoughtful gift-giver!

Mr. Manic is not home right now to be amped up by my sexiness so I'll just have to apply more later.

I'm still wearing this scarf and am kind of hot, temperature-wise, not sexy-wise, unless you're looking at my amped up lip-plumpness.

My house is still a disaster and my kids have not yet eaten.

I feel bad about my neck.

Bragging

Pics from a photo shoot of two of my nephews.* Feel free to come back to the comments to tell me how adorable you think they are. Cuz they are.

Disclaimer: To my sister and my other sister-in-law: Your children are beautiful too--send me a link on a blog and I will post their photos too! Or give me permission to post their photos and I will brag away!

Well This Is A First

So, in all my years of being a homemaker, this has never happened to me, and it's actually quite shocking and I wonder if it's a sign of things to come. I mean, it certainly caused some angst in my evening.

I was cleaning up the kitchen after eating my Weight Watcher-approved baked potato with low-fat broccoli-cheddar Green Giant gunk on it (which was extremely filling and YUMMY!) and had just finished loading the dishwasher and reached into the cabinet to grab a dishwashing soap tab.

There were none!

I had run out of my dishtabs.

I never, ever run out of supplies. In all my years of happy homemaking, never have I run out of a home necessity, warranting a trip to a neighbor to borrow something!

If you know me, I have a surplus of whatever you may need for back-up. Open a cabinet and there are sixteen extra boxes of Ziploc baggies just in case we run out of a certain size. I have been called a Ziploc Whore by well-meaning friends. And foes. I have cabinets full of toilet paper. You need tin-foil, I've got rolls of 50-foot, 75-foot, or even the heavy-duty kind of tin-foil on hand. Tampons spill from drawers. You'll never not find a Q-tip in a medicine cabinet upstairs, and if you need a tissue, all you have to do is walk into a room and voila, there's a box right there waiting for your stuffy nose.

If you have a mishap in a bathroom while you're a guest here, simply open the cabinet in the bathroom and you'll find a container of Lysol wipes so you can clean the toilet yourself, or if you need any personal hygiene product, it's there, just waiting for you to please use! Prefer the nice wet wipes for your bottom as opposed to dry toilet paper, that option's there too. Rather have body wash instead of bar soap, you got it! Headache while at the Manic House? You've got your choice of Advil, Ibuprophen, Tylenol, Excedrin, Maxolt... even Vicodin or Xanax, if you're an especially good friend with a really bad headache!

I've got everything you could possibly want, and in multiples, and in various options, so you can imagine my shock when I could not find one measley little dishwashing tablet to run the dishwasher. This, my friends, is something that might seem so little and meaningless to most, but really, this, this scares me.

And this scares me because it means only one thing. And I've been purposely avoiding it, specifically because of the time of year. This means tomorrow morning, I must make the pilgrimage to Target. Be with me, please, and pray I don't stray to the Christmas aisles.

For I fear the outcome that will be my MasterCard. Which will be with outcome of the wrath of Mr. Manic during Christmas Season!

: )

Oh yeah, and Happy Three Years to my little blog and me!

WW Update

I've lost six pounds on Weight Watchers already!

Ha. Just kidding. I only signed up yesterday!

I crack myself up!