Saturday, February 25, 2006

Marriage: Hard Work?

A married couple who are friends of ours were over and we were having a conversation about marriage. Oh, and a few cocktails. This is what ensued between the two of them.

We were discussing marriage and if they thought it was hard work. Then the wife looked at her husband and started this discussion with him, while Hubby and I looked on:

She: Do you think marriage is hard work?

He: Fuck No.

Her eyes kind of lit up and I could see she started glowing, thinking that theirs is a marriage that is so smooth, so loving, so caring, that it was a cinch to be married to her. Boy, was she wrong. After a minute, he continued to explain why he thought his marriage wasn't hard work:

His epiphany:
I just ignore you and do what I want.


Okay, so, that wasn't really a conversation between friends, I just said that to gauge your reaction, and I probably shouldn't be telling you this because I wanted to get your initial response to the above conversation, which actually occurred between my husband and me last night in bed, after some "conversation and cuddling."

No, really, we seriously were conversing and cuddling.

So, after he said, "I just ignore you and do what I want," we both cracked up, because anyone who knows us knows he doesn't IGNORE me, and he certainly DOESN'T DO WHAT HE WANTS. He DOES WHAT I WANT, DAMMIT! But, hey, if that's what he wants to think is what makes our marriage work, I'll just let him keep thinking that.

I guess I don't really talk about our marriage all that much on this blog, because come on folks, some things are just too sacred, too private, too ROMANTIC to share with the world.

So, while our little family takes a little mini-vacation, I'll let you mull this post over a bit, and please, let me know what you think about marriage; is it hard, is it fun, is it all work and no play. Do you regret decisions you've made in the past; how do you make up when you fight? DO you fight? Cuz I really don't think Hubby and I do. Hell, how can we fight if he just ignores me and does what he wants?!?!?

Have a great weekend! I'm planning on it.

15 comments:

Kristen said...

I think it's very hard - and that's why 50% of us give up (I already gave up on one).

Sugarmama said...

I swear, I think it's just luck if you find the person to marry who doesn't make it feel like hard work. I've had one failed marriage that lasted 3 very long, hard years. But I've since remarried, and the same number of years into it, it still feels like we're newlyweds! So who the hell knows?!

Divorced Diva said...

marriage. To have and to hold. To know when to let go....
Crap. Did I just say that?

Blog This! said...

Marriage is a walk in the park when its just the two of you. Parenthood and marriage and balancing the two - THAT is hard!!!

Stefanie said...

You have to be with the right person. I know, I know, but you do. You can't get married just to get married. YOu have to marry your best friend blah blah blah...but it's true. I married mine. We've been together 7 years. I know it's not a lifetime but it's not hard work. It's not work at all except when we fight but we don't fight very often. When we do we talk it out until there are no questions unanswered or until we run out of gin. And I had to let go of a lot of expectations of how life was "supposed to be" and just be.

J Holden said...

i really wouldn't know. my longest relationship has been like 16 months or so.

therefore, i have no idea why i'm commenting on this post, MM.

eh.

naughtymom said...

In my experience it doesn't seem like HARD work but it is work nonetheless. I married my best friend and there is a mutual respect between us. Also we make an effort to maintain the passion in our relationship. Kids make it a bit harder to focus on US but it has really brought us closer. So in a sense yes it's work but really it doesn't feel like it. Make any sense? We do fight but not very much. Not as bad as some couples I know but our problem comes because we are BOTH very stubborn. So finding a common ground works for us. He doesn't do whatever he wants and vice versa. We communicate and althoug sometimes we don't agree on things we still work to do what is best for our family as a whole. I don't have any regrets. I married the man of my dreams and he treats me like a princess, still, after 2 kids and a huge pile of bills.

cubmommy said...

When kids come into the picture I think marriage becomes a little work. You have to work on spending time together alone and work on agreeing how to raise your children. I think if you marry the right guy then you can do anything together. I have been married 13 years and still in love with my husband.

Heather said...

If it was all work and no play, why would you want to be in that marriage?

Sometimes you gotta work at it. I wouldn't classify it as hard work... just learning the things that you REALLY care about and then letting them win on the things you don't. It's all compromise... with (hopefully) a lot of laughter.

Cityslicker Mom said...

Yah, it's hard work-if you want to keep it together! I forget to hold grudges against my husband, and he cant stand for me to be mad at him, so we always make up, although we do have our moments!

Melanie Lynne Hauser said...

I definitely think that a good marriage isn't hard at all - it's the easiest thing in the world. I'd been in relationships - even engaged - before, and let me tell you - they were all HARD. Constant pushing and pulling from both parties. When I met my husband, though - we just fell into natural step together, and it's been easy ever since.

Bear said...

I've always said:
Marriage isn't hard - children are hard!
A happy marriage makes happy children - always put your marriage first! As an empty nester, marriage is the one thing you want to hang around the longest!
I wisely tell my chidren that you won't always get along, but you can get over that too. Sometimes you can dislike them for months at a time, but "disliking" has nothing to do with the loving part.
All people are annoying. Marry what you can tolerate :)
Hang on kids, it's going to be a bumpy ride!
And you do get a second honeymoon period when the kids leave!
This April 3rd, we celebrate 26 years!

Mama D said...

I have been married for just over three happy years. Having a baby has definately made things interesting. I was a bit worried for a while. We just weren't getting along. But now we are into our groove and we are back to a new kind of normal.

Charity said...

We have been married for 7 years, and next month we will have been together for 8 years. We fight. We don't fight very often, but have mini arguments during the week, and lots of make-up...on the weekends.

We are very happy most of the time, but I think a lot of that is because our lives are so busy, that the times we get to spend together we try to make count.

Caryn said...

Isn't the key getting people to think that what you want is what they want? I hear that's the object in negotiations, at least. Maybe you should be a politician or mediator!