This a.m. as Diva and AJers are leaving for school, Diva approaches me with a Mardi Gras-like beaded necklace and places it lovingly around my neck. She is clearly honoring me, her mother, and is obviously christening me in some sort of child-like devoted way.
Diva, as the beads go around my neck: "Queen of The Bumpfmumblemumble."
Me, not hearing her: "What?"
Diva: "Queen of The Butts."
Me, still not quite understanding her (okay, I heard what she said, but I really didn't want to know what she said), so I give her a chance to say something else and I ask her: "What?!"
Diva: "What? You have a big butt."
Me, not knowing how to respond, I say nothing and just stare at her.
Diva: "For real."
Queen Big Butt is taking her fat ass and going back to bed now that Princess Bitch-Face is on the bus!