So, the Manic family got up early today. The boys -- because Ajers just got his first radio alarm clock and he thought it would be soooo much fun to set it for 6:30 AM! WTF? I was already up though, because Diva, sleeping Diva, had been yelling to me from her room (guess she still takes it to heart when they were little and I threatened them with the "DON'T COME OUT OF YOUR ROOMS UNLESS THERE IS BLOOD!" threat.) Somebody in this family listens!
We're all up, getting ready for school, and I decide since we have time, I would make Ajers eggs. I know, I know. Not a big deal for the average housewife, right? (Who says I'm AVERAGE!?!?). But, I tell him we have time and ask if he would like me to make him a scrambled egg?
"Can I have an omelet, with ham and cheese and hot sauce?"
HOT SAUCE?!?!?
Thanks to my Mom, for getting my nine-year-old hooked on Tobasco sauce.
Anyway, I comply and am at that ever-elusive thing called a stove-top, attempting to make an omelet without going completely ballistic. The kids are watching SpongeBob, but in between, they've switched stations and found an infomercial for the Betty Crocker 100-piece cake decorating kit.
Phrases like these come from the TV:
"100 pieces to create the cake of your dreams!"
"Thousands of tips for making that special cake!"
"As a bonus, we'll throw in these nifty icing tube toppers so you can create beautiful floral designs!"
Then I hear, "Mom you should get one of these!" and from another kid, "No, let's get it for G'Ma, she loves to bake cakes!"
"So easy, and so fun!"
"Make the masterpiece cake you've always wanted to make!"
This is going on for however long infomercials run, while I am struggling to flip this god-awful thing I'm going to tell Ajers is really an omelet...
"Truly a gift worth giving!"
"Included in this offer, a cake container, so you can take your masterpiece wherever you go!"
"Great for family birthdays! All types of celebrations!"
"So easy, ANYONE can make it."
And when I hear this next phrase, it's definitely the icing on the cake, and it comes from my beloved Ajers:
"I know one thing for sure. My mom can't make that!"
... [me stunned, but then realizing he's right...]
Here's your fucking omelet, buddy.
32 comments:
the cakes NEVER look like they do on TV. Betty Crocker mix, in to a pan, with the frosting already made...Ta-Da...CAKE!
When it comes down to it "fancy cakes" kinda suck honestly
Out of the mouths of babes...
God, it hurts when they've got our number, doesn't it?
I always figured better they know young their Mom's cooking/baking limitations - no unrealistic expectations!
but you have such other fantasitical skills...like blogging. how many moms does he know that can do that?! man, you need an infomercial...
bwahaha. That's funny. But Ajers needs to work on his 'sucking up to mom' skills
I choked on my coffee again! I'm going to HAVE to stop drinking while reading your blog!
I agree with Monnik - or he at least needs to make sure you're not within earshot. :)
Kids say the darndest things don't they.... sweet...
OMG the last line totally made my day! you are so funny.
PS- I went to Tabasco (the factory where they make it) back in July and got all kinds of flavors of Tabasco... they have a Chipotle flavor, Sweet N Spicy, etc. you want me to send you some for Ajers?
The little effer definitely knows his mom!
Andie--my MOM would love to tour the Tobasco factory. She is addicted to the stuff. They have garlic flavor too, don't they! No need to send any--I just bought Ajers a fresh bottle yesterday. No one else in our family uses it! Ewww.
My wife has a strict rule about complainign about food while at the table. She gets after them for saying. I don't like this, or this is gross or things of that nature.
So one day my sone eats about half of this soup concoction my wife made, then he asks to be excused and then as he is walking away he mumbles man was that horrible.
He was six, and he was right, so I had no choice but to laugh. Not even my wife could argue but she was at least grateful he waited until he was not at the table.
Travis--Hilarious! What kind of soup??
I think you are amazing just cooking in the morning. I simply can't face anything in a frying pan first thing yet alone cook eggs. I'm strictly cereals and/or toast with two large mugs of tea. If Paul wants anything cooked for breakfast that doesn't fit in the toaster he has to do it himself! :-)
Sally, it was a total fluke. They only get warm breakfasts on Sundays if I feel like making chocolate chip cinnamon pancakes.
Otherwise, it's poptarts, cereal of micro waffles!
It was some kind of taco soup and thankfully she's never made it again.
It had corn in it. How nast is that?
I was just thinking about Carol Channing reading the poem about commercials on the Free to Be... You and Me record, but apparently, your Ajers is too smart to need that. He knows that sometimes you just can't make something like that easy. ;)
I agree that fancy cakes are often not as tasty. My lovely husband makes three layer chocolate cakes out of two mixes. And I make homemade chocolate icing. We haven't made one in years because then we'd eat it ALL. But so good. Who has a birthday coming up?
Kate, what makes you think a birthday is coming up?
Well, you're right!! Tukey's is THIS Sunday--he'll be SIX, and Mr. Manic turns 39 exactly one week later!!!
You and your hubby need to go and make that cake!!! And then rub that homemade chocolate icing ALL OVER ONE ANOTHER!!! For shiggity!!
That is too funny!! He knows you well. I hate cooking and baking. Hannah loves it. I posted way back about when the two of us took a cake decorating class together. It was a riot, what I did for love, and how she really learned that some things can't be taught. Something like, "mom you were born to be my mommy, not to make cakes."
Ha ha ha ... Ajers is so funny. But hello SUPER MOM! An omelet for breakfest! On a SCHOOL day! No matter what it looked like!
Tukey shares a b-day with my hubby! If it has anything to do with birthdays, Tukey will DEFINITELY grow up to be a wonderful man! :)
I <3 Virgos. Could be because I am one, though... :)
Hey Steph, great lookin' cake! And...get me your address, I'm mailing you the super cool, writer chick tee shirt!
Kit
kitfrazier@yahoo.com
Eileen--I remember reading about your cake deco class! I think Diva and I would have fun with that. Every time that commercial comes on (which is often, right after SpongeBob, the kids yell "SEE THIS IS WHAT WE SHOULD BUY FOR GMA SO SHE CAN MAKE US GOOD CAKES!"
Swish, and you know I HATE eggs ever since I did Atkins years ago.
Andrea--Happy Birthday to your HUBBY!
Kit--I am way excited that I won a chick writer's T shirt! Will it make me an official writer!?!??!
Oh, and Kit, I didn't make that cake or even see it in real life... that's the cake that pops up with you google CAKE IMAGES!
mmmm... cake omelets. scrumptious!
But manic, you forgot to say "Mommy can buy one of those cakes if she can't make it, which is more than you can do with your allowance isn't it?" Nuff said.
I'm laughing here because while I consider myself good cook I never really cook anymore. Why you ask? Because apparently my kids don't like my cooking. I got sick and tired of watching them taste my food with their closed teeth. Or my favorite is when they hold one bite of food in their mouth for 20 minutes until you finally give up and allow them to spit out the mush into the garbage. Could you take a real bite for crying out loud?! Apparently they like Dad's cooking better and that is fine by me. When he's not cooking, Hello take out!
Matt--ewww. omelet cake. Can you imagine, but it would be fun to see a cake shaped like an omelet. I love those cake shows on the food network!
TTQ--So Right!
Ello--You've got it all figured out!!!! I can't cook worth a shit! Last two nights were hamburger helper cheeseburger mac, and a complete meal chicken fettacini. Add a salad, and that's as good as the Manic family gets!
I was reading your post when I heard my 4 year old yell "Mom I want you to get that!" She was in the living room watching cartoons (I try to tune out the t.v. when I'm on the computer.) Anyway, I went in to see what she was talking about, and there was the same Betty Crocker cake decorating kit commercial playing.
Anon--HILARIOUS!
And that is exactly why they put those commercials on Nickelodeon!
Laughing!
My kids say those same things when they see that stinkin' commercial!
They both seem to get mesmerized when it comes to those kind of shortened versions of infomercials that seem to always appear magically between Spongebob and Fairly Odd Parents.
A couple of months ago one came on for a tummy slimmer, and my five year old didn't even skip a beat before singing about how "Mommy, you need one of those, huh!"
Great blog!
I love your blog! I could never make that cake either. But I can scramble an egg. And, I can make tabasco popcorn - it's awesome. Ajers would love it. My toddler loves it. My toddler is part chili pepper, I'm pretty sure I mated with a jalepeno. My husband is jealous, but he understands that us women like 'em hot. Oi, I've revealed way too much in my first post to your blog. (embarassed now)
Oh my you're too funny! All the things I wish I could say...only my mother in law reads mine & she would die if she saw the real me!!
The little effer, ha ha I have a few of those too. And, I was laughing so hard, I just recently saw that lame infomercial! I couldn't do that shit either! You're cracking me up girl, we should definitely be friends, ha ha! We're way too much alike...
-Kate
Okay I've read a lot of your stuff & saw your comment on Dawns blog. So, you're a writer & I would love to get my hands on anything you've written!! You are great!
I've gotten from past posts that you live in Illinois. My "father" lives in Tinley Park & the rest of my family lives in Oaklawn. I was just there last summer to see Wicked. Which I LOVED!!!
I loved your pix of the Chicago!
- Kate
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