So, I realized something odd the other day.
I talk to myself in the car when I'm alone.
OK, not really talk, more like I yell expletives and vocalize the thoughts I usually keep quiet when I'm in the car with other people. When I'm by myself, well, that's another story.
Take the other day for instance. We were going to watch our neighbor blow off rockets in a field (don't ask, but OK, ever-skeptical nervous mom me had FUN!), so I was going to run to get Dunkin' Donuts for the Rocket Adventure, cuz what's a Rocket Adventure without Munchkins, right?
First off, I am driving to Dunkin' Donuts and talking on the phone, then I hang up and look around me. And then out loud, to no one, because no one is in the car, I say, "FUCK! I went the wrong way!"
What is the point of expletives out loud? Does it make me feel better about being an idiot and driving in the wrong direction to a place I clearly KNOW how to get to?
When I get there, and the curmudgeon Indian man looks at me and says, "What you want?"
Please note, I am not generalizing here. Not all Indian men are curmudgeons, but this one, every time I've been to this Dunkin' Donuts, he just has a mean scowl on his face. Not a nice man. Like I'm seriously afraid to order from him. Good thing his wife or sister-in-law or cousin or whoever the lady is who takes the money smiles, or else I'd never go back.
Anyway, after "What you want?" I say, "A box of large Munchkins, no jelly ones, please."
He gets me my donuts, I smile at the nice lady, she smiles back, I give her my money, she gives me change, I put a dollar in the tip cup (What is it with EVERYONE thinking they deserve a friggin' tip these days anyway?!), and then I grab the donuts and get in the car to go to the Rocket Launch.
Of course, I need a donut for the ride home, and that is probably one of the reasons I have gained 4 of the 22 pounds back ... ouch ... another post for another day ...
I open the box and ... uncontrollably, the urge strikes, and these words tumble from my frustrated mouth:
"I said NO JELLY, you ass!"
Like he could hear me yelling from my car a mile away. But it made me feel a little better to know that I somehow sent my sentiments in his direction.
NO JELLY does not mean fill HALF the box with JELLY-FILLED munchkins, YOU ASS!
Next time you're in the car alone, figure out if you talk to yourself. I bet you do. And I bet your conversations are as insane as mine are.