Friday, July 31, 2009

iT'S FiVe THiRTy a.M.

And i can't sleep. i figured I'd come down here and write a blog post and that would bore me into the sleep that I need. It's probably because i'm on a steriod and antibiotic for this ear inrection that I've got ... and I just noticed something else. I can't spell either. Funny. I never realized that I stop learning how to spell correctly when I'm tired or can't sleep or if it's too early in the a.m. I feel I am concentrating too hard on the wrods, (See?) that I'm not sure will come.

I need some major decluttering in my life. There's just too much stuff right now. The visible AND the invisible.

The visible is the stuff that clutters the house, gets in the way of the core of whatever it is that's bothering me. It's not unhappiness. It's definitely not that. I'm happy. I'm just unsettled.

Mr. Manic has been traveling every week since he lost his job and started this consulting gig in May. I won't lie, those of you who deal with it weekly too, know it's hard, it's a pain in the ass.

He comes home, and we all have to shift to the way we were, only to get used to one another again and have him leave. It's weird. Am I getting used to sleeping alone? (Or rather, with a younger smaller person next to me, because I've been shifting kids through my bed when he's not here. But that will stop when school starts.)

I finally, FINALLY! cleaned the laundry room last night. It's been a throw-all for anything and everything that has come through this house since the beginning of June. Bins for each kid - throw in their crap - I don't even care what it is, just get it out of my sight.

Next up - my bedroom, the drawers, the closet. All the clothes that don't fit, because I've also cluttered my body the past three-and-a-half months. I don't know what happened. Of course, I'm lying, I totally know what happened. It's not that I stopped caring about what I was eating. I just kept eating. I really cared about what I was eating and what I could get into my gut.

I do this a lot. Many, many times in fact over the past 8 years. I discover I'm not at a happy weight, go to Weight Watchers, diet, or at least count points and stay within what I'm supposed to, and then lose the weight. Then I get comfortable, and I let myself believe it won't happen again. It does. It's like a game. Do I enjoy doing this? This Yo-Yo that has become my life?

And I'm not writing the way I need to be writing. This damn novel is in my head. It needs to be on the screen. I have an agent. I have the support. I just need to find the uncluttered time to focus on the dream that I have. When will I find it? Every year it is the exact same. I wait for school to start, and tell myself, "Self, you will get into a routine and write that novel when you have the time when the kids are in school." Then other stuff gets in the way, and I tell myself at summertime, "OK, you're going to do this now." This is just, exactly just like the Yo-Yo dieting ... I start, I do well, then I stop. I forget about it for a while. And then I try to get back on track.

It's everywhere. In my home, in my marriage, with my kids, with my body, with my mind.

It just all needs to be decluttered.

I think that now it is 5:41 a.m. and that I might go for a bike ride (I DON'T RIDE BIKES!), and let the wind whip at my face and try to do some soul uncluttering.

22 comments:

WeaselMomma said...

You'll feel a little better as soon as you get a few item scratched off that to-do list and you get to enjoy some sunshine.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Hope you're right Weasel! I saw you were on Twitter-are you always up this early?

Melisa with one S said...

I KNOW THE FEELING.

I could have written this post, except for the traveling husband.

And though I hate to admit it (haha) Weaselmomma is right. You need to make SMALL goals that you can tackle now to make yourself feel better and then move on to the big stuff.

Barb said...

Be on the look out for "thrush" ~ yes the baby thing. I got little white spots on my tongue after taking antibiotics and steroids for a upper respiratory infection. Apparently it's not uncommon. I had no idea what was wrong with me. It's an easy cure ~ prescription lozengers.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Yeah, barb, it's like a yeast infection but in the mouth. Don't have it, but remember when Ajers first got it as a baby--I kept trying to rub the stuff off his tongue, thinking it was leftover formula. Idiot things moms do with newborns!

And Melis, I know Barb is right - i feel so much better that my laundry room is cleaned, I might have to sleep in there! LOL!

DeeMarie said...

I think the first step to decluttering is realizing you're cluttered up. You've made it through that step...
Here's hoping you can get uncluttered and get some sleep!!

Nicole said...

Like you need one more thing to read, but Peter Walsh's "Enough Already" deals with mental clutter. It was an eye opener for me. I even bought a copy for my mother who just retired. Dealing with the mental clutter helps move through the physical clutter. Baby steps. Make a list of what you want to get done. Even if you only get through one or two a day, you're still making progress. It didn't all come in in one day. And it's certainly not leaving in one day. I learned that the hard way!

noexcuses said...

I feel your pain...the yo-yo weight thing (except mine just keeps going up, up and away!) and the clutter. I work at a school, so I told myself this would be the summer I would get through the basement. Some of the stuff in there is still in boxes from the move of '95!

Now that summer is almost gone, the basement is exactly the same as it was three months ago! I just keep telling myself that God has me where I'm supposed to be. One of these days, he'll smack me upside the head and say, "get your fat butt in there and declutter!"

I think I'll check out "Enough Already" and start there.

Thanks for posting this. It's good to know there's a bunch of us out there!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Nicole--thanks for the book reco -- I will check out enough Already. Went for an awesome bike ride this a.m. took a shower, folding laundry, emptying dishwasher ... baby steps... baby steps.
Thanks everyone!

MaBunny said...

Hope you get some sleep Manic... as for the decluttering - I totally understand!

Sue said...

I, too, need to declutter in all the places you mention. I think I would get more done if I limited my damn computer time.
My name is Sue. I am addicted to my computer....

Hally said...

Oh Manic,
If you were here, I'd have you over for cucumber mojitos. And we'd sit in the yard and stare at things & kids until we finally look at one another, 'Huh...I really should be ----, but I'm a better person for being right here, right now.' When the kids go back to school in just a couple of weeks, you'll totally have a schedule and take your laptop someplace WITHOUT wi-fi so you're not as tempted to check in with us!

Kirsten said...

Oh I feel better reading that people go through the exact same stuff as me. When my house is cluttered I feel like I can't breathe, or do anything. And as for the dieting thing, I've been doing WW for 5 weeks now. I've lost 2.2 lbs. I tell myself, in the fall it will be easier, no the winter will be easier, wait. . . the spring . . . .

Being Samantha said...

I feel your pain, I do this oftem myself.

What size were/are you? Send me the stuff you're getting rid of! lol

I have a pair of jeans on the back of my bedroom door and a picture of myself at my fittest in a biniki on the fridge for motivation..."if I eat this, I wont look like that or fit into those" etc.... it works.
I eat a whole lot less crap.

Sprite's Keeper said...

I completely know what you're saying. I could use some decluttering in my head as well as my home. I think I will start with my closet... I did hear that taking a picture of things you have accomplished (like the laundry room) help prove to yourself that you are not as lost in the clutter as you think you are.
I got your note about the Spin Cycle. Very easy to jump in. Just write your take on the topic and send me the link and then I host the round up for it every Friday. This next week is your favorite post. You don't have to do anything other than brush the dust off a post you like from your archives and slap it up there with a little explanation of why you like it. Too easy, right? Dee just did hers and included a shout out to you yourself!!!
And it was a pleasure meeting you this weekend! I wish I could go back and do an encore!

JennyMac said...

Ahh...we are constant declutters at our house. My husband and little brother had a declutter party in which I had to retrieve a few things they were tossing out. GOOD LUCK as its never an easy undertaking.

Cocktails help. I'm just saying...

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

GOT MY CLOSET DONE! Now I just need Stacy London and Clinton Kelly to send me $5,000 to shop for new clothes!

My Two Army Brats said...

I want stacy and clinton to send me money for new clothes! And I need to read the book Nicole recommened and I need to get rid of half the things we have in our house and garage and in my mind and lose about 50 pounds. That's all...not much to ask...maybe next week...no next weeks busy along with all of August. Perhaps in September, wait homeschooling will just be getting started. Screw it I can't win....

Good luck Steph!

Michelle said...

I know the feeling of being cluttered... I have the same issues. Although fortunately I wasn't up at 5:30 this morning. Here's hoping you feel better today and the meds make it all better! I think you look great, so enjoy getting things done and being happy. And that moving life around based on schedules? I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Shelley said...

WTG on getting the closet done! I agree, setting small goals helps with the decluttering. I should take my own advice...I've been here six weeks and there are still unpacked boxes around. Reward yourself for that closet with a nice glass of wine. :)

The Stiletto Mom said...

Take one a day/week, makes it more manageable. I was in the same spot not too long ago and cleaning out my pantry saved my life. Now I try to do one area a week...why on earth did I ever think I needed all this crap!?! I do the weight loss yo yo too, if you figure out how to conquer that beast, let me know, I'm open for suggestions! Good luck!

Chrissy said...

I'm sorry about the painful ear infection--ouch!

What time of day do you feel the most inspired? For me, it's around 1pm; if I actually do something productive at that time of day, I get way more done than if I try to tackle my list later in the day (earlier finds me teaching the PreK class). Maybe your time is unconventional by writing standards, etc. Track it for a few days and you'll find that spot.

I sympathize with the weight thing---you look great, btw---I thought I'd be all fit and lean when I went back to teaching, but I've actually added a few. Yuck. I seriously don't get it, I do more squats in a morning that I ever have and I am not snacking. Hhhmmm....maybe it's the 3pm sweets cravings that are doing me in. I probably need a shot of iron.

Happy Sunday!