Thursday, April 08, 2010

yeaR oF THe CoCK: BooK GiVeaWay

BooK iNTeRVieW aND GiVeaWay
YEAR OF THE COCK
Win ONE of FIVE signed COPIES!

So, I heard about this book and since I love memoirs and it is about the opposite sex and basically male parts and what the guy really thinks about it, OF COURSE I had to read it! And then OF COURSE, I had to stalk track down the author and ask him a bunch of WAY too personal questions, and then OF COURSE, I had to ask him to sign some copies and give them away to you on Manic Mommy, so, here ya go … EVERYTHING you always wanted to know about what’s behind that zipper!

Year of the Cock, by Alan Wieder …


He leaves his wife, buys a hot new car, dates a bunch of chicks, does some serious drinking, goes a little crazy, goes back to his wife, and spends a lot of time thinking that his penis is too small.
Meet Alan Wieder.

At what point in your life/midlife crisis did you think, “Hey, this might be an interesting memoir topic”?

Actually, the book came about a bit organically than that. When I was deep in my obsessive crisis, my shrink suggested that I start writing down my thoughts and feelings in a journal, as a way of gaining control over them. After a few months of seeing just how balls-out-insane my cognitions were on paper, it seemed to me that there might be a compelling book in all this madness.

Did you start writing Year of the Cock as you were going through the experience, or after it was over?

I was still knee-deep in depression, anxiety, and distorted thinking when I started writing the book. My (now-ex-) wife and I were back together, but my relationship was still a shambles and so was I. As a result the book is, I believe, more of an experiential than a reflective narrative. It’s hard for me even to relate to it now, because the extremely visceral thoughts and ideas I felt such a pressing need to record five years ago now seem so bizarre and foreign.

They are pretty bizarre at times, at that’s pretty much why I really dug this book! Your ‘bizarreness! Did you ever have a fixation on your penis prior to your separation from your wife? What do you think sparked the feelings of inadequacy?

No. Never. I’d had a few bouts of obsessive thinking, and some totally normal passing wishes that the donger were bigger, but never anything so crazy and on such an all-effacing scale. Ultimately, my obsession with my penis had nothing to do with the organ itself, which is perfectly respectable (I assure you!). I think that after leaving my wife, I felt cripplingly inadequate and worthless as a man, leading my mind to cling desperately to my “manhood” as a measuring rod (so to speak!) of that horrifying deficiency. Also, before leaving my wife I’d had this egomaniacal fantasy that as a single guy I was gonna be a vagina-slaying stud. When the reality sank in – that I was really just an average dude going through a sadly average set of circumstances – it kinda rocked my world.

What will you say to your son before you let him read your memoir? What would you want him to learn from you/about you if he were to read it?

Hopefully a Bradburian book-burning regime will assume power before he gets old enough to read it, and all copies of it will be incinerated. No... if he really really wants to read it, I’ll just have to explain that before he was born I was a shallow and miserable dick who needed to write the book to grow up and be a man, so that I could become the kind of father he’d admire one day. Am I good or what?

NICE! What did you come away with from writing Year of the Cock (besides calluses and broken rulers)? Hah!

Well... I got paid handsomely to take time away from work to write a book, which had always been a dream of mine. But the best thing about it was the liberating process of confessing -- on paper, for everyone to see -- the ugliest, most pathetic things I’ve ever done. It may seem weird, but for me, the fact that I can now walk around without secrets, without any hidden shame – having acknowledged in the most public way possible the mess I made – has been the key to my growth as a person.

Yeah, they do say if you’re gonna write a memoir, write the most shameful thing you’d never want to tell anyone. I’d say you pretty much went there! Do you recommend penile enhancing products?

No. They’re all bogus, and trust me, because I’ve tried ‘em all.

What advice or words of encouragement do you have for men who are truly “penally” (is that a real word) penalized? (Gosh am I clever or what?)

Not since Richard Pryor has the world seen such a comic virtuoso... The best advice I can give a dude is to focus on his partner’s pleasure more than his own. Any woman will tell you that their best sexual partners are the ones who put in the extra work and are extremely attentive. Once I shifted my focus from my genitals to my partner’s, I became the raging stud I am today…

(Sorry, I don’t know you in real life, but I just have to laugh here, cuz man, that’s just FUNNY!)

… and enjoyed sex a lot more too. Learn how to perform oral correctly, find the G-Spot, talk dirty, be adventurous, and you’re gonna excel, even if your schlong ain’t worth writing home about.

Would you say the Year of the Cock was a year of mental instability for you, or do you think you were just depressed? Or was it a time of you finding yourself, discovering who you were, or what? How would you describe that year for you personally?

A little of both. I was unstable, depressed, paranoid, angry, compulsive, withdrawn, borderline alcoholic, you name it... but at the same time, there was never a point at which I felt like giving up on myself. I had a sense all along (thanks in part to a great therapist who helped me see it) that I would shed my miserable self-view and find a happier existence. I’m grateful for that conviction, because without it I’d be in the grave, instead of the incredibly happy boyfriend and father I am today.

What was the most amusing thing you discovered about yourself during the writing of this book?

The writing was hard as shit, mentally and emotionally, so I’m hard-pressed to find anything funny about it. Since publication, however, one amusing self-discovery is how much I love hearing readers and critics say brutally mean things about me. Just go to my Amazon page where you’ll see all sorts of people sounding off about what a narcissistic scumbag they think I am. The “reviews” have also been mostly savage assassinations of me as a person. But funny the thing is... I fucking love it! The eviscerating comments make me laugh and clap with glee, which must make me a masochist on top of everything else.

Is there anything different you would have done or anything you wish you WOULDN'T have done during your personal Year of the Cock?

No. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I have no regrets whatsoever and wouldn’t change a thing. Of course I’m not happy about the way I hurt people, namely my ex-wife, who is a very sweet person. But I’m also a firm believer in the idea that the choices we make define our humanity, and my mistakes were part of the series of actions that created the person I am today. That person is far from perfect, but the life I lead now is at least very honest and true and happy.

I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing both personally and professionally, and I believe I owe that to the fact that I fucked up royally, accepted my numerous errors, and tried to do better the next time.

You are in a stable relationship currently? Everyone’s happy? Your penis is happy?

I am in a wonderful and very stable relationship, thanks. My girlfriend, Carley, has brought incredible joy into my life -- and my penis’ as well. Year of the Cock Alan could never have landed a girl like her, so I must have gotten something right.

What are you working on now?

These days I’m mostly working as a screenwriter (at present I’m about to start work on a movie script for a forthcoming kids’ franchise), but when I’m not doing that I’m plotting out my next book. It’s called Yardbird, and it’s a fictional first-person account of (essentially, a fake memoir of) my arrest and three-year stint in federal prison. So far I think it’s funny, but we’ll see what my agent thinks.

Awesome, thanks so much Alan, and readers, if you wanna know all the cold HARD and NOT SO HARD facts about Alan’s penis, you can enter to win one of FIVE signed copies of Year of the Cock here. Just leave a comment, any type will do, but penis-related comments will make us laugh, and five random winners will be chosen! Make sure to leave your email address so I can contact you if you win!

*and if you wanna read something else about Alan, check out his article about how he got a girly makeover here. You look real purty there Alan, with all that eyeliner and mascara! : )


And I’m getting back into books/giveaways, so coming up soon I’ll be giving away books from the latest reads from Jen Singer, Jennifer Weiner, Allison Winn Scotch and Emily Giffin!

You do NOT want to miss out!

25 comments:

Dan said...

I don't have any penis related comments clean enough to leave on a family oriented blog. Darn!

But I would love to read the book.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Dan, that counts as an entry in my book!

jennhuts said...

I really enjoyed your interview. Was it akward asking him so many penis related questions?

Dani In Chicago said...

Yeah, I was looking for an educational book to read next. Cool!

Dani Patarazzi

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Jennhuts, not awkward asking penis questions--I love talking about that kinda stuff! And Dani in Chicago, anytime I can offer educational services, I am here for you! ALSO, make sure you all leave your email addresses in case you win so I can contact you so you can receive your book!

Hally said...

Manic~
LOVE when you do book reviews/giveaways. I've told about 10 people about 'Wife in the North' & 'The Divorce Party' as summer reads. :)

My lowly penis reference is about the guy around the corner with a bright red Lotus. We make comments about him having 'small man's complex above and below'. The next time my 4 yr old saw a red sportscar on the road he asked, if ALL SMALL GUYS drive red race cars, because 'there's a lot of 'em, Mama...A LOT!'. Yes son, there are...there are.

Anonymous said...

I would normally have a very witty penis related comment but it's just too early/late for my brain to conjure one up! I'd still love to read the book!

Shelley
SPepper22@sbcglobal.net

Michelle D said...

I'm still laughing at the cover. I need to read this since I always joke w/my husband...he's a cock...on the chinese placemat:)

Carrie Elsass said...

I would LOVE to read any insight into penis-obsessed men...:) I don't get it AT ALL.LOL
celsass1@yahoo.com

Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist said...

Go Manic! I love your interviews and giveaways!

Let's see, trying to come up with a play on words that includes that key one....dirty part of my brain failing miserably right now....

Marla said...

No witty bits for the woodies, but, as someone who knows a few who shoulda coulda woulda, I am suitably intrigued and open to finding a comical way to look at these situations that doesn't involve pathos. I definitely know a few moms and ex's who would seemingly love to read this. marla416@rogers.com

dawnH said...

Fan of the penis. As fake Sean Connery says on fake Jeopardy on SNL, "the penis mightier than the sword."

dawnhenrichon@hotmail.com

shopgirl said...

Hi Manic! Oh my gosh was this interview ever funny!! And, even if I don't win the book I think I must go out and get it - not only for me but for my guy friend too!

Here's hoping that I win!!
Thanks for the giveaway!

Jill
shopgirl1013@yahoo.com

mandy said...

I would love a copy of "year of the cock'book.
Thanks mandyhugo@aol.com

Judy said...

Very funny interview and I'd love to win a copy of the book. I think about penises all the time, but now I'm stuck trying to come up with a funny cock comment.

How about—why doesn't the mohel get paid a salary?

A: He keeps the tips!

april said...

Love this Manic! Too funny. I looked up a penis joke for you because I couldn't think of anything cocky on my own ...

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"

HAHAHAHA!

xo

Eileen said...

The whole interview cracked me up! The book sounds like a great read.

Jenna McCarthy said...

I MUST have this book--a couple of dicks just did this to two of my best friends. I think Year of the Cock might shed some light on their asinine actions.

Pick me! Pick me!

In the interim:

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Lisa said...

No great comments, but have a great story about my husband and some peppers we were growing that are hotter than habaneros. He had an itch and thinking nothing of it...scratched the itch! Such a funny story!! I would love to read Year of The Cock!

Annette said...

Would love to read Year of the Cock. It also sounds like something my hubby would actually read. He's more of a magazine guy, so Alan's premise might make for a great couples conversation! LOL

On a side note, back in my single days, I knew a bunch of Peter Pan party guys with big Eliminator boats. I used to call the boats "Penis Extensions That Float." =)

Maureen Lipinski said...

I'd love to win this book and leave it on the coffee table for when friends come over.

Kristin said...

OOOOHHHH! I want to win the cock book! Come on Steph! Pick me, pick me!

Jess Riley said...

This was a great interview, and sounds like a highly entertaining read!

Any chance we might get together before you move?? I was in Chicago last night--wish I could have seen you!!!!!

(Wish I had a funny tootyacker-related joke; I'm watching Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives right now, and there's GOT to be a peen-related joke involving Guy Fieri SOMEWHERE in there...!)

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