BOOK GIVEAWAY!
OK book groupies! This is what you’ve been waiting for! I’m giving away Dawn Meehan's You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and OTHER LIES about pregnancy and childbirth).
In fact, I’m giving away TWO copies. All you need to do is leave me a comment about pregnancy. Yours or someone else’s, but make it funny! This may or may not be a random drawing!
Dawn’s book is HILARIOUS, but you already knew that because you’re a fan of her blog already, or else you wouldn’t be here trying to win her book!
Laugh-out-loud chapters in You’ll Lose the Baby Weight include:
–Am I Pregnant or Is Aunt Flo Knocking?
–The “Do You Weigh More Than an Elephant?” Test
–Tinkle Tinkle Little Star
–The Dolly Parton Syndrome
–I Just Have a Taste for a Cheeseburger Topped with Caramel Sauce and Calamari
Whether you’ve already had your babies, you’re pregnant, you’re thinking about getting pregnant, Dawn Meehan’s You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and OTHER LIES about pregnancy and childbirth) is a great read for all mothers.
Dawn’s book makes it easy to laugh through all of the rough times of pregnancy but still makes sure you remember the joyful parts of it too – that the end result is a bouncing beautiful baby that’s yours for the making!
So, leave a funny comment and I’ll pick two winners, or maybe even THREE, depending on my mood, sometime soon!
And come back later because I promise I will post pictures and tell about our amazing trip to the Grand Canyon, and no, we didn’t take mules down to the bottom, a la Brady Style, but we did come across a load of donkey poo on some trails!
Thanks Dawn for this great fun book on the biggest lie of ‘em all … Losing the Baby Weight!
38 comments:
Are you kidding me?!?! Something funny?!?! About MY pregnancies??? No sucha thing.
I got horrified, I got anxiety, I got hemmroids, I got big friggin ankles, I got fat face, I got the oddest maternity clothes one could EVER wear(Mickey Mouse t-shirts and flannel shirts), I got the waddles, I got the KFC mashed potatoes and gravy cravings(not 1x BUT 3x!Do you know how fattening that shit is?!)....BUT!!! Most importantly I got 3 healthy, loving, sweet (when they want something), beautiful kids one person could ask for.
So, when you're looking for something funny, I DO NOT GOT IT!
Only one thing that could pass for humor happened to me. The whole dialated 10cm. feelin that you get..ya know..like you have to take a massive shit. Well I didn't know that THEN!! Off to the toilet I go,1st baby here so shuddup! Nurse comes in.
nurse:"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
me:'I have to go to the bathroom!'
nurse:"Pee??"
me:'No...'
nurse:"Get up, Get up!!"
~Everyone has this happen, right??~
Yep, I was at a 10!! How the hell was I suppose to know it felt like going #2!!! When someone says "Looks like she's about ready to shit out another kid" I fully understand where THAT saying came from!!!
Well, lets see here....I accidentally announced over the PA at work how bad my boobs hurt, thats how my office found out I was expecting!!!
I loved my epidural. I was feelin no pain and could "enjoy" the birth of my first daughter.
My legs are in the stirrups, I'm pushing as my hubsand counts to 10, and suddenly he's not counting anymore. He's decided to concentrate on my daughter's head crowning rather than count. I gathered all the strength I could muster and managed to kick him straight in the face.
I couldn't get my leg back in the stirrup, but he didn't stop counting again.
tee hee...during pregnancy I ate everything ice cold. And the milk had to be fresh (which meant I would buy 2 1/2g containers rather than one gallon jug, because I could taste the difference).
During delivery - ahhhh the delivery - hubby spent the next day rubbing at his hand and wondering how he got these little cuts on the back of his hand. I had pressed so hard, that he had little crescent moon cuts from my nails. :) Nothing compared to the tearing I had, but at least he had *some* pain from the experience.
hummm something FUNNY about being pregnant... I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!! my daughter is BWHAHAHAHA now thats FUNNY!!!!!
When my water broke, my husband had just gotten to work in the morning. I called him to come pick me up. On the way to the hospital, I insisted on listening to my favorite morning radio show, Eric and Kathy. My husband said, "If you insist on listening to them, you at least have to call them and tell them." So, I did. I got on the air and told them my water broke and I was on the way to the hospital listening to their show. Eric said "Your water broke? Did you try to fix it?"
A little bit lame but it is the funniest thing I can think of that happened during my pregnancy.
-Donna W.
well my little "girl" that i was having according to the ultrasound is my funny story.
My mother in law swore by this tale of how to determine the sex of the baby.. something about my age, the month I conceived and another factor proved I was having a boy, but the doctors swore I was having a girl.
I believed the doctors over some cockeyed formula my mother in laws friends cooked up... I had pinks and pastels and cute little girl stuff all ready to welcome our daughter home. She had a name we had called her since finding out.
I labored for 16 hours, and finally pushed my little girl out. I hear the doctor ask my husband what he said I was having and my husband responded "its a girl" I then hear (from the doctor) "ut oh, um, well....I guess I lied, you have a handsome young man" I about sat straight up and said "WHAT? I cant have a boy, I dont have ANYTHING for a boy."
we spent the next 24 hours scrambling for clothes, and a fresh coat of paint for the nursery. it all worked out, and i love this young man (now 15) with my whole heart. I wouldnt trade him for a girl for nothing :)
We didn't find out the gender with my first two babies. When the third came along, I convinced dh that we should find out. He agreed as long as we kept it a secret from everyone else. After some discussion, we decided that we'd keep everyone in the dark except for my dad (who was in major depression after the death of my mom), and his brother. But we couldn't just tell his brother outright, you know? We had a program that allowed his brother to remotely log into my computer to check it out when it was having problems - his brother is great with computers. We had him searching through things until he find the ultrasound pictures that were clearly labeled showing girl parts. From that point on, his brother was in on the secret and sworn to silence.
Oh, and when I was pregnant with my first, we were discussing name options. We had my MIL *completely* convinced that if we had a girl, we were naming her Lurleen, in honor of my south Texas roots. We finally let her know it was a joke after about a month. :)
At 14 weeks I was wearing a rather revealing sweater and a few of my HS senior boys were looking at me and then at each other, shooting each other looks to warn each other not to ask/say anything. I caught one boy's eye and said, "yes." He said, "yes what?" Another boy said, "can you read our minds?!?" I wish that I'd said yes--lol. So, I finally shared the news with them. 5/12/11--well, as much as due dates mean. ;)
Hmmm, I'm not sure how I feel about having my book mentioned in the same post as donkey poop. LOL! Love you, Steph!
I don't have any children myself, but my parents have shared this story with me for as long as I can remember....before mom got pregnant dad put in his " order" a blonde hair blue eyed baby girl..when mom got pregnant everyone... including my grandmother and entire family INSISTED she was having a boy.... when mom delivered the baby, which was me, dad came out of delivery room and told everyone he has a blonde hair blue eyed girl... everyone thought he was lying until the Dr confirmed it and they "checked it out" themselves... when mom got pregnant again she put her order in for a brown hair brown eyed boy... everyone said she was having another girl.... again once she delivered everyone thought it was a lie about her having a boy LOL I want to add also... when mom delivered me, the nurses even asked my dad and grandma if they wanted to go home, that she was going to be in labor all night... mom told them she wasn't, nurse made the comment this was her first child she didn't know what she was talking about... 4 hours later I was born LOL momma always knows best :)
Oh the absolute HELL I caused my MIL by refusing to tell her the sex of the 2nd child then refusing to tell her the name picked out for the 3rd!
She even got so ANGRY about it that she stopped talking to us for a few weeks - best part of the pregnancy is knowing that the MIL is STEWING at home because she doesn't know something !!!! :0)
I have two funny stories...no make that 3.
1st one was when I was in labour with my firstborn for 14 hours and I mumbled to my doctor in between pushes "Why do women have more than one?!"
2nd one was during the same birth with my firstborn..I mumbled to the doctor "I'm not comfortable". She sits up and asks me what is wrong and what is making me uncomfortable and how do you feel?" I replied while thinking to myself...why asks me this question..I'm in labour for hours and she wants to know this? Being in labour is driving me nuts...then I finally response.."I feel...." then I fell asleep right then and there with his head halfway out. The doc turns to my friend and said.."she can't be that UNCOMFORTABLE!"
And the final story was when I was in a fast labour with my 2nd son..my water broke and I was feeling soggy and asked for my padding to be changed...I'm sitting in the delivery room covered with a blanket..my dh runs over and grabs a pad to put it under my bottom and without thinking takes the bottom part of the blanket and sticks his head down there and starts fixing the padding under me and I'm trying to kick his head but my belly was too big to get a good aim and the nurses are standing there with jaws on the floor...and he pops his head out and said.."huh? what's wrong?" DOH!!!
When I was in labor with our second child my then 8 year old son had said he did not want to be in the room. I thought that it was because it was messy and weird. After his sister was born he came back in, I asked him why he wanted to leave and he said "I did not want to hear you say bad words!"
WE all thought that it was very funny! From the mouths of babes. Little did we know that I would only be in "active labor" for less than one minute. I did not even have to push I laughed my daughter out! It was grand!
My husband and I are in lamaze class (this was a long-long-long time ago), when he was shocked to find out about the placenta. He thought the cord was retractable and they just stuffed it back inside to use again. The man was 34 years old. Yeah, his reproductive education was sadly lacking.
When pregnant with my second my toddler daughter was fascinated by the idea of a baby in my growing tummy. She would stare at and rub my belly all the time.
One day I was bent over, taking something out of the oven and my daughter asks me, "Mommy, do you have a baby in your butt too?"
Well, I have blue contacts. People compliment me on my eyes all the time and I dont' necessarily divulge they are less than the real color. When I was in labor with my first (14 years ago)the nurse told me how pretty my eyes were. Ok..this was nice but it was in the middle of me pushing a 25lb bowling ball out of something the size of a golf ball? REALLY? Anyway, I said thank you and immediately looked at my husband with daggers in my eyes. He liked to tell people about my blue contacts and embarass the daylights out of me often. He looked at me and must've saw something pretty scary because that was the only time he's kept his mouth shut. THis may or may not be the reason why he is my ex! lol
Not pregnancy related but 5 year old related:
Me, standing naked in my closet when 5 year old daughter walks in and says "Mom, when I'm older I want to have big boobs like you, but mine are going to be up here and not down there like yours". I smiled and said, we'll see, now get out.
Hmmm funny is hard, as I was a complete witch when I was pregnant all 3 times! I am really surprised I am still married after all that!!!
Once I was craving cupcakes, like birthday party cupcakes. I sent a guy at work to get them from Jewel. He came back with hostess cupcakes. Are you SERIOUS!!! This is not at all what I went. I told him to march right back and get the right ones. OH he was terrified of me!!!
Another guy at work, I was cleaning. This boy was sitting down and I was about 8 months pregnant. I said what the hell are you doing? He said well theres nothing to do. I sent him to clean every table leg in the restaurant. He was so mad.
Then just walking was a chore. I was fat and unhappy. I was in labor and had an appointment. They made me undress...really through the labor pains?!?!? He walked in as I was undressing and said you need to take off your clothes. I said I AM TRYING...IT HURTS Just for his dumb butt to tell me when i finally got my clothes off...ok you are in labor go to the hospital. Ohhh ok..idiot :)
I hope the books not TOO funny! I've had 2 kids...its hard to not pee my pants a little if I laugh too hard! :)
When I was pregnant with my first, I gained about 50 pounds. Not being too pleased with this amount of weight gain, I was eager to see how much I would lose just from giving birth, after all, the baby, placenta, and fluids add up right?
Well, on my due date I had a routine midwife appointment where I was weighed. That night, my baby was born through a completely natural and unmedicated birth. I stress that because I didn't receive any fluids that would have impacted my weight. Baby was almost 6-1/2 pounds. The crazy and unthinking nurses weighed me at 6:00 in the morning. I hadn't lost any weight at all. How can that be explained? I claim scale error and major FAIL for the protocol at that hospital that requires weigh-ins after giving birth!
You know it's true you won't lose the baby weight when you still have that extra 15 pounds of baby fat and the baby in your life is your grandson.
Not sure when the giveaway ends, but just in case...
I'll never forget the charming moment in the delivery room when my husband watched (agape), as I took a dump on the table. (Fortunately, he was more fascinated than appalled. )
After a successful round of IVF (after two failed attempts with other procedures) we went to our very first ultrasound at 6 weeks to check everything out. We knew there was a possibility for twins or triplets, but it was only a slim chance, so we were still (pleasantly) surprised to see two little spots on the ultrasound. My husband, being the Star Wars fan that he is, leaned toward the doc and said, "Great. Now we have to send one to live in a far-away palace and the other one off to hide in the desert." It really wasn't a terrible joke, but the doc obviously didn't get it...I think he was debating our sanity at that moment.
I've had two pregnancies, I have two girls, and each pregnancy, labor and delivery was completely different. With my first, labor lasted 2 hours, my husband barely made the delivery, my water bag burst all over the doctor just in time for him to literally catch my daughter; I tell people I sneezed her out! We forgot our camera at home, had a video camera but forgot to charge the battery...good thing my mom was there, but she had a Polaroid camera (my daughter is only 10 so you can imagine how old the camera is) so we don't have the greatest pictures from my first delivery.
With my second pregnancy I swore things would be different, I was going to have a video of the delivery and I wanted pictures of everything!!! The big day came and I was prepared because everyone says "your second baby will come faster than your first”…well everyone was wrong, labor was 11 excruciating hours. I said every cuss word imaginable and even made up a few of my own. My husband was the enemy (poor guy put up with a lot that night...lol), I got to experience ice chips since the first time around everything went so fast...and the best part…we had a video camera ready to document the birth of our baby, we remembered our camera and this time my mom had upgraded from her Polaroid to a digital camera, so that made two cameras, I knew I was going to have amazing pictures. The moment came, my husband looked like a Disneyland tourist with two cameras and a video camera, I didn't want him to miss a moment!
Fast forward to a week later...I finally get the chance to download all the pictures from my daughters delivery...I wish I would have had a camera on my face to capture the look I had when I saw my VAGINA on my computer screen…it was waaaaaaaay larger than life size….WHOAAA!!! My husband zoomed in and had up-close pictures during the delivery, you could see EVERYTHING!!!....I was speechless...shocked...mortified...embarrassed and couldn't believe that's what IT looked like down there during delivery…Have you seen what it looks like that up close??? I was absolutely mortified and instantly started crying hysterically, I don't think it helped having postpartum blues...the funniest part (it's funny now as I look back but then it wasn't funny) there was an up close and personal picture of me mid-poop!! So needless to say if we have a third child, I just may forget the camera at home!
sorry...i accidently posted the same comment 3 times, I kept getting error messages when I would post...when i saw they actually went through I deleted 2 of them :)
I had my son at a very busy city hospital. For some reason, every other pregnant woman in Philadelphia was having their baby that night, too, and they kicked my husband out at 10pm. So, I had our infant son all to myself, and I fell asleep with him in my arms. When I woke up an hour or so later, his head had MOLDED to the shape of my ARM!!! I started crying, and yelling for help. The nurse came in, and rubbed his head, and was like, "He is fine! Remember, their skulls are soft..."
Luckily, he is fine!
With my second, my daughter, I was driving to the airport, which was about 3 hours away to get my husband. I do not know what I ate, but I was on the highway, and HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW!!!
There was a rest stop about 3 miles up the road, so I pulled in, opened my door, and my bowels released... I totally pooped my pants. I wrapped a sweatshirt around my waist and went inside to clean myself. Of course, I had NO extra clothes. I threw my underwear and shorts away, and used my sweatshirt like a skirt. Mortifying.
When I reached 10 cm dialated the nurse informed me that she could see the babies head but that my doctor hadn't arrived and she wanted to know if I wanted to wait for him. I don't remember what I said to her, but seconds later there was someone there to catch the baby. My doctor strolled in about 5 min later, he got stuck at a train crossing.
I can't imagine any woman in that position saying... oh yeah, i'll hold the baby in until my doctor desides to show up!
Not sure if this is still open to win or not, but my funny is about my 1st child.
I had had an ultrasound and wanted to know the sex of the child. My child was UNCOOPERATIVE and no matter what the U/S tech did, said child would not reveal. So being that I was a single mom and had had a girl name picked out since I was in Middle School, I went with girl. All the crazy 'tests' my friends conducted said 'girl.' I even talked to my daughter and sang to her and everything. I knew there was a chance for a boy, but I had no names picked out and wasn't prepared to raise a boy. Well, after 28 hours of petocin-induced labor, I'm on the table in the C-section room sliced open and the doc pulls out the baby and says, "It's a boy!" I looked at my son's father (who graciously went with me to the hospital and was there for the whole 28+ hours) and said "Guess we need a boy's name." We settled on a name 3 days later thanks to the Baby Name book from the Nurse's station. :-)
Happy to say that 2.5 years later, Baby Boy's dad became my husband and we then had a baby girl - so the name I'd had since Middle School did get used.
2 Funny stories.
I was at the store with my father while pregnant with my second daughter. We were at the checkout line. I discreetly passed gas. My dad pipes up, "Holy cow, smells like a fat girl farted! Oh, was that you?" I was never so embarrassed.
Second story:
I'm in labor with my first son. It's hubby's first child and my 3rd. After induction, they start prepping me for epidural, but prior to that, I really hurt. Hubby was trying to be helpful, asked "Where does it hurt?" To which I replied, where do you think. To which MIL replied son, here's your sign.
I had an alien for a nurse when I had my second (of three). I wanted just a little nubane (sp?), she had the medicine right next to me on a little table, but I couldn't have it because I was too close to delivering. My hubby said I looked at her funny, and I could have sworn she sprouted antennae and googly eyes!! Although, ten minutes later, when Jack had arrived, she was back to normal :)
Just before the end of my 1st trimester with my 1st child (you know, with 3 months left to go!) we visited family & friends. One male friend asked when I was due. When I named the date, still 3 months away, his eyes got huge & he said "Really?!? You look big enough to give birth any day now! Are you sure it's not twins??" At which point his wife reached over & slapped him. I didn't visit those particular friends during my 2nd pregnancy....
I have a funny story for each of my pregnancies.
I am 9 months 8 days pregnant with 1st son. I went in on Friday and told my boss this would be my last day. The doctor was inducing on Monday. Sometime in the day I had to go to the 4th floor. There was no way this pregant women was taking the stairs. I took the elevator up and when I got back to my floor, the door wouldn't open. I didn't even think about pregnant women in labor in a stuck elevator. My only thoughts were that they better hurry because there is no where to sit. When my mom told my 17 year old brother that I got stuck on the elevator he had to think for a minute and finally commented that he didn't think I had gotten that fat.
I was about 3 months pregnant with my 2nd son. I had a doctor's appointment and afterward my husband and I went to pick up my oldest at my SIL's house. She was so sweet and had fixed dinner for us. After I gorged myself on beans, rice and rolled tacos, we got ready to leave. Before my husband got into the car, he farted. Of course the scent followed him into the car. I barely got the door open before I threw up my wonderful dinner
Before she began inducing me with our first, the doctor came into to discuss what would transpire. She explained how they would ripen my cervix overnight, and then check in the morning to see the status and proceed from there. My husband listens attentively and then asks the doctor. "Then what happens, it falls out?" I am not sure what the look I gave him was, but my Mom nearly burst out in laughter at my look and response. "My cervix? You think my cervix will fall out?" He looked at me as if I was nuts because he genuinely thought it would just fall to the ground when ripe like a piece of fruit. (And he attended child birth prep classes with me!) The doctor very patiently explained it to him, and we still laugh at that (behind his back, of course) to this day! I can't help but chuckle any time someone discusses ripening!
This happened with my last delivery. It takes me some time to deliver my babies so I was in labor with my son for almost 18 hours. During those 18 hours I had an IV dripping the entire time. The delivery went well and I had a beautiful baby boy. After they wheeled me from the delivery room to my room the nurse asked me if I needed to use the restroom. I had an epidural and still couldn't feel anything. I explained this to her and she insisted that I use the restroom. I had to ask her how she wanted me to get to the bathroom if I can't feel my legs. She said that she would stand on one side of me with my husband on the other and if I lock my knees I should be able to make it to the bathroom. So with my husband on one side and the nurse on the other I attempted to stand. The second I stood up I started to pee. Of coarse I don't have control of this so I can't stop it. The nurse continues to walk me to the bathroom with my husband wondering what all this liquid is that is coming out of me. Let me remind you, I had the IV in for over 18 hours without using the bathroom. I really had to go but didn't know. I peed all the way to the bathroom. By the time we reached the bathroom and they sat me down the nurse turns to me and asks "would you like me to close the door so you can have some privacy". Really!!! Did she just ask me this. I just peed all over her feet and my husbands. I think we are past privacy. This had to be the most embarrassing for me.
Before I knew I was pregnant with my son we were at the zoo with family. I had stopped to look at the map they gave us and wasn't able to figure out where we were exactly. I jokingly commented that it would be REALLY nice if the handheld map had a "you are here" sign on it. My wonderful husband said, "You mean like this one?" I look to my left and there RIGHT BESIDE ME was a 6'x6' HUGE map with a "You are Here" marker. Yeah, scientific proof that even early on the baby sucks all your brain power.
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