Hi everyone, I know it's taken a long while for this an again, I'm really sorry. Some days I think I need to take this blog back to where it was originally, where I just was MaNiC MoMMy because that's what I am feeling these days -- quite literally manic. Days are not very good at all. Last week Luke had a very bad day with this thing we call epilepsy.
On Monday he had five grand mal seizures in one day. That has never happened to him. He's had one in a day, which is enough to freak us out and make us all stop breathing, but imagine five? I won't go into the details but by the third one, we called 911. We spent the night in the hospital, we've added another drug, which he is not responding well to. He doesn't sleep alone, he can't shower by himself, can't go into the bathroom alone, without us calling for him to see if he's OK. I follow him like a hawk. I don't take care of myself anymore. And I don't even care. I just want him to go six weeks without a seizure, and six weeks of staying in school and feeling good. Six weeks of no headache or vomiting, and then I will start to breathe again.
I don't know if I will keep up with this blog. Honestly, how important are books? When this stuff is going on with my child. I can't read. I can't think. I feel bad but I sleep a lot to escape thinking about life. I realize these are classic signs of depression. I realize that if I just went outside for some fresh air, maybe took a walk, and then a shower, start my days out a little bit differently, then maybe they wouldn't suck so bad.
I just want him better.
But anyway, that is where I am at THIS MOMENT. Maybe next week we will get through it without any drama, and I will feel good, and he will feel good and I will pick up a book and say, "I've got to tell my blogger friends about this one!" and I will come back here and maybe you will check in and I'll have one to give away to you. I hope so, I really do hope so! In the meantime, I do have TWO COPIES to give to TWO winners of Sarah Jio's Blackberry Winter, which I did read and DID LOVE, and it is now a NYT bestseller, so if you didn't win it, you MUST go out and buy it. As well as her others, because she is an amazing writer, and you don't want to miss her books.
Here are the two lucky winners... who I know are long-time blog readers because I recognize their blog names! Please email me at stephanieelliot@gmail.com with your full names and addresses so I can get your book to you both! Congrats on winning Blackberry Winter!
robynn78
BRN2SHOP9
And thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope things will get better and that I won't NOT be able to post! I love reading and writing, and blogging and sharing books, but I love Luke more than that stuff and I need to do what I can to make sure he is doing the best he can be!
28 comments:
I can't imagine the hell you are going through, and I think all your long-time readers understand. We'll be here, and we'll keep checking back and if you need to just write to get it out, we'll read it. Hope you get your 6 weeks very soon.
I am so sorry about all that your son & family is going through. I hope that he gets well fast.
I am so sorry about all that your son & family is going through. I hope that he gets well fast.
Go away. We understand. I love your blog and look forward to finding out about books that I want to read. I can find these things out elsewhere while you are gone. You are the only you your family has. Take care of your family and yourself and we will be here when things are better and you come back.
I feel sick after reading your blog. What a terrible time to be going through! I am so so sorry for you and your family and I wish from the depths of my heart that things turn around for you very soon. I know you are sick with worry. I can't imagine just how scary this must be for you. I am so sorry you are overwhelmed. I know this may sound lame but I always know just how bad life has gotten when I can't read. It's terrible when life is so bad that books won't help me to escape. Please know that we are here to listen whenever you are ready. Keeping you and yours in my heart!
So sorry to hear this. As a parent, I know you are sick with worry. Best wishes to you and your family. Take care.
Family ALWAYS comes first, and we as true, loyal readers of MaNic totally understand that! Don't worry about us Steph, we'll always be here when you're ready and able to get back to reading and being so generous to us! In the meantime, we'll all be praying for your little guy and sending you lots of love and strength to get through this tough time! XOXO!
we all miss you BUT your child is so much more important than posting. i check in with you everyday and after not seeing posts for a bit i knew you guys were having a difficult time. my check ins to see if i had won became check ins to see if you had updated about your family. i hope luke is well soon and i hope you are, too.
I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. You absolutely must do what's best for your family. My prayers are with you all and I hope you will have health and peace in your household soon.
Nicole
I'm so sorry and wish you and your son the best!
Stephanie, I'm thinking of and continuing to pray for you, Luke and your family. I hope that you all find the right mix of meds and therapy that work for him soon. As the other readers have said, take care of yourself, your son and your family. We will be here whenever you need an outlet to write about anything (books, what you're going through or any other subject you want to put out there). Wishing you peace. ~E
Thank you guys so much. Reading these from you made me tear up. Luke is home from school again today with a headache. I think from the new medication. It's so hard to try to figure out what is going on. And as a mother, you try to figure it out, think about the mother's instinct and I say screw it, it's fifth grade, I don't care, he is staying home with me so I can watch him and make sure he is safe with me. He is asleep right now and I just don't know where to go next. Every time he stretches or moves, I worry, is this a start of a seizure, and then I think, well, if he has a seizure, then I can rest a few, because I know I'm here and he's had it here with me and not somewhere else where I'm not. It's a constant worry. But I guess that is what parenting is. Exhausting. Thank you for thinking and praying for us. I hope to keep blogging.
Take all the time you need. Will be here if and when you get back. Take care of your boy.
Prayed for you and Luke!! Take care!
Tina Brannan
So sorry for all your son..and you guys have been through. As a mom myself I know how stressful it can be and please dont apologize at all- you NEED to put him first and we of course understand...take a break- take care of yourself and him and when you can come back we will be here!! We all adore you and are so grateful for all your giveaways and great books you bring our way...keeping you all in my prayers - Erin
Oh Steph, I'm so sorry to hear of this! I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to go through something like this. We all understand that you need to be there for Luke right now and we encourage you to do so! WIm sure, we will be ready for you whenever you are able to get back to us. I also know that I won't be the only one checking in to see if you've posted any updates about your family! My heart is with you and I'll be keeping you and your family wrapped in prayer! Get well soon, Luke!
kndyer
So sorry to hear about everything that's going on. I hope things get better soon!
I cannot even imagine going through that with my child. I would be in the exact same situation. We're mothers...I think it is in the manual that we immediately stop caring for ourselves and stress to the max. Just remember that without at least a few moments of release, refreshment, or whatever, you won't be as strong for Luke!
I'm with everyone else on the blog - you have to do what you have to do to take care of your family and of YOU. We'll all still be here whether your chatting up books or just getting another bad week off your chest...hugs and prayers!
I really hope he starts to improve asap x
Take care of yourself, because if you don't, you won't be able to take care of Luke.
I'll be here when you are ready and able to come back.
Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
Dear Steph,
Many of your readers are mothers as am I and certainly understand your circumstances. We are all praying and pulling for Luke to have his 6 weeks. As others have said, it is imperative that you take care of yourself and your health during this hard hard time. If you are depressed please please talk to your personal doctor about it. I know from experience there are things that can help you greatly without interfering (sp?) with your alertness etc. Life is like that sometimes. You have so many supporters that read you so feel free to vent anytime you want.
xoxoxo
Wishing you and your little buddy all the best. I remember when you use to blog about the snakes in Arizona. Take a walk and look for some. Made for some funny videos.
So sorry to hear it. I hope he'll be okay soon and that things will be under control.
Have you had a chance to talk with my friend whose daughter has epilepsy? Hope she was able to give you some insight.
Anyway, it's definitely scary and I'll pray for you that things get better for him soon.
Oh Steph, please don't worry about books or contests or explaining or apologizing. All that matters is Luke and your family. We all appreciate all you do for us, your devoted followers, but you are human..and more importantly a mom! Please don't stop blogging, we all want to know how you're doing, how Luke is, and we want to support you.
We all love you xoxo
Books can wait. Take care of you...
Hugs. <3
Stephanie, I have loved your blog since I started reading it nearly two years ago. You are such an awesome person and it's amazing how much you care about your readers. But your family is without a doubt the most important thing and your readers will be here when/if you decide to write again. Take care and I'll be thinking of you and your family!
I am so sorry for all the stress and trauma you and your family and precious child are going through. You have my sympathy and prayers.
Write for yourself as a release, but not to appease others. Hang in there.
Go on hiatus. We can deal. Just come here if you need a break. Just know we are all thinking of you and update us on FB once in awhile! (Maybe you could home school him this year - that way you can work around his side effects!)
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