I got a present in the mail today from Jess Riley and a great card where she writes about how she's glad we're friends (A real author is HAPPY to be friends with ME!) And that she knows I'll be a published author someday! How awesome is THAT! That's the kind of stuff that keeps me going! So thanks so much Jess!
She recently wrote about how her husband mentioned she has no upper lip and according to her gift to me, I guess she thinks EVERYBODY has no upper lip. Well, I have an upper lip. Mine just happens to need a shave, according to Tukey this a.m. when he announced to me, "You need to shave" as he pointed to my upper lip. I then informed him that girls do not shave their faces.
Anyway, Jess sent me this cool lip stuff called Sexy MotherPucker!
It's tingly! It's got fun slogans all over it like:
Lip Size Found Crucial for Sexual Attraction!
Scientists Confirm: Size Matters! (Duh. Like you need a scientist for that. Just get out a tape measure, right Spry-Man?)
Fuller Lips Attract Men More!
Fool Your Lips into Looking and Feeling Fuller without Plastic Surgery!
If only I could fool my ass into fitting into some smaller pants I'd be golden!
So, what do you think I did right after I suited up my three kids and sent them outside to find the nearest flagpole to go lick?
Sure, my house is a disaster. I have garland strewn all over the place. Wrapping paper bits everywhere, Christmas cards and tissue paper, receipts and ornaments, boxes ... you know, I should just take a picture to give you the visual of how Manic Mommy REALLY lives:
Looking into the living room:
At the bottom of the stairs:
In the dining room:
From upstairs, full view of the disaster:
Instead of cleaning and decorating and wrapping Christmas gifts and preparing for the neighborhood Cookie Exchange I am hosting here in one week for 30 women, what am I doing?
I am doing a scientific experiment with Sexy MotherPucker Lip Gloss to see if my lips will plump and make me more sexually attractive to men.
Because I'm all about trying things for the good of science, right? And yes, of course I documented it. But when I took the before photos, I felt like Nora Ephron and her book, I Feel Bad About My Neck cuz I looked at the photos and I really did feel bad about my neck which made me sad because when that book first came out I remember thinking, "Good God, who in the world feels bad about their neck. Butts, thighs, stomachs, yes, but a neck? Come on already!" Well, I now feel bad about my neck. I'm getting old and I don't like it! So I "scarfed" it up for the photo shoot.
Final Experiment Analysis:
The product makes my lips tingle for a while.
It tastes kinda yummy.
The color, called Nude, is subtle but nice.
The model on the package looks a lot like Lucille Ball.
The product does plump up my lips a little.
I should probably stop bleaching the hairs on my upper lip and consider waxing or even lasering the hairs off.
Jess Riley is a thoughtful gift-giver!
Mr. Manic is not home right now to be amped up by my sexiness so I'll just have to apply more later.
I'm still wearing this scarf and am kind of hot, temperature-wise, not sexy-wise, unless you're looking at my amped up lip-plumpness.
My house is still a disaster and my kids have not yet eaten.
I feel bad about my neck.