My kids know more about the elections than I do. Tukey voted for Obama today in kindergarten, because they vote in kindergarten. They do! Not in any other class but kindergarten! I asked him why he voted for Obama. He said, "I don't know, but he won."
"Well, why did you vote for him?" I asked.
"I don't know, I just had to pick someone random."
When I asked AJers who he would vote for, he said, "Obama."
"Why?" I asked, because I guess I truly needed some insight and I figured my kids know more about this political debate than I do!
"Because," [insert thoughtful pause from my eldest child here], and then, the answer that would secure my vote in any political race: "He's got the coolest name on the history of earth!"
That's good enough for me!
Then I asked Diva who would she vote for.
She said, "Whoever was fattest."
Ha, just kidding. She didn't say that! She said, "Hillary."
"I want a change so there would be a girl president for a change."
Ooh yeah, and maybe she could get a cute male intern who wears Gap sweaters and smokes cigars. That'd be cool! Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm totally digressing from the STUPID VOTER MOMENT. Maybe I'm just too embarrassed to share.
Anyway, today I called Mr. Manic to ask him why he forgot to butter my toothbrush today, because in the morning when I get up, there's always toothpaste on my toothbrush waiting for me. Yep, it's just one of those adoring cute things we do for one another because we are so much in love. He forgot today.
He asked me if I got his email. I hadn't. He said he sent me an email asking me to vote cuz there's a school referendum that's really important so I should make the effort to vote.
Let me tell you I seriously got the sweats. I got nervous! I don't know how to VOTE! How would I get out of this one? Then I thought, I should do it. He loves me. It's important to him. I would lay down my life for him. I should lay down my vote for him. Plus, it would flat-out guarantee a pint of blood out of him if I went and voted.
So, I went and voted. First, I went home and checked my email and pulled up the cheat sheet (yes, he emailed me a virgin-voters guide of who I should vote for).
Please don't hold this against me: I don't know if I'm a donkey or an elephant. I don't know if a donkey is a Republican or a Democrat. I don't know these things! I do know a donkey is an ass, and I feel like an ass anytime the topic of politics comes up and I did just yell to Mr. Manic, "HEY, IS A DEMOCRAT A DONKEY?"
He yelled back YES.
So, maybe I'm a democrat?
Which one's more liberal? Maybe that's the one I am.
ANYWAY. Since I am a subservient and loving and obeying wife, and I would lay down my life at the feet of my husband, I took one for the team on this one, giving him my vote today.
I went into the polling place, drenched in sweat, peeked at my cheat sheet, cleared my throat and asked for the, ahem, Republican ballot.
Then I went over to the little secret hiding spot to fill out my ballot, checked my cheat sheet, found who I was supposed to vote for, and paused for a moment, just taking in the fact that I was there, voting, and maybe I felt a little like I was a big cheater, because I didn't know all the history behind the election, and I didn't know who's for what, and what's for who, and who's less sneaky or back-stabbing, and who's going to keep us safe in our country.
And then, just for the heck of it, before I started filling out the names on my Republican ballot, I thought, Wow, this is a pivotal moment in our country. I could be living in a world where we may someday have a woman president or an African American president, and how cool would that be, to live through such diversity, and whoa, just how neat would that be, and I began to search through the list of presidential candidates of my Republican ballot, knowing I wasn't going to vote for Hillary, but just thinking, I just want to see her name.
It wasn't there.
And how many of you out there know WHY her name wasn't there?
Any of you?
Or am I just the only
Because, my friends, it's true. I am a political numbskull. But you can bet I won't let you down in that category -- I can guarantee you that! Vote for Me for Political Numbskull AND YOU WILL NOT BE LET DOWN!
MANIC MOM FOR POLITICAL NUMBSKULL.
Think that'll fit on the ballot? It'll have to go on the jackass one, for sure.
One thing you CAN count on, my efforts WILL be put forth for saving lives, and there's still time left, and if you can find it in your heart, and in your VEIN, please consider giving one pint of your blood to the cause!!
And since this story was so embarrassing and horrifying, and it took a lot of bravery to admit, you can expect a new post tomorrow, and it's going to be about two amazing up-and-coming new authors so stay tuned for that!
In the meantime, Political Numbskulls Untie... Oops, I mean... Unite!