Tuesday, February 05, 2008

S T U P I D Voter Moment

Let me preface this by saying, I don't vote. Don't throw things. I know, I know. It's my right. It's my duty. Yadda Yadda. But, like geography and mathematics, I've always been, shall we say, politically challenged.

My kids know more about the elections than I do. Tukey voted for Obama today in kindergarten, because they vote in kindergarten. They do! Not in any other class but kindergarten! I asked him why he voted for Obama. He said, "I don't know, but he won."

"Well, why did you vote for him?" I asked.

"I don't know, I just had to pick someone random."

When I asked AJers who he would vote for, he said, "Obama."

"Why?" I asked, because I guess I truly needed some insight and I figured my kids know more about this political debate than I do!

"Because," [insert thoughtful pause from my eldest child here], and then, the answer that would secure my vote in any political race: "He's got the coolest name on the history of earth!"

That's good enough for me!

Then I asked Diva who would she vote for.

She said, "Whoever was fattest."

Ha, just kidding. She didn't say that! She said, "Hillary."

"Why?"

"I want a change so there would be a girl president for a change."

Ooh yeah, and maybe she could get a cute male intern who wears Gap sweaters and smokes cigars. That'd be cool! Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm totally digressing from the STUPID VOTER MOMENT. Maybe I'm just too embarrassed to share.

Anyway, today I called Mr. Manic to ask him why he forgot to butter my toothbrush today, because in the morning when I get up, there's always toothpaste on my toothbrush waiting for me. Yep, it's just one of those adoring cute things we do for one another because we are so much in love. He forgot today.

He asked me if I got his email. I hadn't. He said he sent me an email asking me to vote cuz there's a school referendum that's really important so I should make the effort to vote.

Let me tell you I seriously got the sweats. I got nervous! I don't know how to VOTE! How would I get out of this one? Then I thought, I should do it. He loves me. It's important to him. I would lay down my life for him. I should lay down my vote for him. Plus, it would flat-out guarantee a pint of blood out of him if I went and voted.

So, I went and voted. First, I went home and checked my email and pulled up the cheat sheet (yes, he emailed me a virgin-voters guide of who I should vote for).

Please don't hold this against me: I don't know if I'm a donkey or an elephant. I don't know if a donkey is a Republican or a Democrat. I don't know these things! I do know a donkey is an ass, and I feel like an ass anytime the topic of politics comes up and I did just yell to Mr. Manic, "HEY, IS A DEMOCRAT A DONKEY?"

He yelled back YES.

So, maybe I'm a democrat?

Which one's more liberal? Maybe that's the one I am.

ANYWAY. Since I am a subservient and loving and obeying wife, and I would lay down my life at the feet of my husband, I took one for the team on this one, giving him my vote today.

I went into the polling place, drenched in sweat, peeked at my cheat sheet, cleared my throat and asked for the, ahem, Republican ballot.

Then I went over to the little secret hiding spot to fill out my ballot, checked my cheat sheet, found who I was supposed to vote for, and paused for a moment, just taking in the fact that I was there, voting, and maybe I felt a little like I was a big cheater, because I didn't know all the history behind the election, and I didn't know who's for what, and what's for who, and who's less sneaky or back-stabbing, and who's going to keep us safe in our country.

And then, just for the heck of it, before I started filling out the names on my Republican ballot, I thought, Wow, this is a pivotal moment in our country. I could be living in a world where we may someday have a woman president or an African American president, and how cool would that be, to live through such diversity, and whoa, just how neat would that be, and I began to search through the list of presidential candidates of my Republican ballot, knowing I wasn't going to vote for Hillary, but just thinking, I just want to see her name.

It wasn't there.

And how many of you out there know WHY her name wasn't there?

Any of you?

Or am I just the only stupid honest person in the world who would even admit to having had such a brain lapse to even think this way?

Because, my friends, it's true. I am a political numbskull. But you can bet I won't let you down in that category -- I can guarantee you that! Vote for Me for Political Numbskull AND YOU WILL NOT BE LET DOWN!

MANIC MOM FOR POLITICAL NUMBSKULL.

Think that'll fit on the ballot? It'll have to go on the jackass one, for sure.

One thing you CAN count on, my efforts WILL be put forth for saving lives, and there's still time left, and if you can find it in your heart, and in your VEIN, please consider giving one pint of your blood to the cause!!

And since this story was so embarrassing and horrifying, and it took a lot of bravery to admit, you can expect a new post tomorrow, and it's going to be about two amazing up-and-coming new authors so stay tuned for that!

In the meantime, Political Numbskulls Untie... Oops, I mean... Unite!

51 comments:

Sue said...

No worries Manic. I am the one that goes to vote and then starts to sweat because no one told me there would be other things to vote for or questions to vote yes or no on. Then they use all the fancy legalize language so you panic whether you should vote yes or no. Can't they just ask the question geared toward an average American? Not that I am saying I am average. I, of course, am way above average just not when it comes to voting in little cubicles that remind me of a high school standardized test.
But hey, you voted, so pat yourself on the back!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Um, that thing about Hillary? It took my breath away. Thanks for making me feel politically savvy, all because I know that Hillary is a Democrat. Barak is a Democrat, too, by the way (he's the African-American guy, okay?).

But that is great you went to vote, it really is. And, truly? Most people who vote use reasons as basic as your kids did for making their choice. And that's okay - it's what democracy is all about (I think). My dad (a lifelong Democrat liberal) is going to vote for McCain in November - because he's an old white guy war veteran too.

JujuBoo said...

I didn't vote today either. Once every 4 years for the big election is about all I can handle. I completely freak when they have all those proposals. I feel like a bad bad person for not knowing what they all mean.

I congratulate you on making it to the polls today. You have more nerve than I do!

Melissa said...

LOL! I have finally figured the way to vote.

Declare a party, vote on who I want to and then skip over all the rest I don't know about!

Yeah, me....all I had to do was run for office, and that taught me all I needed to know....

Kelli said...

My kids when they were in grade school would come home wanting whom ever their teacher wanted. haha. Which was usually not the one I wanted. My 19 year old likes Obama just because of the way is sounds when he says it. HE IS 19! We vote by absentee so we can do it at home. hehe. I can read up on the "stuff" while I vote.

Mari said...

Ha! I don't vote either--I'd be scared too if my husband asked me to do so. I did, however, know that Hillary isn't a Republican....
I didn't know that donkeys were democrats, but now I'll remember- D and D. I think I'd be a democrat...

Manic Mom said...

Kelli--you totally reminded me that I skipped the part on who Ajers would vote for so I had to go back into the post and add it! Thanks for the reminder!

And Mari, I like how you think!

Oh, I just remembered, when we were little, my sister used to think the presidential race meant the candidates lined up and ran to a finish line and whoever got there first got to be the president!

LaskiGal said...

OK--This was awesome. I admire your honesty. Politics is everywhere--so that fact that you don't know much just tells me you've had better things to do! You'll figure it out when the final vote comes up . . .

As for a REAL race--how cool would it be if we could put all the candidates through a obstacle course or maybe a Fear Factor type of test and then stick them on that "Moment of Truth" show . . . man, that would make it really fun!

Kate said...

Manic, you are hysterical! Thank you for your honesty.

After 7 years together, I have finally given up on waking up to something other than NPR on the radio. I enjoy news and all the interesting topics they cover, but... I don't want to hear about war and death and all of that before my shower. It's wrong to have your blood pressure spike before you get out of your jammies. =) But I learn a lot and I always have something to say when my students ask me about current events and they're impressed that I have a pretty neutral way of presenting it because the coverage I get is pretty broad.

That said, when hubby leaves the house before me, I turn the radio OFF. And if it's a particularly bad morning, I'll do it before he leaves and he's quit arguing. If it's a really, really bad morning I'll turn on Mr. Rogers. Truly.

Don't feel badly about not knowing which party is which, etc. Sometimes I wish less of my brain was occupied by such things.

K in the Mirror said...

Now you just have to figure out what they all stand for and why they keep changing their minds about it.

I like voting straight ticket because I'm dumb and it's easy- you just check the box at the top and it chooses your party's candidate for every question. I've only done it once, and it's probably not the savviest thing to do, but at least I voted in that election.

Manic Mom said...

K in the Mirror--I THOUGHT YOU SAID, "Cuz I'm dumb and easy" LOL!!!

Kate--that's why I love Sesame Street so much--no war or drugs. I remember during 911, Tukey was 9 days old, BTW, I was sooo depressed, the minute I turned off the coverage, I could BREATHE again. There's something to be said about oblivion is bliss. I'd rather focus my efforts on making strangers get needles stuck in their arms in order to save others' lives!

It's gratifying to hear from you all that you don't think I'm a complete moron because of my political incapabilities

kay said...

poor manic. it's very confusing isn't it? can't we just vote and not have to have different parties or animals or whatever to pick from. very frustrating. and i think that you are a prime example of why more people don't vote. because they make it too hard to figure out who to vote for. unfortunately we didn't vote in my state yesterday. or at all actually. that's the bassakwards place i live in!

3carnations said...

So who did you end up voting for? ;)

My coworker is in his 40s and refuses to register to vote. That does not, however, keep him from complaining about whoever is in office.

Anonymous said...

so, you voted REPUBLICAN?!!

jenny gardiner said...

Uh, your husband PUTS FREAKING TOOTHPASTE ON YOUR TOOTHBRUSH FOR YOU?????
Are you serious? That is almost as cute as the couple at my book signing (married 20 years) who told me they READ ALOUD TO EACH OTHER EVERY NIGHT!!!
Ummm...WTF? I definitely missed out on the cutesie stuff!
laughed at your political adroitness ;-)

Monnik said...

Don't you worry about dust or germs getting on the toothpaste after he 'butters' the brush and before you use it?

Good job voting! Don't worry about not knowing all about it. It's some complicated stuff.

I watched CNN last night for about 3 hours (I'm a political junkie these days) and learned so much stuff about delegates, proportional vs winner take all states, etc, that I felt like I should take notes.

Bina said...

Okay, maybe I shouldn't say this, or ask this, cause I would be the first to join your new found group. Why wasn't her name on there???

Carrie Wilson Link said...

It's OK. Blood is your thing, not politics. That's cool.

I still can't get over that your husband "butters" your toothbrush for you. Wow. That's love.

Tanya said...

Mr. Manic sounds sweet.
voting = blood How true!

There is nothing wrong with voting Republican or even 3rd party. Democrats don't give you much of a choice this time around. I am not against a woman running for president (tanya.for.president@gmail.com) neither am I against a black man becoming president. I do however have problems with someone becoming president who did not grow up in the United States or someone becoming president who has already been president.

Oprah should run. I bet $5 she would win.

Manic Mom said...

I WOULD VOTE FOR OPRAH!

She would give free stuff away.

OPRAH FOR PREZ!!

Colorado Writer said...

Oh Manic Mom.

Manic Mom said...

Colorado--

I TOTALLY hear the pity in your voice.

I don't know whether to laugh...

or cry in shame.

The Gang's All Here! said...

OOOOOH, HAVE I GOT A GREAT BLOG FOR YOU! My friend Natalie just started this new blog, called Politics for Moms - omigosh, it's amazing. She's so stinkin' smart and articulate and boils it down so well for quick evaluation of the issues and intelligent discussion of the things that effect us moms. Go there. Now. You will love it. And what I love the most, is that I NEVER EVER feel dumb when I read it. I actually love this site - really. Spread the word :)

By the way, in case I forgot to mention earlier, I love your new 'do - snazzy :) And way more interesting than Katie - way.

AlaneM said...

Yoo funny lady!

I must admit I'm a voter - gatta do it, I just gotta.
BUT
This primary I didn't cos there is NO ONE running that I can support without going against at least one of my major convictions.
(sigh)
Blood. Blood is good. My kids are always telling me what body parts they have that have blood. This usually takes place after an injury that shows vividly that they have blood in that particular part. Pretty amazing stuff I must say.
BTW, I have not participated in your contest but only cos I've been sick sick sick. I will however, give blood when I am healthy, contest or not. So like spring or something - I hope!

Drewpy Drew said...

What do you know? Your kids prove that Obama is really popular with the youth and women really like Clinton.

And did you ever stop to think of all of the things that could get on your tooth brush between the time he puts the paste on it and the time that you put it in your mouth? I mean seriously, it's right next to the toilet. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

ugh.......




just think while your brushing your teeth your using toilet germs.... :( ...

Manic Mom said...

Ugh. YOU GUYS!!!

It is soooo not right next to the toilet!!!

Our bathroom has a separate toilet area with a door. You all are skeeving me out. (don't you just love that word? Skeeve.)

ALF said...

he puts toothpaste on your toothbrush for you - how cute!

Paulita said...

Soon, Manic, it's going to be time for you to start paying attention to politics because one of those people on that ballot will have the right to send your little boys to fight a war for any cause they choose. If that doesn't get you to vote, nothing will.

Paulita said...

Okay, I didn't want to leave a really downer quote on your blog, so, I agree that your husband putting toothpaste on your brush is very sweet and a little gross, but not as gross as my friend who keeps her toothbrush in the shower and brushes when she showers. Also, why didn't your husband butter your toothbrush that morning?

Sonya said...

Not to worry Manic...I wouldn't have, nor do I have ANY idea why!!! And like you...I would vote for whomever my husband told me to because he is smart like that! NOT I!!! I think I registered to vote when I first turned 18 (that is the voting age right?) and voted...not since then! ;) So, you are not alone! Good standing by your husband!

ThursdayNext said...

It felt good pulling the lever for Obama yesterday - I love that the dems are shaking things up...

Manic Mom said...

Well, Sonya, he was a jerk tonight, so I shouldn't have voted for who he wanted! Jerky Boy will not be getting any germ-infested toothpaste on his toothbrush next time you betcha!

Anonymous said...

while I love your blog and love the idea of your husband buttering your toothbrush...

As a Canadian I'm disgusted that I know more about US politics than you (and some of the others commenting). Seriously? Hilary a Republican? Not Voting??? Aside from the argument I could give about women working their asses off so long ago to give you that right (I'm gonna try not to get too high on my horse here) I tend to think that itty bitty time out of your day to vote is well worth it, even if you have to do it more than once every four years. And the little time spent researching your decision will also be worth it in the long run.

If I give blood (which I absolutely hate to do, my vein's reject the needle... seriously) will you vote on my behalf? I will tell you exactly who to vote for since I can't vote down there.

Seriously, these are the reasons why we all got stuck with Bush for the past four years... and I say we because everyone has had to put up with that idiot and his stupid decisions.

Manic Mom said...

ANon, I am just praying to God that you're not EC, which I don't think you are because I think she just lives in Canada. Whoops! No intent to offend, just trying to be humorous. Much of what I write is tongue-n-cheek...

Or is it cheek-n-tongue?

Hmmm... I never do know the hard questions!

Manic Mom said...

One thing though, I never do call whoever is president an idiot, even if and when he is. That is a for sure. I may be close-minded on politics, but I'm also close-lipped!

: )

Sonya said...

:( Silly, Silly Man!! Doesn't he know.....how important tooth paste is! :) hehe! He's lucky you don't dip it in the toliet before you put toothpaste on it! :) Not giving any ideas...I'm just saying!

Bear Bites said...

I know why he butters her toothbrush....look how well she voted. I can only guess at what she does to a tube of tooth paste! :0

Annette said...

I, too, was surprised by the voter ballot this year. But I've voted every year since I was 18 (primary and general elections) and I'm 40 now.

Until I became enlightened, I used to vote Republican, but haven't voted that way since Ross Perot ran for president.

After the introduction of that imbecilic train wreck of a president we have now, I wouldn't be surprised if many Republicans have switched teams (like I did).

In previous years, it wasn't an issue. All of the names appeared on every registered party ballot. But I bet the Republicans realized the statistics showed so many registered Republicans actually voting for Democrats. (Why else would they pull the "only party candidates on registered voter ballots" thing?)

Unfortunately, I never got around to formally jumping through the hoops to re-register for my preferred party. And I was pretty peeved that, this year, my ballot didn't include the Dem candidate I planned to vote for.

So, I had to get a special non-partisan ballot--which I'm not even sure they'll count based on federal project it was at the polls to sign up to do it. And it really made me concerned when, after I voted, they gave me a small square of paper with a preprinted message and my ballot number on it that I could use (in 6-8 weeks) to check to see IF my vote was counted! WTF?!?

I swear, if a Republican candidate gets elected, it will be because of the Republican party's insidious voter manipulations--again.

You can bet I filled out the form to switch my party for the November election!

onthegomom said...

All of these comments made my politically inept mind swirl. (I am sure that will give the Anonymous Canadian commenter something more to seethe in.)

However, I do feel pretty politically powerful (not to steal suburbancorrespondent's thunder) knowing that Hilary is a Democrat.

My oldest son is finally 18 and can vote, he's been very political since he was 10 or so and I am completely inferior. He likes Obama and I have no idea why, or should I say I don't understand what he is saying as to why.

Annette said...

On the Go Mom,
Personally, I like Obama over Hillary because he is an articulate, intelligent, educated visionary who seriously wants to make great changes in our horribly neglected domestic policy. And he hasn't yet been corrupted by the political machine.

Hillary, on the other hand, has been a huge disappointment. I really wanted her to be the right woman to become president. But what ever happened to that universal health care she was so vocal about back-in-the-day? Now, her pockets are lined with fat cash from the health insurance and pharmaceutical companies.

And for the naysayers of the concept of universal health care--why wouldn't it work? We have universal education for K-12 and a universal postal service.

Hillary also has no intention of getting our troops out of Iraq immediately or permanently. Again, it's all about those big car manufacturers who need that oil so we can continue to destroy the environment in the name of big business. Yes, the internal combustion engine has been obsolete for more than 50 years. And now ask who bought out all the various patents on all of the alternative energy vehicles and that have been created. (Hint: major oil companies.)

When it comes down to it, there really isn't that much of a difference between the Republicans and the Dems--they are all disgustingly corrupt.

But, at least, the Dems aren't running around trying to act like the moral police for the entire nation--pounding their bibles and then end up getting caught with their pants down in a airport bathroom, sexually harassing a male intern, in a homosexual adulterous affair (just fill in the blank with this one).

A friend of mine from high school is a political spin doctor and you'd be surprised how much filth is in elected (and appointed) office.

And Bush is such a moron, I'm surprised he didn't get impeached 7 years ago.

Too bad Gore isn't running. But I totally understand. He knows he can do more for our nation outside of the presidency where he doesn't have to prostrate himself to any special interest groups.

Ok, I'm sufficiently irritated. =/

Can ya tell?

Amanda said...

Emily Pankhurst would have been proud of you!

Go Manic!

FINALLY someone knows as muh about the US system as me!

Tim said...

I would like to be polite, but it's pretty pathetic to be so politically apathetic. It doesn't take too much time, and if you have control of your mind, you can switch it off to politics if it becomes too overwhelming. Yeah, you're only one fish in the sea, but if all the fish decide that their vote doesn't matter, then every vote really does count. There are so many people in the world who would literally give their lives for the opportunity to choose their leader (i.e. Burmese), and yet you could care less about your privilege. I think perspective is extremely valuable, and I hope that at some point you will gain enough to at least participate in the fate of your country.

Manic Mom said...

Tim! You were very polite and I appreciate your opinion! And you are absolutely right about everything you said. Thanks for your comment.

(Hey, maybe I should go into politics?!)

Donna said...

I am impressed since you are politically challenged that you even have the voter's card necessary to vote! (Or is your state a sign up here vote there kind of state?) I am sorry that you did not get to vote against Hillary, but I am curious which conservative republican you might have voted for or did you skip the presidential part?
Oh and Mr. Manic still hasn't given his pint! I am ashamed of him!

Kate said...

Can I just say three, no four, things?

1. This is a PRIMARY. We're just saying who we hope our delegates choose to be on the ballot in November. A vote for a Republican is not a vote against a Democrat or vice versa.

2. We have this thing called the Electoral College. Remember that whole Al Gore winning the popular vote thing?

3. I voted in 2000 and 2004. Not for Bush. If it's Manic's fault that he's president, why didn't my vote make him NOT president? I know the answer, but lambasting someone and saying that it's THEIR fault that we have the current administration is faulty logic.

4. I personally feel that it's important to vote because my great-grandmother voted in every election since women had the right to vote, because it's my civic duty, and because I actually feel like my little vote counts in local elections. As for national elections? I'm just part of a group, hopefully someday the parties will see that women of a certain age in a certain area vote and might listen.

lilypotter said...

I have to admit, that could totally have been me. I've been trying to be better and actually pay attention to the race this year. Sometimes it just gets so boring, though. But, our nation's future is at stake so I suppose the least I could do is not change the channel when the candidates come on... and try to stay awake...

Shelley said...

I know I'm late to the party here (heh), but I voted for Obama in the primary. I just have a good feeling about him. He seems to want everyone to come together, and Hillary seems interested in playing the usual partisan political game. I wouldn't be upset if she did win the nomination, I just like Obama better. Actually, whoever has a better chance of beating McCain? Is who I want as the nominee.

Unfortunately, when it comes to delegates, I live in a winner-take-all state, and we voted Hillary. It's going to be exciting and close though, probably right up until the DNC. What if whoever won, they teamed up and the other one became the running mate? Maybe I'm delusional, but I think that might be the best of both worlds. I think that policy-wise, they're not very far apart at all.

Don't even get me started on the stupid electoral college. They should just call a spade a spade, and call this country a Republic, not a Democracy. A Democracy means one person, one vote...and Al Gore would have been president in 2000. I have to giggle when Bush talks about spreading democracy, and we're not even a democracy!

the Four of Us said...

You've begun to educate yourself on the political process and you voted; while it's a late start, hey, it's a start! I do think you owe it to yourself, your children, and your country to learn more about the candidates and vote. As the field narrows, things should become clearer for you.

Good luck in November, Manic!

Manic Mom said...

The Four of Us--You know what? That was VERY nice of you! Thank you for saying this!!!

Dawn said...

Oh man! I'm a complete political tard too! I know nothing about any of that stuff. I'm so with you!