Tuesday, January 29, 2008

She Said I Was Fat

So, it starts in third grade. Last night, I tuck Diva in and she says, “I have something to tell you.”

It always happens like this. She waits to tell me the important stuff right at bedtime. I guess this is when she feels most comfortable though, when it’s quiet and she feels like it’s just the two of us and she has my complete attention.

“It was cold in line outside today so Melanie and Brit were hugging me to keep warm and then Melanie said I was fat.”

And then she started crying to me.

“First of all, and you know this,” I started, “You are not fat. You know this, right?”

She nodded in agreement, tears spilling.

I have heard of this girl before. This has been the third time this girl has tried to bring my daughter down. I didn’t think this was a mean girl. But now I’m wondering.

The first time Diva came home and said that Melanie had told Diva that she smelled. Well, that was true. She did smell. Because I sniffed her underarms. Then I threw her in the shower and reminded her that maybe she should start bathing a bit more if other kids are noticing her body odor. No biggie.

The next time this girl made a rude comment to my daughter was when Diva purposely did her hair so it curled into what we both thought was a cute little unique style. I sent her off to school that day proud that Diva was so sure of herself and confident to try a new hairstyle.

She came home and said that Melanie had asked her if she forgot to brush her hair that morning.

Then yesterday, the FAT comment. In all three instances, I asked Diva how she responded to Melanie. Diva said, “I say nothing. I don’t want to cause any trouble. I just ignore it. But it disappoints me.”

She actually used the word “disappoints!” That wowed me! And it also made me, as a mom, sad. I don’t want my daughter to ever feel disappointed. I mean, I know she will; that’s just a part of life, and I guess if this is the biggest disappointment she has to face in third grade, then it’s not that big of a deal.

Last night, as I tried to talk her through this, I told her that sometimes people carry their own garbage around if they're not feeling good about themselves. That they try to dump their garbage onto others to get rid of their garbage to make themselves feel better, which is what maybe this girl was doing. That maybe she’s not happy about some things in her own life, and in order to make herself feel better, she tries to bring others down a little.

We laughed and joked about garbage trucks dumping big huge loads of garbage onto people. This made her smile. I think it also made her understand that as human beings, we can either accept the other person’s garbage, or we can move out of the way of the garbage truck and let it fall elsewhere, so it doesn’t ruin our good selves.

In third grade, they have Circle Time. Diva said maybe she would bring this up in Circle Time, and I thought it would be a great thing to discuss, especially because they just had an assembly on bullying, and in a way, this is definitely a type of bullying. I emailed her teacher and explained the situation, and she wrote back to me that she was shocked this had happened and they would be having a class meeting to discuss it. I did tell Diva she is absolutely NOT to share the name of the girl with anyone else in the class because this isn’t about causing trouble for that girl, it’s about making sure all of the kids know how one person’s words or actions can affect someone else.

If nothing else, I hope I have taught my daughter to not take other people’s garbage and make it their own.

75 comments:

Sauntering Soul said...

Poor little thing.

I'm 39 and a few months ago my office-mate told me I was fat (and to make it worse she said it in front of a man in our office). Even though I'm supposed to be wiser and have thicker skin than Diva, it made me run to the bathroom in tears.

Like you said in your post, it's the other person's garbage but it still hurts like hell. People can be so cruel sometimes.

Tell Diva I think she's gorgeous (which probably won't mean much to her since she doesn't have a clue who I am, but you can tell her anyway).

Kelli said...

Tell Diva that I think she is really cute!!!

M said...

"We can either accept the other person’s garbage, or we can move out of the way of the garbage truck and let it fall elsewhere . . . I have taught my daughter to not take other people’s garbage and make it their own."

Love it. I'm so glad you explained it to her in that way. It's something that she can refer back to for a lifetime, since, sadly, there is usually no shortage of people out there who toss out these types of comments.

We can't change others, though we do have the right to address their behavior, especially if it's illegal, against work/school rules, etc. Ultimately though we can't ban people from being "mean," so the sooner we learn to not let it affect us the better.

I do think sometimes there is truth even in mean comments and just like you did with the bath thing, it does help to consider if there is any truth in the nasty words as well and to do something about it if we can and want to. But that doesn't mean we accept the insult itself, only that we use any truth within it, if there is any, to our advantage by bettering ourselves.

There is a good Buddhist story on this topic, rather than rewrite it here, I am just copying and pasting from the first site I found it at when I did a search:

****

"The Brahmana Samyutta in the Samyutta Nikaya tells the story of an angry man who insulted the Buddha.

The Buddha simply asked the man if people ever visited him in his home. Surprised at the change of topic, the man answered yes. The Buddha then asked if he ever offered to feed his guests. When the man replied yes again, the Buddha asked what would happen if they refused to accept the food? Who would the food belong to then? The man said that, of course, it would still belong to him.

The Buddha then calmly and, I imagine, kindly said, "In the same way, I do not accept your insults. They remain with you."

--- excerpted from: Insight Meditation Center

****

Substitute "garbage" for "insult" and you can see that you told your daughter almost the exact same thing the Buddha said and taught her the same lesson. It's one many of us, even us "grown ups" can benefit from. Great job Manic Mommy!

peach said...

AWWW GOOD MOMMY! Tell miss diva she is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I know with my 16 yr old daughter we battle often as she struggles with all the typical teen girl things... i told her brother (older cop person) that martha is haveing more "i'm ugly" issues and that i had noticed this boy at her job eyeing her... he has promised to go to her job tonight and put the fear of cops into the teen boys working with her as she really is a beautiful girl too... sighs i hate how peers make girls feel badly (or try to) due to their own garbage.
Hugs
Laura

Manic Mom said...

I just love reading these comments! I'm sorry to sauntering that someone was dumping her garbage onto your lap. That is just so cruel!

Kelli and Sauntering--I will pass your comments along to Diva! Thank you. The pic was from New Year's Eve.

M--I should have mentioned in the post that I paraphrased that story from my yoga instructor who was telling a story about a taxi driver and how we can take garbage from others or not accept the garbage, so it was so cool that you included that Buddhist story and I LOVED that you can interchange the words Garbage and INSULT--thanks for looking that up and sharing it on the blog.

Peach--Am dreading when Diva is 16. Maybe I need a big brother cop. Mr. Manic was a cop when we were first married. Not doing a lot of good now though!

Eileen said...

It makes me sad that so many women still feel better by making other feel worse. If she can learn that the power behind words can also come from within. For every person who says something mean, she can use the same power to build herself up. If someone calls you fat, call yourself beautiful on the inside. Heck say to yourself a few times.

She's lovely- just like her mom

Amanda said...

Well Diva looks just great to me! If she really is fat I am a lost cause, a heat attack waiting to happen

Melissa said...

Mom, you rock! We're having some issues of the same nature and this is in kindergarten. Why do kids have to grow up so darn fast.

I'm so stealing your garbage truck analogy!

Irene said...

You gave such wonderful advice. I will have to remember that when my little ones start to get "dumped on". It makes me sad to even think about it, but I know it is coming.

Manic Mom said...

I have decided when things like this happen in her life in the future, she is to look the person in the eye and just say, "Garbage," in a very pleasant upbeat voice.

I also tell the kids when people say things mean to them or call them names, then my kids should just look at the other kid strangely and say, "I hear you, but I'm not really understanding what you're saying to me?" in a really confused and strange tone, in order to make the person who's being difficult feel STUPID. hahahah!

Monnik said...

It sucks SO bad when our kids get hurt. I'll tell you this - Diva's got a great mom, and it's a testament to your parenting that she feels safe and comfortable talking to you about these things.

What a fabulous way of explaining an incident like that. I think I'll have to use it myself.

Sauntering - I can't believe someone did that at work! Oh, man.

Diva is a doll.

Jules said...

Manic: You're a great mom! I think at the end of the day, what's going to be so important to Diva is knowing that when people say things like that, it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with them... and your explanation of the garbage trucks made me grin. Really, really fantastic. Tell Diva to hold her head high, especially after circle time, because you know what? I bet every kid in her class has had SOMEONE bring them down and they'll all relate to how she feels about it.


...and Sauntering: OMG, you tell me who said that to you and I'll get Jeremy to go "Ari Gold Insane" on her! AT THE OFFICE!

Jules
House of Jules

Karen said...

We've been battling this for 2 years with our daughter. It's just so hard on the girls, and you've explained it so very well.

tina b said...

you tell Diva that she is beautiful. My daughter is in 6th grade and she has a girl who is verbally bullying her and I tell her not to let anyone treat her like that. I like the reference to garbage-I may have to use that with my daughter-if that is ok with you?

You did a wonderful job of reassuring your daughter.

Some girls are just mean and vicious when they are growing or grown up.

Anonymous said...

I'm a librarian and there are two great books I just got for school that deal with this subject: Just Kidding by Trudy Ludwig and Adam Gustavson and My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig and Abigail Marble. Both books talk about how sometimes someone you think is a friend really isn't. Hope they might help!

Sue said...

Girls can be so mean! Poor Diva. My daughter, B, is in 3rd grade also. She had her 2 best friends sleep over last weekend and they were talking about how much each of them weighed. She was in tears because she weighed 40lbs more than them and they laughed. She can't help it because she is friends with 2 very tiny girls. I sat with them and told them that people come in different sizes just like people have different color hair. It's what makes the world interesting.
I love your analogy to the garbage truck. Keep up the good work, your daughter is lucky to have a mom like you.
And what is it that they always want to talk at bedtime? I am usually so fried by then!

XYZinn said...

Oh my gosh, that would piss me off so much. Hopefully she is young enough to forget this and she won't get a complex!

carrie & troy keiser said...

You did a Superb job of explaining things... I love it! I'm gonna steal it for the next time one of my girls goes through a similar situation. Your daughter is a doll and looks just right. Cute picture!

JujuBoo said...

My youngest is in Kindergaten and within the first week of school she was coming home in tears. After some probing I found out another little girl in her class had been telling her she is fat. This girl told my daughter she had a fat belly, fat face and fat butt. My daughter is NOT fat. I admit she still has some baby "fat" but she was 5 when school started!! I ended up writing the teacher a letter because this little girl wouldnt let up. And I havent heard another word about it since then. Thank Goodness!

Jess Riley said...

You are such a wonderful mom, and Diva is a beautiful young woman.

Those are tough years for girls--I remember them acutely. I think that with you as her mom, Diva will weather any kind of storm.

The Gang's All Here! said...

WOW! You both handled that so well! I tend to be such a reactionary, that I have to wonder if Ladybug avoids sharing things to avoid my reaction. Working on that!

But I am so amazed at the compassion you modeled for Diva AND for the other little girl who hurt her. You both did real good. Real good.

Michael M. said...

Sounds she diffused it well, in large part because you have diffused it so well. People (big and small) do what get's reinforced and if the bully thinks they are making headway by getting a response, then they feel empowered into continuing.

Bravo to your daughter for understanding the idiocy of a bully and for having such mature perspective for a 3rd grader. I wish it got easier.

Kalynne Pudner said...

Diva is knock-down, take-your-breath-away gorgeous!

Your new hairstyle is tres, tres chic.

And your kitchen is clean.

What more could a girl ask for?

Kate said...

She is lovely and she has a very wise and caring mom. And teacher.

This reminds me of a story my mom tells of being in maybe 6th grade and she came home in tears because someone told her she had green teeth. After relating her tale to her dad he said, well, do you? She said she was kind of stunned and went into the bathroom and looked... =) Of course, sometimes the mean things are true, but who cares?

I love your garbage analogy. I sometimes think people like that also might be the type who aren't happy unless they're happier than others and therefore must push them down.

Oh, and Diva? She's beautiful!

Manic Mom said...

Kalynne--LOL because THAT'S NOT MY KITCHEN!!! AND LOL because THAT'S MY OLD HAIR!!! That pic was taken on New Year's Eve!

And anyone can use the garbage truck analogy! My yoga teacher first explained it to me!!! I love my yoga teacher!!!

I am going to save all these comments for Diva for when she is older so she can see what nice things people say about her. BTW, her teacher called tonight and they will have a big class discussion tomorrow. The brat wasn't in school today--HAHAHAH--I'm just kidding--she's not a brat, just a garbage truck... hahahah AGAIN!!!

Dawn said...

Ditto what everyone else has said! And if that doesn't work, just go to school, take a picture of the bully and post it on your blog for the world to see. ;)
And your daughter is beautiful inside and out!

secretmom said...

you are such a good mom!
but don't you wish you weren't such a good mom, so you could go unleash on this mean little girl! God, nothing hurts more than when you're child hurts and to see that innoncence being chipped away by others just kills me. I know it's all lessons to learn that will make them stronger, but it doesn't make it any easier. You handled it brilliantly though!

Manic Mom said...

Secretmom--Oh, you have NOOOO idea! hee hee.

Manic Mom said...

But yeah you do... you're a mom so you know what it's like!

VanDerHoekArt said...

You handled that situation so well!

Isn't it heartbreaking when you see disappointment in your child's eyes from something like that?

Thank you for sharing the garbage analogy. I may be borrowing it soon.

mylhibug said...

Diva is a very attractive and not-fat little girl. Why do kids have to be so mean? I know it's all part of growing up, but it breaks my heart to see it and hear it.

You are a much better mom than one of cuddlebug's friends mom (wow, say that fast ten times). This mom, we'll call her Mean-Mom actually screamed, yes screamed at her daughter because she was eating a cracker at our house. A cracker. Mean-Mom tells her second grade daughter that she is fat, and will just get fatter if she keeps eating like such a pig. Mean-Mom should just shut the hell up and not talk to her daughter like that , ever, especially in front of her friends and my wife.

That is just not right, and it was probably a good thing I was at work, because I know, just KNOW that I would have said something.

Sorry, I tend to rant about these things.

Diva you are a beautiful girl, and don't let ANYONE tell you differently.

momof3crazykids said...

Diva is gourgeous! It makes me so sas to hear this kind of stuff happen to kids. It just breaks my heart. My daughter is on the "bigger" side. Not really fat just bigger for her age. I am always afraid someone will say something mean to her. She is in 4th grade and we haven't dealt with it yet. Hopefully if it does I can handle it like you did.

My Semblance of Sanity said...

You are such a good mom! I think you handled that beautifully! When does that parenting book come out? The one YOU wrote? I need it!

We have the same microwave!

Kalynne Pudner said...

Well, your old hair was tres, tres chic...so I'm sure the new hair is even plus de chic.

And you were once IN a clean kitchen.

And Diva's still the next Catherine Zeta Jones. (See, I know who SHE is, even if I didn't know Katie Holmes.)

Cecily R said...

First of all, you handled the situation beautifully.

Secondly, this kind of stuff makes my stomach hurt.

It makes me want to wake my kids up and give them hugs and tell them stories about happy things until the sun comes up.

It makes me want to shield them from the world.

Thirdly, you handled the situation beautifully.

Lastly, Diva is beautiful.

L'il Miss Dirtyknuckles said...

Manic, you are a genius! I applaud you in your analogy AND especially for telling Diva's teacher. I hope this gets resolved. Tell Miss Diva that she is BEAUTIFUL, not even close to fat....not at all. Tell her to speak up as soon as that other kid starts in.
As 'that kid' on the playground who was emotionally and physically beat up for years....got the complex, eating disorder, been there done that and got no help from the teachers or recess attendants.
Again, it's great that you're teaching her to stand up for herself (I WISH I had....) because it does go a long way. I wish her and you all the best.

Catherine said...

Just a question. It isn't your kitchen, it isn't your new hair, is it your real daughter? and Is it the real name of the naughty girl?
Diva, you get an extraordinary mom (very sharped mind in her comments) but also very educationalist, and insightfull, always listen to her advise.
My youngest son, when he was 3, was confusing "fat"and "tall".
Given that everybody was taller than him, he outraged more than one person. You can imagine."How you're fat!". Now he is 4,he understands the difference. He just tells it to me and my husband. But I told you yet, Manic M., I don't want to hear about WW.
Courage! Diva, that's life! You discover that every one isn't as cool as your parents. Mélanie's parents are not yours, they fail in educating. Catherine

addicted said...

Diva is a pretty girl!

I think sometimes other kids are just not taught to be happy with themselves or not getting the attention they need so they lash out.

We have taught our son to say that I don't really have the time for this right now and to walk away. It has helped him on occasion.

Domestic Spaz said...

Thank you so much for sharing the Garbage analogy! I have a six year old daughter and I'll be using it to help her when she gets dumped on. :)

Just think of all the girls you've helped just by posting that!

Melisa said...

It's great that she talks to you. I love that she saves up her concerns until you are tucking her in. Keep that going and you'll be fine when she's 16 (though probably not still tucking her in, but you never know! :) )

Good job, Manic!

morninglight mama said...

You know, my 7 year old son also starts these important conversations right before bed, although it's interesting to see the differences already in peer relations between boys and girls. In some ways, I think it's so much easier with a boy- less emotional drama between the kids... my daughter is only 1, so we have a few years, right?

Nice job on that mommy talk- you're making mommies proud!

mteblog.blogspot.com

kay said...

YOU are a very good mom.

poor sweet diva. she is just lovely. and no way is she fat!!

(didn't you just want to go to that girls house and pull all of her hair out!! i would have!)

Melek said...

that breaks my heart. but looking at your photos, i think SHE's gonna be the heart breaker. what a beautiful sweet NOT FAT little girl you have.
and what amazing parenting advice you gave her. explaining about other people's 'garbage' not only helps her to understand, but also makes her empathetic and probably kinder to those hateful people.

hope the circle time helps mean girl realize what she's doing.

Rebecca said...

I have never wanted to be a guy. But, man it sucks being a girl sometimes. Luckily she had a great mom she can talk to!

Patti said...

man, i wish my mom had been as insightful as you. your daughter will grow up kickin' ass and takin' names. great job, mom.

OHmommy said...

Diva is adorable. Mean girls suck.

I am so taking notes from you. You handled it so well. Way to go! Posts like these remind me how glad I am my girls are only 3 and 1 and our discussions revolve around nose picking and butt wiping.

Becs said...

I just read your blog for the first time, but wanted to say that its such a tribute to you as a mother that your daughter feels so comfortable to come to you with these problems. Thats a solid relationship. And I can see why based on your explanation.

Kudos from someone you don't even know!

March to the Sea said...

i've got a third grader that is VERY tall for her age..its hard for a lot of people to realize she is 8.5 (9 in Feb). I am with you..you did a great job with Diva on the whole "garbage" talk..well played.

Andrea said...

You are such a wonderful Mommy... and definitely an inspiration.

By the way, I mentioned your contest on my blog AND I'm going to see if I can give blood now that I'm starting the weaning process.

KATE said...

I'm so sorry for Diva & I'm so glad you let her teacher know. It totally is a form of bullying & it needs to stop! I think you handled it fabulously & I'm going to use your "garbage" tactic! Great way to explain it! Diva is Gorgeous btw!
I had a "friend" tell me I was fat a few years ago. Let's face it, I am, but to have a friend say it almost killed me! No one ever wants to hear that! I'm so sorry for Miss Diva!
Good Mom moment Manic, you handled that GREAT!!!

LaskiGal said...

Wow . . . 50 comments. This post most certainly touches a nerve with a lot of people.

I'm very sensitive to the whole "fat" thing--it is a label that no one, especially children, should have to endure.

I'm also sensitive to being harassed by others--to be made to feel less than you are. Why do girls, who have a very special talent of making their own feel devalued in the most horrific ways, do this?

I think you handled it beautifully. I can't even imagine a better way. Had my mom handled it the way you did, I might have had a better time getting through school. I might have held my head just a little higher and smiled just a little more. I applaud you. Diva is one lucky little girl and you are a lucky mom (she's so bright and she is BEAUTIFUL!!!).

RebeccaR said...

It's so hard. You want to take the blows for your kids but you can't. You can only do what you did, give the best tools to handle them.

Nice Job Manic. And Diva...we'll I 52nd the comments that she's beautiful inside and out.

Greta said...

Ugh. I used to think it was bad enough when one of my kids would fall down and get a scrape or a bruise. I was not prepared for how awful it is when someone hurts their FEELINGS! I feel your pain MM and Diva. You both handled it wonderfully.

Soooo, I'm thinking of building a ginormous plastic eco-bubble and making my kids live in it. Would that be wrong ;)

Jenster said...

You handled that so good, Manic. As a mom my first instinct is to give that other little girl what for. But you handled it with grace and you're teaching your little Diva so much.

And she's beautiful!

Sarah said...

You tell that little girl of yours that she is BEAUTIFUL!!!! That a complete stranger who reads her mother's blog said so! Actually - tell her the Speed Bleeder said so. ;) Seriously, though, give her a hug for me.

TTQ said...

I wish I had gone to my mommy more when I was a kid. I just remembered a teacher calling me a tattletail when I asked to get moved in line away from a bully who pulled my hair and said mean things. sigh. hindsight is 20/20

Sandnmyshooz said...

You & your beautiful daughter! I have a third grader, too! She comes home all the time & says, "Mommy, Third Grade is HARD." And it's not the math or the spelling tests she's talking about. Or the writing. It's other kids' attitudes --- I should say a few kids' attitudes --- and the hurtful things they say. Her nickname is Bunny (we started calling her Honey-Bunny as a baby) & she IS a bunny: cute, quick, easily scared, big brown eyes, the kind of kid you just wanta snuggle & protect. She can easily get her feelers hurt by things kids (especially girls) say, or do, or even what they DON'T do, if that makes sense.....

I've always encouraged her to be kind to others. She doesn't have to like them. She doesn't have to play with them or try to be their friends (especially if they are mean back to her, which a few little girls have been). And, especially, if they're mean, she doesn't have to endure it, but she also shouldn't be dishing it, either. She is realizing this year that sometimes other kids are mean because of what they encounter at home (like her previous nemesis, now her friend & table buddy, who has had "anger issues," as Bunny calls them). And some kids are scared/shy & will lash out before anyone can lash @ them.

Because we moved out of state & then back again in the last year (yeah), she was the New Kid & got to see how scary it can be to be different & new & have to make all new friends. Now, back at her old school, she still sees some of the same kids being mean who were mean in K & 1st grade & the light bulb goes off: "oh, they're STILL like that...." She's learning that some battles are worth walking away from. And, she's learned that sometimes the "mean" kids are not really mean way down in their hearts. Please thank Diva for letting you write about this!!!

Tanya said...

Diva is great. She is a smart Duck.

My mom always encourages us to be like a duck and let mean comments roll off our back. She told us not to be like syrup and let stuff stick to us.

Bina said...

I am so impressed at how well you handled this. Kudos to you!

Grandmother Goddess of the Garden said...

Great job of both writing and teaching...you brought this problem to the attention of the teacher who is using it as a "life" lesson in Diva's class room. (She/Diva is gorgeous by the way!)You've got to hope that at least a few of the kids will walk away with a bit more compassion...you did good!

Shelley said...

This is such a hot-button issue with me, having my own weight issues and having three daughters. I think the garbage analogy is awesome. I hate that there are those kids who have to put everyone else down just so they can feel better about themselves. I've always told my girls that people who do that are not happy with themselves. Happy people don't go around saying mean things about other people. They just don't.

Puberty is especially hard. I once read an article that said that the average girl will gain 30 lbs. And yup, oldest went from about 90lbs in 7th grade to about 125lbs in 9th grade. You have to constantly remind them that it is NORMAL for girls to have curves and hips and a butt. What they see in magazines is NOT normal, and for the most part, not even real. I especially hate the whole Hollywood/media thing for making girls think that there is something wrong with a normal woman's body. Grrrrrrrrr.

Diva, you are an adorable little girl with a wonderful and smart mama. I hope you two can always talk about things.

Swishy said...

OK, well, even if she WERE fat, which OF COURSE she is not, kids should NOT be saying that stuff to each other! OR adults! Gosh that is so mean. I love your garbage analogy, I feel like I need to be reminding myself of that sometimes!

Barrie said...

I love the image of the garbage truck. I think I'll use that with my child #4. We recently had one of those mean girl incidents. What a good mother you are!

michelle said...

diva is a beautiful little girl ... it makes me sad that there are girls out there who bring others down like that, especially at that age. it's wonderful that she can talk to her mom, though, manic ... maybe the mean girl doesn't have that.

Kim Stagliano said...

Kids are vicious. Girl kids are really vicious. Diva is a beautiful child. And she sure doesn't even look pleasingly plump to me - she looks like a healthy kids with a great Mom. Manic, mind that your own dieting woes don't rub off on her -- that would be my only caveat.

Sarah R said...

Geez. I wish I could say I don't understand what Diva is going through, but your story brought back haunting memories from my childhood. You're such a good mommy to instill that confidence in your daughter.

Robin said...

We had the issue of "you smell". Now as the mother of three boys, I can tell you that sometimes boys do reek (especially between the ages of 10 and 13), but that day he did not smell.

That did not stop the teacher from emailing me about his "hygiene", AAARGH. I told her she should spend some more time looking at the "mean girls" and less at my son's showering (nightly by the way) and maybe get her olfactory system tested.

Manic Mom said...

Kim--TOTALLY get what you're saying about me projecting my own dieting woes to Diva when I talk about WW in front of her. I always make sure I mention in front of the kids that I'm trying to be more healthy, not that I want to "get skinny" or anything like that! That's a definite hot spot for me and I'm very aware as a child growing up in an environment where dieting was always the norm, that I don't want her to be surrounded by that!

ALF said...

Found your site from Melissa over at Hope for the Hopeless - just wanted to say hi!

Tell your daughter to punch that girl straight in the neck.

merlotmom said...

Wow! Can't leave such an eloquent post with "69" comments. Just ain't the right vibe. Great mothering. I have an 11 yo girl and a 7 yo boy. I seem to have more of these issues with my boy! Go figure. But it's everywhere and you're doing a great job. BTW, funny comment on my blog today. I'm totally with you on looking good "however" we can. WHat makes you look good, makes you feel good, I always say. Well, I don't always say, but I'll start now...

Mabunny said...

My daughter is in third grade also, and there is a very vindictive little brat in her class. She is my daughters bestest friend one week and the next she won't speak with her. My daughter doen'st understand this,, she tries to be everyones friend, but just recently has started hanging out with a girl that is like her twin and not hanging around with the other one.
Regarding the picture of you and your daughter? She looks very much like you, is NOT fat, and you are both beautiful.
Have a great day!

Andie said...

first of all... I wish there was a quote option in blogger because so many people said things that I were thinking... it's a shame that girl said that to diva. Makes me wonder where she is learning to act like that? I'm guessing the mother is probably not so nice either. those behaviors are learned...

You are a great mom. your analogy was perfect. I'll have to tell myself that one over and over when someone says something to me to upset me.

Kudos to you, Manic, because you're not a manic mom, you are a magnificent mom. :)

cubmommy said...

I hate when kids are mean. We are dealing with something like that with Big Cubby. He is being picked on.

You had some great advice and I will use it for Big Cubby.

AlaneM said...

Wow, that made me tear up - especially after seeing the picture. She is a beautiful girl & I hope she takes to heart your discussion about the garbage. Kids can be so mean - and at that age the girls can be very nasty! I mentored a girl that was in 3rd grade - sometimes she liked to go out to the playground (to be 'seen' with me-ha!) & I could not believe how mean they were to each other. How sad it starts so early!

trillsie said...

My daughter is 10 and is going through the same things Diva is. It's so sad that people resort to throwing their garbage on others because they can't stand the smell of their own. I love the anology and think that my daughter will be able to remember that.

The old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me" is incredibly wrong. I am a survivor of verbal and emotional abuse. Let me tell you that words can harm FAR more than sticks and stones. I used to say that my bruises were so deep that you couldn't see them. I'm proud to say that my bruises are gone now. If you tell someone something long enough, they'll believe it. Kudos to you for helping your daughter see through that emotional bullying.