Thursday, December 18, 2008

BReaKDoWN, aND NoT My CaR

This is one of these free-flowing posts where I have to preface it with: Mom, either don't read, or take a Xanax first, or just don't worry. I'm just venting.

But I have seriously confirmed that I am a proud sufferer of Seasonal Affectation Disorder as we await another freakin' winter severe alert storm here in lovely STUPID ASS CHICAGO, and I am miserable. I discovered I am mostly pretty much miserable all through December, and hate the whole month with a passion. I hate shopping. I get no joy out of it. I hate Christmas music, almost all of it. I hate listening to it in the stores. I hate malls. I hate ... and you know what, I just had a thought, if you're going to Bah Humbug me in the comments, just don't bother, because I never freaking gripe and bitch all that much and share my inner feelings too openly here and I am doing it now because at one point today Diva wanted to go out and play in the fucking snow, and did I mention I hate FUCKING snow, and I just finally said, "Go out, and if you come back sick, I don't care!" I hate gearing them up to go play in that white crap. I hate when they come in drenched and then I have to put all their stuff in the dryer. I hate the noise the dryer makes when all the zippers and buckles hit the inside of the dryer clanging all about inside of it. I hate that at Target on Tuesday I was buying stocking stuffers and a HUGE CART FULL of last-minute crap for THE WHOLE WORLD and this cute little OLD MAN WHO I LET CUT IN FRONT OF ME was buying ONE ROLL OF WRAPPING PAPER.

I said to him, "It must be nice to get to come to Target needing ONLY ONE ROLL OF WRAP!"

I would LOVE to be a MAN during the holiday season, wouldn't YOU!? How about THAT for a holiday movie? Yes! Let's write a holiday movie like Freaky Friday about a man and a woman who get switched on December 1 and the guy gets to do all the crap the woman gets to do FOR THE WHOLE MONTH and the woman can be the guy for the whole month and watch FOOTBALL every Sunday and the guy can go fight the crowds, put up decorations, send out cards of the cute freaking kids (WHICH I DID NOT DO THIS YEAR FOR THE FIRST YEAR IN ABOUT 20 YEARS AND MY KIDS AREN'T EVEN THAT OLD!).

YEAH, I WANNA SEE THAT MOVIE, DREAMWORKS!

So, at one point this afternoon, I just flat-out screamed in my house: I AM SOOOO CRABBY! Did it make me feel better? I don't know. Is typing this making me feel better? I don't know. My house is a mess. A storm is coming. I am still in my pajamas. I have a shitload of work to do. A kid is coming in here to ask my something for the twelfth-millionth time and if he asks me again I will scream, and now he is tapping his fingers or toes or something and he is beat-boxing with his mouth and if he doesn't just shut the hell up in like two seconds I might just blow a gasket. and that's another thing I wonder sometimes, is how many times in my life have I yelled at the kids, the boys specificially, "STOP TAPPING!" Do your kids do that? Do they just tap and jitter and make unneccessary noise just for the sake of making noise?

I don't know if this is making me feel any better but just the fact that my fingers are moving so fast on the keyboard is helping I think. I wish I could scream through my fingertips. I don't know what I would say but I am sure it would be loud as hell.

I do not get any joy out of the holidays. What is joyful? Do the kids appreciate all the gifts? I don't think so? Do I appreciate the mess I will have to clean up? Do I appreciate having to cook? Do I appreciate ... I don't appreciate any of it.

WHAT IS THE WHOLE MEANING OF IT AND YES, THE KID IS STILL IN HERE TAPPING AWAY WAITING TO GET MY ATTENTION AND I THINK I REALLY, REALLY REALLY DO HATE DECEMBER.

I told my friend if I could just fast-forward to even just March 1, I will be in a better place. And now I have to end this because the garage door just went up signalling that Mr. Manic is home so I have to go play Nice Wife.

THE END.

updated: It's 8:43 p.m. Mr. Manic came home with a tin of Garrett's cheese/caramel mixed popcorn. I ate half the can. This made me EXTREMELY HAPPY THE MINUTE I STARTED CHEWING. I am an emotional eater. AND, I am sure I am getting my period for the third time in like 42 days. NOT GOOD.

NOW, it's THE END.

34 comments:

Heidi said...

OK Stef, take a deep breath. Go to your freezer and take out the yummy PB Dove cookie. Nuke it for about 12 seconds (maybe 17 seconds depending on your microwave). Eat yummy cookie. If this doesn't work, call me and I will bring over a box of yummy Trader Joe's Peppermint Truffles. I accidently (on purpose) bought an extra box when buying some for teachers. I am willing to sacrifice them for you.

On another note, I can totally relate. My husband walked in earlier and asked when "we" were going to get the Christmas cards done and sent out. He also wondered when "we" would finish scrapbooking the calendar that has become an annual gift to the grandparents. He is lucky that he had just agreed to go shopping and find something for his impossible Dad and my semi-impossible Dad or he would have heard an earful from me.

Now, go take a bath with some wine or ask Mr. Manic to fix your shelf!

morninglight mama said...

No griping comments from this reader-- just an empathetic ear (eyes??) and cyber wishes of peacefulness for you!

And the tapping thing? My ADHD-riddled guy makes noise... CONSTANTLY... all the live-long day. The only time he's ever calm is when he's sick, which really hasn't happened for about 4 years. I hear ya on that one!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Heidi!!! "Mr. Manic" came home with a tin of Garrett's cheese/caramel popcorn and guess who ate HALF OF IT!?!?! Guess who's frown turned UPSIDE DOWN THE SECOND SHE SPOTTED THE TIN? Guess who is a STRESS-BINGE EATER?!?!?!

ME!!!

And I do have one PB DOVE cookie in the freeer still!

Guess who is feeling a million times better!

And morninglight mama -- THANKS!

Heidi said...

Oooooohhhhhh! Garrrrettttssss! I am so jealous! That is one sweet man you have there to cater to your needs that way. I'm glad you feel better.

Karla with a K said...

Two things - I think you just did scream out your fingers and, yes, it was loud. In a good way.

And second, in that Dreamworks movie, the guy has to get his freakin' period, too. Maybe when he's standing in line at the mall behind 12 people on Dec. 23 with an armload of gifts. And maybe have it be a real surprise to him kind of thing.

I loved this post. This is how I feel in long, ugly, brown-snow-slush covered world that March is. I light candles. And eat cookies.

B. said...

Two things--I also hate the clanging of metal things in the dryer and my students are always making some kind of annoying tapping noise that I can't stand!

Melissa said...

Sometimes we need to vent. December is the hardest time of year for me...and then add in all the holiday stress and it SUCKS big time.

And the snow...holy crap, enough already, huh?

I hope that things settle down for you soon!!

Fran said...

I just have to ask; How do you REALLY feel? Sorry, couldn't resist. This IS good - now I don't feel so all alone in this world. Let it out honey, let all out!

Michelle said...

This whole thing made me giggle. Sorry, Steph.

And Garrett's? Would you believe that the last time I ate it, I didn't like it anymore? Sacrilege, right? *sigh*

Hope you feel better soon! I'm with you on hating December, but would you believe that waking up extra early and getting a lot done actually made me feel better? Shocker, I know.

Michelle said...

OH! And our school was called off at about 8:30 tonight. It hasn't EVEN STARTED SNOWING YET. *sigh*

Sue said...

Hey Steph, Thanks for stopping by! I feel your pain in this post, but it doesn't usually hit me until January. Although, the kids already have a 1/2 day of school today and it hasn't started snowing yet. Everyone's anticipating the first big snow! Then it seems we have a day off and are getting the 2nd big snow. As far as this post, I would sit with your cookies and case of wine and wait until Dec past.
I am coming to Blogher in July! Can't wait to meet you in person! As far as the G's, I am so grateful that you brought them into my life. They sound like a great family and I am so so so happy that things are winding down for them!
Hang in there! Sue

Andi said...

I was just watching a segment piece on tv about SAD and who happened to pop into my mind? YOU! You an't help it, it's a disorder that only stops after your bad season is over. I wish you fast clock to tick away the hours until you feel better and for the kids and Mr. Manic to invest in a cleaning lady so you don't have to deal with that part. I love you and send you lots of hugs and prayers.

March to the Sea said...

I am with you. We FINALLY bought a tree last night. My wife called at one point cuz our oldest still needed snow boots (we expext 8+ inches of snow tonight) so we are playing phone tag..one store doesn't have what she want..me yelling "then she can't play outside"..wife wants to postpone getting a tree..i say 'dear..8+ inche of snow friday = no tree until at LEAST Saturday afternoon (when we'd have to dig it out and it would be wet/dripping in the house for days) I said NO WE NEED IT TONIGHT. Worst freaking week too..I hate to be witchy too..but its been just the little things. Next december you and I can run away..come back Jan 2nd. I'll clear it w/Mrs. march you do the same. Appletini's (they make me feel fancy) and lots of bad bad food.

My father gave me a christmas card a few years ago..it was a folded 8x10 white sheet of paper. On the front it read
"Money is tight..times are hard..."
open
"So here is your f**king christmas card".
-March

Bina said...

Ditto and AMEN to that sister!

And yea, my period? Used to come eveyr 32 days and now we are down to about every 20 days. I don't feel old. I don't look old. So why is my body trying to tell me I'M OLD!

And girl, I LOVE the movie idea!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Oh my gosh, it is SOOO nice to be UNDERSTOOD!!!!

You guys get it!

Thank you!

And today is MUCH better, even though it's a freaking snow day! I got up, took a shower, put on deodorant AND A BRA! That HELPS the 'tude so much!

March -- appletinis and bad food sound great! ANd I love that card from your dad! perfect!

Colorado Writer said...

Son of a b. Someone else is pissed off about everything that has to get done during the holidays.

I watched my husband sift through the stack of outgoing Xmas cards and almost blew. it was like he was checking my work or something.

He hasn't had to buy one freaking present, wrap anything, bake cookies, gather addresses, worry about five teacher gifts, run all over town for shit, or stand in line at the post office.

He comes home to cookies and christmas carols and perfection.

I am going to the bar tonight. And maybe you should, too.

michelle said...

Yeah, I thought it was just me...

My pet peeve sound.. the dogs licking. THemselves, the kids, a bone, whatever. Add that to the tapping, the arguing, the TV adn I can't stand it. Mr. ipod has become my best friend along with a good set of in-ear earphones or ear-buds or whatever. I may not hear the kids blood curdeling screams as they try to kill each other, but the soothing soundtrack of choice has drastically reduces the amount of valium and xanex I need on a daily basis. The wine still is a good touch, though :o)

Sandra in ABQ* said...

Manic! You are SO not alone in feeling the way you do. I feel this way every December about the holiday crap. I like the snow up to a point. I don't like to let the kids out in it, but I can't lock them up all winter--or can I? This is the second year that I haven't sent out one stinkin' Christmas card. I mean what's the point of paying, now, 42 cents to sign your name to a card that was made from trees being slaughtered--see what I'm doing here--blaming it on being green! HAHAHA I'm so with you. I hate buying gifts, wrapping them and whatever else. I'm the one who does all the work all month and is there a gift under that tree with my name on it. NOPE! Not one. I'm such a scrooge. Nuff said. Be good and stay out of the popcorn. Peppermint truffles sound so much better...I'd take Heidi up on that offer if I were you! :-) Oh, and Merry Christmas! :-P

Sarah said...

If you need help finishing off that other half of the tin of popcorn, you let me know. Garretts is THE. BEST.

Hope you are feeling much better today!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

SANDRA AND SARAH -- as I was reading your comments, you would NOT believe how my eyes just POPPED OUT OF MY HEAD!!! You totally reminded me that I HAVE A HALF-TIN OF POPCORN LEFT!!!

Seriously I had forgotten! NOW I HAVE TO GET RID OF THE KIDS SO I CAN GO SNEAK THE REST!!!!!!

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Oh my gooooooodess! You don't have to do any of this! Just stop!

My mother makes banana bread from a mix every year and gives that out as gifts. No crazy wrapping, no bullshit presents that no one really wants. And she doesn't expect any more than that from anyone else. No tantrums, no stress. And you know what? It's fine. She's happier, everyone's happier. And if anyone really stopped loving her for it, she'd be better off without that person in her life anyway.

You can create your own Christmas tradition for the kids, one outside all of the commercial crap. It's hard, but you can do that. Do the stuff you like, don't do the stuff that makes you stressed. The end.

I know it's a lot more complicated than that in real life, but I think this is a start...

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

p.s. I 100% feel you on the snow. I'm over it and there's still 4-5 months left...

Shelley said...

Oh Manic, I so understand. Well, maybe not about the snow, but I'm moving to Denver in six months, so maybe later I'll get that too.

But the rest of it..the music and the wrapping and the tapping and the god-quit-making-that-noise and the shopping...in a word, BLECH.

Today is the first day of school break, and I spent the morning shopping with a 6 year-old and a 13 year-old who HAD to have that furry Aeropostle jacket. But MOM, it's 70% off! Ok, I get that it's a good deal, but it's still $30 freaking dollars and aren't you going to have your own spending money here in about six days?? God, malls give me a headache.

Hmmm, sorry to hijack your comment section with my own little rant there. I need a nap. And a bottle of wine. Hey, remember all that leftover wine from your cookie exchange? I know what you can do with it. :)

Shelley said...

PS. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't send out cards this year either, after like 10 years straight of sending cards. Screw it, I didn't feel like spending the money or the time on it. NOW some wine.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Shelley--you are so not hijacking the comment sections. Comments like yours make me feel like i'm NORMAL!!! THANK YOU!

and Ill fitting - I LOVE YOUR MOM! Has she got the PERFECTLY RIGHT ATTITUDE! Thanks for sharing!

Kate said...

Oh, Manic! I'm so sorry. Snow just sucks when you have to deal with the mess and all that. My students constantly make those noises and I want to stab my eardrums. My favorite is when they're standing trying to get something from me. STOP MAKING THAT NOISE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU AND WANT TO GET WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR! Argh. My family is upset that we're not doing all their events, but we finally decided it was too much. Screw them. I couldn't spend my holidays drinking and recuperating after drama.

kelli said...

I hate snow too. And I've never had Garrett's popcorn but I want some real bad.
And that awful dryer noise! I love my son in overalls but I never put them on him because then I would have to wash them and OMG the buckles!!!

ink and beans said...

Manic, not sure if you were joking about SAD, but I know my mood certainly tanks every October, without fail, and a light-therapy box has helped somewhat. There are clinical studies that prove light therapy can be effective for people with SAD symptoms.

If you're interested, go to the LightTherapy.com website and look around. They even have a quiz to help you determine what regiment of therapy is right for you (for me it's 30 minutes as soon as I wake up).

And speaking of feeling blue...

The Results Are In! Blue Ink Defeats Black Ink, 31-24.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

ink and beans ... I am totally NOT joking about SAD. In fact, last winter I went to the tan spa just for sunlight for 20 minutes. That does help. I believe it.

Oh, and yeah, I posted on your blog comments about how much I hate you for giving me that first smack-taste of Facebook. You got me addicted. BASTARD! ; )

Rick said...

Somebody just got moved over to the Naughty List. Too bad. You almost made it too.

At least you'll be able to burn the lump of coal to try and get a little warm.

JC in SoCal said...

Amen, sister! Working full time, being responsible for the cards, gifts, oh - and my two kids - I get bitter in December, too. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was surrounded by snow! I am a SoCal girl - it was 47 degrees this morning on my walk and I thought I was going to die!
Michelle - you are my people!!! The sound of my cats cleaning themselves and/or each other makes me F-ING INSANE! Every night in the middle of the night!!! If I lock them out of our room, they just stand outside the door and howl - waking up the entire household!
Tapping - being a teacher, extraneous (is that the word I am looking for??) noise makes me nuts! The loud TV my husband is watching at the moment (really? a car auction?) makes me crazy. My four year old who can't seem to ever have quiet time somehow makes me want to lose my sh--!
Time for wine and a Tylenol PM! Hang in there, Manic!! I feel your pain (minus the snow!).

Kim Stagliano said...

Ahem, perhaps you'd like to come spend the next 2 unstructured weeks with my three (autistic) girls?????? SAD? I'll show you sad. You could plant me on the sun itself right now. I am not coming out of my funk! The good news is that my middle girl, Gianna, came out with some amazing speech yesterday! "Mommy needs to stop yelling." I swear to God! LOL!

Hang in there Manic. The holidays drive everyone insane.

onedivorceddiva said...

All I can say...
Ditto.
43

christa said...

Oh girl. I can make you feel better. I've spent the last six months winding myself into tiny little knots and now what do I have to show for it? "Acid Reflux" or IBS, or something shitty that just lingers around in that general department. My dr. tried to put me back on Lexapro, and I think I deal with my stuff seasonally too, but I really reacted badly to it this time and quit. Then they gave me Ativan, and I've been taking that for like two weeks at night so I can at least sleep. But tonight, I decided I don't need it anymore, so I am going to try life without it. I like the Holidays, but I HATE how convoluted everything is, and I also feel like people just rush through it for all the wrong reasons and that the meaning has become so commercialized that its ridiculous. So I just try to go to church and stay sane. Hang in there, freakshow. You may be THE Manic MOmmy, but you're definitely not the ONLY Manic Mommy when it comes to Holidays.