OK, here is what happened last week, as it unfolded. We're TOTALLY OK now, in fact, the future has never been better, and my emotions are so in check right now it's unbelievable. I have THE most amazing husband in the world! But, these were my emotions as everything went down, not edited (OK, I took out some parts about someone's boss being a #$%#&*!):
Wednesday, 3:30 p.m.:
OK, this is one of the times I wish my blog was anonymous. I’m sitting here doing an article for work and Mr. Manic calls. This is not unusual, we talk throughout the day every day. I don’t know how the conversation started, but all I heard was, “I was just terminated.”
This doesn’t happen to us. It doesn’t. I am in shock. Is this what shock feels like? I started going numb and told him I had to go into our room so the kids wouldn’t hear me. And I started crying. What the fuck are we going to do? I never, ever in a million years thought his job was not secure. He has been in this industry and with this company for so long. He’s the fucking president of the Chicago division. OK, this is funny. He was. Not anymore. Now, he is fucking unemployed and I do not know how to deal with my emotions right now. He gets nine months severance, but our lives as we currently know it is completely over. Oh my God, thank you for not making him not love me or for us to be getting a divorce. It’s just a job. And now it’s gone. It was a job.
They said they wanted to go in a new direction, and are looking for change. [THIS IS WHERE I DELETED SOME VERY MEAN STUFF I WROTE ABOUT THE HIGHER-UPS.] Now, my husband, the one who provides for this family is no longer employed. I cannot fucking believe it. And tonight, all three kids have a million activities.
I don’t know what to do. I am walking around here trying to figure out what next. I just want him home and in my arms so I can feel that everything will be OK, and to know that he is OK. He is such a good hard worker, and I can’t believe the company is just fucking him over like this. Wow. Now I know what it feels like.
It’s also embarrassing. Wow. I have heard of people whose husbands are out work and I wonder how their families manage. Now it’s my turn. How on earth are we going to manage. I know nine months is a long time, and I don’t think he will be out of work for long, but oh my God. I keep thinking of how we’re going to tell my parents. Dear God, my mother will never be able to fall asleep at night with this news. I keep wondering, “should I get my hair cut and colored tomorrow?” Can we afford it? Do I need to stop shopping at Target. Oh my God. I cannot believe this.
I just want him to come home fast, so we can figure out the next phase of our lives together. Oh my God, I just can’t believe this.
Wednesday, 4:58 p.m.
Hubby on his way home. He insists he is absolutely fine and this is a good one-door-closes-a-window-opens situation. Thank God I am married to him. This is a big crisis for us to deal with and already I am feeling more love for him than I ever have. Anyone is going to be so lucky to have him as a player on their team, I just know it and everything will be OK. Plus, thank goodness it started raining cuz soccer and softball are now both canceled.
I have gone through these emotions in the past hour and a half, and shared them on Twitter (you can follow me here: @stephanieelliot:
Phone call arrived. In shock and I have to vomit.
nobody's dead though, so that's good.about 1 hour ago from web
The crying headache is starting.about 1 hour ago from web
Thank you for the rain. Keep raining.21 minutes ago from web
Deep breaths are helping. So did talking to @weaselmomma. I heart you.20 minutes ago from web
Keep thundering.19 minutes ago from web
You know how as writers, when the feeling comes, you just have to write? This is a time when I'm mad my blog is not anonymous. More later.18 minutes ago from web
Thank you rain. Softball and soccer MUST be canceled now. See, I can still be thankful for some things. We'll be OK.18 minutes ago from web
OMG, a neighbor just sent over pecan caramel clusters. How did she know I am in the middle of a crisis? Feeling zennish right now, for a sec4 minutes ago from web
9:00 a.m. The Day After the News Hit, 5-7-09
Irony has a way of biting you in the ass. Hard. In January, I wrote a post about my husband having to let go a dozen of his employees.
Well, yesterday, he got the ax. Fifteen years with the company, through buyouts and name changes, through promotions and moves, and yesterday, terminated.
Why did I think we were so golden that it wouldn’t happen to us? It’s happening to everyone. And now, it’s our turn.
We’re looking at it as a Door Slams Right On Your Face and another window will open opportunity. He was jaded, maybe deep down, he knew this might happen. I asked him today if he felt relief in some sort of way? He’s getting nine month’s severance, and so far, everyone I’ve talked to says that is unheard of. But will that keep our family financially secure?
One of the first things that fled through my mind was, “Can I still get my hair cut and colored tomorrow?” I am not a lunching/shopping kind of mom, I don’t spend my days redecorating my house. Really, the ONLY places I shop are the grocery store and Target. But I’ve never been ‘careful’ with my money. I’ve never clipped coupons, I’ve never second-guessed buying the name brand rather than the generic. If the kids want a milkshake, we’ll hit the drive-through for one. We have never wanted for anything. We’ve always been blessed with the necessities, and I’ve never had to say no. The kids are not spoiled, but we’ve never had to say, “You can’t have that because we don’t have enough money.”
Am I going to have to start saying that?
On the bright side of all this, and there is a huge bright side, we are all healthy, and at times like this, I cannot express my gratitude for that. My husband and I love one another so incredibly much that while this may be hard for us, this living underfoot with one another for however long it takes, it will not tarnish our marriage. In fact, I think it will do the opposite. We will appreciate one another more, help each other out during the day, be respectful of that love that brought us together in the first place, and know that we have a family to take care of first and foremost.
And then I think, I should get a ‘real’ job. Yes, I have my freelancing gigs, which I so very much love, and am so thankful for, but will I need to start really supporting our family? I would do it if I had to, in a heartbeat, I would. I thank God I have some skills if the need came along. But wouldn’t it have been nice to say, “Well, take some time off honey, and find yourself. We can totally live off my income while you do this.” I love my jobs, but it’s money that’s not going to pay every bill.
And I know I’m being dire here. We’ll be fine. Nine months is a long time. You can make a baby in nine months. Surely, he can find a job within that time? One of us can. Maybe it’s time for me to step up the the family plate?
Friday a.m. 10:42:
Reasons to Be Thankful for Hubby’s Job Loss:
It was a job and not his health.
Nine months’ severance.
Came home today and the dishes were done!
Opportunities to spend more time with the kids.
Opportunities for me to sleep in some mornings.
There’s always something better around a new corner.
He knows how to fold and put away laundry.
We are so in love we will enjoy this extra time together as husband and wife.
He’s kind of relieved.
More later ...