I haven't felt much like I've got anything to say so I haven't been jumping to the blog lately. I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure what I'm going to write here, so I don't know.
See, I told you I was messed up.
I just wonder what am I doing blogging? What am I getting out of it? What is anyone getting out of it. And this is not my plea for those who read to say, "Don't stop blogging." I just don't know where it's taking me, or if I need to move to the next level. I've been blogging for almost 5 years. I guess that's a lot of words. I don't know that many of them have meant much to anyone but me, maybe that's ... Shit, I don't even know.
I don't have any grand insights to share with anyone. My kids are getting older and there's fewer and fewer hilarious things I can share about them. Yes, they're still funny, but when should I stop using them for my own expense/entertainment?
I don't know where I'm headed or where I want to go, in the literal sense, and the philosophical sense. I don't know what our family's future holds. Where will I be next year? Will it matter?
I'm sitting here in my room wondering. What am i thinking about. Deadlines that must be met. Laundry that must be done. Children that must be cared for. Books I'm dying to write. Where is this getting me. Is blogging getting me any closer to my dreams.
And what are my dreams anyway?
Do I have any?
See, I knew this wouldn't make sense ... it doesn't make sense to the person who's thinking all of this. It's just a big fat wonderment of mystery. What do I feel like doing and why? How will this make me a better person in the long run? Am I wasting my time? Am I wasting your time. I think I worry about those things too.
And why am I so good at sleeping. I swear, if sleeping were an Olympic Event, I would so take the gold. And on that note, bedtime.