Wednesday, September 23, 2009

BLoG MuCH?

Not lately.

I haven't felt much like I've got anything to say so I haven't been jumping to the blog lately. I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure what I'm going to write here, so I don't know.

See, I told you I was messed up.

I just wonder what am I doing blogging? What am I getting out of it? What is anyone getting out of it. And this is not my plea for those who read to say, "Don't stop blogging." I just don't know where it's taking me, or if I need to move to the next level. I've been blogging for almost 5 years. I guess that's a lot of words. I don't know that many of them have meant much to anyone but me, maybe that's ... Shit, I don't even know.

Why blog?

I don't have any grand insights to share with anyone. My kids are getting older and there's fewer and fewer hilarious things I can share about them. Yes, they're still funny, but when should I stop using them for my own expense/entertainment?

I don't know where I'm headed or where I want to go, in the literal sense, and the philosophical sense. I don't know what our family's future holds. Where will I be next year? Will it matter?

I'm sitting here in my room wondering. What am i thinking about. Deadlines that must be met. Laundry that must be done. Children that must be cared for. Books I'm dying to write. Where is this getting me. Is blogging getting me any closer to my dreams.

And what are my dreams anyway?

Do I have any?

See, I knew this wouldn't make sense ... it doesn't make sense to the person who's thinking all of this. It's just a big fat wonderment of mystery. What do I feel like doing and why? How will this make me a better person in the long run? Am I wasting my time? Am I wasting your time. I think I worry about those things too.

And why am I so good at sleeping. I swear, if sleeping were an Olympic Event, I would so take the gold. And on that note, bedtime.

21 comments:

Amanda said...

Well, I think of blogging as the modern equivalent of penfriends. After five years you're bound to get that sense of comfort that comes from not needing to fill every moment with noise, to allow yourself the luxury of shared silence. Who knows where any of us will be in a year or five years time? Is it important? Well, it's important to keep your eye on the ball but also to make the most of now. So many things happen it's impossible to predict the future, and really, who would want to?

~Aimee States said...

I believe in dropping the blog. I have come and gone more times than I can count. Real life should be the priority, and you aren't really disappointing anyone if you take a break. My blog buddies have never so much as blinked when I returned, they just got back to commenting as usual and being really great eFriends.

Maybe you should take 30 days, or 60 or 90, to play in your life instead of on the pc. Consider taking time to answer those questions. Heck, go write a book. We'll all be here when you get back, if you get back, however it turns out. I'll be busy writing while you're away, if you go away....

Anyhow, I'm sending cupcake-good vibes in your general direction, sister.

Monnik said...

I agree with Aimee. I've had to cut back on my blog when life got in the way, and that's ok with me.

For me, blogging is just a way to keep my writing skills from getting all cobwebby and dried out. Not that I claim to have good skills, you understand...

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Amanda, Aimee, Monnik--thanks so much for your thoughts -- it IS like having friends in cyberspace. I have friends who I know in person and we can go months without chatting, but are right back where we need to be when we reconnect. Thank you all for putting things into perspective. Very cool of you gals! xo

Anonymous said...

Sometimes just writing itself whether or not one has something to say can be a form of therapy... the point is, you're writing... perhaps that'll lead to something for your next book, or, at least you can/have been use it as a sounding board to bounce things off of others...

My Two Army Brats said...

Crap! We're gonna have to stop blogging about the crazy stuff the kids do eventually? Damn...

March to the Sea said...

I've never had many followers to my blog but in the last 6 months I've noticed a decline. FB/Twitter scratch that itch for many for a quick burst or what have you. I like to write about the concerts I go to, or about music so when the mood hits I write. I am always stunned when I get an "out of the norm" comment..or someone says "I read all the time" sorta message. You write, I'll read manic.

Bina said...

This post is why you blog. So you can vent, say anything and everything you want even if it DOESN'T make sense. Who said you have to be funny and the "life of the blog world" all the time? Just be you.

shopgirl said...

Seriously? I think we are the same person... An Olympic Sleeper? So funny, but so true - my wardrobe these days are my jammies!!

Take time off, write those books, go play with the kiddies or do the laundry... we'll be here when you feel like checking in...

Michelle said...

Oh I hear ya. That's why there's no post today. I'm too busy, and I'm just not feeling it. Why force it?

eatmisery said...

To me, blogging is therapy. There have been times when it's felt like more of a chore. That's when I've stepped back to just breathe.

I honestly love to blog because it's become a hobby for me. I like doing it; I like reading others' blogs; I like the release it gives me. I don't do it to entertain anyone or to gather a large audience. I just do it for me. I can be me here.

If blogging seems like it's work, then it's time to set it aside for a little bit and refocus. You should never feel obligated to keep it up daily. I blog daily because it's my therapy.

Feisty Irish Wench said...

I havent been blogging lately either. Playing on Crackbook? yea, been there plenty. I'm just growing a human and working (well today was my last day of work for a little while), and that's about all the energy I can muster. The thinking required to form coherent type on a screen literally escapes me anymore. This baby has made me stupid. And she damn well better be a genius for all the freaking brain cells she's taken from my cognitive abilities - or now lack of such...

morninglight mama said...

You have some very wise comments here, and I don't feel that I have anything original to add to the mix, other than to say that whatever you do, Manic, I hope it's what makes you happy. If you blog, I will read. If you take a break, I will check back in if you decide to come back. Just do what brings a smile to your face!

Wendy said...

I think the same thing all the time. If I'm on the computer, I'm not sewing.

I have to remind myself that I started the blog as a record of my work and I should just post as I have something I want to document. Still, it's so nice that other people have stopped by and now I feel this weird responsibility to post more than I can.

Being Samantha said...

Keep the blog but take a break.

Yes, they're still funny, but when should I stop using them for my own expense/entertainment?

We read you cos 1. you're hilarious 2. they are you you, your life, family, etc... no one really wants to read something that the blogger THINKS the readers want to hear. You write cos you can.

Take the break. Could be a month, could be a year.
Life is changing and gawd knows it never friggin stops.

Change the direction of the blog. Why not? Cant hurt. As I get older I'm starting to slowly believe that "change is good" although I have a hard time with that at times.

You're in a funk. You're allowed. Give yourself permission to say, I dont know what I want right now, and what the future hold.
Surrender to it, and everything will naturally fall where it should.

I've been practicing that for the last year, and it's working out. Easier to embrace the change than fight it ever step of the way.

IF you chose to stop blogging all together, then you will be missed, but no one would fault you for it.

You've been a joy to read. Hope you're around for a while longer, and look forward to the new adventures in your life.

Being Samiantha

Jen said...

I've been where you are more times than I care to admit. There are days when I just want to hit delete and then there are days that I love everything about blogging and feel like I could do it forever. My blog and I have a tumultuous relationship. I've only been doing it for about a year and a half but I've had my share of blogging funks. So it will come as no surprise to you that I really don't have anything that helpful to offer other than to say that I've been there. Hope you can take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your bloggy ambivalence. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Trish Ryan said...

Just emailed you. Hang in there. Bloggable moments pop up when you least expect them. We'll wait :)

Kristen DeDeyn Kirk said...

I thought this about myself the other day: I'm either having a breakdown or a breakthrough. I wonder if you relate to that feeling? :)

Kirsten said...

yup, hear you. I just went a whole week without a blog post too, and I enjoyed NOT blogging. I've only been doing it about a year and a half, and sometimes I think, I'm done. Will anyone care much if I just Stop. Just stop. Probably not. My best friend said to me "you know, no one is going to die if you don't blog. So if you want to write, write. If you don't, don't. If weeks go by with nothing, so what. There is no blog police. Is there" Thank god for best friends.

The Amazing Trips said...

This is a very good post.

Ever since I started my blog in 2006, I've been NARRATING my life and my real life, the one outside of the computer, sometimes gets the short end of it.

It's a tough battle for me, because I really want to write. I want to capture these moments in life with our preschool triplets and toddler and share the stories with family who live far away. But yet, when I spend so much time thinking when, how and what I'll write about from my life - I feel like I'm missing the real thing.

Anyway - great job capturing in words something so many of us struggle with!

Chrissy said...

You nailed it. And, maybe that is why you keep blogging. You do find the words that a great many of us are just thinking.