FoRTy DayS

In forty days I will become an Arizonian.

Strange. Wow. Weird.

I keep telling absolute strangers that I am moving to Arizona. Like the woman in the bathroom who was washing her hands Friday night. How the topic comes up, I don't remember, but I slip it in somehow, "Well, I'm moving to Arizona."

The clerk at 7-11, we start talking about the weather and how nice it is here, and then I say, "Well, I'm going to enjoy it now cuz I'm going to be melting soon - I'm moving to Arizona in June."

I think I say it out loud to strangers so it'll start feeling real to me. Cuz I'm not sure if it does.

I'm in auto pilot. Calling the doctor's offices. Getting our records copied. Friday I made an appointment with my doctor whom I love and adore; seriously, she is more like a friend than a doctor (a friend who writes awesome prescriptions for what I need -- "how are you on your Xanax? You think you'll get by with 30 until you find a new doc out there? I'll give you 60! And you need vicodin? OK.") So I made an appointment just to let her know I was moving, and to get my prescriptions so when I get out there I won't be lost, and we talked for 45 minutes. I'm now going to be her friend on FB. I love that woman. However, when I left the office, I thought, "DAMN! I should have had her look at my throat and ears, I've had this scratchy throat all week and my ears have been bothering me." Stupid me.

We did sell our house. Three weeks on the market, three offers. Had some bad karma there. We took the first offer, a little lower than we would have wanted, but we need to get out and start our new life, together as our family. Then another offer came in, but it was "riddled with fleas" (Is that the right terminology?). The third offer was solid, for more money, and the realtor and Mr. Manic wanted to take it. We had already signed on the first offer. I was thinking BAD KARMA! We can't do this to the first family. They want our house! This is THEIR House! We promised it to THEM! It will follow us if we don't sell them our house. I don't want to leave here with bad karma. I'm all about the GOODNESS and I was so upset, crying and feeling bad about this new family and the possibility that they might not get the house (and dear God, what if she googled and found me and now knows who I AM and is reading this? But in the end, the second people DID NOT get the house, because I AM GOOD KARMA, and the first people, They are getting the house and I am so glad, because I do know they have two kids, a boy and a girl, and I want them to have our house, and to love this neighborhood as much as I do. They will love this neighborhood. I will miss this neighborhood and my friends so much.

UPDATE: The new people drove by our house and Mr. Manic was outside and and invited them in! The new family came in and we just spent an hour and a half with them and I LOVE THEM and am SO HAPPY they are going to live here!!! It IS GOOD KARMA and I'm sooooo glad they get to have our home! All is good in the world!!!! They have two beautiful cute kids and are such a sweet family and it just makes me so happy to know that this is all coming together. I could really be friends with them. And that's what I want for the people who will live in this house. A good family! YAY! I love it when good karma plays a part!

I get teary when my kids are outside playing with their friends. That's the part that kills me. Yesterday, when I was driving Diva and four of her softball friends home from practice, we stopped for bagels, and then had the windows down, the music blasting, Tom Petty was singing Free Falling and all the girls were singing in the car and it was a beautiful day. How long is it going to take before we will have that spirit again. Before Diva is with girls again where she will be doing that again? These are the things that bring me to tears.

And at church last night, we told our Pastor that we were moving, and that I doubted we would find a church as cool as ours out there. I just hate the uncertainness of it. But this series at church we are working on is FEARLESS, and that's how I have to be as we move ahead ... FEARLESS. And so I face it head on. I will be FEARLESS. For my family. For my husband. For myself.

Tuesday, we start the househunt in AZ. I'm sure there will be plenty of FaceBook updates to look forward to. Plenty of brown bitchy ones, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I am currently cleaning out closets and giving away any and all snowpants and jackets. Those are things that won't be missed. Items are just items. People ... I will miss the peeps. But in my heart, you will always be there.