Friday, June 11, 2010

SaDNeSS

I have been sad for the past two days. I think it's finally hitting me that I live here and the newness of the house is over and now it's really real. There are too many good looking people around here, and too many people that I don't know and the thought of having to meet people is overwhelming and everything I have to do is overwhelming, even the little shit. There's just too much to do and think about and I'm so thankful my parents are here to take care of me for two weeks although I will probably have a nervous breakdown when they leave, although I shouldn't write that cuz mom's gonna read that and it'll keep her up for weeks in the middle of the night I am sure.

I just don't know what is the matter with me? Mr. Manic goes to work, comes home, like there's nothing wrong, and I'm here, dealing with trying to figure out our new lives; our freaking minivan broke down the first week (this week!) and thank God we had a nice neighbor and my parents were here to help or I would be up shit's creek.

I just feel lost. And this is so not me. I don't like feeling this way. I want to stop feeling this way. No amount of sunshine can help me from not missing my friends back home. From being able to call anyone up and say, "Hey, let's go for a walk, or go to the pool, or take a walk to Naperville Riverwalk, or go to Starbucks."

I have no one but my kids right now. I should be feeling thankful and blessed, but right now I am just lonely and sad. I know it'll pass, and I'll look back and wonder how could I have felt this way, but this is the way I'm feeling NOW, and I think it's worth noting.

17 comments:

Autumn said...

It always does seem very hard to meet new people when you move. Something to look forward to with Arizona's nice weather (I live in Queen Creek!) is halloween. We all sit out in our driveways and hand out candy. I meet new people every year! In the meantime, may I suggest some good old retail therapy at Scottsdale Fashion Square!! The mall is totally fantastic!! Also, the Phoenix Zoo is having a nightime event tomorrow if you and the kiddos want to get out of the house!! Hope you feel happier soon!! :

noexcuses said...

Hang in there, okay? Maybe you and the kids could go for an early walk (before it gets too hot). Find out kids' stuff to do that is nearby. I think that maybe once you get the kids engaged in something, your totally awesome personality will revive itself and you will have new friends lining up to taste your jello shooters!

Church is another option...don't know what your feelings are there, but it could be good.

I like the Retail Therapy suggestion. Everyone will enjoy that one!

I broke my ankle three weeks after we made our big move. I was very sad even before that. It does get better. July 4th is coming up. Maybe there will be a lot going on then.

There's always the pool boy.....
{{{HUGS}}}

nycgirl0501 said...

Just like the first month at a new job sucks so does moving but it will pass. You will find your rhythm & your family will too. Give yourself a break this isn't easy. Feel your feelings. I cried the first time in my new apt & I was a 15 min drive to my parents. Weird! But it fear of thru known. Plus I don't like change. Hang in there xoxo

Feisty Irish Wench said...

The only constant in life is change, but even knowing that doesn't make the change suck any less.

Heidiopia said...

You will find your groove, your niche, just keep the faith. One day at a time. It's okay to mourn all that you left behind-- it was alot of wonderful.

whitey said...

I remember the first time we moved out of state away from EVERYONE I was about 24 with 3 kids, it was tuff. I was so lonely even the mailman started to look good to me and my phone bill was huge. Give it some time, now if I was to move I would probably look for a quilt group to join and even worse I could look for a senior citizen center now that is scary!

Anonymous said...

We moved from beautiful Richmond, VA to AZ a few years ago. It was so hard even though we had a beautiful house and pool etc... Then after only two years we moved again to the Chicagoland - I know you'd rather be here but looking back we had a great time in AZ. And like Autumn said there are a lot of perks - winter time especially. Some other "summer" things to do are Sedona, Prescott, Verde Canyon Railroad... Tempe Town Lake is pretty and has a great 4th party. One Thanksgiving evening we went to the ASU/USC game and after going to Big Ten games in the cold for many years,it was really fun to be late November and tailgating in short sleeves. Old Towne Scottsdale has a lot going on in the park area for kids. I could ramble on. I hope you feel better soon.
Susie

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Anon, we are going to Sedona today! And Whitney, you reminded me of the time we moved from Chicago to Philly, I used to hope for the phone to ring and if it was a solicitor I would talk his ear off! My parents are even still here, I'm sure it's gonna be that much harder when they leave in a week. Oh boy. Thanks everyone for keeping me in check. I need this so much! You guys are my lifeline right now, keeping me sane! xo

morninglight mama said...

Thinking of you!! Time will help, but it's a pain in the ass getting there.

sotheywillalwaysremember said...

I am a new follower, so you don't know me, but I just wanted to say I hope you find your little niche soon. I am sure before you know it you will meet parents of the kids that your kids will meet (kids are so much better at making new friends than we are). I am going to pass your blog along to a girlfriend of mine that lives there, maybe she can give you some tips. Good luck. Just know that it's okay to be sad, even pissed sometimes when there is that much change in your life. I have no idea what the circumstances are or why you moved but I just want to say good luck.
Nina

Melissa said...

You don't have to justify your feelings. A huge move like this is hard. I was miserable during most of my first year in NJ. Then I kind of felt better after I got a job and had my second child. I was also used to things by then.
Just take things one day at a time. I'd still be glad to introduce you to my friend in Cave Creek. Not sure how far that is from you, but she's someone you could discuss chick lit with. :)
Hope you feel better soon! In the meantime, vent away!

becky w. said...

I know what you mean about the beautiful people. I am a Phoenix area native and have lived here all my life. We moved to Scottsdale a few years ago and I'm still not used to it. (I am NOT one of the b.p.) Anyway, I've followed your blog for about a year, comment infrequently, but I'm in the 'hood and wouldn't mind helping you find your way! Seriously, email me 'cause I will stalk (your blog) until you do! beckywilliams28@q.com

Anonymous said...

Hey - it's me again - Anon/Susie. Hope you had a good time in Sedona and got to go on a Pink Jeep tour. They are my favorite. You might check out this site if you haven't already http://www.maricopa.gov/parks/ They have all sorts of family hikes etc. that might interest you. Also one of our favorite spots was The Vu Cafe in Fountain Hills - it is kid friendly and has a beautiful view. We used to go in the evening, it was fun to watch all the planes come in. If you want more ideas to keep you busy email me - dako7123@aol.com
Susie

The Stiletto Mom said...

Honey, it'll be okay. You have such a big personality, it's only a matter of time until you start making new best friends to add to the old ones. You will be FINE.

My Two Army Brats said...

I want you to know that I feel exactly the same right now. We've done this army move crap before but this time I'm feeling lost, alone and all I can think about is the way things were at our last duty station. It sucks ass.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

You guys, thank you all so much for these notes! I am feeling much better; it comes and goes. I know this feeling. I felt this way when we moved to Philly, and even felt this way when we moved back home to Chicago! I have to let it ride and it will get better. I know I haven't changed, just the environment. But it does still suck at times. Thank you all sooo very much--I can't tell you how much your words comfort me even though this is not a huge deal, well I guess it is, but it's not like a death! I'm so glad I have this outlet and that you are all so supportive! xo Now, time to unpack more shit!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

You guys, thank you all so much for these notes! I am feeling much better; it comes and goes. I know this feeling. I felt this way when we moved to Philly, and even felt this way when we moved back home to Chicago! I have to let it ride and it will get better. I know I haven't changed, just the environment. But it does still suck at times. Thank you all sooo very much--I can't tell you how much your words comfort me even though this is not a huge deal, well I guess it is, but it's not like a death! I'm so glad I have this outlet and that you are all so supportive! xo Now, time to unpack more shit!