I have been sad for the past two days. I think it's finally hitting me that I live here and the newness of the house is over and now it's really real. There are too many good looking people around here, and too many people that I don't know and the thought of having to meet people is overwhelming and everything I have to do is overwhelming, even the little shit. There's just too much to do and think about and I'm so thankful my parents are here to take care of me for two weeks although I will probably have a nervous breakdown when they leave, although I shouldn't write that cuz mom's gonna read that and it'll keep her up for weeks in the middle of the night I am sure.
I just don't know what is the matter with me? Mr. Manic goes to work, comes home, like there's nothing wrong, and I'm here, dealing with trying to figure out our new lives; our freaking minivan broke down the first week (this week!) and thank God we had a nice neighbor and my parents were here to help or I would be up shit's creek.
I just feel lost. And this is so not me. I don't like feeling this way. I want to stop feeling this way. No amount of sunshine can help me from not missing my friends back home. From being able to call anyone up and say, "Hey, let's go for a walk, or go to the pool, or take a walk to Naperville Riverwalk, or go to Starbucks."
I have no one but my kids right now. I should be feeling thankful and blessed, but right now I am just lonely and sad. I know it'll pass, and I'll look back and wonder how could I have felt this way, but this is the way I'm feeling NOW, and I think it's worth noting.