Vegas Rocks!

OK, I’m back from Vegas and wow, what a trip! I never expected to have such a great time. Yeah I expected to have a blast with two of my best friends from forever but just CRAZINESS.

We went for three nights and everyone says two nights in Vegas is all you need. Not true. We could have handled even one more night in Sin City. We got there on Thursday around 11 am and went out for lunch drinks right away at Mandalay Bay.These are cucumber mojitos. Mine.

Plus I had to pick up tickets to the two shows we were going to see: Menopause the Musical and The Lion King. I don’t really know what happened but we ended up at Cosmopolitan drinking vodka sodas with cranberry splashes and getting on the Tryst VIP list.

The Cosmo is a gorgeous hotel – it’s the one with the big high heel shoe in the front and the Chandelier bar which is a three tier bar that is like a chandelier. I wish I had more pics to show you all. Some are on FB if you’re my FB friend. If not, friend me but when you do, please tell me you are my MaNiC MoMMy friend!



So after a bazillion or maybe just 4 or 5 cocktails, we go back to the room for a Disco Nap (new Vegas term I learned and LOVE), and then when we wake up around 8, one of my friends and I are not sure we want to go out because we are like 42 years old moms and OLD. Plus, there’s a good movie on TV.

BUT, we are in VEGAS!!! So we have to rally. We shower, I yank my boobs WAY up, which I never do, and we are out! We go and grab something to eat which is sushi (big mistake), but I only have three pieces of a roll, and have not yet had a drink. Then we hit TRYST at the Wynn. (We are apparently a night too early because the very NEXT night, Prince Harry is THERE!!!)

Before we went on this trip, I had ONE request to my friends. I told them I did not want to go to any Hootchie Mama clubs. This was a Hootchie Mama Club. Women wear skirts and dresses where their ass cheeks hang out of their dresses, but really, not all of the ladies are attractive at all, and since I amped up my boobies, I was feeling okay about myself. The bartender ladies all have fake ta-tas and wear bras and lingerie.

There are go-go dancers wearing thongs all over the place. AND, if you want to SIT in these places, you have to have table/bottle service, which means you need to purchase a bottle of vodka for a minimum of $475. Fortunately for us, we had our two free drink tickets, and VIP entry so we got in fast/front of the line, and free.

We stayed for a while and BOOM, got hit on by some old guys immediately, who were nice but unattractive. That’s when we realize WE.ARE.NOT.ALL.THAT. Hahahah. We all wore our wedding rings and I always dropped the line, “My husband …” You know, to thwart all the men from totally hitting on me!

These guys wanted to buy us drinks, but we three girls made a pre-pact that if anyone wanted to buy us drinks, we had to go to the bar with them to make sure they didn’t roofie us. So, my friends went with them, while I saved our special spot – a section in the bar that we found where we could sit on a ledge FREE OF CHARGE. I had one vodka drink there because I had so much during the day and I was scared of getting a migraine. I know my limits people, oh yes I do!

So, there we were, drinking it up with the two old dudes (ok, they were maybe 4 years older than us), when I suddenly had to get out of there. I told S & S (my friends will from now on be referred to as S & S because those are their initials) that we had to leave. The smoke, the lights, the crowds, the cheese on the women’s butts, the BOOM, BOOM, BOOM of the music was getting to me. I had to get out of there.

We grab a cab and head back to HRH, take the elevator to our room, open the door, I rip off my shirt and my necklace, run to the bathroom, and puke. It’s like 1 a.m.

S & S put me to bed and go out until 4:00 a.m.

End of Day One.

Day Two, we all get up around 11:30, go find coffee and some food, come back to the room, hang out, get ready and leave the hotel around 3:00. We head to Serendipity, thanks to the recommendation of some FB people, where I devour an awesome burger with avocado, brie and carmelized onions. S&S are okay with drinking already cuz they are champions. One is doing wine, the other is a bud light lime girl. I order an unsweetened ice tea.

Until I see they have Blue Moon on tap.

Game on.

After we eat we head to see Menopause the Musical where we are the youngest people in the audience, not quite hitting the menopause phase, but definitely understanding where we are heading. Hilarious and fun. We drink during the show. Because it’s Vegas.

After the show, we go to an oxygen bar where one S and I get some oxygen and a back rub from a young hottie. We flirt heavily and ooze on the charm. We are pumped to have attention and oxygen. We are ready for the night that awaits us.

Next, we go to New York and hang out at a bar there where again, we meet old guys. We discover something interesting. The old guys are boring. They are no fun to play with. One gives me a foot rub because my feet are killing me, but he’s like my dad so it’s very boring. They’re in Vegas for a motorcycle event. Total turn off. Plus they drink old man drinks. BORING.

Then, we are high-fiving people who walk by and the French version of LFMAO walk by and they’re fun. We love meeting crazy Vegas people and hearing why they are in Vegas.

A gorgeous young woman sits next to us along with her “dad” who turns out to be her “manager” and she is a model. She asks S if she looks like a prostitute. Says she is there because her manager promised to take her to Vegas to see the shows. I wonder if they have separate rooms, and if her “manager” is going to get any action tonight. Feel sorry for that girl, even though she is the most stunning girl we have ever seen!

Another guy walks by in a turtle neck and a blazer. I high-five him. During our stay at this bar, he walks by three times, I high-five him each time. The third time, he says, “You’re still here?” I say, “We are SOUL MATES!” I make S take a picture of the two of us. We hug. It’s Vegas. People are friendly.

We go to Vanity at Hard Rock which is another night club. We decide it sucks because we hate the club scene with the hootchie mamas and the Go-Go dancers and the slimy old men and leave after about an hour.

Next, we hit Caesar’s and Cleopatra’s Barge. Just the place we wanna be. Fun music. Young boys. We dance all night until the lights come up. We find some young boys who are 22 or 23. One is infatuated with S. Dances all night. The Cougar thing is not a myth. Older women are mysterious!

Back at our hotel, we hit the 24 hour diner and S orders Chicken Fried Steak. I take a photo of the food because it’s so beautiful. I’m not hungry but I order stupid pancakes. We go to bed at 4:30 a.m. This seems to be our epic night. We would have been Vegas thrilled if this was our big night.

But it is not to be so.

The next morning we get up and go to Paris. Wow, we’ve seen a lot of the world in one short trip! We eat at Mon Ami Gabi, which is funny because we could eat there in Chicago anytime. Afterward, we had planned to hang out on the strip, but rock star friend S, in a surprising turn of events, says SHE needs a nap, when it’s usually ME who is the napper. And I’m not one to disagree.

We go back to the hotel and Disco Nap again.

When we get up, it’s time to get ready for our last night on the town. I am adamant that I will be in bed by 1 a.m. as I have a 1:30 flight the next day, and I need my sleep. I’m desperately afraid of migraines and hangovers. They ruin my life.

We get ready and go see The Lion King. Katy Perry is also playing at Mandalay Bay but we chose to see Simba instead. Hahah. About The Lion King though … In a word:
AMAZING!

Hubby got us the tickets and we were like eighth row center. Stunning performance. I felt guilty for not having the kids there with me. The animals came down from the top of the back of the rows, and right down the aisle right next to us. It was unbelievable. The singing was amazing. The performers fabulous. I’m so glad we went to the show. We loved it.

Then after, we had to grab some food. Do we go all out and dine at fancy five-star restaurants in Vegas? Nope. Burger Bar in Mandalay. S and I share buttermilk zucchini fries and sweet potato fries for dinner. The other S has a turkey burger.

A couple Blue Moons and the Cougar Pack is ready. But not before we head out with a plan. We noticed some bachelorettes go out on scavenger hunts. So I think it’s a good idea to have a hunt of our own. I say we need to go out and find a six pack of abs. We also need to get guys to buy us drinks. There’s also one other thing we had to do but that’s something that remains in the pack. It was called our Triple Play!

We hit Eye Candy which is a lounge in Mandalay Bay. We find some young boys to toy with. They’re much more fun than old guys. They like to dance, have a sense of humor, and think older women are smart. They all know we are married but don’t care. They even buy us drinks and show us their abs. They are young and stupid. Just the way we like ‘em! We hang with them all night long. When we first met this bunch of boys, we asked them where they were earlier. They said, “You’ll laugh.” And we said they would laugh when we told them where WE were. Turns out they went to see Katy Perry. Turns out we went to see The Lion King. Who’s laughing at whom?

There was another guy later in the night at the bar, like 4 a.m. and I went up to him and said, “You do not look old enough to be in this bar.”

He said, “How old do I look?”

I said, “22 maybe.”

He said, “Would it surprise you if I told you I was a doctor.”

“You’re not a doctor!”

“Yes I am. I’m an ER doctor.”

“NO WAY!”

He shrugged. And then took a sip of his scotch.

“Is that scotch? My husband drinks scotch. You are sooo young looking. You’re really a doctor?”

“Yes.”

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen in the ER?”

“There was this guy who came in with a 12-inch knife stuck in his chest. He was dead, but no one could figure out how he got it in there. They ended up ruling it suicide.”

“Wow.”

I went back to our other group and pointed to the dude and said, “Hey everyone, that guy is an ER doctor!” Everyone just laughed at me. I am so gullible I will believe ANYONE!

So, anyway, through the night, our last night in Vegas, we danced with the boys (even to Waking Up In Vegas which was VERY COOL!), drank with them (I got the one married one to buy me a drink!) and then I bought HIM a drink!), and the drunkest stupidest one even let me play black jack with his money! I was winning for a while, but then when I started losing, we left the table and went back to drinking. We also got two of them to show us their abs, and yes, I have photos! And well, the third thing, that’s between me, S & S … because as you know, sometimes, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!

We stayed out until six a.m. that last night, laughed our butts off and had the most fun three 42 year old moms of eight kids could have possibly ever had. I ran on about 12 hours of sleep the whole weekend but the adrenaline is still running high! What a blast!

Have YOU ever been to Vegas? Where did you go, what did you do?