Sunday, January 01, 2006

All I Need Is Food And Creative Love

If you would have told me 12 hours ago that I would be alive and functioning enough to be blogging in the New Year, I would have told you to get your ass to the convenient store to buy yourself a lottery ticket cuz your chance of winning would have been better than me moving.

A quick glimpse into Manic Mom's life in 2006 so far:

3 a.m. -- Tuck children into bed, including two others I have no idea from whence they came.

3:30 a.m. -- Made good on one of my resolutions, if you know what I mean, then pass out until 8:00 a.m.

8:00 a.m. - 8:40 a.m. -- Spend time with my porcelain god.

8:41 -- get back in bed, pray for sleep or death. Get neither.

9:56 -- Hear the soft beckonings from Tukey, calling from the bathroom... "I'm done! I'm done! I'm done! Come wipe my butt."

Wipe butt.

The rest of the day is a blur, in and out of sleep that doesn't count, being hot, being cold, worshiping the porcelain god again, showering, then getting back into bed soaking wet and haphazardly clothed.

3:30 p.m. -- chilren come visit. It's nice to see them. I ask Diva if she wants to play a game. She does! I tell her she gets to play nurse and could she please get me an ice water and a cold cloth for my head. She's awesome at this game.

3:45 p.m. -- children now bored with nursing game and want to watch Wizard of Oz in my bedroom. I agree, if only to make good on another resolution to be a better parent.

This better parenting thing lasts through about the first verse of Somewhere Over The Rainbow and I leave my bedroom and crawl into Tukey's bunk for more attempts at sleep.

Note: Still have not attempted to even sip water at this point. It would be too risky.

4:00 -- Hear that darling, most wonderful husband in the world is taking the kids to a friends to watch football. I sleep.

7:30 p.m. -- Wake to a dull banging noise, that sounds like rhythmic thunder and am confused as to whether it is coming from my head or outdoors.

7:31 p.m. -- Crawl out of bed and make my way downstairs for the first time all year! (I love saying that. Like if you see a friend on Dec. 31 or talk to someone on the phone and you say, "See you next year!" That never ceases to amuse me.)

Open the back door, inhale fresh cool air. Wonder what it would be like to lay on the ground. Wonder what it would be like to lay on the ground in a snowstorm with snow falling all over my body. Wonder if I would be able to eat all the snow falling onto my face in order not to be buried alive in snowstorm. Please note, there is no snowstorm.

Still hear that banging noise, and wonder who is doing construction work at this hour on the first day of the year. Wonder if there's some bomb scare or freak accident about to happen. Wonder if this is what it sounded like/felt like during Jurrasic Park when the loud, booming footsteps of the dinosaur was arriving and made the glass of water shake in the car. Or, maybe this is the sound of King Kong coming to get his woman.

Take out the phone book, wonder if I should call the non-emergency fire department, but decide against it. Because if there is a bomb scare coming, what can they do about it, and also, I know from past experience with the non-emergency fire department (and if I wasn't in the frame of mind I'm in right now, I'd try to find that post from last winter to link you to, when the firefighters, the HOT firefighters came to the house because I smelled rubber burning, only for them to discover a burning rubber toy dart stuck to the boys' lamp and lightbulb).... Anyway, from past experience, they send someone out to the house of the person who calls, and I was in no shape or form to be seen by cute, hot firefighters, so I bagged that idea, and just decided if the world is coming to an end, then at least I had a nice time.

Drink three sips of diet 7 Up. Eat six honey teddy grahams. Open back door again, still hear the rhythmic booming noises that sound closer and louder now, then hear it happen boomboomboomboomboobooobooooom!

And realize it's some freaking fireworks show.

Call hubby at friends house. Pretend to be fine and tell him I've been up for a while (pseudo-truth) and that I was going back to bed but if he were coming home now, I'd stay up to help put the rats to bed. And, shouldn't he be coming home soon seeing as the kids were up until THREE A.M. in the FREAKING MORNING! (But I guess the A.M. I just typed was an indication that it was in the morning, duh!)

Free reign to go back to bed. Family comes home around 8:30 p.m. I seize Diva and tell her to cuddle with me, to hold my hand, to snuggle. Ahhh. Tell her as I always do, that she is my most favorite little girl in the entire world. And she asks, "Who's your favorite big girl" and I tell her it's her too! Feel good for the first time all day. Fall asleep comfortably with a cold compress on my neck and an eye pillow scented soother on my face. Ah.

10:30 -- Hub comes to bed, removes Diva from our room. We talk about the party we had, but I tell him I can't talk too much because reliving the party will make me think about how sick I was and I don't want to feel sick again.

11:00 -- Hubby snores. I start thinking of McDonald french fries and a vanilla milk shake. I'm thinking of Needing Food and Creative Love (which, by the way, is a song from Rusted Root, for those of you who don't know. Who did know? Anyone hear it before?) So, I'm thinking of Food and Creative Love. I'm hungry AND horny. (Sorry, Mom, don't read if you don't want to know that your daughter gets a little horny from time to time! ahahahhaahahah!)

I come downstairs. I eat some food. I think, I should maybe blog about my day. So, there's my first post of the New Year, and had I typed a bit faster, I could have made it under the deadline and would have had this posted by January 1, but as I said, at that point, all I needed was Food And Creative Love.

Happy 2006! (And Robyn, I LOVE my pillow! And you!)

So, Happy New Year!

11 comments:

Heather said...

I think you've gotten funnier with the new year!!!

Nancy said...

That was a hilarious recap of your day! I hope you are feeling better now that it's January 2. :-)

Stefanie said...

We (husband and I) went to a friend's house, brought our child thinking we could get drunk and crash there and the first part worked out well. At least the drinking, then it all went to shit when after we went to bed around 1 a.m. the baby woke up at 3a.m and unsure of her surroundings, screamed and stayed awake until 5:30 a.m. all while I felt like steel spikes were being hammered into my head. We would have just taken her home but we would've had to pack up all our stuff and figure our how to get out without setting off the alarm. Then when we were finally all asleep, friend woke us up at 8 cause they were going to breakfast so it was go along or go home. We chose the latter. Thanks for your comments on my blog! I laughed out loud at your profile!

Jennie Reb said...

Your New Year's Eve was certainly more exciting than mine!

As usual, you are hilarious. I need to check in more often. I never see you at Conversations anymore (to be quite honest, it's gone downhill), so I need to read your blog mmore frequently.

You should get on the boardroom at perezhilton. Funny ladies there, more civilized than CAFP.

New year's wish to you: I hope you get your book deal!

Shannin said...

reading about your cold/hot flashes made me shiver... and made me glad i somehow wasn't in the mood for the pierre jouet my hubby surprised me with....
loved your "lets play nurse" idea... i should totally try that!
thanks for the laugh... happy new year.. i hope you are feeling better by today! take care!

Carly said...

twice the firemen have come to our house because our carbon monixide detector was going off. the episodes were two years apart. both times, it was an ice storm, about 1 am, and the cause was determined to be that


the battery was dying.


the second time, one guy looked at me, and said "Oh, I remember you...."

they get fat checks at christmas now

Dear Jane said...

I am laughing about the rubber dart fireman episode. We had a similar experience with sexy hot firemen bounding through the door at 3 pm, when I was still in my very unsexy nightgown & my son in his underwear. the ony thing worse would have been if I was in my underwear and my son was wearing my nightgown. And hey, wasn't one of your 101 Resolutions to Not Drink?

Happy New Year.

Erin said...

Hot Delivery guys AND hot firemen? Too much!!

Hope you are feeling better, and I have heard that Rusted Root song. As a matter of fact, I saw them in concert several years ago!!

The Dummy said...

Happy New Year, Manic Mom!

Cmommy said...

Are you feeling better? Anyone else sick? I'm glad I found your blog--do you think we can really manage to cut back on the Fourbucks drinks? trying, but skeptical....:-)C

Blu Crystal said...

Hey Nice site I just happened upon! :) loved what you said about the whole see ya next year to friends on Dec. 31st bit...I use to do that all the time..right after the ball drops I would be like Gee, I havne't been to sleep since last year Or something on that order! :D

check out my blog at http://blog.blucrystal.com if you want to..

Thanks again.