Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Well, that's all about to change because in the very near future, I'll be giving away some stuff -- some great books for mom and a chocolate treat, so stay tuned!
And in the meantime, if you've been kind enough to hang out here and read my stuff, why don't you give me some ideas on what you'd like to read when you come over here. My mind has been in a clutterfunk lately, and yes, that's a real word. I made it up.
PS ... Diva turns double digits on Saturday -- whoo hoo! I'm 40 and she'll be 10. Mercy mercy.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
When we got home, Ajers came into my office and closed the doors.
“What the heck were those things they passed out in the class in the movie?”
Okaaaaaaaaaaaay. How to handle this one? I have to do it honestly, right?
So I took a deep breath and said, “They were condoms. They are also called rubbers sometimes. And it’s something a man uses to make sure he doesn’t get a woman pregnant.”
“Is it like a pill or something the man takes to stop the sperm?” (You all know by now that I speak openly to my kids about sex and Ajers has had the ‘talk' in fifth grade so he’s up to par on most of this stuff.)
“Well, it’s more like a thing a man puts onto his penis that blocks the sperm. Kind of like a balloon.”
He kept saying that was weird, and I kept agreeing with him, definitely seeing it from his point of view. Because it is totally weird. And I don’t know if he really grasps the whole thing right now, and I considered showing him one but thought better of it. (I think there is a very expired one in our closet.)
I told him that actually, the first time I learned about a condom was in fifth grade too, when I was on the bus, some kids were talking about them. I also told him he is NOT to discuss this stuff with his siblings or his friends.
“Has dad ever used one?”
I wasn’t going to lie so I said yes.
“So that means you and dad really did it more than three times?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Ewww,” he said.
“I know. It sounds gross,” I said.
“Yep,” he agreed. “I just don’t want to think about my parents doing that stuff.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said. "It grosses me out to think of my parents doing it. They do it still.”
“EWWW! They’re like 60!”
“I know, but when you love someone, you do that to show them you love them.”
I asked him if he had any more questions about it, and I think that was enough to gross him out for a while. I told him he could come to me any time if he thinks of more questions to ask.
So, that’s that.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Well, you can imagine what I said, right? I said, "Hey kids, listen to this. How about I say YOU CAN watch all the TV you want this week, and then whatever the prize is that the principal is giving out, I will give you a bigger and better prize than that."
Because come on!? What kid can go a whole week without TV? Who am I kidding? What mom can go a whole week with NO TV for her kids to entertain them!
I need SpongeBob and Patrick to put them in a trance around 5 or 5:30 every day! I want to hear the iCarly theme song from the family room while I'm busy doing my thing in here. I crave Hannah for them!
Because them watching a little bit of TV is my sanity! I do not instill any TV rules on my kids because I know that whenever they have the chance, they'd much rather be playing outside doing fun stuff. Their first choice is never TV unless they need some downtime or just want to chill. And they're kids, so if that's what they want to do sometimes, I'm going to let them.
But, today is Tuesday of Turn Off the TV Week and they still wanted NO TV. Fine with me, we'll find something else to do, right?
Well, we had a little dress-up, makeover, and nail salon party this afternoon.
What do you think of my new little girl? Ain't she a doll?
Monday, April 13, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
So he tells me it's to unblock my CHI and I'm all for that because Lordy knows I've had some major blocked CHI these past few months!
UNBLOCK MY CHI DOC!
So he tells me that the body has a natural (and I'm subquoting here) flow and when your chi is flowing, it's like a stream or river that's vibrant and alive, with flora and foliage and fresh water streaming down, continuous. Then THE CHI GETS BLOCKED like someone puts up a dam. And that flow just STOPS.
And things get crappy. And fish die, and flowers wilt, and the water stops looking all pretty in that stream!
That happened to me. Or at least the doc said that's what's happened to me.
So I'm all for it. Fix me up! I've had strep! I've been depressed! Shit, I invented a new disease on my crappy symptoms called the CAB syndrome, ANYTHING will do!
So, I lay there, and he sticks 8 needles into what I guess are pressure points or Chi unblockers and that's it. I'm laughing cuz I just think it's so freaking weird that I'm there on a table with needles poking outta me, and I want to lift up from the table and see what they look like. I keep thinking of that horror movie guy with all the needles in his face
and I just want to laugh, but I lie still and let my CHI get UNBLOCKED.
And for those of you inexperienced accupuncture novices, cuz now I am a pro--HAHAHA--did you know that in between, the doc comes in and TWISTS the little needles in order to do some more unblocking or something?
I don't know what the heck it did, but I tell you, I don't remember a Saturday morning in 30 years when I wanted to pop out of bed just because I FELT RESTED after only 7 hours of sleep! I just felt alert and alive and GOOD. For the first time in a long time.
So, it might be the accupuncture, it might be the chi. Or it might be that in T minus three days I get to go on a super secret destination beachy mini vacation with JUST MR. MANIC!
If that ain't enough to get your CHI flowing, then I don't know what it'll take!
Peace UP, my friends! Peace UP!
~ ~ ~ ~
Don't forget to read the next post and enter so you can win a copy of the AWESOME book, True Mom Confessions.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
But not to worry, we have another fun book to give away RIGHT NOW!
And you'll have TWO SHOTS to enter, one here, and one over at my other home on the net, BettyConfidential. (Have you NOT checked it out yet? And if not, WHY NOT!?!)
So here are SOME are my confessions on motherhood:
Let kids go to bed without brushing their teeth: Check.
Let Tukey wear dirty underwear
Allowed Diva to make own bowl of ice cream as big as she wanted after begging her to eat the TWO chicken nuggets she's required to eat by-her-$65-per-half-hour dietitian: Check.
I'm a naughty mommy, and when I discovered there's a site out there for other naughty mommies like me, I couldn't get to it fast enough. It's like a secret society! A place where we don't have to wallow alone in our naughtiness, a place where we can go and shout joyously, "Me, too!" or "I did that!" or even, "I've got a better one!"
And, come on, you've got to admit it, we're not all perfect moms, now, are we? I sure as hell know I'M NOT! And you've been reading Manic Mommy long enough to know that too! Ha!
Author Romi Lassally knows there's no such thing as a perfect mom, but if there were, would we really want to hang with her? So Romi created this awesome site called TruuConfessions where you can submit the worst of the worst confessions and no one will judge you and most of the time, you'll get a "ME TOO" from another mom who's done EXACTLY THE SAME THING YOU HAVE!
It's so rewarding!
Here's my favorite confession that I'm not afraid to share with all of you: I'd secretly like to commit a crime that will get me in just enough trouble to land me in a minimum-security women's facility for about three months, just so I can sleep and write!
Doesn't THAT sound glorious? Don't call me a HORRIBLE mother either. OF COURSE I'd miss my kids TERRIBLY! (I'd want them to visit on Sundays -- hahah!)
So Romi compiled the best of the worst, and it's all here in this great book, True Mom Confessions.
Leave me a little teeny confession here, and I'll enter you to win a copy of the book, and ALSO, head over to BettyConfidential, RIGHT HERE, and you can enter again for twice the luck to win the book!
And don't forget to check out the TruuConfessions site - there are "confessionals" for all sorts women: Moms, Wives, Brides, Single/Dating, Body/Diet, Office, and Military Wives. So head on over to confess, after you've made a little confession here, and also stop by Betty to enter there too for twice the fun, AND TELL YOU'RE FRIENDS. You know they've got something to confess too!
DON'T FORGET TO STOP BY BETTY FOR ANOTHER CHANCE TO WIN TOO!
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Monday, April 06, 2009
And I've known this. I've gone to the doctor, who drew blood and decided I was borderline anemic and had a Vitamin B deficiency. I've just been tired, exhausted and cranky.
But as I write this, I'm not so tired, exhausted, and cranky. Well, I'm always tired. I always say I could live my days sleeping for 12 hours at night with a two-hour nap, but that wouldn't be all that great now would it? I'd miss out on a lot of stuff.
But lately, it seems like I'm missing out on a lot of stuff. I'm going through the motions.
Have you ever felt like that? Like you're just GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS?
I'm not unhappy. I'm flatlined. And there's absolutely no reason for me to be this way. I've self-diagnosed myself, calling it a new disease, the Crabby Ass Bitch disease, aka CAB disease, of which you cannot control your crabbiness, assiness, or bitchiness; it just soars out of you without knowing it's coming ... BAM! You're hit with the CAB syndrome.
Some of my friends who've approached 40 have mentioned this is not uncommon and they've felt it too. It's NORMAL.
WHAT THE FUCK!?
This feeling of this way is NOT NORMAL!
I'll tell you exactly how I feel.
I feel like I'm 12 again. Waiting for my period to start, with hormones raging and rage firing up and anger and crabbiness shooting out of me for no other reason than there's no other place for these feelings to go but OUT OF ME.
Is this normal? Tell me there are others of you out there that have felt this way and that I'm not really a freak?
Like, today, my awesome girlfriends took me out in anticipation of my upcoming birthday and we had an awesome day -- hot stone pedicures with champagne, cheese, crackers, fruit, and then a great lunch out. We had the best time. But at lunch I told them, the thing that would make everything right for me ... this is the solvent to all of my problems ...
I have to make myself take a shower every morning.
THAT is all it will take. If I simply get my ass out of bed each morning and take a freaking shower, my life will be better. That is the secret to a good life. A morning shower. I am now convinced of it.
Nothing is hard for me. I make things extreme. A fucking load of laundry -- holy shit, you'd think I was asked to create a seven-layer cake for the Queen of England and then feed it to her with a fork. Laundry is NOT HARD, yet why do I act as if it is the worst chore in the world?
And food. For my family. What is so freaking hard about putting some food onto a plate to feed the people I most love?
All of these acts of kindness, these things that I'm not really required to do, but I have agreed to do by entering into a FAMILY as a mother and caregiver, well, why do they seem so monsterous to figure out how to manage it all? It's simple. Really.
My life is so freaking simple it is a joke. And the best way to simplify it, to make every single day a joyous living life-giving, loving one should be easy to manage. I should just start each day out with some water. On my head. To clear it out and wash it off and clean it up. Cuz I'm a fucking mess, am I not? Clean me up!
~ ~ ~ ~
PS--Wanna know how our spring break was? Staycationing IS NOT FUN!
Friday, April 03, 2009
OK, not sure if I'm going to keep up with this $5 Friday or not, because last week's kind of got kiboshed, but here's a new one if you want to play and WIN a crisp-or-not-so-crisp FIVE DOLLAR BILL just for answering a Manic Mommy question.
Obviously, I love to read. When I was in fifth grade, I was reading the first book I ever read that had a BAD WORD in it. The bad word was DAMN. I decided the right thing to do was confess to my mother that the book I was reading had a swear word in it.
What is the name and the author of that book? I just realized I should have made you guess the swear word too! Hahah.
Three guesses per person please.
OH, and when you're through guessing, if you're a mom of a toddler or younger, check out the previous post and enter to win Jen Singer's new book!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Previous $5 Friday:
Guess which magazines I subcribe to?
Guess the dude's name?
What movie ticket stubs?
Guess the Lunch Bill?
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
With funny chapters such as:
If You’ll Just Go to Sleep, I’ll Take you To Disney World in the Morning to helping you through Potty Training, food issues (which I still battle through with my nine-year old – where was this book BACK THEN?), Jen’s book will have you laughing AND figuring out exactly what you need to do to get through The Toddler Years without having to commit yourself!
Throughout the book, Jen’s got “It Worked For Me” tips and “Gimme A Break” sections on how to revive yourself, and even little “OK, I Admit It!” confessions from other moms so you’ll know you’re really not alone as you navigate your way through these fun toddler years.
Jen’s book is SO MUCH fun, it ALMOST really and truly makes me wish my kids were back in the Toddler stage again!
You can win yourself a copy here on Manic Mommy too! Just leave a comment - one lucky toddler-frazzled mom will win a copy of Jen’s book! Or enter to win the copy for your sister, your cousin, your friend ... whoever you think might need a book like this--BASICALLY ANYONE WHO HAS OR WILL EVENTUALLY RAISE A TODDLER!
And don’t even tell me you haven’t heard of Jen because I’ve written about her before because she has OTHER great books out too, like You're A Good Mom and her amazing website is www.mommasaid.net so check out what Jen has got going on over there at the 'back fence' of the internet.
And in the meantime, be thankful for your kids, because you know what, they really are THAT GREAT!
Thanks Jen, for writing another great book, and for always making us moms feeling like we're NOT INSANE and we can get through these years in one piece and that it's OK to make mistakes and that our kids WON'T break, and that it's OK if we're not perfect and that it's OK if we scream a little ... OK, I'll stop there.
GO GET THIS GREAT BOOK! Or leave a comment to win it NOW!