Monday, September 24, 2007

"The" Talk

Ajers and I just had a S E X talk. I don’t call it THE sex talk, because I try to be there to answer his questions and make it an ongoing conversation between us. In fact, he knows that I have done it exactly three times in my life, cuz after all, he knows I have three kids. I wish I could recall the conversation word for word, but I guess it’s nice that I can’t because that means it was just such a natural conversation between the two of us. I can’t even remember what sparked the conversation, but it just came up (NO PUN) and we both giggled a little and we both talked.

I love, love, love having this kind of openness with my children. I want them to be able to come to me with questions.

He asked me: “Is it true that some stuff comes out? Like some white stuff?”

I answered truthfully. I try not to over-answer, try not to give too much information, just enough to satisfy the curiosity.

Then he was asking about medicine so you can’t have babies, and I guess he’s hearing about birth control somewhere. I told him that even though you do ‘that’ to have babies, when a man and a woman get married, there’s a closeness they want to share. And he knows I know that his you-know-what sticks up on occasion because he and Tukey laugh and joke about it sometimes when it’s happening. I mentioned to him that I know sometimes it may feel good to touch his body, and I’m a big proponent of the “AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!” belief when it comes to touching oneself. Then to explain to him why people do ‘that’ because he kind of just doesn’t understand how it would feel good, I said, “Well, when you feel good, and you love someone, you both should be able to feel good together.”

BUT NOT UNTIL YOU ARE IN LOVE, and practically married, or married, yes, that’s what I meant, NOT UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED! But he did assure me that he wouldn’t be interested in doing anything like that until he’s like around 25.

Oh my gosh, I am just thinking about what we discussed, and now feel a little freaked out about it. He’s in fourth grade—am I telling him too much? But in fifth grade, they have the big talk at school, so why shouldn’t he be a little bit more informed rather than going into that ‘program’ uninformed and coming out shell-shocked and confused.

So, regardless, he asked questions, I answered them. We giggled, we communicated. We both agreed it was a good discussion.

Just now, he was going upstairs and I heard him say thanks for something but I didn’t know what he was thanking me for so I said, “What did you say?”

As my fourth-grader went up the stairs, he said, “Thanks for the ‘Live-and-Learn’ Mom!”

Yep, live and learn. That’s all we can hope to do. And inform them the best possible way we can.

Thank you, Ajers, for the “Live and Learn” right backatcha!

26 comments:

secretmom said...

I love that! I so want that relationship with my son as he grows up. Any tips on how you got there? I certainly can't emulate my parents, who I think once, maybe, through a book on my bed and left the rest to the nuns and priests at my Catholic school. Can you say issues?

Kate said...

Sounds great! When I was younger, my mom was great about talking to us and telling us the info we wanted/asked for little by little. She even had a long talk about contraception when I was 16, although she kept telling me how special it was that she was only ever with my dad. Then I think she realized I might actually do something and she completely clammed up and hasn't been honest/open with me since.

I found out many years later (from another sibling) that they lived together!! She didn't even tell me when I lived with my boyfriend.

So, I hope to follow her early examples.

Eileen said...

When I was in elementary school some forward girl had secretly read her parents Joy of Sex book and was telling everyone all the details about oral sex. On the ride home I was telling my mom about it and said something like "Holly said that women put the guy's pee pee in her mouth and I told her that must be a lie because NO ONE would ever do anything that nasty. Right?" She was quiet a long time and then said something like "There's no telling what some people will do."

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

Way to go Mom! I want to be that open with my girls in the years ahead.

Swishy said...

I am CRACKING UP at Eileen's comment ... ha ha ha ha.

I am afraid that I will try to be too cool and end up mercilessly uncool. In fact, I'm sure of it.

amanda said...

Thanks for setting me up for the day with a laugh! Needed that!

(Don't forget the privacy bit re- touching oneself/feeling good - OOPS! Sorry, autism-mum-moment!)

Lainey-Paney said...

OMG. I remember when my mom & I were talking about Sex when I was younger (like you & your kiddos---it was an open & ongoing conversation)....anyway...on this particular time...we discussed ejaculation.
I swear----I pictured a f*cking fire hose with stuff just shooting out like...a fire hose.
That pretty much scared me away from experimentation for a while. I didn't want any part of that.

Patti said...

not only did i have the s-e-x talk with boy, apparently i did it so well he said his friends wanted me to tell them too....ack! i calmly told boy that i would need permission slips for that one.

March to the Sea said...

better from you than wrong information on the playground. Sounds like you did a nice job.

The Gang's All Here! said...

Amen to March To The Sea's comment! The Boss has ongoing conversations with the boys about purity of heart and mind, and we've both shared the ongoing, natural style of conversations about the body functions and body image issues over the years. I'm so glad we got out ahead of the conversation, so we could be the primary influencers on their train of thought on the issues.

Manic Mom said...

Patti, March, Gang--ABSOLUTELY!! I think if you start talking about stuff early, it's not such a shock when others start telling them shit that probably isn't very accurate!!!

imkay said...

i let my husband do the talk. i took the 4 year old to the grocery store! but i did let him know that i knew he had "the talk" and that he could come to me with any questions he may have.


good job!!

Monnik said...

You have the same attitude as me. I think it's great being open and upfront with your kids about this.

Live and learn. Funny kid. The ol' apple didn't fall far from the tree, did it?

M said...

That's awesome that you can be so comfortable to talk to him about it and that he feels comf. to come to you. How great for both of you. I loved hearing this story because it is so important for kids to get this kind of information and level of ease and comfort at home. So nice to see it is happening for you.

Kim Stagliano said...

What a kid! What a Mom!

Drew Blackstone said...

I would like to think that my parents never engaged in that kind of behavior. Eewwww.

And growing up in the 70's, I had way too much openness. My mom was big on TMI side of things. Eewww.

Ello said...

My husband has decided that we don't need to have the talk with the girls because they are never leaving daddy's side. EVER. I will of course blindside the delusional one and have the talk with the girls at the proper age. But have no idea when that's supposed to be. Sigh. I'm not looking forward to it.

KATE said...

Oh my Good Job Manic!! What a good mom you are! I would start laughing I know it, I swear I'm really just a 10 year old kid in disguise! I love Eileens comment that's GREAT & Pattis comment too! Too funny guys! Great Job Manic & what a cute guy you have; you've done a good job with him!!
- Kate

KATE said...

Okay, I just read lainey-paneys & I think I just wet my pants! ha ha ha!! That is quite the mental picture!! Thanks - ha ha

Andrea said...

You're such a cool mom! :) Kudos!

(and I'm still reading)

Mel said...

I'm going to pay a professional to talk to my daughter about S E X. I can't do it. I don't have the nerves for it. Yes, I want her to be informed and well rounded, but why must I be the ONE to tell her. I'm going to start a petition.

And Eileen that was hilarious.

Trish Ryan said...

That's the good stuff. Nicely done :)

XYZinn said...

oh my gosh, i am freaking out right now. i grew up with only sisters, so this "boy" thing is definitely new to me. i don't know what i am going to tell my son when he is old enough. i just hope we can have an open enough relationship that he will be able to talk to me about those kinds of things.
i remember thinking the same thing that eileen said. my friend told me about sex and i was thinking to myself that there is NO WAY anyone would want to do that! it sounded way too disguisting!

Jenster said...

It's so awesome that you can talk like that with your kids. We never had one talk, either. Just a bunch of conversations. My son is 15 now and he still will talk with us about anything. He even *gasp* asks advice! (He's got a girlfriend and trying to figure out boundaries and all that stuff. He's such a better kid than I was at his age.)

All that was to say that if you're communicating like that with your kids now, then you'll always have those lines open.

Cool stuff!

Amanda said...

I am in shock. I have lived happily in my nice little special ed school bubble and never strayed into the realms of mainstream so when my friend Laura told me what they get up to these days I was gobsmacked to say the least! Theyhave "Life skills" classes in school where amongst other things they teach the kids how to use a condom by using cucumbers (I hope!). The questions Laura got asked I nearly crashed the car! "Mum, when you and Dad had sex....."

PS Manic, where are you?

Michelle Gregory said...

Hi. Sailed in from Crazy Hip Blog Mamas. This looks like a place where I'd like to hang out from time to time. And from reading the first few in your 100 things, I had to laugh at some that were really familiar - like holding the tape player up next to the radio, and the broken heart thing.

We've had part of the talk with one son, but not all of it. Thankfully at 13, he thinks the idea of girls is horrid.

Michelle