The Great Photographer and Elusive Tobias, as I have personally named him, asked an interesting question. He noticed that I would prefer some "non-sexual affection" on my perfect day and asked the following:
"Does that side of things really drop off when you marry? Do you not miss it?"
So, how to answer? And I hope my female married readers will chime in on this topic, stone me to death if I'm wrong, whatever.
But, I don't know if 'that side of things really drops off when you marry' but it definitely becomes second to raising children, especially three right in a row, boom, boom, boom! Of course, when we were trying to conceive these children, it didn't drop off, if you know what I mean, but that's a blog post for another day.
I think, and please remember, I am only one woman, and keep in mind I happen to be Manic Mom so that could come into play here, but when you're in a house all day long with children rubbing up against you begging for juice and cookies and lunch and butts to be wiped and boo-boos to be kissed and buttons to be snapped and toys to be fixed, the last, (and remember, this is just me talking) the very last thing I am in the mood for is S-E-X.
When you have a day of being groped by the children, being groped by the husband while you're trying to make dinner (even if it is boxed Mac 'n' Cheese with the Blues Clues characters), do laundry, pick up the markers and paper the kids left on the floor, fill out school forms, make lunches for the next day... well, being groped in a sexual manner by the husband is just not sexy and does not put a woman (me) in a sexy mood. Others might feel differently.
Sexy for me is for Hubby to tell me he appreciates the fact that I raked the leaves, and that the kitchen looks uncluttered, and that he enjoyed the Shake 'n' Bake pork chops (I've told you all a million times I can't cook worth a shit!). Sexy for me is when he lets me sleep in every weekend and he makes the kids breakfast. Sexy for me is getting a neck massage or when he gives the kids a bath and puts them to bed. These are the non-sexual affectionate things I think I am talking about.
Or, just being kissed without the intent that it's going to lead to sex, just kissing because kissing is a way to connect and it feels nice, and there is a promise of something that might be in the future. Or a sweet hug without an ass grab or grope in the kitchen in front of the kids, because, while I do believe it is extremely important and good for children to see their parents loving one another, hugging and kissing, and telling one another they love each other, it's not so good to have the children see the dad grab the mom's ass or some other part of her anatomy while she's trying to make sure she doesn't burn the water she's boiling for the Blues Clues' Kraft Mac 'n' Cheese.
Now, for instance, take me on a husband-wife-only beach vacation, or even an overnight getaway to a swanky hotel (where I am not puking my lungs out in the bathroom because of overdoing it at a Green Tie Ball), then, I am all over the Non-Non Sexual Affection.
So, do you see what I mean? It's all about timing. For me, timing is everything. And the frame of mind I'm in. And most of the time, when I'm with the kids, or have spent the day with the kids, or am thinking about the kids, or I know the kids could walk in at any second, well, then yes, "that side of things" does take the back burner to what is going on, and that's fine for now, because I know there will be those beach vacations and those overnight getaways in swanky hotels in the future.
So Tobias, I wouldn't say it happens when you're married, but definitely when kids are brought into the world. And I do have to say this. I would sacrifice all the sexual affection in the world if I had to choose between that and having my children, and having the love and affection and joy I get from my kids.
Wow, this was a bit sentimental wasn't it?
Would love to hear what you all feel on this topic!