Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Maybe I Should Do It Daily

Drink a bottle of wine, that is. Come on guys--get the head outta the gutter!

Seriously though, after last night's impromptu wine party, when I came home I told Hubby where I had been, and that I had drunk a bottle of wine, and he asked, "Weren't we supposed to be slowing it down?"

I said, "Not we. You." He drank far more than I during our Thanksgiving 'visit' and as much fun as I had with my friends and family during our 'trip out east', I cannot call it a vacation. To me, a vacation must include a beach, tropical drinks, and the sun. Oh, and no kids.

So, digressing here, but back to the point I was trying to make. It was good that I drank a bottle of wine. I came home, put two-thirds of the kids to bed, while Hubby took the last third to basketball practice. I went to bed, lights out, no reading, nothing, at eight p.m. And slept. Slept well.

This a.m., after getting BitchDoll and Ajers out the door to the bus, with not so much trauma from BD today, I decided to begin a new morning routine that will involve three things:

1. Treadmill.
2. Load of laundry.
3. Shower.

This is my pre-resolution resolution. I was so freaking productive today! I got TWO LOADS of laundry done and put away, I wrote half an essay that I am working on for a regional parenting magazine.

Sidenote: How cool is it that I am being contacted and ASKED to write about S-E-X as a married mother, AND getting paid for it!--I'm working on it Kara, but first, I have to go have sex so I can remember what it's like -- Hahahahah.

It is so terribly amusing to think of things or to write something or to say something incredibly stupid and funny that you break into laughter all by yourself. Isn't that the greatest feeling in the world. To be able to laugh at one's own stupidness? I'm really good at that!

So, more digression here. I got my little list done this a.m., then dropped Tukey off to school, after calling Hubby to ask him, "Where the eff did you put the car keys because I can't find them and I have to get Tukey to school!" (Keys are still MIA, BTW.)

Then, I get into...

Shopping Mode.

Which means, as I learned from yesterday, that I need to start the excursion by popping a Xanax to get me into the correct mental frame of mind. And, although I never got around to sharing my shopping highlights with you yesterday, it wasn't so bad. Tukey was behaved, I got good parking, people were friendly...

I just freeze up and can't do it.

It's like stage fright, but I have shop fright. It's the same thing in the grocery store. I will look at all the choices and my head will start to spin, internally of course, not for real like Regan in Exorcist, and then I will start getting numb lips (this is a genetic thing because this happens to my mom too). So, then I'm asking Tukey, who is FOUR, what he thinks I should get my nephews for Christmas... Would they like the Elmo Giggle Ball or the Elmo Mr. Potato Head guy and then I'm standing there with the two stupid toys in my hands, trying to manuever the stroller in the one-foot-wide aisle in the freaking toy store, and get me started on why the hell they make the aisles in the GD toy stores so freaking small because the people who shop in there are MOMS with freaking strollers!!

See, I shoulda taken a Xanax before starting this post.

I feel better though; thanks for listening.

I am going to try to prepare a meal for my family now, and then I am going to yoga tonight for the first time in about three months, and I'm going to "OHM" my way into sanity.

Until I have to do it again tomorrow -- I have four hours sans kids in which I can attempt the drastic shopping thing again. I think I should just open up that bottle of wine right now.


Post Script: I found the keys. They were in the jacket I wore to the neighbor's last night where I drank the whole bottle of wine. Apparently, Hubby had not taken the main set with him to basketball practice. How the hell am I gonna tell him it was my fault after I griped at him about the keys?

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Is It Wrong?

Okay, I started a previous post titled, "Oh Fuck" which is how I began my morning when I got on the scale. But now I am buzzed on a Tuesday night and it's 7:15 p.m. and believe it or not, Manic Mom DOES NOT drink during the week, and you would not blieve how many times I had to go back and fix typos because of the buzz I have, see I left a couple for you so you can see how I am not v ery coherent.

So there. Havppy fucking holidays. Let the joy begin. shopponjg sucks.

Ha. Ha.

Tis the fucking season.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Fun For Mommy Bloggers

Check out this cool new site for Bloggin' Moms.

Is Everyone's 'Hood Like This?

As we were returning from our little 'visit' over the Thanksgiving holiday, we pulled into our subdivision and were struck with visions of sugar plum fairies and reindeer and all that other crap!

I swear to God, more than half the houses are ALREADY DECORATED! The freaking pressure is on! I think the neighbors actually have a race to see who can get their houses lit up before everyone else, and I also think all the neighbors on my street said, "Okay, Manic and her family are gone. Let's really screw with them and have all our decorations, lights, white sleighs and glowing reindeers, tinseled trees and icicle rooftops all done before they get back."

And some were telling me they have like four or five or even six trees to put up or have already put them up. Trees for the kids in each of their rooms! Trees for the bathrooms! A tree for the basement! The foyer! Heck, I even think one neighbor has a tree in their hallway closet just so those putting away their coats can get festive!

And what am I doing? Well, I'm fretting that I'm not going to get everything done in time! I am trying to dig out of the laundry mess, and purge old toys and old school papers, and cluttered cabinets and closets just to make sure there is space for all the new crap that will be making its way into our home in the next four weeks. It's a never-ending process. Get stuff, stick it in a closet for a year, open closet, realize that has been unused in closet for a year and know that more stuff is on its way, throw out stuff, wait for new stuff to get here so the whole thing can start all over again.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a scroogy person at all. It's just so commercialized and hyped and the leftovers from Thanksgiving aren't even all gone yet.

But maybe, just maybe, all these neighbors are getting me into the spirit of the season and I'm freaking out so I can be right along side them, ringing jingly bells, baking cookies, wrapping gifts I hope everyone will like (of course, I think I have to buy them first!), drinking festive concoctions that warm the insides, singing Christmas carols around the table (which Diva aka BitchDoll suggested we do tonight), finding the perfect family card to send to friends and family, and then, after it's all said and done, recovering from the enormity of it all and realizing it's all just really about a teeny little baby left in a manger while some smart dudes on camels followed some bright shining star to honor the little guy they would be calling King.

(What the hell is Frankencense anyway, and why was it such a hot commodity back then, when it can be purchased for seven bucks a quarter pound?)

Tune in later this week when I continue my homage to this glorious overly-commercialized, yet somewhat meaningful and spectacular holiday event that is beginning to cloud my already-post-Thanksgiving-pre-holiday-I'm-scared-to-go-shopping brain!


Sunday, November 27, 2005



There is no place like home.

We are back, some are cranky, some have coughs reminiscent of wet hacking doggy crouppy sounds and they might possibly be coughing up lungs, but we are home, with little incidents other than the following:

Two barfers in the car.

A back that spasmed and then went out for a day.

Musical beds every night.

Two chic-fila sandwiches and a super size waffle fry in one sitting.

A urinator in the van, who had to pee in his sister's special cup because there was nothing else available while we were driving 80+ MPH.

More highlights later, after I attack the mound of laundry, go to the grocery store, and do a bunch of other "home-from-vacation-get-back-into-real-life-mode" stuff.

BTW, One, Two, Three, Five, Six, Seven and Eight are accurate.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Confessional Tuesday

Guess which (if any?) of the following are True Confessions:

1. I have participated in a Spring Break Wet T-Shirt Contest.

2. I have participated in a Hot Legs Contest.

3. I have played strip poker.

4. I have been initiated into the High Mile Club.

5. I have hosted a sex toy party.

6. I have subscribed to Playboy.

7. I have been to strip clubs and have 'tucked' money.

8. I have kissed a female.

9. I have had (and completed the act) a phone sex conversation.

10. I have lied about all of the above.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

A Teeny Break

Posting is going to be sporadic at best, nil at worst for the next couple weeks as I will be vacationing on a deserted island with People's Sexiest Man Alive, Matthew McCaughnoy... oh, who the hell cares how to spell his name, anyway?

So, even if the island is equipped with internet access, and all the luxuries, who the hell would want to waste her time when she could be doing whatever she wanted to with the Sexiest Man Alive.

Seriously though, I'm not really going to a deserted island, but you probably already knew that, I was just trying my hand at humor.

How's this for humor... Tukey did the vomit thing, and I'm just sure when it's BitchDoll's turn it's going to be far, far worse than when my darling little boys yakked nicely and quickly, with not too much griping and whining, into the proper receptacles. I can just see BitchDoll (aka Diva) now. She will refuse to let me rubberband her hair and she won't dare let me try to put it behind her ears, she will not want to throw up in the toilet and demand that I get out a crystal bowl, and that I hold the bowl while also placing a cool cloth onto her head while said head is spinning around in circles like the Exorcist chick. I can just see it now.

So, you see why I will be away from the computer for a while. I just like to plan accordingly.

And actually, I really wish I could share with you the truth on where I am going, but my mom is sure that if I tell you, then this is the opportune time for the stalkers and robbers and thieves to come take all my worldly possessions, leaving me with nothing. But, no worries, because I have personally hired five very large scary men to guard my house in the event that any of you terrible people who choose to remain anonymous will attempt to thwart me of all my worldly goods.

On that note, I seriously am taking some time off, going to see what it's like to not be such a slave to the computer, and spend some well-deserved time with my family and friends.

I'm wishing you all some goodness to come your way, and please remember to be thankful for the good that is already in your life, even if you're like me, and the good is that BitchDoll won't get the vomitbug!

See ya soon, and in the meantime, check out those great blogs on my sidebar! Take good care of yourselves! Cheers!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Today I...

Woke up to a vomiting, heaving eight-year-old.

Sent Diva off to school (I think I might start calling her BitchDoll, that has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?)

Helped vomiting, heaving child through some more bouts of vomit (sorry for all the excrement talk, from both ends lately, but this is my life!)

Ate like a huge pig, handfuls and handfuls of teddy grahams and I don't even like them, and the rest of the mac 'n' cheese, and buttered noodles with parmesan, and a Healthy Choice pizza, and ... what else, I know there is more!

Didn't exercise for second day in a row, and I'm feeling the effects of it and feeling like a big blob, but not enough to drag my ass down to the basement to do the treadmill.

Did receive a rejection from an agent, but no mention of blog being a factor, however, as a sidenote, a blogging reader may purchase some of my written articles as reprints for the parenting magazine she is editor of (shout out to Kara!)

Have not, nor do I intend to take a shower today.

Did clean the drawers in Tukey's room because there has been a bin on the floor in there since August, NO LIE, and I know it had to have been driving Hubby crazy(who I will now call "Sleeping With The Enemy Man" --I think you all know how I've mentioned he can be a *little* anal when it comes to clutter in the house).

Tossed old toys, put some away for Goodwill (including the I LOVE YOU Barney doll that made me a little nostalgic, and the La La Telly Tubbie that made me really happy!), and cleaned out the boys' bedroom closet! They can actually PLAY in their room now as there is carpet space available!

Attempted to clean out BitchDoll's closet, but there were so many damned Barbie and Polly Pockets plastic thingies I wasn't sure what I could toss so I threw everything back into the closet.

Worked on my editing job for three hours, feel a sense of accomplishment there.

Did a load of laundry, folded it, have yet to take it upstairs.

Picked up a shitload of beads the kids spilled all over my office, but hey, they were occupied for about ten minutes so should I complain?

Stopped by some of my favorite bloggers and left some comments.

Emptied dishwasher, loaded dishwasher, ran dishwasher.

Made about 18 different items of food for Ajers to eat once he was done with the hacking.

There's more, but I have to get the kids to bed now as Hubby is working late.

Have a great night!

Confessional Tuesday

I was just reminded that it is Tuesday, so it's Confessional Tuesday. I had something really good to share, but I'm afraid those agents that are searching for me might read about the time I was in high school and I threw up in my mouth and had to swallow it so my parents wouldn't know I was hungover so I guess I can't ...


Monday, November 14, 2005

Too Funny!

Got this email from my mom today, referring to her inability to find the new blog:

So you locked me out totally! Don't feel too good about that!

I called her right away. "Why do you think I locked you out completely?" I asked.

"Because I went to your webpage and it says 'MANIC MOM'S MENTAL MYRIADS IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION'!" She exclaimed.

Apparently Mom had no idea what my URL was in the first place--she would just go to my home web site and click the link to MMMM.

"Mom, this is exactly what you wanted me to do! Now Manic Mom can no longer be connected with [insertrealnamehere, but for those of you who know it, please, no mentions in the comment section]"

But really, and I don't mean this as a negative to my mother, because I love her dearly, but if any idiot wanted to try hard enough, they could find me still.

I just hope there are not too many idiots out there!

In other Mom News, previous to receiving her "You locked me out" email, she called me and said, "I know you never watch the news, so you probably don't know about the teenager in Pennsylvania..."

I stopped her mid-sentence: "You mean the kid who murdered his girlfriend's parents and then the girlfriend and the kid just crashed in Indiana? Those guys?"

I totally stumped her.

"How did you know about that?" Mom asked.

"Mom, you yourself know I am on the computer a million hours a day. The Internet has news on it."

Anyway, she continued, "Well, you know, those two kids, the one who murdered the girl's parents? ...


Blog Virus

It was only a matter of time. Between Ajers having bronchitis, and me spending time over at this blogger, Eulallia, and this adorable
Monkey, I was bound to take ill. They seemed to have passed along their blog germs and now I am tainted.

Or, the flu shot I got on Saturday is doing a number on me and I'm getting those flu-like symptoms that can occur after a shot.

All I wanna do today is cozy on up with a nice blankie (perhaps my Woobie, which always at least makes me smile, no matter how terrible I feel), lie on the couch and snuggle with Tukey until it's school time for him. And drat, then I have a pre-school conference where they will no doubt tell me my child is the best listener, most cooperative, most animated, well-behaved child in preschool. Right? Heh, yeah right.

And something about being sick like this-- I no longer have that daily craving for my grandenonfatsugarfreevanillalattenowhip. When I feel like this, my drink of choice is tangerine lime flavored water, mixed with OJ and cranberry juice. The perfect remedy. A splash of vodka doesn't hurt either.

Ugh, this is actually a perfect day to be sick. A dreary, drippy, Monday morning. And Sesame Street starts in about 10 minutes. Gosh, I do love that show.

And I love Grover, cuz he's blue and furry and so lovable, and also because I loved the book, There's A Monster At The End Of This Book! when I was little.

Some stats on the friendly, furry and lovable monster:

The Cuddly and Determined Hero

With a grin on his face and a bounce in his step, Grover-the self-proclaimed "world's cutest monster"-is always bursting with energy and curiosity. This sometimes gets him into trouble in the real world, but his mommy helps him out as she tells her furry little son to keep trying.

Birthday: October 14

Favorite Song: "Monster in the Mirror"

Best Friend: Kermit (no one else has the patience)

Quote: "Hello every-bod-eeeee!"

Likes: Anything and everything; doing whatever Ernie and Bert can do

Dislikes: Phone booths without doors (supermonsters need their privacy, too!)

Who's your favorite Sesame Street character, and why? Hope you all are well!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Non-Sexual Affection

The Great Photographer and Elusive Tobias, as I have personally named him, asked an interesting question. He noticed that I would prefer some "non-sexual affection" on my perfect day and asked the following:

"Does that side of things really drop off when you marry? Do you not miss it?"

So, how to answer? And I hope my female married readers will chime in on this topic, stone me to death if I'm wrong, whatever.

But, I don't know if 'that side of things really drops off when you marry' but it definitely becomes second to raising children, especially three right in a row, boom, boom, boom! Of course, when we were trying to conceive these children, it didn't drop off, if you know what I mean, but that's a blog post for another day.

I think, and please remember, I am only one woman, and keep in mind I happen to be Manic Mom so that could come into play here, but when you're in a house all day long with children rubbing up against you begging for juice and cookies and lunch and butts to be wiped and boo-boos to be kissed and buttons to be snapped and toys to be fixed, the last, (and remember, this is just me talking) the very last thing I am in the mood for is S-E-X.

When you have a day of being groped by the children, being groped by the husband while you're trying to make dinner (even if it is boxed Mac 'n' Cheese with the Blues Clues characters), do laundry, pick up the markers and paper the kids left on the floor, fill out school forms, make lunches for the next day... well, being groped in a sexual manner by the husband is just not sexy and does not put a woman (me) in a sexy mood. Others might feel differently.

Sexy for me is for Hubby to tell me he appreciates the fact that I raked the leaves, and that the kitchen looks uncluttered, and that he enjoyed the Shake 'n' Bake pork chops (I've told you all a million times I can't cook worth a shit!). Sexy for me is when he lets me sleep in every weekend and he makes the kids breakfast. Sexy for me is getting a neck massage or when he gives the kids a bath and puts them to bed. These are the non-sexual affectionate things I think I am talking about.

Or, just being kissed without the intent that it's going to lead to sex, just kissing because kissing is a way to connect and it feels nice, and there is a promise of something that might be in the future. Or a sweet hug without an ass grab or grope in the kitchen in front of the kids, because, while I do believe it is extremely important and good for children to see their parents loving one another, hugging and kissing, and telling one another they love each other, it's not so good to have the children see the dad grab the mom's ass or some other part of her anatomy while she's trying to make sure she doesn't burn the water she's boiling for the Blues Clues' Kraft Mac 'n' Cheese.

Now, for instance, take me on a husband-wife-only beach vacation, or even an overnight getaway to a swanky hotel (where I am not puking my lungs out in the bathroom because of overdoing it at a Green Tie Ball), then, I am all over the Non-Non Sexual Affection.

So, do you see what I mean? It's all about timing. For me, timing is everything. And the frame of mind I'm in. And most of the time, when I'm with the kids, or have spent the day with the kids, or am thinking about the kids, or I know the kids could walk in at any second, well, then yes, "that side of things" does take the back burner to what is going on, and that's fine for now, because I know there will be those beach vacations and those overnight getaways in swanky hotels in the future.

So Tobias, I wouldn't say it happens when you're married, but definitely when kids are brought into the world. And I do have to say this. I would sacrifice all the sexual affection in the world if I had to choose between that and having my children, and having the love and affection and joy I get from my kids.

Wow, this was a bit sentimental wasn't it?
Would love to hear what you all feel on this topic!

Tukey Talk

Tukey: Mom, I’m done!

Manic: You pooping?

Tukey: Yes.

Manic: Be right there! (Holds nose, and enters powder room)

Tukey: Mom, I always pray when I poop.

Manic: That's a good idea. What do you pray about?

Tukey: I dunno.

Manic: You ready for a wipe?

Tukey, while grunting: Uhh, I only have one more to do.

I told you it was going to get graphic over here at the new and improved Manic Mom. I warned ya, yes I did.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Yay! You Found Me!

Welcome to the new and improved, say-whatever-I-want-and-hope-the-wrong-people-don't-find-me Blog of Manic Mom!

Many of you already know me, know my name, know where I live, know what I ate for dinner last night. Some know the names of my children, my husband, and the last time I had my period.

But, for those of you who don't, some things are going to have to be kept more under wraps here. I am now a sexier, slimmer version of my old self, now being called either Manic Mom or S.C. Elle. On the flip side, now that I have gone into the Blog World Witness Protection Program, I can be a bit more open with what I have to say here.

And I promise, it's still really me here, just a more private me, in terms of personal stuff about my family and friends. However, now I can really let loose, open up more, get a little bit more daring...

I feel like I just got a boob job or something fantastic like that!

Cheers, and so glad you found me!

True / False Answers

1. My brother nicknamed me Whale-Bone-Whaler when we were younger, deriving it from the ever-popular fish sandwich at Burger King.
TRUE, and I still loathe him for that.

2. I've never had sex in a swimming pool.

3. None of my children weighed over eight pounds.
FALSE. They were 8.11; 9.4; 9.0 in that order.

4. Only three boyfriends ever told me they loved me.
TRUE, but I only think one meant it, so I married him.

5. Two of them were saying it just to get somewhere.

6. I must use two separate knives for the peanut butter and the jelly.
TRUE. Grosses me out when there are crumbs mixed in with the tub of butter, or when I see PB in the jelly jar. Ewww.

7. I'll eat any vegetable as long as it has butter or cheese on it.

8. I once suffered from anorexia.

9. I have worn glasses / contacts since I was 13.
FALSE --got glasses after college, contacts two weeks before our wedding because we had attended someone else's wedding and we were stuck at a table in the back. I thought, "I'm getting married in two weeks and I won't be able to see any of the guests in the back!" (But don't you usually put the lame people in the back anyway?)

10. My teeth are as straight as they were when the permanent ones arrived.

11. I spend way too much money at the cosmetic counter.

12. I have never done chemically-created illegal drugs.

13. The first boy I ever French kissed was named Carter Ganada.
TRUE, but I spelled his last name inocorrectly because I forgot how it was spelled. I was a junior in high school! He had braces, I think, and we were chewing Big Red gum. He also had a girlfriend, so I guess my first real encounter was as the 'other' woman!

14. I still own the shirt I was wearing the night I met Hubby.
TRUE. Got it from the Limited. It's black and orange striped with gold buttons at the collar. Cool back then, not so cool now. Maybe I should post a picture of it.

15. I hate cranberry juice.
FALSE. Hate apple juice.

16. I have thrown up on a plane, ship, car and bus all within a 24-hour period.
TRUE, and this was when I was traveling with my boss. On that excursion, I also threw up in an ice bucket but it was empty. (But there are pictures.)

17. My first job out of college was as an editor for a small newspaper.

18. I have never been on a blind date.

19. I can count on two hands the number of... well, you know.
FALSE. I would need about two-and-a-half hands for this.

20. I used to collect mirrors until I got tired of looking at myself.
TRUE I used to collect mirrors; FALSE that I stopped because I was looking at myself in them all the time.

21. The first time I got my hair highlighted, I was 30.
FALSE. Add five years.

22. I have been arrested one time.
FALSE, but one summer during college, we chickies got pulled over by cops three times in one week. I was only driving on one of those incidents and it just so happened that I had decided to drink ONLY water that night. Good girl that I am.

23. If given the choice, I would spend the whole day at one of the following places:
Barnes & Noble

24. I used to want to be an artist.
TRUE--I liked to paint and draw.

25. I used to want to be a dentist.
TRUE I think I wanted to be the little dentist Elf from The Abomidable Snowman (I know I spelled that wrong--I can't even say it.)

November Archives

Wednesday, November 09, 2005
The Best Rejection To Date Is Here:

You know what? I expect rejection letters. I know they are part of the process of getting an agent, of finding the right match for your work. You have to find someone as passionate about your book as you are and that's really, really hard to do. And I'm okay with that. It's like online dating, or regular dating, or making friends, or blog dating, or mating... whatever. You have to find the right match. It's got to be a "Ying and Yang thang." Or something like that.

But this here is the most absurd rejection in the entire world. I think so anyway. And this is my blog so I can think anything I want to.

So, I send Prominent New York Agent a query -- a short, simple one, with not a lot of info, and asked if she would be interested in reading more.

This is the blurb (in case there are any agents out there looking for my book... hee hee):

Ellen McMillan’s plan for the next forty weeks didn’t involve tip-toeing around her infertile sister, getting black-balled from Thursday night happy hour, and spending a week in Jamaica sober. But because of the Two Hearts pregnancy test, she’s becoming a different woman, complete with a new set of boobs and a blooming uterus. Ellen’s got more than her share of pregnancy woes–her OB makes her insides flutter (and it’s not because the baby’s kicking!), her pregnant boss thinks motherhood and career are not synonymous, and her husband is suddenly MIA, both emotionally and physically. She’s in a constant state of panic, thanks to a premonition from a stranger, a medical test gone awry, and the discovery of a family secret kept far too long. How in the world can Ellen make it through the next four days let alone the next forty weeks?

So, this is the response I get from Prominent New York Agent, which was very timely and honest, to give her credit:

I’m sorry; as a woman who plans to never have children, this just doesn’t resonate with me. But thanks very much for giving me a chance.


She is a literary agent. Does this mean because she never plans on murdering anyone, she is not interested in representing murder mysteries. Since she is not a man, is she not interested in anything a man would write? Does this mean that since she is heterosexual (I'm assuming), any book with gay characters would be disregarded immediately, and thrown into the Slush Pile? Since she is a literary agent, does this mean any book with a main character with a job unrelated to publishing or writing would not resonate with her?

I so just don't get it. And, if she is choosing not to have children, that's fine, that's her own business, but I have never met a parent who has said, "Oh, I wish I didn't have kids." I have met plenty of people who have said, "Oh, I wish I didn't have this job I have."

Prominent New York Agent seems pretty close-minded to me. But, who am I to say what resonates with her doesn't resonate with someone else. It's just a great, big, grandeous mystery to me. And wouldn't it be HILARIOUS if someday my book would become a BEST-SELLER, and I could do interviews and say, "Oh, Prominent New York Agent didn't even want to read my book because it's about a woman who has a baby." And she would be kicking herself because she would have gotten fifteen percent of a Best-Selling book about a mom, and we all know how boring books like that can be.

That would be soooo cool.

posted by S.C.Elle @ 10:18 PM 16 comments

The Joy Of The Sense Of Smell... Or Not.

I smell like how a wet dog smells after chasing a ball into a lagoon, running circles around a skunk and then rolling into a pile of dirt.

I think I should go shower.

posted by S.C.Elle @ 2:12 PM 3 comments

Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Confessional Tuesday

Well, I have spent all day thinking of something really juicy, intriguing, mind-blowing to share on this here, the second-ever Confessional Tuesday ever, and I got nuthin'.

I am a boring person with no secrets.

I'm trying to dig down really deep to come up with some good smut I haven't already shared with you guys. But, I've already told you how my younger brother (then five) caught me and the boyfriend in a compromising situation; I already told you when and where I lost my virginity; I already spill my guts every time I "spill my guts." I share my "fictional" accounted excerpts of stuff; I tell you every time I have a fantastic dream about an ex-boyfriend.

I am an open book who pores her soul out to all who will listen. (Oh, and by the way, that pour / pore thing always gets me in print. I think it should be "pour" as in "spill" but is it really "pore" as in... okay, no, now I am really confused -- I think it's:

She will pour her soul... pore her soul... fuck it... I empty my soul out to all who will listen.

Having said all that, I've decided to host a little True or False on Confessional Tuesday.

Which of the following are TRUE; Which are FALSE?

1. My brother nicknamed me Whale-Bone-Whaler when we were younger, deriving it from the ever-popular fish sandwich at Burger King.

2. I've never had sex in a swimming pool.

3. None of my children weighed over eight pounds.

4. Only three boyfriends ever told me they loved me.

5. Two of them were saying it just to get somewhere.

6. I must use two separate knives for the peanut butter and the jelly.

7. I'll eat any vegetable as long as it has butter or cheese on it.

8. I once suffered from anorexia.

9. I have worn glasses / contacts since I was 13.

10. My teeth are as straight as they were when the permanent ones arrived.

11. I spend way too much money at the cosmetic counter.

12. I have never done chemically-created illegal drugs.

13. The first boy I ever French kissed was named Carter Ganada.

14. I still own the shirt I was wearing the night I met Hubby.

15. I hate cranberry juice.

16. I have thrown up on a plane, ship, car and bus all within a 24-hour period.

17. My first job out of college was as an editor for a small newspaper.

18. I have never been on a blind date.

19. I can count on two hands the number of... well, you know.

20. I used to collect mirrors until I got tired of looking at myself.

21. The first time I got my hair highlighted, I was 30.

22. I have been arrested one time.

23. If given the choice, I would spend the whole day at one of the following places:
Barnes & Noble

24. I used to want to be an artist.

25. I used to want to be a dentist.

See, how boring is this? Eleven of them are false.

posted by S.C.Elle @ 8:44 PM 15 comments

Confessional Tuesday

Seems like just yesterday I told you about the Woobie, and here it is, another Tuesday and I've got to confess something. Problem is, now that my mom is on to me, I have to confess something probably not worth confessing, something that if Mom reads, she can be like, "Oh, good, she's not talking about the topaz thing anymore."

So, what to confess, what to confess?

Anyone want to know anything specific that is Blog-Mom-Sensitive?

posted by S.C.Elle @ 8:16 AM 20 comments

Monday, November 07, 2005
Slowly But Surely...

I am adding LINKS to you Blogger Pals. If you don't see your name to the right, no worries -- this is a work in progress, and I'm trying to get as many of you up as I can. If you hadn't noted that you want to be linked, and want to be linked here, leave me a comment and I'll add you.

On that note, I'm also working on building up my Web site and wonder if you can help out. If you're a regular reader, would you mind leaving a quick, short quote on your thoughts on Manic Mom so I can include on my Web page for the Blog? Send these to the comments section. (You know, something like, "Manic Mom makes me snort coffee out of my nose when I read her." That kind of stuff. None of the usual, "She sucks and she's an alcoholic-pill-popper," although, that might get me more readers!)

Thanks for your help guys! You rock! Also, Dating Dummy tried to help Computer Dummy figure out how to include a link here with my email address but Computer Dummy can't figure out how to do it, so any of you smart-techie-bloggers out there want to give me directions, that would be cool.

posted by S.C.Elle @ 2:47 PM 10 comments


Okay, can anyone tell me, How The Hell Does This Happen?

posted by S.C.Elle @ 9:11 AM 4 comments

Sunday, November 06, 2005
Could It Be Any More Depressing?

Gosh, I just went to the grocery store and I'm thinking, "Man, how depressing." The music they were playing over the intercom was just unbearable. If I were a single person, I would be crying in Aisle Five for sure.

First off, they played Open Arms by Journey. There is a particular ex of mine with whom anything by Journey stirs up crazy emotions. And I had had an incredibly 'interesting' dream last night that further added to these strange feelings. Then, Open Arms ended and Annie Lenox's "No More I Love Yous" comes on. Then, Tears for Fears, "Sowing The Seeds of Love" is on. Geeze, I would hate to be a person going through a break-up, being all depressed, not able to eat, and then finally being brave enough to continue on with my life, go to the grocery store to purchase something to eat since I hadn't been able to eat in so long because I was depressed over getting dumped and then going to the store and hearing all this sob-story music. Cripes. Why can't they play fun music, to get you bopping around the aisles, like B-A-N-A-N-A-S, or some Reggae music or the soundtrack of Grease, or some other stuff to make you feel happy about grocery shopping.

But, one thing that did make me happy was that at our grocery store, they have an in-store Starbucks. And after you purchase seven coffees, your next one is free. Guess what? I hit the jackpot this a.m. when it was announced that I would not have to pay for my grandenonfatsugarfreevanilla(NOWHIPBECAUSEIAMNOWCOUNTINGWEIGHTWATCHERPOINTS)latte, and since it was free, "Would I like a venti instead of a grande?"

Uh, duh. Supersize me baby!

So, maybe the venti coffee is what is making me spew out these words like they're the most valuable words I have ever written. On a side-note, my newest vice is to have a tallgrandenonfatsugarfreevanillanowhip, and then to go through the McDonald's drive-through and get a SuperSize Diet Coke with half-ice. I got this combo on Friday, after I had gone to Weight Watchers and discovered that although I hadn't counted points as religiously as I used to, I still lost 2.2 pounds that week. (If you've ever done WW or know of anyone who has lost weight on the program, every single freaking ounce lost counts, hence the point-two previously mentioned.)

But, anyway, the combination of a hot latte and a cold Diet Coke was wowza, and I was pumped!

So, that's my coffee story.

Finally, I was checking out, taking note that Brooke Shields (who I actually got to speak with on the phone once for an article I was writing) is pregnant with baby number two. I say Great for her! And sorry to hear that Brit and Kev are having parental woes. What'd you expect though -- he's like dad to a few other kids -- this baby-making thing is not exciting for him. It's just another notch in his belt, so to speak!

Anyway, I'm checking out and the lady in front of me looks at my stuff, cuz come on, who doesn't check out other peoples' stuff, and she goes, "Looks like somebody runs a daycare?"

I told her that no, I didn't run a daycare but I did have three kids, hence the teddy grahams, juice boxes, fruit snax, cereal, chicken-noodle-o's, raviolis...

I cracked up. Running a day care was the most hilarious thing I'd ever heard, because 1) I would never have the patience to run a daycare, and 2) I would never WANT to run a daycare.

So, there you have it, my grocery store story, no majorly personal info, no embarrassing stories about relatives, no information that might tell you where I live... just some thoughts while shopping. All safe blogging fodder!

posted by S.C.Elle @ 12:57 PM 5 comments

Saturday, November 05, 2005
Playgroup, Anyone?

I just found this online. It's something I wrote a while ago and just discovered it again via Google:

Everything I Needed To KNow, I Learned At Playgroup.

I kind of miss those days when the most exciting event of the week was Playgroup. Unless, of course, it was my turn to host it that week!

posted by S.C.Elle @ 10:14 PM 0 comments

Poi Dog Pondering

Last night we saw my favorite local band, and words can't describe the music, the energy, the atmosphere, the camaraderie of the group there to hear and watch and sing along with Poi Dog Pondering.

I'll try.

They're a local Chicago band who has (or is it have--this is one grammatical rule I just can't ever figure out) been around for probably 15-20 years. We've seen them about 10 times, and each time the show is energetic, uplifting, fascinating. There are about 11 members of the band with loads of instruments -- drums, trombone, cello, violin, guitars, synthesizers. You can't describe the type of music either... it's so ecclectic and different from probably anything you've ever heard, or thought you might like. And some people don't like this music. I do.

When we were in Philly, they came to a small venue, where Abra Moore opened for them. Before the show, Frank Orrall, the lead singer, walked past me and I went up to him, mentioned we used to follow them in Chicago all the time and now we lived out in Philly and were so happy they were in our town. We shook hands, he was very gracious and kind, and of course, I am easily star-struck. Since they are not as well-known on the east as in Chicago, we were front-and-center, Frank's sweat spilling onto me as he sang his songs, which are extemely poetic, thought-provoking, inspirational and even spiritual. The words just get to me.

I ended up front-and-center last night too, and at one point, nearing the end of the show, when Frank stopped to take a swig of his Heineken, I handed him a pen, asking him to sign the playlist taped to the floor. He did, apologizing that it was messy, and gave it to me. During the show he also did that thing where a singer will go into the crowd and be surfed through the hands of the people. How trusting is that -- to allow yourself to swim along a see of strangers, to let them reach for you, to let them move your body through the flow of fans, just so they can grab some energy from you.

And, later, there was a bouquet of flowers on the stage; he took them from the vase and started handing them to people in the audience. I got one, a white lilly not yet open, and later, in the parking garage, I gave my flower to a girl who was at the concert and noted she wished she had one. Heck, I've had a personal conversation with the guy before; I got his signature; I took their bottled water from the stage to drink last night; I also got a guitar pick. She can have the flower. Okay, I'm somewhat of a groupie, I guess you could say.

You have to check them out. Let me know what you think.

posted by S.C.Elle @ 3:48 PM 2 comments


MMMM might be going under some changes in the future because of some unforeseen circumstances I will definitely explain to you later. You may have noticed my archives are no longer available, and I'm considering moving somewhere else into Blog Land.

There are some things I can no longer post about. Topics no longer approved for discussion may or may not include... well, anything of a personal nature, really.

When I started this blog, I didn't take into consideration a thing called Privacy and I might have put myself out there a little too forcefully, and some think this could be a dangerous thing as there are crazies out there, looking to stalk and kill and murder unsuspecting Bloggers who are only Blogging because they love to write, love to hear the thoughts of others, love to connect with other writers.

Someone asked me why I do this. And if I had any friends, and if I was lonely?
Why does anyone do anything they enjoy?
Yes, I have friends.
No, I'm not lonely.

To me, it's a hobby, a form of expressing myself, an artistic outlet, and yeah, maybe I do seek the approval of others; I do want to hear from others that they enjoy my writing style, or that, as a mom, they too can relate to my parenting woes and joys. I do this because I think it's fun and I like to look at life in a humorous way and I like to make people laugh at some of the funny things that go on in my life.

But, when it becomes too much of an exposure, too much information shared, then it might be time to make some changes. And, I guess, in my hastiness to learn to Blog properly, and in my naivety, I might have expressed myself, shared too much, to you.

I might have goofed it all up.

posted by S.C.Elle @ 2:40 PM 6 comments

Thursday, November 03, 2005
There Mom.

Archive Bye-Bye. Happy? 143

posted by S.C.Elle @ 7:30 PM 12 comments

I'm An Aunt!

Hubby's sister and her husband are officially the proud new parents to their son, Ethan Michael, who became theirs today after a long awaited adoption procedure through Russia.

I'm so thrilled and can't wait to meet their baby!

posted by S.C.Elle @ 10:08 AM 6 comments

Lyrical Lunacy

You know how when a line in a song just gets you? I've been listening to this particular song when I'm running and it just hits a nerve in me. I think that if the singer was looking into my eyes, singing these words to me, I might just die.

"I walk along these hillsides in the summer 'neath the sunshine, and am feathered by the moonlight, falling down on me."

Anyone want to guess?

posted by S.C.Elle @ 8:16 AM 3 comments

Wednesday, November 02, 2005
More On Tuesday

Well, well, well, I have just been made the recipient of some very juicy Blog-Gossip and feel extremely privvy to be in on the big secret of two Blog-Lovers who have found each other through their Blogs, and will, because I am not a Blog-Ruiner, continue to remain nameless until the two make their own announcement on their own blogs. Why ruin all the fun!?

I knew having a Confessional Tuesday would pay off in a major way! Congrats to the lovebirds. I am sooo psyched for you two and cannot wait for the book to come out! You have to write the book--there is not one out there on finding love Blog-Style. Hell, I'll be your agent!

On another note, I have, once again, stolen something from the very talented, and I'm sure beautiful, (judging from her kindergarten picture) MoDigLi

So, to answer the burning questions on blogging:

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
No, I just try to remember the damn list, but I do know someone who puts on a ton of lipstick and heels to shop at the grocery store while on vacation, in a town where the odds are completely ZILCH that she'll run into anyone she knows.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
I don't alter photos. What you see is what you get.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
Creeps, yes. Dorks, no.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
Depends. What's your definition of a lie?

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
I'm not sure what that means? Anyone care to explain? Does this mean I'm bitter, or I try to get back at someone who has wronged me? Probably.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
Yeah, I think I did that once, and thanks to all those who told me not to stop!

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
I'm not in therapy. I went to a 'counselor' for two or three visits a few years back. The first appointment, I cried, spilled my guts. The second appointment, I had to make up shit so we could use the whole hour. The third appointment, we stared at each other until the hour was up.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I have gotten some mean comments but I didn't delete them. I didn't fake any nice ones.


10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
I don't know, can my readers who do know me in person answer this one in the comments?

11. Do you have a job?
Actually, yeah, kind of, and I just got a promotion, kind of. But first off, I am a mom, and that's my number one job. My "sorta-kinda-paying" job is an editor for a parenting website, and I love doing this because I can work any time I want, work as many or as few hours as I want. I also hope to be able to say in the future that yes, I do have a job, and my job title is AUTHOR. (I'm not going to be so off-the-wall and request BEST-SELLING, but if that were to accompany the job title, I'd take it!)

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
J Holden, Christa, DD, Joel, Alani, Breakup Babe, Erin, Memphis Steve seems kind of cool, Tulip... Oh gosh, I know there are more... Oh yeah, Agent 007 for sure... sorry if I missed you--not intentional! Oh, and Stephanie Klein so I can kick her in the ass. I no like her.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with?
Breakup Babe, Christa, Tulip--basically all the girls.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
I think I don't act either way. I gripe a lot about being on credit-card parole, but really don't make judgments on who has money. It's all in the heart, baby, it's what you got right here (thumps chest).

16. Does your family read your blog?
Oh yeah. Hi everyone! Well, I know my mom does, because she thinks I'm going to get murdered because I am too open about things. I wasn't sure about my MIL, but she told me the other day she enjoyed the pics I posted when my girlfriends were in town. I think quite a few friends of mine read this. Hoping someday ex-boyfriends will google me and find Manic Mom and read all about me and think "Wow, and to think I let her get away!" Ha!

17. How old is your blog?
I've been blogging one year in December and it is so addicting.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
I don't get 1000 page views a day. I think I average 200-400 though, which is pretty cool. I'm at 22,000 hits now, but that's not from when I started cuz I couldn't figure out how to put a tracker on.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
Yes, it's called:

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
No but I often offer sexual favors. KIDDING.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
Money, what money?

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
It's therapy. Here's a question for you--"Is reading blogs voyeristic?"

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
No, just the opposite, like right now my poor son is upstairs coughing up a lung and here I am, blogging my heart out.

24. Do you like John Mayer?
Totally, totally, totally. Love the song... shit, what's it called, it's on my itunes... Oh yeah, Body is a Wonderland. I even blogged about that song once. And the highschool song is pretty cool too.

25. Do you have enemies?
Anyone? Anyone? Beuhler?

26. Are you lonely?

27. Why bother?
See answer #22.

P.S.--Did I get you on number 19?

posted by S.C.Elle @ 8:58 PM 7 comments

Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Confessional Tuesday

Okay, I'm going to confess something every Tuesday. It might be something really juicy, or really something I just shouldn't share, but I'm going to confess to something every Tuesday, and if you feel like a cleansing is necessary on your part, please, send me a confession in the comments.

Here's my confession:

I sleep with a Woobie.

I haven't always; in fact, I have only had this particular Woobie for a few years, but I love it. It's an off-pink color, not quite pink, not quite purply, almost a dusty mauve, and I think I got it at TJ Maxx a while back. It's got a homemade feel to it, like it's crocheted and sometimes I stick my fingers through the holes of it when I sleep. Or I spoon my Woobie, or wrap it around my body before I snuggle into my bed and get under the real covers. It comforts me. I love my Woobie.

There. My confession. What's yours?