Serves Me Right

Let me preface this by saying not all the laundry has been folded and/or put away as yet. Let me also say this post serves me right for making blog jokes about my wifely duties in our home. Let me also say that mother's instinct is a powerful thing and you should never second-guess yourself when you think, "Should I or shouldn't I?"

Let's begin with a story where I will no longer write, "Let me."

We have a very nice woman come to clean the house every other week. She's from Lithuania and I was talking with her the other day, because I talk to my cleaning lady. Others might just ignore the person who does the most important job in their home, but I want this woman to feel comfortable when she's cleaning pee stains off our toilets (which, I always wipe down before she comes so she's not too grossed out).

Anyway, we were chatting and I was telling her that her English was very good. She has been in the states just six years. I asked if she spoke any English before she came here.

She said, "Three words."

"What were they?" I asked.

She smiled shyly, and said, "Hi."

"And?" I asked. Of course, I figured out what the second word would be and I was correct.

"Bye." Pause. And then she said, "Third word..." Giggle, pause...

"Fuck."

So, she came to America knowing Hi*Bye*Fuck.

Hey, in America, maybe that's really all you need to know to get by!

Anyway, not my "Serves Me Right" story.

She was changing the sheets on Diva's bed and I had noticed there are waterproof pads on her bed, and I almost took them off, because she never was a "bed-pee-er" like Ajers was, but some little inkling in the back of my head said, "Nah, I can do it later."

I am sooo glad I had that little voice in my head because Saturday night we went out to dinner for Ajers birthday and the kids drank about sixteen kiddie cocktails each, and she then peed in the middle of the night, not five, but probably six gallons of urine on her bed, soaking through two blankets and her jammies, and her sheets.

But not through the waterproof pads!

She calls for me at 3:42 a.m. and I rush to her.

"My bed's wet."
(How come they never know it's CUZ THEY PISSED THE BED!? It's as if they think it just rained on their bed, exactly at the spot where they would have peed, but they don't think it's possible that they could have peed the bed.)

I stripped the first layer off the bed and was thrilled to see the round wet stain planted smack in the middle of the waterproof pad! The mattress would not smell like a nursing home or a daycare center with diapers filled with pee! I was practically dancing around her room at 3:42 a.m.

I hush whispered to her, "Do you know you have the smartest mom in the world!"

"Uh-huh," she said. Then, "I'm the smartest little girl."

"You sure are!" I exclaimed. Then I thought, wow, she's being pretty nice, and we're getting along so well; she's in a pretty good mood for having just woken up in a slush of piss. Maybe I should continue this happy little conversation with her...

"Do you know you have the most fun mom in the world?"

"Uh-huh." Again! She agreed! Well, I might as well keep the compliments rolling so I said, "And do you know you have the most beautiful mom in the world?"

Through droopy eyes and now dry undies, she replied, "Uh-huh... and I'm the most beautiful little girl in the world."

UH-HUH! You said it sister friend!

I thought it was interesting that the last two posts were about laundry (which I now had a ton more to do thanks to those kiddie cocktails and a forgotten-bedtime-trip to the potty!) and the Dove beauty campaign! We've come full circle here on Manic Mom. I bitch about the laundry, and more falls from the heavens! I talk about the perception of beauty, and suddenly, Diva and I are beauties sharing secrets in the middle of the night.

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Happy Halloween everyone! Tell me what you and/or your kids are going as!