Monday, December 11, 2006

Ajers Has Something To Say

WARNING:
Please swallow whatever beverage you are enjoying at this moment, as if you don't, you might find it spewed all over your screen either in disgust or pure humor after you read this post.

Conversation with Ajers this afternoon:

Me, when he almost knocked over the complete Nativity Scene:
"SHIT! That would have pissed me off to no end!"

Ajers: "Is that good or bad?"

I'd say bad. On all counts. The fact that he almost broke all the pieces, and the fact that I swore so vehemently about him almost breaking it.

OK, that wasn't the funniest thing, but it was funny at the time it occurred. However, read on:

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

OK, and while I didn't really want to share this bit of information, it's just too funny not to, so here is what happened on Saturday:

We had an ‘incident’ on Saturday in which my bodily function was the cause of a slight toilet problem. I am chalking these toilet 'issues' up to the fact that I'm doing so much yoga these days, and all these internal stretches are cleansing the toxins in my body, wringing out the intestines, cleaning me out, if you will.

Why am I suddenly so shy? We all do the 'doodie,' we all 'have to make.' We all POOP for cryin' out loud! Right? Right? OH MY GOSH! Manic POOPS! Yuck.

So, I beg hubby to get the plunger and he gives me a hard time because this never happens to him, and I tell him, "YES! Of course I courtesy-flushed; I can't help it. Something's wrong with the toilet, not me!"

Anyway, later that day, the whole family went to the post office to apply for passports (we’re all going to Cabo this winter). As I was filling out my form, the employee saw I had left OCCUPATION blank. He asked me what my occupation was, and I said, "I don't know, Stay-At-Home-Mom?"

He said, "What about Homemaker?"

Ajers takes it upon himself to offer up my occupation to the clerk at the post office, and all the other people waiting patiently in line with their holiday gifts to mail. He shouts out in the middle of the post office:

"How about TOILET CLOGGER!?"

32 comments:

Cute Jewess said...

Ha, that's hilarious.

Ramblin Rose said...

too funny.... for that answer I think he needs a tim tam... :)

TTQ said...

Priceless. I'm glad you shared. I have this stuff from my GI Dr that I have to take and when I do my husband is like can't you go to Target and do that? How about the Shell Station or the Hess Station? Baby, please take that (poo) somewhere else..

Then he backtracks and says: I'm glad you went poo.

I can't believe I'm talking about this on freakin blog. but if manic can do it, so can I. (Toliet clogging including)

Oh, The Joys said...

I think we must be star crossed soul sisters!

...and AJERS is NUMBER ONE!

Oh, The Joys said...

I think we must be star crossed soul sisters!

...and AJERS is NUMBER ONE!

Oh, The Joys said...

I think we must be star crossed soul sisters!

Beth said...

Now that is priceless! He has your sense of humor!!

ps. you were supposed to put "writer" as your occupation!

I've clogged of few toilets in my day too...hey, everybody poops!

Manic Mom said...

RR--I ain't ready to part with the TTs yet!

TTQ--Now, my Tukey is the Target Crapper. Or the grocery-store pooper. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME he tells me he has to go.

Oh The Joys--Three times a lady! LOL.

Beth, I know, I know. But somehow, until I get my novel published, I will wait until I can put AUTHOR in that damn spot!

Cmommy said...

You have enough funny stories to fill the hours at countless holidays through 2050!! What do you have on Ajers, to blackmail him in the future?! lol :-)

ps: So good to see you at my blog! Hubby took LilDollyGirl to the American Girl Store this weekend. How brave is he?

Susan Gets Native said...

*wiping eyes*
Oh. My. God.

From one tummy-troubled gal to another, I feel for ya.
But instead of me being the toilet clogger, it's my husband. He does it so often, my five-year old now asks "is THIS too much toilet paper ? !"
And I have a Target pooper, too. She did it today, as a matter of fact. But she's not potty trained (she's almost 3), yet, so the smell followed us and was starting to attract attention, so the shopping had to come to an end.
Love the blog...will be back!

Kar'i'n said...

Ahahah that's cute and hilarious at the same time

violetvirus said...

I read your warning..so, nothing on my comp screen...

BUT...

I laughed too loud..d entire office knows d joke now!

(I'm bad like dat..reading blogs in d office)

1 plus twins said...

omg that is too funny!!

Drew Blackstone said...

As a professional (I have Crohn's disease for gosh sakes)pooper, I can tell you, without fear of contradiction, that you have made a rookie mistake. When hubby makes a comment, Just say:

"Jealous? You know you can't do it half as well as me. When you bring your game up, we can talk. Till then, shut up and bring me the plunger."

Remember to take pride in everything you do (do).

Swishy said...

I NEVER poop! EVER!

At least not with you and Jess in the room .. HA.

Oh, The Joys said...

Blogger was being a butt (ha!) last night so I have virtually stuttered while commenting for the first time on your blog. I'd say it's a fair representation of my social graces though. Heh.

Jessica said...

Sounds like something my husband would do (honestly) and to tie this into your other post, it's also the reason I married him.

SendStories said...

Kids say the darndest things. Good story.

Anny said...

oh my gawd, dying. SOOOOO glad u shared that one.

acaligurl said...

i love it "something is wrong with the toilet, not me" lol

Trish Ryan said...

That will make one doozy of a business card! And to think, some people wait their whole lives to figure out their true calling...

Frannie Farmer said...

THAT is the funniest thing I have heard in days.
Thanks for the giigle

Trish said...

Hahahaha

The toilet clogging at home is one thing...just be glad it wasn't at someone elses house during a dinner party. LOL

You poop? Really?

Karitown said...

Now THAT is funny. Kids are hysterical. And I just blame it on the new toilets. Hardly any water, not a powerful enough flush, etc. Only in my house, I'm the only one who doesn't clog the toilet!!!

stephhale said...

You're not quite right! I live in fear of the day when other people can understand what my kids are saying. B-dog is turning 2 on Friday and already his favorite word is butthole. He has already humiliated me on several occasions by screaming it in public!
xo,
Steph

eatmisery said...

Toilet clogger! That's too funny!

Anonymous said...

Alright, massive pooposity aside, I've been out and am just reading the gong stuff. It reminded me of a book I just saw reviewed, "Molecular Gastronomy" by Herve This, a French dude with accent marks in his name.

Why? Because this book is about old wives tales that are central to "fine cooking", and the back-stories chefs have given them to make them seem more reality-based. "But of course a menstruating woman cannot make le mayonaisse! Don't be ridiculous! It is ze iron in ze blood, it makes a magnetic field that keeps ze emulsion from forming!"

I think the same thing's happened with all this newagey stuff. Something makes people feel good, then 11 hucksters rush in to explain it all in terms of feng shui, Rumi, or whatever else they're selling this week. Bottom line, though, is if it feels good, do it again.

You know what works for me? I am working on making my stubborn dog behave better. She sometimes decides she'll come in when she's good and ready. So I turn my back to her and stand there in the yard with my hand out where I want her to be. I know I'm going to be there a while, so I just close my eyes and listen to the breeze in the trees. It's amazing how quick you simmer down and open up when you close your eyes and listen to the breeze in the trees. I don't think any of the nuns I know would have a quibble with that statement.

--Academy-girl anonymous person, who resolves now to sign off as AGAP (if I can remember it.)

Ramblin Rose said...

okay Manic,

STEP AWAY from those TIM TAMS AND write a new post ....


Come on Drop them and back away.... and no one will get hurt..

Andie said...

oh my god. i laughed so hard, tears came in my eyes. I can totally picture that moment.

HILARIOUS! LOL

local girl said...

I clogged the toilet once and even the plunger didn't work. I had to humbly ask my husband to help out. I'm not saying how we got it unstuck but it wasn't a pretty site!

BD said...

Vehemently?! There it is again...

(That probably doesn't make sense, but if you check back with us in the next few days - all will become apparent.)

Manic Mom said...

BD--VERY confused!??!!? I went to your blog to try to comment but it was taking forever...