You’re not going to believe it.
I am so completely bummed out right now, it’s not even funny. And don’t laugh like Swishy did when I told her I gained and she asked me how much and I told her .2 of a pound, because THAT IS STILL A GAIN, and I thought for sure I should have lost three pounds this week. For one, last week I weighed in late in the day. For two, I totally was starting my period that day. For three, I did so GD good this week, AND DIDN’T EVEN CHEAT. For four, I totally am committed to exercise and have been going to the gym RELIGIOUSLY at least 3-6 times a week since I joined IN THE BEGINNING OF NOVEMBER.
And what do I get?
I am so depressed I feel like grabbing the largest, frickingest, chocolatey-est chocolate cake and just stuffing my face into it and eating it like Ralphie’s brother ate his mashed potatoes in A Christmas Story.
What is the point?
And don’t try to tell me I’m gaining muscle cuz I DON’T WANT MUSCLE. I am a whiny bitch right now and if you’re going to get mad at me for whining, please don’t read any further. It is making me feel better to bitch and gripe and rant about this. And in doing so, at least I’m not in the kitchen looking for that big ole fat piece of cake.
Or Tim Tams! I know where I can find a package of them. They would fill up this emptiness that is MY DIET THAT IS NOT WORKING.
Things are sucky.
So, I am now expecting Agent to call me and just tell me that not only am I fat, but everybody hates the book. Well, they don’t ‘hate’ the book. They ‘love’ the book. They are just not ‘in love’ with the book, so everybody is going to pass on it, and I should maybe just start writing a book on how fat I am.
OK, I know I’m not ‘FAT’ but I feel it, and if I feel it, then I am depressed, and if I’m depressed, what makes me feel better?
French fries, cheese pizza, chocolate cake, potato chips, a vanilla milkshake.
What is the point of working so hard and getting the opposite of ANY RESULTS AT ALL?
My husband loves me. He doesn’t care. I’m not doing this for him. I’m doing it for me. I’ve done it for me before, after I had Tukey. I lost 60 pounds, but now I am starting to think that a lot of that was baby weight and maybe I hadn’t done so well on the program as I thought.
And last year, I was *diagnosed* with thyroid disease, which to me, just means you (not YOU you, if there's any of YOU out there with this disease, just hypothetically YOU) are a sluggish pig and you need to take some synthroid stuff so you don’t continue to be a sluggish pig. Well, listen up there synthroid-makers: THE SHIT ISN’T MAKING ME LESS OF A SLUGGISH PIG! But now, I do believe that the whole thyroid crap has something to do with weight/metabolism/my burning desire to inhale a double-layered-with-fudge-inside-it-chocolate-cake.
Thyroid, Schmyroid. Where the fuck are those colon pills?
An hour or so later…
OK, I am not as ranting as I was previously, and I hope you all don’t think I am a mad-raving-self-serving-bitch who shouldn’t complain, because I already know this! I know I am making more out of it than I should. I know I am doing the right things that need to be done to live a healthier lifestyle, making better eating choices, and exercising more.
I know all this.
I just wish liposuction wasn’t so damned expensive.
OK, you see me. It’s like there’s two sides of me. One who knows, and one who doesn’t. I don’t know which one to like?
Anyway, enough of this pathetic rant. This setback has just motivated me more to stick with it through the weekend, through next week, until the blasted scale and I meet again.
But I will tell you this: If I do as well as I’ve done the past four days, and if I don’t have AT LEAST a four-pound drop, I am going to be one pissed off Manic Mom.
Seriously. Pissed. Off.
More later when I catalog my day’s food, which I promise you, will not include that decadent cake I want to fall face-first into.
It is now 7:19 p.m.
Sorry I was a crabby bitch this afternoon. Hubby is probably glad he's not home yet. He did email me today to 'turn that frown upside-down' and told me I was beautiful.
5 points -- 1/2 can of soup and a handful of oyster crackers
1 point -- grapes (see, taking the fruit advice!)
1 point -- popcorn
5 points -- ate the last bites out of the butter/parm noodles I made for the boys. Could have been a lot worse, as someone said in the comments, eating a plate of pasta just FEEEEELS SO GOOD. However, I let myself eat these noodles, which probably amounted to 25 or 30 noodles, because I knew I had the points to spare today.
4 points -- My TWO Hebrew National FF hotdogs in Healthy Life buns as I predicted I would have for dinner in yesterday's post. Add ketchup and mustard and you feel like you're at the ballpark.
2 points -- Light Cheddar chips, 2 ounces. I tell ya, I love these chips.
So, this brings me to just 18 points.
And you can bet your ass I'm taking four points for the WW chocolate chip cookie dough sundae. Damnit if I'm going through this whole day without something chocolatey.
And then, guess what this Manic Mom is going to do?
I'm going to bed at like 8 p.m.
And then, I might, I just might, get up and do the total strength training class at 8 a.m.