Thursday, February 22, 2007

Tukey Talk - Beverages & Bodily Fluids

I bet you're all so excited the contest entries are closed because now we can get back to our regularly Manic Mania, and what better way to start than by a post titled: Beverages & Bodily Fluids?

* * *

So, lately, when we go out to dinner, we've been playing TELEPHONE, you know how you whisper something into the person's ear, they then whisper to the next person and the whole thing gets completely messed up and the last person has no idea what was said? Well, we played that the other day at breakfast, where, by the way, we don't ever go to breakfast, but I had an amazing GUT-BOMB skillet that included:

loads of hash browns
scrambled eggs
cheddar cheese

Oh yeah, and buttered and jellied (grape only please) wheat toast, and fresh squeezed OJ, which I usually hate the pulp but I choked it down. They were out of vodka.

KIDDING! But keep reading, cuz I do have a vodka part coming up....

And yes, I slept all afternoon, and no, that wasn't a particular counting-points day.

So, telephone, and it's Tukey's turn and he says something that is so stupid but so five-year-old-ish we were all cracking up at the table.

"Say 'WE' two times."

Pause. Think. Crack Up.

"Say 'WE' two times."

Every time someone would whisper it back to the next person, you'd watch their faces, and then there would be an eruption of laughter.

He's just so dang cute.

Now you're supposed to actually say, "Say 'WE' two times" not say "WEE-WEE" which was the funny thing because ... well, I don't know why it was just so funny, but trust me. It was. He's my kid and if I think he's funny, then he is.


* * *

I don't know what the fascination with the word is, but it's being said all around the house. Yesterday morning, as I was getting the other two darlings ready for school, Tukey, all cutesy in his Pirates of the Caribbean boxer briefs, jumps off his kitchen stool, walks to the bathroom door, stands in front of it, and raises his arms to point to the door and announces:

"Entering the Wee-Wee Station!"

OK, tell me that's not cute. Yes, there are so many times hubby and I look at each other and just shake our heads over that kid.

One final Tukey story and I'll be done. I promise.

I took coffees (OK, they were lattes, but for the sake of carpel tunnel, I will not tell you how each was prepared cuz that would just take too long) over to my neighbor's house today because we were pseudo-celebrating another neighbor's birthday. The little kids: Tukey, and two others will all be in kindergarten together next year. So we ladies are sitting in the kitchen, chit-chatting, sipping our lattes, eating quiche, muffins, and fresh fruit (cuz we all know that's what we do at least three times a week, even though the husbands have completely no clue we are being this non-productive, right? Right-O!)

The three kids are upstairs playing and I hear Tukey...

"Mrs. O! Mrs. O! Jimmy won't share God's blessings!!"

Mrs. O and my other friend look at me, and they are like, "What?"

I just smile.

Mrs. O goes upstairs to check on them: "Tuke, what is it that Jimmy's not sharing?"

Tukey: "He's not sharing God's blessings!"

So, she goes up there trying to figure out what this God's blessings toy is while I'm just laughing. She discovers Jimmy's God's blessing is the keyboard, and comes back downstairs and waits for me to explain.

Me: "That's what we say in our family; if one of the kids isn't sharing candy or whatever with the other kids... We tell 'em "Share God's blessings!"

OK, and I lied because I forgot one more Tukey Talk...

I take Tuke to school today and I'm wearing shorts because I'm going to the health club and also because the sun is out and it's like 40 degrees, so to me, it might as well be spring.

I drop him off at class and the teacher is like, "You going to work out?"

I say, "Yeah, but I really want to take a nap."

She says, "Me too. I had a couple last night."

The teacher has a hangover! I love it!

So I ask, "What were you drinking?"

"Apple martinis."

I love this woman! And then, a moment of panic seizes me and I think, "OH My God, she reads my BLOG! She knows that's my favorite drink in the entire world, and she must read my blog and how I talk about puking and poop, and sex and parenting and hangovers and all that other stuff I talk about!"

Then I think, "Nah, she's not reading my blog." And I figure it's safe to continue the conversation and I ask her, "So, how many did you drink?"


"Yep, that'll do it, sometimes three though. How do they make 'em?"

And then she and I go into detail about how we like our appletinis made, where we've had the best appletinis, and what should be on the rim of them (cinnamon, sugar, apple Jolly Ranchers crunched up, caramel), what kind of garnish we prefer, and if we like Grey Goose or Absolute and how we cannot stand when they mix in that sweet-and-sour mix because then they just do not taste good, and how I save the apple slice, if that's the garnish and suck the vodka off it before eating it.

Meanwhile, the other teacher has the class settled into their circle, and Tuke, who was in the bathroom, comes out crying because he hurt his fingers, and here's me and the teacher discussing the pros and cons of a great appletini.

Man, I love Tukey's teacher!


Jenster said...

LOL! Um, I'm not sure this is such a good thing, but Turkey sounds a lot like my son did when he was that age. He's nearly 15 now and the stuff he comes up with blows my mind at times. Some might say he's obnoxious, but I say he's hilarious!

OhTheJoys said...

Say "Mother may I" and spell the word cup.


Staci said...

I'm so glad you made 100 comments! And I love telephone, I'm going to have to play that soon.

Anonymous said...

Turkey so got your genes

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...


T U K E Y...

Not TURKEY Gobble Gobble! LOL!

And oh, the joys--that got me laughing!

BamaGirl said...

I had a particularly rough day, so I had my first alcoholic beverage in 16 months. (No, I'm not a recovering alcoholic, I was just pregnant and breastfeeding!)
Sorry, that was off-topic, but all this talk of apple martinis got me thinking...

KIM :-) said...

BAHAHA....boy the stories I could share about my 5 year old (and hell, my 1 1/2 year old, too)!! They are crazy fun!!

Unknown said...

Tukey sounds like he'll keep you on your toes.

Oh, and BTW, on our trip to Florida, we stopped at so many damn Starbucks, I am in love with that place. I think I am learning the language. And I never ordered the same thing twice, b/c I gotta try 'em all first to find my favorite.

Frannie Farmer said...

Its a good thing you live sooo far away .. because I am certain if we ever had your Tukey and my LittleMiss in one room - everyone would have WeX2 issues .. from laughter. He is such a funny kid, but I am sure he gets it from his Mama.
Soooooooooooooo glad you are back.

Anonymous said...

I dread having a teacher read my blog!
Gotta try telephone with the 5-y-o.
And the best thing about eating out at our local diner is that they butter the toast for you, so you don't have to feel too bad about all the good stuff you're spreading on.

We want more book news--is there any?

Swishy said...

Tukey CRACKS me up! He is sooooooo funny. Ha ha ha ha.

(I love that people keep calling him TURKEY! HA HA HA HA.)

Stacy said...

That's so funny, espcially "Now entering the Wee Wee Station" from a five-year-old. Perhaps you won't be the only writer in the family.