Not Manic.
Not Manic Who?
Not Manic, Who's Gone on vacation!
OK, dumb joke. Totally. But couldn't think of any clever Knock-Knock joke to bid you farewell for a while.
However, I did think of SOMETHING to keep you busy while I'm on my book tour. HA, did that just CRACK you up!? Isn't that the most hysterical thing you've heard--Moi, on a book tour. As if. Not really true; that's a joke. However, if I conjure up The Secret (which, by the way, has been working phenomenally when trying to secure key parking spots), maybe then I will get a book tour someday!
Anyway, fun thing No. 1 thing to do while I'm away:
1. A bubble-blowing contest!
Take a photo of your best bubble-blowing attempt (COME on... Bazooka-zooka Bubble Gum!) and email it to me at henhowz@comcast.net.
The reader with the largest bubble blown from his or her mouth chock-full of gum will win a prize. You need to take a "before" picture of how big your wad is (and Noooo! I am not being perverted here, so you shouldn't be either!)... like, how many pieces you're chomping on before attempting this feat. Get creative, get colorful, get fun-gum and make a game out of it with your little ones, your spouse, your significant other, your co-workers! Come on, you know you've been dying for an excuse to get out there and buy a pack of Grape Hubba Bubba or Strawberry Bubble Yum and here's your chance! So, I want the before picture, and the after picture, kind of like this one I took of me chewing gum. And try to beat this bubble right here:
Can ya do it? If you're not up for a bubble-chomping/blowing contest, then phlewwww to you!Instead, you can play this game-
Fun thing No. 2 thing to do while I'm away:
2. An interactive continuous writing game in the comments section.
Each commentor can write the next part of a story but there are some restrictions.
~ You may only write 3-5 sentences at a time.
~ You MAY post more than one entry, but none back-to-back.
~The theme of the story is ORANGE, color, fruit, feeling, temperment, emotion, crayon, whatever. Stick to an orange theme. Why? I have no idea.
~Can only create three characters in this story.
~No profanity but mild swearing like fuck or shit is acceptable.
I think that about does it. I may or may not be able to post while doing my book tour (God, I am so hysterically funny, aren't I?) but I will check in and try to at least leave a comment or two.
Be well everyone!
Peace UP!
29 comments:
Looking out my kitchen window I could see that the Nasturcium buds had opened. The sight of those bright orange flowers instantly lifted my spirits. My cat called C'fa (C for cat), leapt up onto the counter beside me and rubbed her head on my arm as if to say 'If I am really nice to you, will you let me stay up here and look out this window too?'
I poured a glass of orange juice, shut the curtains and scratched my butt. The kids had left their crayons on the counter again, and the warm morning sunshine had turned them into a rainbow-hued puddle. I reached for a spatula and thought to myself, "Happy hour is only 8 hours away."
"Screw it." I said to C'fa, and added a healthy pour of vodka to my OJ.
I knew it was going to be a long day anyway.
YAY!
Good luck on your tour!
I guess you don't need luck...
You have THE SECRET.
Did you know you're not supposed to look at fat people if you are trying to lose weight.
I swear I'll know I'm fat if people start to avoid eye contact with me.
:)
Geez now I know why I can't seem to lose weight. Thanks for the tip Alicia!
Does that work if you have teeny tiny boobs? If I stare at big ones, will the boobie fairy finally visit my house?
MM get off the computer and have fun with your family.
You know how I hate the outdoors? Well, I took the kids to Walgreens, picked out a kite and some not sugarless bubblegum and we went to the park to fly the kite and blow big bubbles.
Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog and voting for my house color. However, I don't think bright orange is exactly what I had in mind! I'll let you know what I decide.
God how I love me some hubba Bubba....and I cannot. get. it. around. here. seriously. that was the best bubble blowing gum EVER and it didn't stick to your face! How great is that!
I love the story idea too.....
C'fa cut her eyes at me...balefully glaring as I took a long swallow of my screwdriver. Mmmmm, there wasn't much better than a screwdriver and naturciums blooming.
I turned to put some bread in the toaster and had to steady myself unfortunatly placing a hand in the rainbow puddle on the counter. Hmm must have poured more vodka in my OJ than I'd thought. Best have a slice of that rich moist chocolate cake from last night (would'nt want it to go stale) while I waited for my toast.
I like a good challenge but I'm also off on my hols [must go and pack!]
Cheers
What's the Secret?
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?
Which leads me to the joke my kid told me the other day.
Why was the pirate not allowed to go see the movie?
(Because it was rated "Aaaaargh.")
This is Christa, BTW.
At least a fake book tour is better than being Paris' cell mate.
C'fa rose from her sitting position, yawned and stretched hard extending her claws as if to rip into the work surface. She arched her back, fluffed up her tail and rubbed herself lazily against me to remind me that she too wanted something to eat. Just then, a pale orange butterfly landed on my nasturtiums, instantly attracting C'fa's attention. A short crouch and she sprang, forgetting that the window was shut. She hit the window with a thud, rebouned, landing on the puddle of crayons, slipped through it knocking over my OJ and landing with a 'thwak' on the floor.
P.S. I like cats really :-)
"Oh great" I thought. As I reached down to grab C'fa (to avoid a rainbow mess all over my house), the orange butterfly flew through the open window, capturing C'fa's attention. He tried to squirm away, leaving me covered in a rainbow mess; and I realized that happy hour is now only 7 hours away.
Wouldn't you know it, just my luck! I'm covered in a rainbow mess, and my off-limits neighbor chooses this exact time to notice me. "Hey, you! How's it going? Is that a new look for you? Do I smell orange juice?"
I invite off limits neighbor in for a glass of vodka and OJ. After a few minutes of small talk we could no longer contain our desire for one another. Our passionate and slightly awkward kiss turned into hot and heavy sex on the counter. Later, my husband eyed me suspiciously when I struggled to explain why I had dried crayons in my hair.
C'fa eyed me narrowly with her pale orange eyes as I squirmed to find an excuse. The look of smugness on her face seem to indicate she was enjoying this. She bent down and started to groom her tail as if unconcerned, giving it a little flick as she finished. She rose, turned away and left the room, this was not her affair.
I am jealous you get to go on vacation! HAVE FUN!
I explained the whole story to Armand (husband) how C'fa landed in the mess, and how I tried to help. . . He had a good laugh about the fact that I am a glorified clutz. He kissed me on the forehead and went back into the living room to watch the ball game. I sighed as I looked back out the kitchen window, wondering what my "new friend" was up to.
Later that night I was feeling a little guilty about my afternoon tryste so I slipped on Armand's favorite short orange nightie to give him a little show...It really turns him on when I wear his clothes. Fortunately his cross dressing has never come between us.
Have a great time !!!
Nor would it that night as he was snoring gently by the time I made it to our bed..is it any wonder I succumbed to my new friend? Opening the bedside table I took out my old friend... a paper back novel! I read at least 2 lines before falling asleep, exhausted by my busy day and excessive alcohol intake.
We suck at this. MM where are you?
But sleep was not to bring any rest. I dreamt of C'fa's eyes, melted crayons and getting caught in the act. Eventually I woke, realising my body was soaked with beads of sweat. The orange nightie clung to me and my hair was a tousled tangle. Armand turned to me and rested a hand across my breasts whispering in his deep deep gravelly voice "I like it when you sweat".
We suck at this. MM where are you?
I'm.In.Complete.Hell.
Be back next week to share.
Armand slowly peeled the orange nightie off my trembling body and said "I love it when you wear my clothes, but I love taking them off you even more" He looked deep into my eyes and said "I have a confession..."
Commmmme baaaaaaaaack!!
I'm Baaaaaccckk!
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