Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Topics Found

OK, two completely unrelated topics. The first one came up in two completely unrelated conversations today, so I’m guessing a lot of moms have these concerns.

Why do men feel they can do whatever they want without being courteous and either asking the wife, or letting the wife know?

Discuss.

For instance, and I am not mad at Mr. Manic by any means. I mean, he works like 14 freaking hour days; his commute is a beeeyotch, and he has afforded me a very nice lifestyle. He deserves to do nice things for himself. He doesn’t buy himself extravagant items (minus the GD 42-inch freaking flat screen that has now taken up residence in our family room, much to the joy of the children, and the angst of the wife). He is a great father, always, well, most of the time, very hands-on, changed more than his fair share of diapers, did more of his fair share of midnight feedings. Used to do the majority of the laundry when we were both working and he could be home by 3 p.m. Still loads and unloads the dishwasher probably more often than I do.

But why is it that the male species just thinks it’s OK to plan a day out to say, like a Bears game for instance, without the consultation of the Mrs? Or why is it OK for the male species to plan to be out on a Friday night to play cards with his buddies without consulting the wife. What if the children need to be carted places? What if the wife had already made an appointment with Sven the masseuse? How is that going to affect her plans? Huh? Why is it that the male species can just up and say, “Oh, I’ve got a great opportunity to go on a golf weekend with my buddies, and this is the weekend I’m going?”

And how is it that a woman does not do this? How is it that we are emblazoned with guilt at the mere thought of going out for drinks and dinner with our gal pals? How is it that we need to mark it on the calendar months in advance, AND check with the hubby to make sure it doesn’t conflict with his night out with the boys or a golf outing, or a cigar-smoking, card-playing party?

All I’m asking for is a little consideration! And understanding. I’m totally not mad at Mr. Manic right now. I’m just using this as a starting point for the discussion. It’s like we women are literally bound to our children through the process of pregnancy and birth. We are CONNECTED from the moment they shoot that sperm up in there! As Mr. Manic has said regarding the pregnancies and births of our three children: “I was there for the first nine minutes, I was there for the last nine minutes!”

Of course, this is a long-told family joke, and I do laugh when he tells it, because he was there for more than just that. He’s a caring, loving husband and father, and I want him to have a social life. I don’t want him to just come home from his 14-hour days and shitty commutes to a family who doesn’t appreciate what he does for us.

But as I was saying about the connection thing, which I realize I am going off on unrelated tangents currently, is that the babies are in our wombs, connected via the umbilical cord. Whereas, it’s usually the husband who’s whacking that thing into two pieces, severing the bond between mother and child.

I don’t know. It’s just strange. I don’t even know what I just wrote but I’m going to post it now without reading or editing it because some family of mine needs dinner. And far be it for me not to be a loving, giving, Betty-Homemakerish type of woman who doesn’t meet the needs of my family!

Other quick topic: Music…
What is up with Souljaboy and Crank That? Is that not the most foul song in the entire world? It’s like hellooooo! We totally know what you are talking about. Super-soakers, and jackin’ it? And crank that? But, admittedly, it is pretty catchy, although quite perverted and disgusting!

And same thing for the song, Smack that, all on the floor. Smack that, give me some more.

I was wondering if we had songs like this when we were growing up? Then I thought, of course we did! What about Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”… what was THAT all about? And George Michael’s, “I Want Your Sex?” I remember hearing that one and thinking OMG, he is singing very blatantly about wanting to sex someone up!

I’m getting too old for this, especially now that I’ve kind of officially got a couple tweenagers! Yikes!

33 comments:

Monnik said...

I have the same issues with The Husband that you have with Mr. Manic. Sometimes it makes me so angry that I can't say a word or I'd completely erupt in word vomit.

Other times, I just roll my eyes, smug in the knowledge that not everyone can be as considerate and thoughtful as me.

I haven't heard the songs you refer to, but wow. Even though they may be more blatant now, they were still around back in our day. I mean c'mon... Frankie Goes To Hollywood's song? Blatant City.

Cecily R said...

Remember this?

Second time you moved me
It's time for us to Boom Boom
You can come right close to me
And feel the burning fire
All the time you got me
It's fine for us to boom boom
If you see the spark in me
And feel my strong desire

Boom Boom Boom
Let's go back to my room
So we can do it all night
And you can make me feel right

(Paul Lekakis - "Boom Boom Boom")

Cecily R said...

By the way, all I remembered was the neat boom boom boom chorus, I looked the rest up.

Manic Mom said...

OMG, so fun remembering these perverted songs. How 'bout: Push push in the bush, push push in the bush? Circa probably 1983 or so.

And my sis went to the Frankie Goes to Hollywood show and she came home and told me there were pics of naked girls on the stage and all this crazy stuff--had forgotten about that song--TOTAL BLATANT CITY...

WHEN YA WANNA COME! UGHHHH!

How about this one: If you strip for me then I'll strip for you... that was circa 1984 I am positive.

Whoa. Dirty songs all around.

If you don't know the songs I mentioned, just go to itunes and do a search for SMACK THAT and CRANK THAT, you'll find 'em... they are very popular now.

Oh, and I got Mr. Manic to take Ajers AND my dad to said Bears football game now... boy, do I know how to work it! But come on, Ajers is turning 10 on Friday! And my dad's coming in from outta town. Shoulda been a no-brainer; of course, I had to 'lightly' suggest it!

Cecily R said...

Um...ferris wheel, romantic. Rented sax, cheesy (he read my post and said he puckered a little when he got to that part), but cute. Puke in my lap, chunky. =)

Swishy said...

My thing is that I feel like women should feel less guilty for planning things and going out. Maybe we should take a cue from the men on that one (although SOMEONE needs to keep everything coordinated ... I think we can all agree on that!! He DEFINITELY should have asked you first!). I just mean as far as doing things. I feel like I have to literally pry some of my friends away from the house sometimes, and I don't understand why, when their husbands have no such problem.

Jess Riley said...

I hear you, and YES to what Swish said! It's like a huge ordeal to get my mom friends out, but the men have 'guy time' whenever.

Spousal consultation on major activities is indeed critical, my friend.

KATE said...

Manic- I wish I could figure this question out! I have very often asked the same question. For some reason I ask if I can do stuff & he tells what he's doing. Also, if we are both going out, I find the sitter & plan it. If he's going out & something comes up for me, I get the sitter & juggle & figure it all out. Then if I'm going out & something comes up for him, I find the sitter, juggle & rearrange to make it work.
Why is that?!
Great discussion topic!

Manic Mom said...

Kate, it's all because they have the magical penises all we women wish we had. That is why they get to do things without asking permission.

March to the Sea said...

I am going to go against the mold here regarding men. Please note I am NOT slagging off other couples.

I always ask about doing stuff. If I get a chance to go to a Baseball game I ALWAYS say "What are you doing XX/XX? We discuss and if I can do it..i do it. I'll say "I won't be home between work and the game" stuff like that.

Its like the Hollywood tv/movie script cliche..if people would just TALK there would no issue (well less issues). I know that if Mrs March told me one morning she was going to be gone all day without much of a heads up I'd be torn..sure she needs "her time" but a heads up ALWAYS helps.

I guess I just live in fear of my wife kicking my arse.

Regarding that song..never heard it so I can't comment. Get the new Band of Horses or Kings of Leon cd..those are worth your time.

Melisa said...

Uh, yes. Souljah Boy (Crank That) was a song played at a Bat Mitzvah reception that my family attended a couple of weeks ago!*

*Wait: I have to say before I go on that I really like the song, as a whole. I find it's better to listen to most songs as a whole than pay attention to all the words because 90% of them are really, really bad these days. And after all, I am the parent of a 12 1/2 year old and a 15 year old, and we enjoy some of the same music. So that's not so bad, right?

Anyway, at this reception, the "entertainment team" (that's what we have now instead of a DJ sometimes) was teaching this line of about twenty 12-13 year olds (mostly girls) to do a DANCE to this song! (It wasn't risque or anything...) It sort of creeped me out and I found myself wanting to be sitting on the couch in a couple of months when the family gets their DVD from their videographer, to hear their feedback.

I do agree that songs have been "dirty" for years. That doesn't normally bother me unless I want to use the song for the group cycling classes that I teach and I can't because one or more f-bombs have been dropped.

I have had lots of conversations with my kids about song lyrics and how they can listen to them but NOT quote them. (My younger one actually always got embarrassed when "My Humps" was played, and we always switched stations. But normally that doesn't happen)

And for the record, Manic, Big Ups to you for mentioning "Strip", which is vintage 1983 Adam Ant. I have always loved him, and always will. :)

BUTT, I can't believe nobody mentioned "Baby Got Back!" (I love that song too, LOL)

Melisa
rememberruby.blogspot.com

cubmommy said...

How about Cream or Darling Nicki by Prince? Those were pretty racy.

I have been going through this where I can't cut the cord and go out without feeling guilty. My husband is practically kicking me out the door because he knows how important it is to get some sanity. Luckily my hubby is really good about dicussing plans with me.

Dancin Queen said...

I admit I have wondered the same thing. And why if there is a conflict on a night it is always me that needs to arrange a babysitter, even if it is calling his mom.

Manic Mom said...

March, I know you're above and beyond!

Melisa--OK, so the kids WERE doing that dance this weekend at my cousins, and I will send you a video clip of it--I almost did a youtube of it because it was so funny--like 8 cousins and a couple parents doing that dance, which is kinda like a line dance, nothing dirty about it.

And as for Strip--yay, we are going to get along FABULOUSLY when we meet up next week; yes, dear readers, be jealous because I have a blogger-blind date next week!

Except, Melisa, I did not forget Baby Got Back, I merely omitted it... for that was THE hit the year I got married, way back in '93, and I specifically requested to our DJ that that song NOT be played!

Cubmommy--Totally remember those songs... Prince is dirty!! And you have such a good hubby!

Michelle said...

I am laughing so hard right now about Souljaboy that I can't even comment on the rest. LOL. I'll come back when I stop laughing ;)

Melisa said...

Maybe I'll wear my Adam Ant gear from Halloween 1983 to our lunch date?

(White facial stripe and all??)

That thought makes me giggle.

KATE said...

Um what about Tone Loc (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) but he had a few nasty songs back in the day.

Rob said...

Hmmmmm, the whole concept of asking permission does not sit right with me. In either direction, neither party should have to ask. However, families are team sports and all teams depend on good communications.

I forgot where it was but I was on a blog the other day where several women were commenting that their husbands would not let them cut their hair short. I was befuddled. Won't LET? Permission is needed? Whose hair is it?

Marriage should not be a form of control for either party.

Why women seem to feel guilty about everything is something I have wondered about for years and have no good answer too or even a theory. (perhaps red dye #2 is involved?)

On lyrics, I'm probably showing my age here but remember Led Zeppelin's "Squeeze my Lemon" Wow! That one grossed me out and I was a teenage boy. {shiver} Generally NOTHING grosses out teenage boys.

I do love "Baby got Back"! Speaking of women's guilt, that song should also serve as a reminder to all you ladies who are concerned about your butt size to stop feeling bad, we LIKE big butts! :)

Manic Mom said...

"And you cannot lie!"

Which reminds me of one of the greatest posts Swishy ever did along the Big Butts song topic. Go over to Swishy and do a search on her blog BIG BUTTS, I'm sure you'll find it.

Another thing I hate: When a woman says her husband is BABYSITTING the kids.... WTF!??!?!?!?!?!

DON'T GET ME STARTED!

Oh, and music--how 'bout... Mama's got a squeezebox, daddy doesn't sleep at night... in and out and in and out....

Monnik said...

No c'mon, Manic. You know a squeezebox is an accordion, right? Get that mind out of the gutter! ;)

I like Rob's comments. I am trying lately to get over the guilt. I've started to do things for myself. I run regularly to destress, I joined a book club and am trying to have a night out with the girls more than once every decade. :)

I don't think permission is needed, just a heads up for scheduling purposes.

Colorado Writer said...

magical penises...ha ha ha...

My dad didn't like it when I listened to Papa Don't Preach or Like a Virgin.

Tanya said...

I won't comment on the husband issue, because we don't have kids. so I'm sure its not the same.

As far as the music, I think when you are with your kids you are more aware of the lyrics. Its not that they are any dirtier, its just that in wanting to protect your kids, you suddenly realize what the song is really saying.

Cecily R said...

On the subject of songs...I think someone at Entertainment Weekly reads might lurk around here! Check this out...

http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20153789,00.html

Manic Mom said...

So funny about EW!!! I didn't even see that when I wrote the post. I forgot about SHE BOP!

Kate said...

so i am the backwards one. i make all the plans, hubby ignores friends (i have ASKED him to accept poker invitations, nah he says) and i STILL CHECK WITH HIM ALWAYS! men are just not the considerate planners that we are. i *have* drilled into his head that daddys do not babysit - they parent just like mommies. so if he is home with kiddo first for a couple of hours (max) every night before i get home from work THAT IS PART OF BEING DADDY not something 'extra' you should get 'points' for later.

i said i drilled it into his head, i never said he heard me.

as for songs, i have a friend whose favorite song is 'baby got back' adn it's hilarious - she knows ALL THE WORDS and she is not the type you would think (shops boutiques, interior designer, long flowing blond hair, size 2 etc,) very funny. i hate that song.

Dim said...

About the first part, all I can say is, "Anything I say can and will be used against me...", so I am keeping mum.

Dirty songs...definitely Frankie's "Relax". Cyndi Lauper's "She Bop" was subtlely about, uh, having fun with oneself.

And then, there's Zeppelin's "The Lemon Song" with such thickly veiled innuendo as "Squeeze me baby til the juice runs down my leg. The way you squeeze my lemon, I'm gonna fall right out of bed."

Hmmm...a song about citrus. Must be about all the pirates that had scurvy, no doubt.

- D.

Manic Mom said...

Kate--Funky Cold Medina!

Rob and Dim--I am unfamiliar with the lemon song--I'm sure I've heard it but now I have to go search it out. And btw, Dim, speaking of citrus, I don't think I've shared the excerpt from my current work in progess where they're in the kitchen, on the island, and they're using lemons as well, you know... stuff.

Paulita said...

I totally agree with the husband thing. I had hoped to have two nights away so I could finish revising my manuscript and just a couple days before I went, he was blowing up at the kids so much I realized there was no way I could remove the Mommy wall. I cancelled my plans to stay home and supervise homework. He, of course, had a work conference for six days in St. Petersburg. Arrrr.
But, at least you're looking at his great qualities, which is something I need to remember to do.

MKB said...

Thanks for your comment about SHOES on my blog! :)

But on to your recent post about sickish music...
this is really funny and something I would rarely discuss with someone I have never met but my husband made me privy to the inuendo in a song from the 80's...

Frankie Goes to Hollywood
"Relax, don't do it, when you wanna go to it, relax don't do it, when you wanna c*me!"

NEVER in a million years would I have thought of that song in THAT way!!!!

Evidently I was corrupted at a young age and did't even know - CRAZY!

BTW, I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!!! Enjoying 40 weeks!
I'm bookmarking you!

amanda said...

Well, it's like this, men are hardwired to think "Party, great! Who's driving?" and women are hardwired to think "Party, great! Who's babysitting?" It's just the way it is. Ever Read "Why men don't listen and Women can't read maps"?

Frankie goes to Hollywood "Relax, don't do it.........when you want to come HUH" can't remeber all the words, wrong end of a silly o'clock start week.

amanda said...

sorry, just read comments, you got the Frankie one!

Stripping - that was David Bowie wasn't it?

KATE said...

Hey my Manic friend, you have been tagged!

Rules:
Link to the person who tagged ya; Share 7 random facts about yourself; Tag 7 other blogg friends & leave a comment on their blogg to give them the rules.

Have fun!!

Cecily R said...

Can I just say that it irritates Jon to no end when people say that about dads and babysitting? It makes him nuts. We both make plans and forget to tell each other. But, really, we have such an unexciting outside the house life that it doesn't matter. Usually if I tell him ten minutes before I'm leaving he just shrugs. :)