Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I (NO HEART) Baby Teeth *UPDATED

So, Diva has eaten nothing since Sunday night. She has a tooth hanging. She is miserable, hence, I am miserable. And not miserable FOR her, miserable BECAUSE of her. That is not a nice thing for a mother to say, now is it?

It is so hard to be sympathetic to her. Saturday a.m. she got up, the tooth is twisted in her mouth, on the verge of falling out, all I need is to get in there with one swift PLUCK, and the world’s problems in Manic’s house will be solved. (Until the next fricking tooth decides to jump ship.)

She sat on my lap Saturday morning for over an hour while we did the “Loose-tooth dance.” She crying, sweating, breaking out into little bumpy spots on her forehead, drooling (because she cannot swallow for fear of inhaling the tooth), kicking, yelling, and then talking like this:

Mmmhhhi jssst wnnnt mhhhhy mhhhtooth mmhout. (I just want my tooth out).

On Saturday I plied her with the promise of playing on Barbie.com and that was enough to get her to forget about it for a while.

Yesterday, after she got off the bus, it was bad, but not bad enough that she couldn’t play outside with a friend until 6 p.m. Then, the drama started up again. She and I sat in this office from 7:30 p.m. till after 10 with me trying to coax her, bribe her, wit her to get the tooth out. Do you know how I wish I was brave enough to hold down her arms and yank it out of her mouth? I so wish I could. I took a flashlight into her room last night, thinking one quick motion and it would be all over. I even told her last night I would maybe do it.

I took her to McDonald’s and ordered her the largest milkshake in the entire free world and she could not drink it. Who can not drink a milkshake? People with their MOUTHS WIRED SHUT can manage to drink a milkshake. She, however, was unable to. Oh, the drama that is my daughter.

At the ungodly hour of 6:30 a.m. today, she comes into my room and starts yelling, “Mhhhdid mew take it mhout?”

“What?”

“MHHHDID MEW TAKE IT MHOUT?”

She had WANTED me to take the tooth out while she slept. I swear we have wasted eight hours of our lives at least so far on worrying about this one little tooth. Her birthday is tomorrow. She is upstairs asleep in my bed right now, and when she wakes up, I am driving her to the dentist and begging him to please take it out, which is exactly what I had to do when she had the Nanny McPhee front tooth hanging just like this one.

Maybe the baby teeth know something we don’t. Maybe they’re afraid to be sent to the tooth fairy. Maybe they’re holding out for more money? Maybe they’re smarter than we are. I don’t know, but I do know these two things:

1. I am so glad Diva is not my youngest because I don’t want the tooth-falling-out experience of my last child to be such a miserable time. And I know when Tukey starts losing his teeth, he’s gonna just yank out the loose ones and say, “Hey mom, better call the tooth fairy, I’ve got another one for her.”

2. I am fearing the day Diva yells to me from the bathroom, “MOM! There’s blood on the toilet paper!”

Addendum: OK, just as I was going to hit the PUBLISH button to send this post out into cyberworld, Diva starts screaming for me from upstairs, so I run up, and there's puke on the carpet and she's saying, "Mhhi Mhhhhbarfed." There's yellow-acid puke in the bathroom. The girl has no food in her stomach and she is so worked up over this tooth thing that it makes her shake, get hot, puke, get the chills. And she just reminded me the last time she barfed was the first time she lost a tooth.

She asked if I could bring up her milkshake that I kept in the fridge from last night. She thought she could try to take a sip. The girl sucked on that straw and made the same sounds a newborn does when drinking from its mother's breast! Complete with the happy sighing and the sounds of the internal digestive system gurgling, saying, "Thank you! Thank you for putting something into this empty cavern that is my stomach!"

After she sucked and sucked and sucked, she looked up at me and smiled and said, "That is so good. Thank you so much mommy!"

I Heart My Baby Doll Diva Girl!

Addendum to the addendum: She puked up the chocolate milkshake. All over my bed. The tooth, it is stll there.

17 comments:

Jenn said...

As i read this i watch my little 8 month old "drama mama" sleeping, oh do i have such wonderful things ahead.

Colorado Writer said...

Ew. I wouldn't be able to pluck out a tooth. Hope it comes out soon. We had the same kind of drama over a splinter last week with son.

Kim Stagliano said...

This is Dad's job. Oh yeah. Mark pulls Miss Gianna's teeth at the first wiggle. She can not stand the feeling of a loose tooth. Mark is practically a dentist at this point. I, who grew up with a father who WAS a dentist, gag and run away when Mark reaches into G's mouth. Last tooth G yanked herself! I heard her from upstairs "Hooray! Gianna pulled her tooth!"

Travis Erwin said...

My 6 year old son has lost 4 teeth in the last few weeks. He looks like a Jack O' Lantern. He too is reluctant with each one but getting better.

Fishing line around their tiny tooth works well. I told him I just wanted to tie the line on to see if it could. He made me promise not to pull. I agreed, then when I had it attached my wife called his name from across the room and when he turned to look at her -- Presto! He never even felt it come out, but he did get mad at me for pulling until I explained that I never moved my hand. He did it when he turned.

Travis Erwin said...

Here is an interesting take on the Tooth Fairy as told to me by a six year old friend of my sons. Here is the exact covnersation as I rode between the two of them on a school bus enroute to a fieldtrip.

Friend "Let me see the hole where your tooth came out.

Son grins.

Friend "Did you know the tooth fairy really doesn't fly?"

Me "No."

Friend "She usaully rides her train to your house but not if you live too far from the railroad tracks."

Me "What does she do then?"

Friend scratches his head and says, "I think she drives a grey Corvette."

Who knew? Certainly not me. I always pegged her as more of a Mustang kind of gal.

Manic Mom said...

Travis, LOL!

And the latest on the Diva scoop is that tomorrow is her 8th birthday. I have made a dentist appointment at 7 a.m. for her.

Happy, Happy Birthday Darling!

Alicia said...

Oh my!
Cameron rips his own teeth out.
Maybe it's a boy thing.
He chomped down on a pretzel when his first tooth was loose and then he calmly walked into the bathroom and took it out himself.

Lauren is only 3.
I can only imagine she'll be as dramatic as your diva is now.
:)

Trish Ryan said...

That is definitely the funniest post I've ever read abotu teeth, milkshakes, and puke. I'm sorry Diva is making you crazy, but grateful you're getting such good material to keep the rest of us out here entertained. Too funny that she WANTED you to rip her tooth out last night as she slept!

flea said...

oh lord, i don't think i could handle it, you should so pull it out while she sleepin...

good luck :)

Mz Jackson said...

I've been where you are! I got tired of paying the dentist my $25 deductible to have him pull my daugther's teeth. So I offered to pay her $25 to do it instead.

Worked like a charm.

TTQ said...

Tell her that if she doesn't let you pluck the tooth, you are going to let her brother tie a string around it and a door handle and slam the door shut!

I get like Diva when I have anxiety attacks..poor thing. I have a husband who will make me sit down and swallow a xanax..

Rusty Nails said...

This is why Mother's Day is celebrated...the patience & love only a mother could posess in times like these. What a trooper you are. I just went through a similar scene (minus the not eating) with my youngest. The whole freaking out, wailing, etc over the tooth. I am, however, amazed that you spend the time and cash to go to the dentist. Maybe you could inadvertantly trip her and the tooth would come out? (My oldest has a horror story, and loves to share, about how he was in the hanging tooth stage and his Gramma pulled a sneak attack and ripped it out). Oh the drama!

Manic Mom said...

It's 5:27 pm. Tooth still intact. Diva's mood: Unusually cheery.

Mz. J--I've tried the money bribery.

TTQ--I seriously thought of slipping her half a Xanax (KIDDING MOM!)

And Rusty--I almost bashed the mirror into her face last night just out of sheer frustration, but decided that would be just too cruel.

Rebecca said...

My daughter had this same probem (no puking though)and one of the guys on my husband's shift...he's a firefighter...said, "Let me look at that tooth. I swear I won't pull it." So she showed him and as quick as a flash he pushed on the tooth and it popped right out. This was after days of whining and carrying. I just hugged him.

Trish said...

Oh poor poor Manic...

There is seriously nothing so gross as a way loose toof...

Swishy said...

You totally should have pulled it while she was sleeping! But then imagine how much she would have freaked out. Yeah, going to the dentist is probably better. She will be soooo cute with her toothless grin for her birthday pictures, though!

violetvirus said...

You make me appreciate mothers more and more, MM...where will we be if without our mothers?

poor Diva...I still remember how it was like to loose my baby teeth...I hate hate hate d experience!