Thursday, May 03, 2007

The Tooth and The Toilet

First of all, doesn't that title sound really cool, kind of like The Witch and The Wardrobe. Maybe I COULD write a book called The Tooth and the Toilet, Tales from a Manic Mommy...

Any editor-takers out there? Hee hee.

Anyway, isn't there an Elton John song called, "Someone Saved My Life Tonight?" Well, someone saved MY life today, and it's Sweet, Southern, Spirited (and let's not forget S M A R T, ANDIE, who wrote this in the comments after my toilet debacle:

When I see the water start to rise on my toilet, I immediately turn the water off (you know the little twirly valve on the left side of the toilet. Then I plunge. 95% of the time, once you plunge, all of the water drains out and you're all set!

WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:

It was not Manic Mommy who left anything in the toilet that would cause this latest overflow! She immediately called Hubby to accuse him, and he denied vehemently, but Manic is not too sure as he spends a LOT of time in this particular bathroom. Manic knows now which toilets are safe in the house so she avoids this particular one at all costs so as not to be blamed for situations.

So, thanks to Andie, this is what happened this a.m.

I peed. No big deal. A pee. Everyone does it. Even teeny-tiny bugs, I am sure. Not too much toilet paper. But somehow, I had a flash maybe before I made, or maybe it was after I made, but I thought to myself, "hmmm, maybe this is not right?" Perhaps there was paper in the toilet; it hadn't been pre-flushed. I should have known.

I flush. Diva is in the bathroom with me, the door is open, we are a very open and friendly family when it comes to the potty (which brings me to another story I will share in a moment, having to do with bathroom stuff too). So, Diva is brushing her teeth before school...

YES! The tooth is STILL there, and on her birthday, she was able to eat: brownies, cookies, pizza, TCBY yogurt, cotton candy. Are you sick from the 'idea' of all that crap yet? I am... she managed to eat all that, and the tooth, it's still there. But we're not worried about the tooth anymore. We've got bigger fish to fry: the toilet...

So, I flush. It's yellow water. And it starts rising. I panic. I search around. I think I might try to grab that garbage can and try that stupid trick again, try to 'catch' the water with the rounded lid-shaped garbage can... DUH. Then, my mind shuffles to recall all the great comments and suggestions everyone left me, and I think...

someone wrote to tell me...

what was it?

The water's rising, and this time it's REALLY yellow and I DO NOT want that on my feet...

who told me to do what?!

The water continues to rise and is just about to come over the lip of the toilet, and then it CLICKS, my mind does, that is...

And then I remember. TURN THE KNOBBY THING DOWN BELOW! TURN THE KNOBBY THING DOWN BELOW!

I did.

The water stopped just at the edge of disaster!

Thank God Andie saved my life because I would have died had this happened again.

You blog readers ROCK! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Another quick bathroom share, because while I'm at it, I might as well keep on keeping on...

We went to a mall yesterday before Chuck E. Cheese, and stopped in at Macy's. One or two or three of the kids had to pee so we find a family restroom.

I'm peeing. And then Ajers is standing to the side and notices a machine on the wall. A silver machine that takes quarters.

A silver machine that takes quarters so that you can purchase a NAPKIN.

"What a rip off!" he announces. "You have to PAY for a napkin in here?!"

Diva and I giggle cuz she kind of knows what they are and kind of what happens to a woman. She tries to explain to Ajers.

"It's for a mom's underwear. In case some pee comes out." she says.

"Ewwww. Mom! You're like an old person who pees her pants?" Ajers yells.

In the meantime, Tukey has discovered the paper towels, grabs one and shows it to Ajers, announcing, "Here are the napkins Ajers, and THESE ONES ARE FREE!"

And just in time, we wash our hands and get ready to leave when Ajers notices the OTHER sign on the machine...

"Mom, what's a tampoon?"

Oh what fun it is!

25 comments:

Andie said...

well you are MORE THAN WELCOME for that tip. Trust me, I've had more than my share of toilet troubles. I like to use lots of TP... and sometimes it gets me in trouble!

Glad it worked for you. But if your toilet is getting clogged THAT MUCH, you should definitely call a plumber. ;)

Glad I could help out! ;)

Monnik said...

I agree with Andie. You might want to get a plumber to come over. Or stop eating so much fiber. Or something. :)

The napkins/tampoons comment cracks me up. My youngest daughter likes to use my pads as barbie mattresses. One day we had the neighbors over for drinks and I was mortified when I went into the dining room. She'd had her dolls and barbies all set up on the table and was playing 'campout' with them. There were several pads stuck to the table with barbies laying on them. The neighbors were amused at her creativity.

Manic Mom said...

ANdie-- The plumber is coming at noon today! Yay! And how's this for an interesting twist of fate--the post being titled the Tooth and the Toilet--when I described to the plumber what was going on, he asked me if we were missing any toothbrushes!@?!?!?!!? I had to crack up thinking how this is like all connected somehow--the tooth, the toilet, the circle of life!

Monnik--CRACKED UP at the thought of a bunch of pads for Barbie beds! What an ingenious idea!!!

Andie said...

Omg. pads for barbie beds? that's classic.

Manic, thanks for giving me laughs on days when I'm sometimes so tired and frustrated I can't think!

And your kids crack me up... tampoons and free napkins... HAHAHAHA

Alicia said...

AWESOME!
My 5 year old LOVES to read. He reads everything, including Tampon boxes.
How embarassing.

Thank goodness Andie told you to turn the knobby thingy!

You really should get a snake from home depot to see what the problem is in there. There might be a tampon applicator jammed in there somewhere.

Travis Erwin said...

you're blog is always good for a morning laugh, but I'm still a bit anxious about that tooth. I think y'all need a good game of family dodgeball tonight, and somebody needs to chunk the ball and hit Diva in the mouth. Now I'm not condoning shild abuse, but all is fair in love and dodgeball. Unless you're Ben Stiller.

Besides we played dodgeball in school. Nothing ever bad happens in Gym class right? Just don't run with the scissors, even those with the blunt rounded ends, because it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye, or clogs the toilet.

Mz Jackson said...

This was so funny! Especially, "These ones are free!" Totally classic.

Rusty Nails said...

I think The Tooth and The Toilet would make a fabulous kids book. I can see it now on the Barnes & Noble bookshelf right next to Everybody Poops (listed topically of course).
Ah, I'm so glad I only have boys. I feel sorry for my beloved sometimes having to put up with three juvenile, testosterone laden males (I list myself in the juvenile catagory). But, at least she can go to the toilet for some privacy as the kids are left with me. They do say the funniest things though.

Rusty Nails said...

Addendum: Do you have a septic system? Your toilets sure do overflow alot. That's not right.

Manic Mom said...

Got it fixed. And you'll all just have to wait to discover what it was that was clogging up the pot.

Any guesses?

Drew Blackstone said...

That's funny, in the men's restroom the only machine we have sells this really weird gum. It tastes really bad, but you can chew it forever.

And why do you want gum that glows in the dark?

Jenn said...

Well we know for sure it was'nt any of Diva's teeth in the pot, that we can be sure of.

TTQ said...

My guesses:

A TAMPON??? I know you are too smart to flush the napkins that COST money, you only throw away the free ones..

A little GI Joe man who went on an expedition..

A barbie doll head..I know I can't be the only one who flushed her sister's barbie doll..or threw it in the ceiling fan..

A sock or a pair of panties..

eatmisery said...

I'm thinking you should try a different toilet paper. ScotTissue is awful, but it doesn't clog ever.

You must have those water-saving toilets.

Remind me never to go potty at your house. Yikes!

Manic Mom said...

Drew--are you talking about CONDOMS!?!?!?

Jenn--I totally LOLLED at your comment on Diva's teeth not clogging the pot!

TTQ--not any of those things.

Eatmisery--it also wasn't the toilet paper cuz I specifically asked the plumber.

OK, here's what it was... drumroll... it was a large match stick. Well, not large as in 8-10 inches long, more like 4 inches.

And I am positive it was I who threw it in there months and months ago. (To camoflauge a big doo doo I am sure!)

Colorado Writer said...

No way! A matchstick? WOW.

Sally T said...

Thank goodness our loos are working OK (touch wood) we don't have those twiddly knobs on the side of our loos in the UK! Sounds like a life saver. I would have to climb into the loft to turn it off up there.

Beth said...

LOL!! Aren't little boys so much fun?

Jenn said...

That seems fair, you make me LOL daily, btw my daughter just got her very first tooth.

Manic Mom said...

Steph COlorado--Yep, it was one of those matchsticks you get from the White Candle Barn, that are longer, but not as long as fireplace matches.

Sally T--I loved your comment and how you call it a loo; I could totally sense/fell your Brittishism in your comment and I liked that!

Beth--Thank God for my little boys to balance out the Diva in my life, whose tooth is still in the mouth!

Jenn--gotta love babies at that stage. If you're breastfeeding, I hope she's not biting!

Mz Jackson said...

I remember flushing a pair of panties down the toilet when I was little. I remember standing with my sister and watching it go round and round til it went out of sight. Then I remember my mother's father and brothers, who were plumbers, coming over to snake the toilet.
They had to come over a lot, by the way.

Eileen said...

A friend of mine was in the check up line at the grocery, behind her a group of cute firemen. Her daughter is helping to unload the cart. The daughter takes the box of tampons out holds them up to the attractive young men and says in a loud voice "My mom shoves these up her butt."

The Anti-Wife said...

So, the match got wedged in the toilet and then everything else got wedged on that until nothing would flow through. Frustrating.

Reminds me of some people's minds!

Andie said...

wow! glad the mystery was solved.

hopefully no more toilet troubles!

XYZinn said...

OMG...your kids are so funny! I once accidentally flushed my sisters foundation down the toilet. I wonder if that eventually clogged it up, especially since a 4 inch match stick could do some damage!