Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Boobs and Balls, and All That Stuff

So, I didn't want to bring this up on the blog because it's UBER personal, but Diva and I went bra shopping the other day. She's been asking, and it's just one of those little teeny training bras and the whole purpose is to cover nippage, and I'm OK with this. She told her brothers, (GOD KNOWS WHY!?!?!) and she made me tell Mr. Manic, but she was nervous about that, like she thought he would make us return them.

Anyway, not the point of the story. This is the story. We were taking Nana Manic and Papa Manic to the airport to go back home to Tampa this a.m. and when we bid them farewell, as soon as they got out of the car, Diva starts whispering to her brothers, and then I hear them discussing the bra.

"Why did you have to tell Nana and Papa about my bra?"

So then they are fighting about the Big Bra Secret and Tukey starts in about how he is a horrible person and he throws his flip-flops and starts crying and Diva's screaming and Ajers is maybe smirking, cuz I can't really tell cuz I'm driving in a shitload of traffic, and there's a ton of chaos in the backseat of the car and I've had it up to freaking here and I let completely LOOSE! (and for those of you grammatically challenged, it's LOOSE, not LOSE. LOSE is to lose one's shoe or a football game. Loose is to let loose, as what I did.)

"SHUT UP! I am about to slam on the brakes, get out of this car and walk 25 feet over there (pointing over there) and scream my freaking head off! EVERY GIRL AND EVERY WOMAN WEARS A BRA! Every girl gets boobs! Every boy will grow balls! Every boy will grow hair on their balls and every penis gets HARD! THESE ARE THE FACTS OF LIFE! NOW WILL EVERYBODY PLEASE SHUT UP!"

There was not one word spoken the whole rest of the way home, although I did hear a couple of sniffles from the back seats.

Hey, be proud of me, at least I didn't drop the EFF bomb this time.

29 comments:

Bina said...

OH MY GOD! That is freaking hilarious!!!!!!!!! I SO wish I could be a fly on your wall, or your window, for just one day. I just read that to my friend and she said, "She sounds just like you!!!!"

I'm honored. Truly I am.

Monnik said...

Ha. you crack me up.

Good response!

Anonymous said...

I had a discussion with the boys the other day and we named all the words people use for balls, i.e. nuts, testes, testicals, gonads, sack, etc. It was lots of fun and the boys were cracking up!! Nothing wrong with a little human anatomy lesson every once in awhile. Sharon

Amanda said...

And there it is, sex ed in one easy lesson!!

Steph said...

OMG you are my hero! I think of having outbursts like that all the time and I always hold back.

Melissa said...

OMG, you should have taught them about the birds and the bees and you would have killed that whole conversation for all three of them.

I'm in awe, you rock, Manic!!

March to the Sea said...

nice..this is one to keep in the mental rolodex...

Fran said...

So effing funny!! And thank you for the clarification regarding Loose and Lose - those two always trip me up.

Anonymous said...

Gawd just wait til she starts riding the crimson tide. Her brothers will make fun of her for that too. Sheesh. Isnt live awkward enough...

Michelle O'Neil said...

OMG! How funny!

Michelle O'Neil said...

OMG! How funny!

Michelle said...

I am SO filing this away for when my wee ones have this argument in the car. And I just KNOW they will. I'm still laughing.

Suzanne said...

Please, please, PLEASE, tell me that Gramps and Gramma were still in the van when you let LOOOSE with the various attributes of the male genitalia...please!!!!!!!!!

eatmisery said...

You're my idol, Manic.

Stephanie said...

HILARIOUS! You should show your daughter the movie 16 Candles, then she can be happy that they just know she wears a bra and that her Grandma didn't feel her up. :)

Shelley said...

Totally proud of you for not dropping the F bomb, but I wonder how much extra traffic you'll get from Google with Boobs AND Balls in your title. Hee.

My verification word is joymoss. What does that mean? All I can think of is some happy shrubbery.

Melisa said...

Um, WOW!

Please tell me that you will have another, *ahem*, slightly more detailed chat with them! LOL

Mabunny said...

ROFLMAO, thats too darn funny. I'm sure before the sniffles in the back seat , their mouths were hanging wide open in shock??!!
That's just too funny.
Lastnight, while Nicole was helping me look under our bed for something she came across a misplaced discarded empty condom wrapper. She picked it up , giggled, said I'm not even going to ask, I KNOW what this is as she tossed it to me, lmao.
Facts of life are good for them sometimes.

Grandmother Goddess of the Garden said...

OMG! I'm still wiping coffee off my computer screen! I've done similar things and on our recent road trip I watched my daughter, Mel, do the same...a gratifying silence indeed!Thanks for the laugh!

Kendra

Andie said...

dude, that totally sounds like something I would do. I babysat my niece this evening and I kept having to stop myself from saying shit, damn, ass, etc. over and over again.

I said "that sucks" because we were watching the saints game and she said, Nans (that's what she calls me) my mom doesn't like when I say that.

Oops. LOL

Sue said...

So, were your mom and dad in the car at the point you let loose and told them 5th grade sex ed in a matter of 60 seconds? Very, very funny! Mind if I send my kids out to Chicago?

Stephanie said...

No, my parents were out of the car, but they wouldn't have batted an eyelast had I said that in front of them. I can't even begin to tell you the outlandish conversations we have in front of our children with my parents. we are a very open family.

Manic Mom said...

there

Swishy said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

I can't type anything else because I am laughing too hard. HA HA.

LaskiGal said...

You gotta love backseat drama. I love your response!!!

CLASSIC!

Bree said...

Oh you crack me up! What a riot!

Colorado Writer said...

Oh my god MM!

shopgirl said...

OMG - I just spit ICE TEA through my nose onto my work laptop!! That is the funniest thing I've read in days!!! Thanks for the giggle!!!

Wendee said...

OH HOLY MAKERAL! Lol! That was sooo funny...and something I can totally picture myself saying. And I just might if I get a quiet car ride out it!!