Thursday, November 16, 2006

Manic Mom’s Not Gone Yet.

Or is she?

Morning quote to child who would not listen to me explain his math homework (and yeah, you figure it out; me, trying to help with math… it’s a terrible equation).

“If you don’t get over here right now and work with me on this, I swear to you, I’m going to bang my head against the freakin’ counter until it bleeds.”

That got his attention.

They say you need a thick skin to handle rejection as a writer. Hell, you need an even thicker skin to handle rejection as a mother.

They were both soooo mad this morning. I was just trying to help them. She was pissed because I was helping him with his math when her belt needed to be fixed and he was getting the attention first.

He was crying. She was scowling. There wasn't enough of me to make things better for my babies.

My God, I am not an octopus. I’ve always wondered why God didn’t make mothers’ octopi, for we are truly the species that needs and deserves eight arms/hands. And the ability to breathe underwater, because I am certainly feeling like I’m drowning here as a mom.

It’s going to be a terrible day. I told them I was sorry we all had had a rough morning. I was sorry the belt wasn’t right. I was sorry math was so hard.

I seriously feel sick to my stomach, and it’s been this way since they went out the door. And when I think about this morning's scene, my eyes get soggy and tears come. All I was doing was trying to help, and I couldn't even do it.

It’s the first day they left for the bus and didn’t say “I love you.”

18 comments:

Melanie Lynne Hauser said...

Steph, forgive yourself, give yourself a break. I know that when I'm really down - really, truly down and despairing about things like writing and a career and unfulfilled dreams, yadda yadda yadda - there are just times I CANNOT be the perfect mommy. And as hard as it is to see our kids' reaction to our own misery - and the way it manifests itself - I have to believe that in the end, when they're all grown up, it's a good thing that they know that we are human, after all. And that we have good days, and bad days.

So please - let it go, and remember that you're a FAMILY, and you love each other warts and all - and everyone gets to have a bad day now and then.

Manic Mom said...

Thanks Mel, you made me smile. I also thought of you the other day. In my drawer I discovered the dreaded Gap T that will not die!

LOL.

Anonymous said...

You are not alone. Huge scene with my own daughter this morning. Same thing as you, she was acting hateful when I was being sweet and just trying to help. I agree with Melanie, forgive yourself and give yourself a break. There is never enough of us as moms to go around and we just do the very best that we can. I gaurantee there will be hugs and kisses all around when they get off the bus this afternoon.

BeckyD said...

Deep breath. You feel worse than they do. They will come home today, you'll apologize for this morning, and they will look at you like they have no idea what you're talking about. They've forgotten the whole thing already.

Manic Mom said...

BeckyD--

ME APOLOGIZE?!?!?!? Those kids are the one who owe ME the freakin' apology for ruining my morning!

Lori said...

Just know that they probably feel just as bad for not saying I Love You before they left. or not? I know I did when I was a kid. I had to get after my almost 11 year old girl this morning for flashing the boy that likes her. ARRGGHH! Imagine me, when I was told this happened last night, informed by my 15 and 11 year old sons, running as fast as I can and turning around in that instant that I smack head first into a brick wall. WOW! So I had to confront her and do the whole spiel on sex basically and reprimanding her for showing the boy her boobies when he asked. And oh my gosh, I know she's humiliated and I feel so bad for her because we all do things we wished we hadn't and I just feel off kilter now, today, because of this. And my husband shit a pink and purple cow that shit green twinkies! Soooo....is it a full moon?

Lori said...

P.S. I'm right there with you on the Christmas shopping. I'm half done and have loved having not had to deal with all the crap involved when EVERYONE else is shopping.

TTQ said...

I think the planets might be outta whack today, I got honked at by about THREE different old men all in hurry to get to where they wanted to go. Once there was an ambulance bearing down from the other way and the old man behind me is yelling and cursing at me!

You can start your day over when the kids get home!

Drew Blackstone said...

Don't beat yourself up about it. Nobody can unsay or undo what has been said or done. All we can do is work to make the next time better. You are super cool and your kids know this. To be cheesy, I will quote: "Love will keep us together."

Remember, God doesn't care where we've been. He cares where we are going.

Peas (Peace) out. :)

cubmommy said...

My Hubby's favorite thing to say to quote Bill Cosby "I brought you into this world and I can take you out." That is so true sometimes.

I get all the time I don't like you and I say too bad you are stuck with me especially if you want to eat.

They probably all ready forgot about it when they got home today.

BD said...

Down but not out?

Manic Mom said...

Yep, BD, down, but definitely NOT out. The xanax is helping. Man, I needed one today!

Trish said...

I hate scenes like this too and they happen in my house from time to time too.

Being a parent makes us so emotionally vulnerable. We take a big risk loving the way we do because we are putting all on the line so when we get "rejected" by our children it really hurts.

{{hugs}}

violetvirus said...

Oh, dat is sad...but I'm sure they will understand and cherish d parents once they are old enough....*Huggies*

Kelly said...

Don't you hate it that your kids have such enormous power over your heart?
That is one thing that I didn't count on when I had mine.
You poor thing.....
I hope they apologize to you. And then buy you something with a green straw in it. (fat chance, i know... but still. I just thought I'd throw it out there.)

Manic Mom said...

Kelly, I had to laugh at the green straw comment because although I only had a venti water that required a green straw, I did go for the DOUBLE option today--my neighbor brought me a grandenonfatpepmocha this a.m., and this afternoon, I got a tallnonfatpepmochawithwhip AND a triple chunk chocolate chip cookie.

Yep, did the trick!

Thanks for all the nice words guys! They made me smile when my heart felt sad!

And yeah, the kids were clueless when they got home--no idea they ruined most of my day! LOL

Mommygoth said...

God, it's so hard, isn't it? I love CubMommy's comment above - the Bill Cosby line was always one of my own dad's favorites.

Sugarmama said...

Aw, we all have mornings like that. Why, just a couple of days ago I told my older daughter I was going to rip out my own eyelashes if she didn't stop...actually, I can't remember what it was that she was doing. And I think her memory about such times is just as short.