This is a rant.
And a public apology to my husband for not wanting to deal with the Christmas lights.
THEY FREAKING SUCK BIG FAT CHRISTMAS SCHWEDDY BALLS!
There, I feel better.
OK, I spent Saturday putting up the lights; they are multicolored and kind of pretty, and I felt a real sense of accomplishment having done the job myself.
Then, just last night, a freaking string of lights died.
OK, shit happens, not a biggie, this just gave me an excuse to go to Target today to return the one strand, get a store credit for $7.93 and then promptly go to the Starbucks in the Target and spend it all on a grande-three-pumps-only-non-fat-peppermint-mocha-no-whip-because-I'm-counting-points (another reason for my crabbiness and need to rant!).
This stupid freaking strand of lights ended up costing me one-hundred-and-eighty-one dollars this morning. I HATE COMMERCIALISM and RETAIL and their never-ending ploy to get us to spend money!
But, I did buy another two boxes of lights, and went outside this afternoon and cheerily wrapped them around some bushes, and even stapled some to the front of our house over the garage (shhh, don't tell hubby this!).
I just went outside and you guessed it...
ANOTHER FREAKING STRAND OF STUPID LIGHTS IS DEAD! WTF!?!?!?
So, if I was Jewish, then all I'd have to do is eat potato pancakes and play with a dreidel, and get a cute blue-and-white Mennorah to put in my front window, and I'd also get like eight day's worth of presents.
I was relaying this info to Swishy, who told me she would convert with me as well, because she also hates the commercialism of Christmas but then I was struck with a thought and I said maybe I didn't want to convert because I am not sure I'd be up for the circumcision, ya know?
This post is in no way making fun of the Jewish religion, I have a lot of Jewish friends, and know how to play the dreidel game. I will equally make fun of Santa Clause and that whole ruse in the coming weeks, you can be sure. Call me Bobat, or whoever that guy is!
UPDATE: THE FREAKING LIGHTS I PURCHASED TODAY AND PUT UP OVER THE GARAGE ON THE HOUSE HAVE NOW BURNED OUT SO THAT ONLY HALF THE STRING IS LIT. I'm going to the synagogue.