Sunday, November 05, 2006

Movie Titles, Many Martinis, and Too Strange To Not Be True

I was hanging out over at Kari's Snark Fest and she had some movie quotes in her latest blog entry, which made me think of one of my favorite lines.

Know where this one is from?

"Dan, I won't be ignored!"

* * * * * * *

And later, I'll be blogging about how I missed cracking my side rearview mirror off my minivan as I backed out of my garage, and instead, got the front whole panel of my headlight to crack and fall off. What a trade-off.

And no, I wasn't drunk, but quite possibly hung over.

Three applemartinis followed a cosmo. And I wake up at 5 a.m. with a raging headache, and think I may have to puke. I hate puking, but then in my strange mind, I think, "Well, if I puke, it'll at least make Blaire happy!" (For those of you new to Manic Mom, Blaire is a faithful reader who loves my puke stories, and if she had/has a website, I'd link her here but I don't think she does.)

Now, who said, "Dan, I won't be ignored?" And no, my husband's name is not Dan.

* * * *

Oh, and I forgot one more really, really crazy thing. So, I picked up Diva from a friend's house and their dog attacked me and was licking my hand and yes, I think that's particularly gross, but I'm smiling and saying, "Nice doggy," cuz it is a nice doggy but I didn't want it dry-humping and licking me at that particular moment.

I was also wearing an all-black track suit because I'm feeling very fat, oh, and I just got my hair colored and IT IS SO FREAKING DARK AND RED AND MY KIDS ARE LIKE, "You look different mom." So, I'm not feeling exceptionally beautiful, or even lookable these days. Ajers even commented to me, "Mom, why are you trying to be Goth?"

I guess that's better than, "Mom, why are you trying to look like an old lady?"

Anyway... I leave the house with the horny dog and realize I've got dog hairs, long blonde dog hairs, all over my track suit, and that's just not doing much for my attempted Goth look. I'm taking the kids out for lunch and to B&N and on our way out of our neighborhood, I see my friend, Homecoming Queen has her garage door open. I tell the kids this will just take a minute and I pull into her driveway and dial up her number. Am I that lazy that I just can't get out of the car and ring the bell?

Homecoming Queen answers and just as I say, "Do you have a lint brush?" her garage door opens and I see her daughter pop out.

Guess what she is holding in her hand at that very freaking moment? Guess where Homecoming Queen and her daughter had just been? Guess why they were out and had just returned home from Target?

They Just Went Out Specifically To Buy A Lint Brush.

Her daughter was HOLDING A LINT BRUSH IN HER HAND the ABSOLUTE VERY MOMENT I DECIDED THERE WAS TOO MUCH DOG HAIR ON MY GOTH-LOOKING COVER-THE-FAT-ASS TRACK SUIT AND WAS DRIVING RIGHT BY THEIR HOME AT THAT VERY SECOND.

I could have stopped at any number of neighbor's homes, but something deep inside willed me, actually steered my car, the one with the missing headlamp, straight into the fate of the magical lint brush.

It's a sign. I don't know exactly WHAT kind of sign it is, but it's a sign nonetheless.

I think I better go buy a lottery ticket.

And a lint brush of my own.

20 comments:

Drew Blackstone said...

You can always use one of my lint brushes. :) I buy ten at a time at Costco.

Nicola said...

hahah, that's so funny! When people come visit me, I always open the door before they get a chance to knock. They think this is freaky, but I actually just hear the elevator bell lol. Loved Ajers take on your ensemble! Goth is definately way cooler than old lady, though cat hair goth is not so cool. This friend of mine showed up to lunch, while he was on his work lunch hour, wearing this long navy blue (almost trench) coat, that was hideous enough as it was, nevermind the cat hair I could see a mile away! I was so embarrassed... I've experienced the wrath of animal hair, it's one thing to have a few stray ones or be ravaged by a neighbours horny dog, but to go to work, knowingly covered in white cat hair on a dark coat? Seriously...

violetvirus said...

dat is just so Cool!..do you think you can will things to happen? I like to think so whenever dis kind of thing happens to me...haha...well, just for d fun of it!..I can't believe what Ajer commented...not every kid could have come up with something like dat...

Manic Mom said...

Drew--the horny dog looks just like your cute dog!

Nicola--I think it would be cool to be Goth for a while!

Violet--If I could will things to happen, I'm willing my phone to ring this week with an offer from an agent to represent my novel!

Nancy French said...

I thought I was your Homecoming Queen friend?

Manic Mom said...

Nance--You're my Catfish Reject Friend! LOLOLOL!

Homecoming Queen friend is not really a Homecoming Queen, she just likes to think she is... LOL again because she is totally reading this! Hey R!

Drew Blackstone said...

That is one thing that golden retrievers do well.

violetvirus said...

it will happen one day, MM..hopefully soon!

and I'd love love love to read your book, really... :)

Hotwire said...

great lint brush story, if not a bit freaky...

Beth said...

Nobody named the movie...."Dan, I won't be ignored."... Fatal Attraction!

Lint brushes are one of God's greatest inventions.

Trish said...

I had a lint brush episode when my oldest was 5. One day he wanted Cheerios and we didn't have any in the house. I didn't even have the car that day to go to the store and buy a box. So all day he kept on and on about how much he wanted cheerios and it just wasn't going to happen. Until the mail came. What was in the mail that day? A packet of coupons and a small yellow sample box of Cheerios.

Sarcasm Queen said...

No one has gotten it yet? I feel so special since I rarely comment but anytime this movie is on lifetime - I have to watch it. The Betty Broderick Story....that is a classic!

Sarcasm Queen said...

Now I'm doubting myself - maybe it is Fatal Attraction? What is it??? Please let us know.

Trish Ryan said...

Part of life is finding our special talents. I thought yours was blogging (cause you make me laugh) but apparently it's knowing where to find a lint brush. My dog sheds a fair amount, so I appreciate your newfound skill :)

Kate said...

That's way too freaky! Had the they recently been at the House of Dog? That's what my life is like all the time. White dog hair everywhere no matter what I do.

I can totally understand calling rather than ringing the doorbell. We hardly ever answer the door if the bell rings. Friends normally call or text if they're coming, so a doorbell ringing is almost always someone soliciting something. So if one of my friends was unfortunate enough to actually just drop by, we might completely ignore them until they went away.

Jess Riley said...

Weird! But don't you love when that kind of stuff happens?

Swishy said...

OK, forget about the lint brush ... Ajers really asked if you were trying to be Goth? HA HA HA HA. I died laughing when I saw that.

eatmisery said...

I'm pretty sure that line is from "Fatal Attraction," from Glenn Close to Michael Douglas, but I could be wrong. What's the answer?

Manic Mom said...

Yep Guys, it's Fatal Attraction!

Karitown said...

Oh my God, too funny. Gotta love the dark hair look. So you're dark red while I'm still Elvira a month later. It never did lighten up. I'm just waiting until I can recolor. I'm going lighter for sure, and that will probably look like crap too. And I've eaten so much Halloween candy,I can't stand it.