So, a Splogger is kind of like a Speaker and a Blogger rolled into one. I'd like to introduce you to Tyeese Gaines Reid, author of "The Get A Life Campaign," which is the perfect book to find ways to NOT get into a Manic Mom funk.
Take it away Tyeese--
Enter the Manic Mom "How Pathetic Are You?" Contest!
Are you so overworked that you haven't seen a movie in years? How about reading a book that didn't star Elmo or Pooh? Has your sense of style become dull, or uh... motherly? Do you not feel like yourself anymore? Has your career, husband or children sucked the life out of you?
Tell us all about it in the comments section. I'll pick the most outrageous and deserving story and reward you with an autographed copy of "The Get A Life Campaign" to help you shape up!
P.S. Manic Mom is a huge believer in the power of ice cream so she'll throw in a little tasty treat so when you get your book, you can go out for ice cream, and enjoy a little quiet time with a great read and a yummy sundae!
"The Get A Life Campaign" by Tyeese Gaines Reid is a fun, witty pocket guide for busy women who are determined to get their lives back. Each chapter teaches women how to make more time for themselves and use it wisely. The book provides all the things you've ever thought, heard or advised someone else in a nice, concise, on the go format. It takes an upbeat look at ways to avoid the rut, squeeze the most out of busy schedules, and help busy women get the lives they deserve. If you're not pathetic enough to win the contest, you can still get a copy at www.getalifecampaign.com.
So go ahead, share your patheticism. It's not like Manic doesn't share hers with you practically DAILY!
Good luck from Tyeese and Manic Mom!
Monday, May 21, 2007
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Good times! I always love a good competition. And if I lose this one, I win in a sense because that means that I don't have the most pathetic life. Lessee...
I have:
1. Worn the same pair of jeans approximately five out of the last seven days. Without washing them.
2. Gone to the prom for the first time in my life at age 32.
3. Approximately 100 books on my bookshelves that I haven't read yet. And I keep buying them.
4. Left my dog outside all day accidentally because I forgot to let her inside after her potty break. Think very furry dog and 80-90 degrees and humidity.
5. Paid approximately $20 in library fines since New Years. At least.
I have not:
1. Had sex in forever. My hot husband and I have both been depressed. We don't even have children to blame it on.
2. Seen a movie in the theater this year.
3. Driven myself to work more than five times since New Years because of dizziness caused by my meds.
4. Seen the top of my dining room table since New Years, I think.
5. Baked a cake in years. And I make delicious cakes.
Tag! You're it! No don't shout! Divulge...
I am not sure I can beat Kate in my pathetic-ness, but I will try...
I have not seen a movie in the theaters since the last Harry Potter...
It has been months for my husband and I having sex too and to top it off this month? I accidentally threw away my birth control pills...
I have a 16 month old who is still getting up 2 to 3 times a night....
I work full time, go to school part time on line, play in my town's community band and sit on the board, and still try to sit down to have dinner with my kids every night. Not really pathetic, I just have so much damn stuff going on!
I won't win this contest, because even though I'm crazy busy (who isn't, right?) I do make sure to take some 'me' time.
I love the concept of the get a life campaign and think it is sooo important. It really does help you be a better wife, mom, employee, whatever, if you're taking time for yourself...
Stepping down off my soapbox... I did end up spending my free night last night (no baseball or softball games to attend) making homemade play dough and watching Heroes with my 13 year old. That was pretty fun!
oh dear. okay, here goes:
1. i have not been out for an entire evening with my husband since our son was born over 6 years ago.
2. i have put our son to bed every night since his birth save for a handful of times every night since his birth. let's see, that's about 2, 310 nights of reading stories, singing, and laying in the dark for an hour and then falling asleep only to awaken in a pool of my own drool hours later.
3. i pee in my pants at the mildest exertion--laughing, sneezing, coughing, waiting more then 30 seconds before racing off to the bathroom.
4. i am now sprouting enough facial hair to make a very small wig for a doll.
5. ditto with the unread books on my shelf.
6. ditto with the library fines
7. ditto with the dog in the yard all day.
8. every two months, i see a new crop of those flies flitting about the kitchen--you know those files? the ones that hatch out of the flour? shudder.
9. i tried to make one of those cute little wool sweaters that wrap by cutting one of my old ones and tossing it in the wash. seriously, by the time i fished it out of the dryer, it was so tiny, i gave it to one of the afore-mentioned flies.
10. if i keep at this, i'll have to go back to bed and climb under sheets that haven't been changed since santa was due to arrive...
Oh man, this is going to be depressing! Kate, I am feeling really sad for you. But I kinda know what you're going through--why do we women not want sex with our gorgeous husbands? Is it because we CAN have sex whenever we want it? Remember what it was like to have to sneak around to have sex? How exciting that was? See, we need to get back to feeling THAT way!
Kate--I bet I have more unread books than you! I buy them like most women purchase shoes. I am a book-whore. I wish you and your husband were not depressed--maybe if you had some sex that would help!! : )
ANd I want you to make a cake, dammit, and EAT THE WHOLE FREAKING THING! That might make you feel happy, which then might make you want to have sex. Can you imagine a yummy cake-coated, sexed-up hubby?
DJ--I don't know if I can do the tag. I have already told everyone my secrets. Except for that one time I...
Amy, you do have a lot going on. I am feeling less bad about the whole sex-hubby factor by reading these from you all. Heck, he got it Sunday--looks like I'm good for a few months now!
My last movie--Shrek the Third--everyone go see it--fabuloso! Tons of adult humor and some great songs... I wish I could emmulate the one scene where Snow White goes all bad-ass and kicks some serious butt to a Led Zeppelin song which then forrays into Barracuda by Heart!
Monnik--I'm glad you got on that soapbox -- it's so important for us women to have some time to ourselves. Shit. I think I might just have to order me up a massage after all this! WE deserve TO BE HAPPY! (OK, I'll get off my soapbox now!)
thismom--I really hate to laugh at you but you've got some great patheticism in your life. I too, have been noticing the facial hair. How about this--when you see a friend who has sprouted some, in particular maybe one or two long ones and you can't tell her because you're friends but not THAT good of a friend, then you wonder why the husband doesn't tell the woman that she's got a long chin hair?!?!? WTF is that all about? I told Mr. Manic if I got really bad, he had to let me know. However, last night, Ajers did mention to me that maybe I should start shaving my mustache.
Are they the sewer flies, that kinda look cute, with heart-shaped wings, but they're gray and ugly? Or are they the teeny tiny fruit flies? I would suggest getting rid of your flour!!!!
Guys, thanks for playing, keep the pathetic confessions coming!
Ok, this is kind of fun. I really thought that I'd "get a life" once all my kids were in school, and they "had a life". I don't think it's actually worked out that way.
-Lately I've been wearing pajamas until right before the kids get off the bus, because I'm feel too fat for clothes.
-My husband and I hadn't had sex in about 8 months, and then I heard Dr.Oz tell Oprah you should have sex 200 times a year!
-Last week I went to Walmart 6 times.
-I went to the Dollar tree 4 times.
-Friday was our 16th anniversary, we went out to dinner and we were home by 6pm. That alone should qualify me as pathetic.
-I got 2 books and a quick loader for my BB gun from my husband for our anniversary.
- I haven't had my haircut in 14 months, and I've started only shaving my legs to my knees. (maybe this explains the lack of sex)
-I have to drive 30 miles to get to the nearest Starbucks.
-I'm writing a book about mullets. How pathetic is that??
I love whining. My girlfriend and I have this contest at least once a month!
1. My husband and I have had sex exactly 3.5 times in 2007. He reminds me often.
2. Said hubby turned 50 in Feb and started training for a marathon. He finally ran the dang thing last weekend. I can stop hearing about it.
3. 2 of my 3 male children never sleep through the night, thus my husband is in and out of bed all night getting drinks, changing diapers, etc. They have sex-dar. You know, they wake up if they sense we are about to get it on.
4. The last movie I saw in a theater was Memoirs of a Geisha. I had to leave early to pick up my teen at Fat City (a video game place). Finally saw the ending last month.
5. My precious time alone consists of: cleaning a bathroom, going grocery shopping, returning library books, a yearly gyno appt. with mammogram, a dental cleaning or a getting the oil changed in the minivan.
6. I have a teenage boy who thinks a 45-minute shower followed by a nap on the rug on a school day is "no biggie."
7. In February, I had neck surgery. They put 2 carbon fiber discs, a titanium plate and 6 screws in my spine (through the front). I'm Robo-Mom.
8. My sister in law is coming from NY for a week-long visit in 2 days. We have nothing in common and I'm not sure she likes me.
9. I have a muffin top as well as some junk in the front due to the beers I drink before bed.
10. I have become totally MOM-ISH as opposed to AMISH, which may as well be the same thing.
I respectfully decline to enter this contest. No doubt I would win hands down and it wouldn't be fair to everyone else. :o)
And as for not having sex, please do. At this very moment in my life I physically cannot have sex and I really, really wish that I could. It makes me sad (for you all and me) when I read about couples not having sex, even though they can. I'm just grateful to have a husband who understands and loves me for a whole lot more than sex.
Start reading some trashy novels. Start wearing some sexy lingerie or wear a nice nightgown with no panties. Start thinking about what it was like back in the day when that was all you thought about.
Okay. And that's MY soapbox. LOL The sex soapbox. Yup. That's how I'm going down in history...
Goodonya, Monnik! I was a complete married slut until all this crap hit the fan two years ago. But I'm sure it's going to get better. I may be older than the lot of you (I'm 41), but I'm way too young to be celebate!!
Ok here it goes.
Haven't had sex with Hubby since getting pregnant and it will be awhile if ever after the baby is born.
Only had sex few time before getting pregnant for that year. Look where it got me.
I haven't cut my hair since November 2006. I keep meaning to make time to do it.
Last movie I saw was Reno 911:Miami and I had to see it by myself. Haven't seen a movie with my husband in 4 years.
Who has time to read. If I can skim the newspaper I am happy.
I can't sleep because my pregnant belly is keeping me up. Plus back hurting.
Both boys whine way too much.
We rent a house behind a business and the building behind us is going to be knocked down to build townhomes. I overheard through the window the landlord and the developers talking about the building,which is very close to us, there was too much noise but I think we are going to get screwed soon. I heard something about week or two and they were pointing to the electric lines and something about parking as well. I am due to give birth in 5 weeks.
In debt.
I will wear the same clothes three days in a row sometimes.
Same with showering, if I have time, usually go three days.
I have to go to the laundry mat to do our laundry because we don't have the machines in the house. That is two adults and 2 kids worth of clothes. Just wait when the baby comes.
Wow, you would think I would be more depressed with this list. Sorry to bum anybody out.
Jenster! I was thinking that you would win!
OK--
Colorado, does 3.5 times mean you didn't come but he did? Or does it mean he put it in then pulled it out? Or does it mean oral sex? Please elaborate for us curious readers!
Patricia--what did you buy at Wal-mart? What did you buy at the Dollar Tree? Did it cost more than $1. And who is Dr. Oz's wife--200 times a year--I am probably pretty sure I've barely reached that mark in the 20 years I've been having sex. ALthough I probably got to 150 or 160 times before I got married, and I've been married 14 years next week! (Oh God, does this mean I'll have to put out in celebration of our marriage and love for one another--crap--I just did it Sunday--guess I shoulda waited!)
And Patricia--I am not the judge of this contest, but I am thinking having to drive 30 miles for a Starbucks validates a pathetic existence!
Also, ladies, and gents, if anyone dares to share their patheticism, please include a link or keep checking back to see if you've won so we can get in touch with you.
Jenster--totally agree with you on the trashy novels, lingerie, sans-panties. I can usually be turned on like that, problem is, when that happens, hubby's usually at work... Oh wait, how is that a problem? Hee hee, TMI I'm afraid!
Cubmommy, again, I'm no judge, but you're cutting it close! Hang in there! The baby will soon be here, and gee, then everything will stop sounding pathetic... it'll start sounding CRAZED!
Here's one thing I do want to know. Even though most of us are not having regular sex, do we all still love our husbands and have healthy marriages?
I should maybe win the pathetic award just on the fact that other bloggers (Colorado Writer) figured I'd win! LOL
hubby's usually at work... Oh wait, how is that a problem?
LOL! Nothing wrong with a little "self love". :o)
And yes. I've been married nearly 19 years and I'm deeply and madly in love with my husband. He is an absolute prince among men - with an occasional character flaw - and I'm not kidding when I say the man practically worships me.
We had a great marriage (including a great sex life and I figure 160 times a year which would be an average of 4 times a week for 52 weeks minus 12 weeks for that time of the month, give or take a few times - and of course it also depends on one's definition of sex... but again I digress) before my diagnosis. But I can't begin to describe the depth it's taken since then. I'm one lucky gal!! Except for the sex part. But eventually...
jenster, you'll get back to your old sex life schedule, I just know it!
I think 200x per year is about what we average. And my husband is usually home only on the weekends. (They're very busy weekends! If I'm being honest, I'll tell you that it's more than I would choose, but it's really important to my husband, and I enjoy myself once things get going, so I'm happy to oblige.
Cubmommy - You NEED a washer/dryer, and while I don't believe in withholding sex for anything, but nobody would be getting laid if I had to go to the laundramat.
Ladies, Jenster is right, sex is healthy for every part of you, stress, skin, hoo-ha - it's all good. Hooty hoo
MM,
All of the above on the .5 and yes I am totally in love with hubby...more so than on our wedding day. I just don't want him to breathe on me.
Jenster,
Cracking me up on the sex math. 4 times a week. HA HA HA HA. you are not allowing for PMS week when hubby is walking on eggshells.
OMG! THis has got to be the best comment trail I've ever read on MM!
It's actually making me want some!
LOL Lisa!!
Monnik - Dayum!!!! There are only 52 weekends in the year!!
Colorado Writer - That's the beauty of love. It can be done from across the room! LOL
And my estimate was on the conservative side. :o)
MM - Are you kidding? This has been the best fun I've had all day!!
I'm going to enjoy reading these...although it doesn't apply to me. I'm a husband; one of the life suckers in a wife / mom's life. I try not to sap all the life out of her though...someone has to do the laundry. ;)
I've been suffering from terminal writer's block, which has left a creative abyss between me and my fictional WIPs and my day job writing. So, what have I done that screams I need to get a life? I bought Slingo Quest and played it non-stop like a blithering idiot until I'd won every game and had the top score of any player. Then, when I couldn't galvanize my arse into gear, I played more until I beat myself enough times to nearly wipe everyone else's name off the high scores chart. I finally had to permanently delete the program. I'm recovering now, thank you.
Rusty--good thing we all like you or we'd be pissed at the laundry comment!
I'm feeling here that maybe we all really DO want more sex. That seems to be the main concern of why we're all so pathetic. I might have to create a new blog: Manic Mom's Ways to Excite your Man and Rev Up Your Love Life, starting with a top ten list:
1. Walk into a room.
2. Speak.
3. Cook something.
4. Do laundry.
5. Breathe.
6. Lie There.
7. Brush your Hair.
8. Walk out of a room.
9. Ask if he's paid the bills.
10. Breathe.
See, it doesn't take much for us to turn them on, does it? And maybe that's the problem, there's no chase in it. It's a given they'll want it all the time--where's the fun in that?!!??!
OMG you all are cracking me up; where to start. Have I taught you nothing?
I can't say this enough:
Behaviorism 101: Rewarding good behavior gets you more good behavior.
Ask thyself: What is hubby's favorite reward?
And: What behavior's do you want to reinforce and therefore get more of?
I consider good behavior helping with the kids, the housework, sharing the endless driving duties, and rubbing my back to get me in the mood. Oh, and just generally being nice all the live-long day; not just at sex time.
And you betcha sex is withheld if these criteria are not met. The biggest reason I have for not wanting sex is being tired and being mad. If I have friendly help during the day, I am not tired or mad at sex time.
Been married 19 years. Still happily doing it once or twice a week.
And my husband knows this is how it works. Once, when he went with me to haul in 100 bales of hay for my horses, I INITIATED sex that night and did that special thing he likes. He laughed and asked me why I didn't just bring the clicker into the bedroom.
The game is being played whether we know it or not. You have to knowingly reward the behaviors you want repeated; otherwise you are training in behaviors that you don't want.
And now I too will execute a lovely dismount from my soapbox.
I like your top 10 ways to excite a man idea!
I posted on my blog today about how my husband is very disturbing. He told me that Mrs. Roper (from Three's Company) was hot. When I asked him why, his response was because she was always in the mood. So for him, at least, that's all it takes. I could eat ten krispy cremes a morning and if I were hot for 'it' all the time, he'd be fine with that.
I don't get men sometimes. :)
In all seriousness, though I think that a healthy and active sex life helps me with my confidence and stress management.
I turned 40 in March and I decided I need to get a life.
I refuse to list my past life because I’m claiming the new life and as my mother says if you speak it, it will come to past.
One of things I wanted was to feel sexy again, so I put I’m Bringing Sexy Back on my ringtone and I dance to it whenever I hear my phone ring, (so sexy)
I have cleavage for the first time – OK I just had a baby, so I get cleavage until I’m done nursing.
I started going back to get my hair done. I can look in the mirror and feel sexy.
I’m trying to get a life, now if I can get the hubby to join me. It just might be fun.
Oh how fun!!
I have a majorly pathetic life... here goes ...
1. I often have National pajama days (staying in pj's all day then shower late in the afternoon only to return in pj's) These days are even noticed and commented on by delivery people and the postman/woman they often yell out it's national pajama day
2. I am deprived of Reeses Peanut butter cups (this should at least put me in the running to win)
3. I rarely get out of the house to go up the street to get groceries etc.. and often when people ask who I am I say so and so 's wife and they say no he's a single dad he doesnt have a wife.. now that's pathetic!! especially since we live in a small town...
4. I spend all day with a 2 year old who refuses the big boy potty and is bob the builder crazy.. I can sing the song on cue....
5. An exciting day for me is to mop all the floors and vacum at least twice....
6. i have tons of books and sadly i've read all of them ... so i really need new ones....
7. The last movie I ever saw was the passion of christ with my MIL
8. The last time I ever went out with my husband alone was over 12 months ago
9 I've been married over 13 years and have moved over 16 times (totally true!!) including diffrent countries....
10. My daughters teacher hates me and constantly makes stuipid american comments to daughter and i cant do anything about it cuz I sleep with the principal (the hubs)
I think that's good enough I could go on and on... but I'm depressing myself and the boy is crying and the girls are fighting....
rr www .ramble-on-rose.com
Okay, I want to know why on earth a big publisher did not snatch this book up fast? It looks like she self-pubbed it but she did an awesome job on her Web site and the book looks like it will be really really really good. That is so depressing thinking these publishers are so dang picky that they passed on this one. Cheers to the author for her book. I can't wait to read it. And thank to Manic Mom for sharing.
Sorry, can't enter the contest because I think everyone has outwon me already. Except, I've never been fat but the other day I noticed these two little bumps on the sides of my legs below my ass and I was like, “What the hell is that???” Then I freaked out when I realized what is was: I have what they call secretary spread. That was a sad sad sad day for me. I quickly went online and ordered two Denise Austin workout videos.
Piddler, does this mean now everytime hubby unloads and loads the dishwasher, gets up with the kids early on the weekends and makes them breakfast while keeping them quiet so I can sleep in... does this all now mean I owe him a little 'what-fer?'
Monnik--as I said in your comments, I betcha Mrs. Roper did not wear undies under those muu-muus... Ewwwwwww.
Lashaunda--You go girl! I want my sexy back! Them other boys don't know how to act! I totally wanna listen to it now, and I have it on my ipod, yes, I am that cool!
Ramblin--Missing you babe! And thought of you the other day because the neighbors who made the "Bump-And-Run" cocktails--they had FROZEN REESE'S in their freezer!
Anon--agree about the publishers. Most of them don't know a good book anymore! And LOL about that Secretary Spread!
WOW! You guys are all really pathetic. My life seems really great compared to yours - except for the no sex part. Other than that, you all win! This is one contest I don't mind losing.
Good times! Glad to know I'm not the only one who isn't getting any. Manic, you're so right about it being there all the time so there's no fun in the anticipation. Hopefully the new undies will help get me in the mood. My prob is also that if he senses I'm not into it, he won't go along with it. Great that he's sensitive, but sometimes...
We've been married 2 years, living together for about 4. When we were living together we were mostly celibate for religious reasons. Boy was that a dumb idea-- we got used to living together with no sex. (Lived together because we were unemployed) We do shower together at least once a day and do the Naked Hug. Lately, there's been a lot more lingering and stuff... I think our marriage is quite good. We struggle with communication like most couples, I suppose. Hubby avoids conflict and I usually wait until I explode. Luckily, thusfar our issues have been minor. And we have good friends who kick us in the butt when we're being stupid.
Hey, I was thinking about getting some boudoir shots taken. Nothing trashy, just tasteful shots of my leaner body in some fun bits. Anyone done this? I also figure I should take advantage of the still smooth, no baby-having body that I have now-lol! And I have to reward myself for eating no more than 3 donuts in 2 years.
That is a great question.
Let's take the opposite scenario - hectic day, mom does everything and is a freaking tired wreck by the time the kids go to bed. About that time, hubby appears on scene and starts making advances.
Option number one: Explode.
Option number two: Have sex because it's faster than fighting about not having sex.
Better scenario. Tell husband the truths: Mom is tired. Mom doesn't have the same raging hormones as when she was twenty. Mom has hard time switching gears from mommy to mistress.
Make sure husband knows we LUV to have rip-roaring sex with him but we need help during the day so we're not so tired and we might need a little back rub and some wine to help us switch gears and get the hormones turned on. (I firmly believe part of the reason sex before marriage was so fun was because we WENT OUT and WE DRANK ALCOHOL; something we don't do as much of with kiddies around.)
When I explained all this to my husband (much less eloquently than here) he was relieved to know there was something he could do to keep the sex happening.
And when all of this stuff comes together, I LUV having rip-roaring sex with hubby.
I have to make sure I get all the sharp knives out of the house before I comment ...
Manic~ I've been reading your blog for a long time, and this list of comments is the best. You should win a prize!
To answer your questions....I bought fabric at Walmart to make myself some more pajamas and 2 cases of diet coke. The other times I went I just walked around for 30 minutes (my exercise routine, LOL).
At the Dollar tree I bought ring pops, (they finally had them the 4th time I went) My daughters and I have a contest to see if we can eat them without crunching them.
Jenster~ I felt guilty after reading your comments, so I had sex last night, and might even do it again tonight. My husband thanks you :-)
OMG this can you have opened. So many wriggling worms in my brain I couldn't sleep last night. Here I go, worm by worm:
More about alcohol: Wasted on youth. What it does for me now is quiet the voices in my head. The ones going, "ooohh, don't touch my fat belly" and, "man, I've got so much to do tomorrow, hurry up already." Two glasses of wine before sex and the (now husky)voices in my head are going, "come and get it, big boy."
This is not a game. I try to treat my husband like I hope my daughters-in-law someday treat my sons. That means I hope they still get some fun nookie with the same woman for 40 or 50 years. Also, reading on your comments, I sense women who do love their husbands and yearn for some of the passion they dimly remember BK (before kids). For me, the passion could have been killed by exhaustion and anger (evil twins in a mommy's life).
What I'm suggesting is a win-win situation. Here's a scenario for you: Your hubby gets up with the kids on the weekend, feeds them, cleans up after breakfast, and otherwise helps out while letting you rest. You lie abed, wearing your new sexy panties and reading your trashy novel. Before long, you want hubby. You send the kids out to play and call hubby to bring you a glass of wine and the baby oil (for your back rub, of course). Do I have to spell this out any further? Now you and hubby have both been rewarded for your exemplary behavior. Which is to say, you have both gotten what you wanted. Without fighting. Without tears.
When I was trying to figure all this out for myself, I realized that someday I would be sorry for all the sex we were missing out on. I could picture my husband on his death bed and I would only be focused on the goods things about him and how I would miss him and I knew I would really, really regret that I didn't put more effort into figuring out a way to make this work for both of us. I was not willing to not have sex; nor was I willing to have sex when I was mad or not in the mood.
The other thing I wonder about is: Who will tell my sons these things? Women are complicated; all this crap going through our heads all the time. Think about your husband growing up (or your sons). Is there any way possible he/they could know all the things he/they need to know to figure us out? We have to figure ourselves out and clue them in. It's only fair.
Could you please write about laundry today? I need to rest.
Swishy - I'm dying to hear your comments!!
Patricia - Jenster~ I felt guilty after reading your comments, so I had sex last night, and might even do it again tonight. My husband thanks you :-)
My work here is done. :o)
MM - I'm curious to know how many hits you've had in the last two days. LOL
Prime Example:
Rented Flushed Away for the kids. Got everyone settled after dinner. I gave hubby the wink, wink (I wanted to write). He said go, I went into my office and was writing up a storm when 1 kid came in...then another. Said kids started bickering. Where was hubby? Asleep on their bed. It was 8:40.
Neither child went to sleep until ten p.m. They both slept with me.
I wrote for exactly 15 minutes.
Colorado--Do you think your hubby figured the wink,wink might have meant nookie? Maybe he was feeling left out. I don't have any room to talk, because like you, I would rather write than you-know-what. At least when I'm sober.
And that brings me to the alcohol part. I'm sorry, but I sooooo AGREE that I need a little wine or two appletinis to get me geared up. Some of the best sex we've had has been during a appletini-buzz! I went for my annual "Scrape and Squish" the other day, and my doctor asked me, "How is your libido?"
I said, "It's GREAT when the kids aren't around, and I'm in a hotel room with a buzz." I just can't get my mind off the kids; and I don't want them seeing/hearing/thinking anything about us in that way! In fact, Sunday, when I *succumbed* at 7 a.m., Mr. Manic was trying to get all creative with some moves, and I was just like, "Just get on top, and put the covers on us!!!"
Kate--get those pics taken! And I remember when Mr. Manic and I were first living together, not being very religious, but not having very much sex. I was like, "Why aren't we having sex?" It was our first apartment together, with just the two of us, and we WEREN'T DOING IT!
As for how many hits I have gotten--I don't think more than usual--I get about maybe an average of 250 a day, but this has totally been the best comment thread we've ever had, and I'm so glad everyone is contributing.
Here's something I want to know--besides Patricia, who thanks Jen for getting her libido rollin' -- how many of you got a little sumtin' sumtin' in the last couple days?
Yes, I'm going to assume that a lot of nooky got inspired by yesterday's comments. Now, doesn't everyone feel better? Hubby and I are separated (long, long story) and we're averaging 3 times a week. Talk about hands on therapy. Back rub/boink, Daily Show and a cold Rolling Rock, I feel like George Costanza with the pastrami (the most sensual of all the cured meats!).
Have you ever grabbed your husband, and pulled him into a closet, while the kids are playing? DO IT! It makes you feel saucy, and your husband will want to repay this gift ten-fold. Mark my words....
Next time: Backgammon for sexual favors
MM,
Nope. I mouthed "writing" and made the writing sign in the air. In fact, he has been saying I need to write at night because I'm not getting time during the day. I have an office for it and hate going to Starbucks at night by myself.
I have exactly one pair of jeans that have no holes in the knees,
I haven't bought any new clothes for ME in forever -- that includes bras. i think the last bra I bought was right after my son was born almost 4 years ago -- and that was a nursing bra.
I haven't had sex since my divorce was final 2 1/2 years ago. I haven't dated since then either
My life consists of watching the same 4-5 movies over and over -- the Incredibles, Cars, Charlottes Web, and some fire truck movie
I am a single mom to a 4-year old. I have no life. Pathetic, huh?
I can't write this on my blog because it is read regularly by my two teenage sons who want to believe theirs were immaculate conceptions, and by my beloved great-niece (yes, GREAT-niece; alas, I am old) who is only eleven years old and doesn't know about this stuff. So I am hijacking your blog to ask if you will also hold a Revive Our Sex Lives contest.
First thing: contestants have to go out and buy a TRASHY NOVEL (recommendations, please); an article of SEXY LINGERIE; and a BOTTLE OF WINE (here's one, cheap and good: Miers White Catawba), and a bottle of BABY OIL.
Second thing: contestants let hubby know she will be taking a bath while reading trashy novel, then will be waiting in bed for him in sexy apparel still reading trashy novel and sipping wine. All this of course while husband is dealing with the getting the kids to bed blues. When he has kids to bed, he should arrive at your side with fresh glass of wine and baby oil. He may now commence with your back rub.
Here is your challenge: set this up and see what happens. I want to know if it changes the sexual dynamics in your relationships like it changed them in mine.
What say you?
Erm..okaaayyy... we have sex as often as possible.. which sounds great till you read the next bit. We have sex in between bouts of me bleeding for weeks on end, what is it with my family and non stop periods after giving birth?
Finaly got things settled down to a dull roar by going back on the contraceptive pill then my gynaecologist said it was ridiculous for 'a woman of a certain age' (bastard) to still be on the pill when her man has had a vasectomy! And he took me off the pill! Grr!
I work full time, study part time, sit on the local autism support network committee, am a governor for number 3 son's pre-school, write fiction (mostly erotic short stories)whenever I can fit it in, so we don't go out to movies (we would fall asleep watching them!) but we do occasionaly go out for supper but not until we have put number 3 son to bed as he can't cope with the change of someone else doing it, he still wakes several times a night and he is 4 1/2! All part of living with Asperger's syndrome...
We read constantly (the same 3 sentances over and over 'cos we keep falling alseep before we get any further) and have loads of books waiting for attention.
We drink too much wine and eat too much food and are soppily, patheticlay in love and aware that this is scarring our older boys for life (old people kissing, bleagh!), in short we have no life that doesnt revolve around our home and kids and boy do we love it like that.
Yes we are aware that this makes us social misfits as our friends almost always have to come to us and we fall asleep on them by 11pm, every damn time!
We let our cats sleep on our bed and talk to our tortoises... oh that was the winning sentence was it? Ok, I will stop now...
Piddler--there is no way I could do that on a weeknight after putting the kids to bed. Absolutely no way I could relax with the mere thought that one of them would get out of bed. Yes, I could threaten them, yes, I could lock the door, but I wouldn't be able to shut the mind off to change gears.
DJ--Maybe we need to start reading your erotic stories... and BTW, we are thinking of a turtle for a pet--don't they make a kind that grows no bigger than the size of an egg?
Tyeese--you better start coming up with a way to judge all these entries! And have you come up with a deadline?
well i was going to post that
-my house is a labyrinth of baby gates*
-my latest feature film was Shrek III*
-my idea of clean laundry involves Febreeze and ten minutes in the dryer
-i barely remember how old i am (and i'm not that old)
-and my life is run by three dogs a wife and a cat, in that order...
then i realized i've got nothing to match long, intense bouts with Aunt Flo. i bow out to DJ.
~sigh~
i can't even compete in a pathetic-ness contest. that's pitiful.
*And I don't even have children!
Manic Mom - this may sound harsh, but repeat after me "Hey kids, scram, I want to spend some time alone with your father." You could threaten to go after DIva's tooth.
My father loved my mother to pieces, and when he told me at age 11 that he "would be hopping for your mother until the day I die", and proceeded to give me "the talk" this did not consist of any factual birds and bees stuff, but he said that sex is wonderful when you love and care for someone, and that a casual roll in the hay is never as satisfying as making love to someone you love" That put things into perspective with regard to my parents sex life. No, I didn't want to hear it or think about the nitty gritty, but I realized how lucky I was that my parents adored each other enough to have a sex life. Producing three children didn't sap their love for each other, and we kids would just have to deal with it.
You and your hubby are the grown-ups - you get to do it in your own house without feeling guilty or ashamed. Now, go get your freak on.
DJ - as an autie mom, I totally get what you are saying. Don't forget that the caregivers need care too.
Matt - do you and your Mrs. shut the door or can the dogs be present during frisky time? Everybody knows the cat doesn't care.
Pathetic - write to do list at the end of the day - include all the things that you have already done - morning - awaken and cross off all the things that you did yesterday just so that you can get a little buzz of achievement.
but I'll skip the ice-cream offer thanks.
Wow guys! These are some great responses. I've been reading throughout the week, I just wasn't sure what to say at first... hip hip hooray or boo. Such mixed emotions right now... :-).
We can keep this going until Friday if there's still interest.
The sex thing is funny... we're discussing making that the next book - how to get the inner sexiness back and revive the relationship (now that you've gotten your life back).
But truly, between the rule of 200 times a year and the alcohol being wasted on the young comments, this blog actually had me cracking up and shaking my head... I'm gonna have to reread, pow pow with MM and see what we come up with!
I agree with monnik who agrees with me: we do have to make time for ourselves... remember that it doesn't always have to mean completely abandoning your family, either. I've been overwhelmed with book stuff, packing & moving and starting ER residency in a few weeks, and yesterday I found my sanity again sitting in a 70-gallon Rubbermaid at the insistence of my 2-yr-old singing the theme songs to Wonderpets, Dora and Spongebob at THE top of my lungs. My misty eyes cleared right up!
In the same respect -- sooner or later -- YOU time really should be YOU time, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom with a bubble bath and a tea light candle at 2am when everyone else is asleep!
You guys are a fun bunch, no matter how pathetic you are, and I thank you dearly for letting me share in this with you!
If anyone ends up buying the book, please email me & let me know what you think. Be back soon!
Tyeese
Lisa - These days, no dogs. But the oldest may have witnessed the primal scene occasionally.
Ahemmmmmm, is this thing on??? ok, here goes.....
1) I have not been to a movie since "meet the fockers" came out. That was New years eve.... what year? I don't even remember.
2) I am an at home mom, I work part time at the mall. I am 30 years old. I work with kids that are old enough to be my kids.... but yet they all love me.
3) My H and I have sex maybe once a month, because we have 3 kids. Ages 8, 2 and 3. The 2 year old still shares a room with us because we are living in a two bedroom apartment. We don't even have a door that closes. When we do have sex, it's usually during commercial breaks on Idol.
4) H is a first year electrician apprentice. He has to go to school for 5 years. EVERY monday and wednesday night. I work all of the remaining nights. We are lucky if we see each other for 5 mins to eat dinner.
5) One of our kitchen table chairs broke, so the five of us cannot sit at the table together to have a meal. Instead, I usually sit on the floor. With all SEVEN cats we have.
6) I don't even get to pee alone. Again, none of the doors in this house have locks.
7) We got a "notice to vacate" our apartment because the people that bought this house want to live in our apartment.... after they told us they weren't going to make us leave. We now have until 6-30 days to find a place.
8) My ex husband left me in 2003 for an 18 year old stripper. I was pregnant with our second PLANNED pregnancy, we were together 7 years. He met her at his job, she quit to be a stripper, because the "money was better".
**** she dumped him 3 years later with no job, no car and no place to live... hahahahah.
9) My best friend and I have not done anything together in MONTHS because I can't get out of the house to do anything other than work.
10) Did I mention SEVEN cats???? Oy vay, my H WILL be the old cat man......
There you have it.... top 10.
Enjoy!!! I know I did!!!! hahah
Here goes:
1.Single mom of an almost-six-year-old boy. His father hit the road running when I was six months pregnant. I have raised J all by myself since day one. No help. None.
2.No family near. I live in Florida…all my family lives in Indy. Literally have no support system here. I have some very dear and wonderful friends, don’t get me wrong, but no true support system. No one who can just watch him for an hour so I can run to the store…no one here to watch him so I can go on a date. No one here to help me if I get sick and incapacitated. Etc. If I think about it too much, I get freaked out.
3.Not married = no sex for me. Because I don’t want to be a tramp and bring anyone home. I don’t want my son to be exposed to anyone who isn’t marriage material. I have had sex in the last 6 years, I won’t lie. But the whole logistics of it are difficult for many reason that you can probably figure out.
4.I have dated (I’m not an ogre with a hairy wart on my face or anything!), but it’s a hassle because: (a) finding someone I trust to keep J is very difficult and (b) on one income, paying for a sitter is a frivolous thing I can’t justify.
5. Here’s an example for #2: I had to do my “Easter Bunny” shopping with J with me...see #2. Something that simple I couldn’t even do without some major scheming and planning…had to send him to the video department at Wal-mart, which scared the $hit out of me leaving him unattended (I was one aisle over at the Easter candy) so he could play the display Playstation. I had a plastic garbage can that I shoved candy and ‘stuff’ into, the whole time fearing someone might think I’m trying to steal this stuff. Then I picked up some random shirt and laid it on top of the goody-filled trash can so J couldn’t see. Then at check-out time, I had to give him a handful of quarters to go up front and drive the little cars. I had to beg the cashier to scan as fast as her little hands could go…had to explain I didn’t really want the trash can or the shirt. Phew. I was so proud of myself. J was none the wiser.
6. I am a middle school English teacher which means tons of crap you have to bring home and grade. It’s constant. So my days go something like this: get out of school at 3…pick up J…get home, on a good day, by 4:30…make sure J gets his homework done (he has it every night except the weekends)…go over it with him…go through his folder and look at all his papers and talk about what he learned and did that day…make dinner…clean kitchen…make our lunches for the next day…pick out clothes for the next day and have everything laid out and ready…read with J…play with J…bathe J…get J ready for bed…have J in bed by 8:00 at the latest since we have to be out the door by 6:40 a.m. So at approx. 8:00 p.m. I get “me” time during which, on any given day, I need to do the following (and not necessarily in this order): shower, grade papers, talk on phone to family (gotta keep in touch), clean up various parts of the townhouse, do laundry and put it away…then there are the nights I have to make cupcakes or what have you for J. Or the nights that he has some school function or we have church (Weds) or I have a school function…nights like that we get home anywhere from 6:00 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. depending upon what it is…and then I still have to squeeze in all the things I listed above.
Finding time to read, write, scrapbook/crafty things is pretty difficult. Finding time to BREATHE is difficult!!! lol =]
I’m gonna stop here…I am starting to sound worse than pathetic!!!
Boy, with each entry, it's getting harder and harder to figure out who the most pathetic is!
Angelena and Rhonda--I am feeling your pain! Hang in there girlfriends!
My erotics stories are HOT (if I do say so myself, well they get me going anyway) We had a couple of friends round for too much booze last night and of course I whipped out THE BOOK! Soxs read it and called me a "dirty bitch"! I resemble that remark... As for egg sized turtles... are you sure you arent thinking about the chocolate ones? Lol.. I just dont know, we have tortoises and they are much bigger. Cool pets though, seriously they are!
Ok, so really this contest should be called Frannie Farmer's life.
1. The last movie that Mr. Farmer and I saw together was My Big Fat Greek Wedding and I still have the tickets as souvenirs. We haven’t had a date in 2 ½ years.
2. I echo the books on the shelf, library fines and add to it the Netflix movies that can sit on my shelf for months w/out being watched.
3. In the past year, my BFF has broken up with me, another BFF moved across country, a 3rd will be doing the same soon – and I have discontinued all talk with my own family.
4. Mr. Farmer and I went well over 8 months w/out sex – I am happy to say that dry spell is over.
5. I started coloring my own hair when I quit working (to save $$) now my hair is roughly the color of … well, an unnatural shade of red, brown and black. I kid you not – Britney’s hair looks better than mine.
6. I have migraines approximately 15 (or more) times a month. They can’t find a cure or a cause.
7. My body is done having babies, but my heart isn’t.
8. I sing on a worship team with someone I really don’t care for. But am too chicken to say I want out.
9. I have at least 10 laundry baskets, overflowing with clean laundry, in the living room right now and HERE I am! The laundry room is full of the dirty stuff too.
10. I like responding to other people’s blogs more than I like posting on my own.
11. I have lost a lot of weight in the last year – but with that, I now have icky (and I mean 4 babies + of icky) slouchy skin. So, now I am at an all time low weight and I still can’t wear a swim suit or let Mr. Farmer see me completely nekkid – unless I have had enough appletini’s …
12. It almost 2pm and I haven’t showered yet. Guess that is a good place to stop!
Great contest, as always, Manic!
I'm not pathetic enough for this contest even though most days I feel I am. I would just like to take a shit without an audience. Why is that asking too much? I've really enjoyed reading these comments. Great contest!
OH fun! Let's see...
1. My oldest child told me that I have a big butt.
2. Before I got remarried (March), I asked my sweetheart what he would like to see me wear. His answer? "Anything but yoga pants."
3. The last movie I saw in a theatre? Cars. Before that? Chicken Little. I seriously cannot remember the last grown-up movie I saw.
4. I don't remember what "sexy" feels like.
5. In two years, I have gained close to 30 lbs. I now weigh more than I did at 9 mths pregnant. THAT is pathetic.
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