Tukey's Tooth

Well, it’s a sad day for Manic. But happy also, in a strange mom kind of way.

Something happened today that I will never, ever, ever get to experience in my entire life again. And I have to remember this day forever.

Today is the last time I will ever have a child lose his first tooth, the last time I will ever place a ‘first’ baby tooth under one of my children’s pillows, sharing the story of how the tooth fairy will come get the shiny little chicklet and use it to build her tooth castle.

I’m sad.

As you know, Tukey’s been complaining about his first loose tooth. We went to McDonald’s playland today where he ran around with about six of his classmates. They were playing, having a great time. We moms were sucking back Iced Vanilla coffees, which can offer a nice quick caffeine buzz for those who have not tried the McDonald iced coffees yet.

Then it was time for lunch. I got Tukey his double cheeseburger, ketchup only and he sat with his pals to eat. Next thing you know, he’s jumping up and down in front of me trying to get my attention as I’m gabbing away about whatever, and I see his mouth is full.

“Tukey! You can’t put that much food in your mouth! Here, spit it out!” and I put a napkin up to his mouth and he spits a wad of smushed cheeseburger into the napkin and I toss it out, sit him back down, tell him to slow down on the eating, and retreat back to my girlfriends and coffee.

A minute later: “Mom! My tooth!”

The gaping hole is there! My baby’s tooth is out! My baby’s… Oh Dear God! Did he swallow it? What happened to it? Oh Crap! I threw it in the garbage can!

Damn straight if any of you know me, you know exactly what I did. I face-planted myself into that garbage can and dug in a fury to find that wadded up napkin because I WANTED THAT TOOTH! I NEED THAT TOOTH! I couldn’t wait for that little sucker to come out cuz it was just so dang cute and I had to have it!

I dug, and I dug, and my feet were flailing in the air the deeper I got into that stinky garbage can, and…

And…

I FOUND IT!

Yay me!

Then, I had to rummage through the chewed-up food, and it was like I was doing a CSI episode, searching for clues and DNA, and I FOUND THE SUCKER!

I proudly showed it off to all the moms and they all oohed and ahhed, and I went to the bathroom then to wash it off. I felt like I had retrieved a diamond in the rough! A needle in a haystack! My baby’s tooth!

When I got back to the table, I again settled down to my coffee, my smile spread wide across my face. The tooth fairy was coming! She’d be here tonight, and I had a bright little tooth to offer her!

Then, one of the moms tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to see Tukey sitting with a look of shock on his face, and vomit everywhere.

E V E R Y W H E R E!

One mom was in my way so I pretty much did a football move and tackled her so I could get to my baby. I had to move fast! I know him. I knew he would not be through puking. So I hurl the other mom out of the way and shove Tukey’s face into the garbage can I had just gotten the tooth out of, and he continued to puke.

I thought he was fine. You’ve read some Tukey Pukey stories here. They’re not major deals. I figured he’d sit back down, finish his double cheeseburger and I’d get him to the bus and he could tell his teacher and all his friends that he lost his tooth.

One of the moms said, “You’re not going to send him to school are you?”

Damn. I planned on it! Plus, I had a lunch date! I had already showered. I did my freaking hair! I have mascara, eyeliner, EYE-FREAKING-SHADOW on!!! And lipstick! And now I was not going to be doing lunch because my Tukey needed me at home. I was defeated.

I didn’t send him to school.

He’s F I N E now, practically jumping off the walls, asking about the tooth fairy, telling me he’s going to stay up all night to see the tooth fairy, and here I am missing out on my lunchdate.

Good thing I had the foresight to snag his half-cheeseburger to bring home. Lunch is served!

So, that’s my story, but I thought it would be interesting to get it from the perspective of the one who lost the little darling tooth, so, without further adieu, I bring to you... drumroll, please!...

TUKEY’S FIRST-EVER-LOST-TOOTH YOUTUBE DEBUT: