Wednesday, November 07, 2007

November 7, 2007

Minute With Manic
November 7, 2007
Blogger Name: Rob, The Nerdy Redneck
Blogger URL/link: www.nerdyredneck.blogspot.com
Blogging since: THREE WEEKS AGO!

Manic: Well it’s our first ever Man Minute, so let’s rake him through the coals, shall we ladies? Nah, I’m just kidding! We here at Manic Mom love it when the boys stop by! It gives us a chance to learn about the weaker sex – ha ha! Anyway, I’m glad to have self-appointed, Rob the Nerdy Redneck, as our first-ever Male Minute With Manic. You’ve gotten quite a bit of slack from some of the commenters just because you like to discuss boobs and Britney’s nether regions. Why do you think that is?

Rob: Slack? Is that what they call it now? I think I have about 12 stitches from the "slack."

Manic: Rob, clearly you haven’t been around Manic Mom’s long enough. We thrive on making the lesser of the genders well, appear lesser, if you know what I mean. But anyway, what’s up with Britney?

Rob: I think I stumbled onto the secret of discussing Britney – don’t be nice! As long as you savage her, the ladies will jump right in!

Manic: So true! So true. Really, I don’t think I’ve met a woman who likes Britney all that much. Women either think she’s a ho, a bad mother, bad singer, or all of the above. They either hate her or feel sorry for her. There is no in-between when discussing Brit.

Rob: She is such a trashy bimbo whore and a horrible mother as well! Am I right?

Manic: Yes Rob! You’re on to something! Now, to any of our more modest readers, please just leave, because we are going to discuss boobs. Because I want to. I want to know the male’s perspective, so Rob, let us have it. Straight up – Boob talk.

Rob: Boobs are a different thing altogether. I just adore boobs. Big or small, short or tall, I love 'em all!

Manic: Nice poetry Rob; you taking lessons from me? But seriously, I think you are the voice of all men when it comes to women’s body parts. What do you think about women and their own perception of their bodies?

Rob: I read this week that 85 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies.

Manic: Women readers, how many of you are completely satisfied with every aspect of your body? Come on, be honest. What don’t you like about your bods?

Rob: Hey, are we discussing them or MY thoughts on them?

Manic: Yes, sorry.

Rob: As I was saying, 85 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies, yet men only find 15 percent of all women unattractive. We are just not that hard to please.

Manic: Speaking of women and looks, did you ever hear that joke about a guy in a bar and he’s checking out a chick, who, on the scale of one to 10, she’s a ‘two’ at 10:00, but at 2:00, she’s a 10? Ha! That one always cracks me up. Get it? Like he’s drunk by 2:00 AM so then she’s really hot? OK, thoughts on breast augmentation?

Rob: There is no need to go through the agony of getting your chest cut open and having water balloons installed.

Manic: Installed? Is this a tune-up? Don’t you mean implanted? And can you imagine some crazy doctor clown man putting in animal-shaped balloons? “Ooh, I see you got a set of giraffes installed?” Hee hee, sorry, just my Manic humor shining through!

Rob: I actually get upset when I see one of those TV shows where a girl with cute, perky little A cups get butchered up to have beach balls sewn onto her chest so she can meet some bizarre undefined standard of beauty.

Manic: Yes, but come on. She’s got some major self-esteem issues and those beach balls are just going to bring out the absolute best of her personality and charm. That’s all it is. She just needs a little personality lift!

Rob: It’s just such a waste. In all of my life I have NEVER heard a man say, "You know Rob, I really like her, she is fun and cute but no way am I asking her out! Her boobs are just too small." It has never happened ladies, NEVER.

Manic: See Rob, we are crazy ladies!

Rob: Oh, while we are talking about standards of beauty, gals, what is it with the earrings and fingernails?

Manic: Hey ROB? Are you now interviewing ME? I’ll tell you what’s up with the earrings and nail thing. They don’t make us look fat! In fact, my fingernails have just started growing for some odd reason (must be the healthy lifestyle change I’ve undertaken), and I just started getting manicures again, after more than a decade! I like flicking my nails in peoples’ faces, saying, “Hey, check out my nails!” It detracts them from looking at my butt.

Rob: Well, in all the years I have been hanging out with guys and discussing women, never, EVER, have I or any other guy said, "Ooooooh, two o’clock, second from the end, check out the earrings on that one... Or how about, “Oh...my... Gawd, be still my heart, look at those FINGERNAILS! French Manicure! I am totally marrying her, dude!

Manic: Do you know what a gal with nice nails can do to you? Hmmm…. Can you say BACK SCRATCHES? Come on, seriously, think about what a woman like this can do to your back:



I’m just curious as to how she’s going to manage to paint her other fingernails?! So, anyway, next question for you. See, this isn’t too hard now, is it? Are rednecks and cowboys kinda the same thing?

Rob: Well, there is some overlap. In fact, I guess it is safe to say that most cowboys are rednecks but not all rednecks are cowboys.

Manic: Interesting.

Rob: Now Webster's defines a redneck as…

Manic: Ooh, another lesson. I am learning so much from these educational Minutes With Manic!

Rob: Webster’s defines redneck as: an uneducated white farm laborer, esp. from the South. Or a bigot or reactionary, esp. from the rural working class.

Manic: Do you think that’s an accurate definition?

Rob: Rednecks come in all levels of education. I know rednecks with doctorates. Personally, I define rednecks as people with no pretensions. We don't have to pretend something is beneath us just to impress others. For example, if I show you a picture of a dead squirrel with two GI Joe dolls posed over it, some people would feel they have to act grossed out. Other people would feel the need to pretend they were just too high-brow to find humor in such an uncouth act.

Manic: Hold it right there! You’ve just done it! You’ve stumped the Manic! Give this boy a prize! I tried to “youtube” DEAD SQUIRREL GI JOE and NOTHING CAME UP! Every other time I had a youtube idea, I’ve found what I wanted—the eyeball, Freak-a-zoid, Brad Pitt, cow-chewing, and here you bring in this dead squirrel thing, and while I did find a youtube video totally unsuitable for Manic readers called THINGS TO DO WITH A DEAD SQUIRREL, I did not feel it was an appropriate video for viewing. Nice job there Rob!

So, let’s talk elusiveness in women, shall we? What is the most elusive thing you’ve discovered about women?

Rob: Beats me! They’re just way too elusive!

Manic, batting her eyelashes: Oh Rob! You are just so funny!

Rob: Seriously, I guess it would be what I was talking about earlier, why so many women feel so bad about themselves most of the time. We men just adore you, we live for you, we spend our lives and our money trying to think of ways to make you happy and yet so many of you still feel so bad about yourselves. That is tough to grasp.

Manic: When you say, “we men spend our money trying to think of ways to make you happy…” can you do me a favor and send a memo to Mr. Manic telling him this: DIAMOND EARRINGS the size of dimes are what will make us happy! Me anyway.

OK, now I’m gonna ask you the really tough questions you’ve been dreading… If you could be a woman for a day, who would you be?

Rob: Odds are good I would be a total sports bra and Danskin-wearing slut. Yeeehaw!

Manic: OK, like how Cubmommy said she might want to be Angelina for a day, who would you choose - who is your male dream boy? In a non-gay way, of course, not that there’s anything wrong with that:



Rob: Two Texas men pop right to mind, Patrick Swayze (Road House version) and Matthew McConaughey.

Hmmm. Patrick yes! Soooo hot!


But Matthew? Hmmm… I’m just not seeing what all the fuss is about? I just don’t see the attraction there.



So, Rob, tell me, what is the most aggravating thing about the weaker sex?

Rob: Well, I hate it when they get all obsessed about big trucks and fishing. Oh, and worn out old ball caps. Hubcap sized belt buckles are pretty annoying, too. And what is it with plumber’s butt anyway? … OH! You meant women? The weaker sex? HA! That’s a funny one, Manic.

Manic: Thanks Rob, I just knew you’d get the humor in that one! And thanks for being open to being the first Male Minute With Manic interview. I know you were scared about opening yourself up to us like this, but if I may speak for women everywhere (because I’m gonna anyway), we truly appreciate your openness and honesty, and thanks for shedding some light on some of the mysteries of manhood!

Matthew McConaughey and The Nerdy Redneck?? Hmmm…. Maybe we can throw in a couple bongo drums and a case of beer? Hot. Very hot!

36 comments:

Melissa said...

Nice job, Rob.

Not a big Swayze fan but Matthew can tuck his shoes under my bed anytime he wants. He'll just need to shove SnoreMan out of the way!!

Jules said...

Another great interview, MM! Rob, you totally cracked us up, especially with your specifying that you would be the ROADHOUSE version of Patrick Swayze; not so much the Ghost version or the Dirty Dancing version, right?!

Manic: I hope Mr. Manic doesn't get confused and buy you dimes the size of diamonds. :)

Jules
House of Jules

Patti said...

perky a cups and rednecks...are we in texas y'all?!

Drewpy Drew said...

Matthew McConaughey is a total stud. He played Dirk Pitt. Nuf said.

Now Manic, you know that you want to pick me next. Remember, you are the one who outed me. I'm free tomorrow, but am at a conference and church stuff for the weekend.

You know you want it. Just pick me and get it over with.

My Semblance of Sanity said...

Definitely HOT~
Thanks Manic! I was sitting on the edge of my seat clicking "refresh" waiting for the next "Minute."

You CAN'T stop after Novemeber - this is SO fun!! :)

Manic Mom said...

Hey Ya'll... if you want me to continue this Manic Minute thing (you're crazy right? Don't you want me to have a life not in cybertown??)... well, then you all have to share my blog with your friends and family. Get the word out!

: )

My Semblance of Sanity said...

I have been telling EVERYONE about your blog!

I am! I am!

Melek said...

i linked to your blog AND your book site from my blog...so i get double points! :)

i love that rob thinks women shouldn't augment (or "install") things on their body. that's great to hear from a guy. and we know he's a true TX Redneck Cowboy as he really DOES have a pic of a dead squirrel and GI Joe action figures on his blog :)

Great Minute Manic!! keep em comin.

Melisa said...

Great job, Manic and Rob! (Ha! I'm a poet, too!) Very entertaining!

Always a good plan to start with Britney. People sit up and take notice. BTW: has anyone heard the new song "Piece of Me"?

LYRICS: I’m Mrs. "Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous"
(You want a piece of me?)
I’m Mrs. "Oh My God, That Britney’s Shameless!"
(You want a piece of me?)
I’m Mrs. "Extra! Extra! This Just In!"
(You want a piece of me?)
I’m Mrs. "she’s too big, now she’s too thin"
(You want a piece of me?)

UGH! I agreed with the one review I read after I heard the song on the way home: it's a great song WITHOUT her voice as a part of it.

ANYWAY, hilarious that Rob knows enough about women's brands that he chose Danskin to go with his sports bra.

Also, the video of the woman painting her nails? ICK. As a Salon Coordinator, I was totally yucked out by that. (I may have thrown up in my mouth a little bit) And Manic, those acrylic talons would pop right off, should she be scratching Rob's back with them...(how romantic!)

Swishy said...

My BBFF!! You are doing such a great job with these! I love them! AND the picture of Mattie McHottie!

domestic_valerie said...

I am simply impressed that there is no YouTube video of squirrels and GI Joe's...but there is a picture of said rodent on Rob's blog.

Hmm....well...it made me look!

And I, of course, spread the Manic love among my friends near and dear. And I think these interviews should become a monthly feature. Because I do want you to have a life outside of cyberspace. But not a large one. (just kidding)

Manic Mom said...

THat's a Nickelback song, right? See, I know my music. I cool.

Oh, Rob only knew the Danskin thing because Heather mentioned it on day one of Manic Minutes--were you not listening??

YOu all better be, cuz seriously, there is going to be a quiz at the end of the month. With REAL prizes.
And thanks guys for pimping me.

www.ramble-on-rose.com said...

A quiz at the end of the month!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Way......

Hey I might throw in a pack of Tim Tams as a prize if you like!!

No quizzes for me... I have a nuf with UNI!! Yep Ramblin goes to UNI check it out

Melisa said...

Ooh. I must not have been listening. I must have been planning my trip to Siberia as an alternative to the stupid decision I made to do NaBloPoMoFo along with two seperate blogs!

I'll listen harder next time, I promise!

Jen38 said...

Very nice work you two!

I'm with Manic on the Matthew McConaughey "what's all the fuss about" as well. Every time I see him on a late night show interview, he just seems so dorky! Very nice abs though.

Dim said...

Damn, if I knew you were gonna talk about boobs, I would have begged to be interviewed a long time ago! HA!

These are fun to read, MM...great idea!

- D.

kay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Colorado Writer said...

Patrick Swayze is a little too metrosexual for me.

Matthew needs to stop running around on the beach with his shirt off. Too much of a good thing.

There is no one for me except Brad.

Kristabella said...

Mmmmm......Matthew. Loves.

I think it is funny that Rob said that guys don't notice earrings and fingernails. We know this. Girls dress more for other girls than to impress guys, at least when it comes to the little stuff. Or that's what I think.

Now, when you've got a good old booby top on, showing some cleve, then, yeah, that's for guys. :)

Manic Mom said...

Funny thing is, Mr. Manic DID notice the earrings back in '90. He still teases me about those chandeliers I wore. Man, what was I thinking? ... I remember having to take them off while in class so I could hear the instructor!

Michelle said...

Aaaaah!!! I love rednecks!

Crazymamaof6 said...

super funnY! and really i was totally needing a boost! nerdy redneck sounds hot very hot! mentally anyway! I'm all for Mathew . Patrick Swayze is old! adn see here you sucked me in! i needed to drive a kid to school and here we are bloggin again! not smart but totally entertaining!

Tanya said...

Guys may not notice earrings and fingernails, but if a girl wasn't wearing earrings and didn't have pretty nails they would notice something was lacking.

Andrea said...

Manic, these Minute with Manic interviews ROCK! I keep sending people to visit you, but I shall try harder... :)

(oh, and when i sound out my word verification, it says leverleg - what's up with that? I now have the image of an old, one-legged pirate...)

Melissa said...

There has to be some kind of irony here. Guys save their money so they can buy us things like earrings and long nails (though a lot of women pay for those things themselves) and then when we have long fingernails and earrings they don't even notice them...hmm, I'll have to think about that one.

Rob said...

Jules - It was more a matter of I did NOT want to be the "black Dog" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120610/) Swazi! :)

Melek - It seems I am the only one around who finds that picture funny! I admit it, I giggle every time I see it!

Kristabella - Ah, now I get it! I also see you have men all figured out pretty well too.

CrazyMamaof6- You *totally* made my day! Thank you!

Tanya- Nope; We would not even notice! I promise! (unless like Mr. Manic it was just to make fun of them!)

Melissa - No Irony. We buy them for you because we know YOU like them and we like to buy you little things to make you happy! If we only bought things WE like then the entire global florist industry would collapse before the end of the month. We only buy them for you.

Rob said...

Manic,

Thanks so much for the interview and having me on your awesome blog. Even though my stomach was clenched solid for two days it was great fun!

Rob

KATE said...

I am loving Redneck Rob!! Good Job! I actually have a magnet on my fridge that says "you say Redneck like it's a bad thing" I am a true girl Redneck!! Rock on!

Andie said...

Love Rob's candid answers about how he views women and how he doesn't understand how we're not happy with our bodies, etc.

I have to admit, I'm content with myself, but I honestly wish I could have a body like jessica biel.

Kate said...

How fun! What a cool guy.

Matthew is just hot. Even in a nekkid weed-smoking, bongo-playing way. I can't explain it. One day I'll be in Austin with my bro and we'll run into him and... Hubby will just have to cope. ;)

Manic Mom said...

Yeah, can you imagine Matthew's hot bod lying... uh, never mind.

Rob--thank YOU for doing the interview. I loved featuring a real man. And you did a great job!Now, if I could only convince drewpy Drew to agree to a Minute! LOL!!! He's been BEGGING!

Heather said...

Ok Rob you wear that sports bra and danskin leotard I'M still going to look better than you! (Wink) And as far as the whole Patrick or Matthew thing goes....Matthew M. get's my engines rev'd up. I mean has anyone ever seen a finer specimen of human flesh...Well, of course Mr. Manic is at the top of your list Manic...

Anonymous said...

I'm feeling the need to "out" Rob the Redneck -- yes ladies and gentlemen (oh... maybe it's ladies and gentleMAN), Rob lives with a non-board certified plastic surgery resident (c; tee hee! Ya wanna talk boob jobs!?!
-Rob's roommate

Manic Mom said...

Rob's Roommate!!!!

HILARIOUS!!! That is HUGE news!!!

Do you have fake ones? Was that a jab at you personally?

Is he a pervert?

Can I interview YOU for a Minute With Manic on what it's like to live with The Nerdy Redneck?!?!?!

Rob said...

Oh dear God!! ... Room is swirling ... Interview Erika... Manic I thought you liked me! ;)

Poor Erika, here she is just totally working her butt off perfecting her plastic surgeon skills and she has to live with a guy that goes on a rant whenever he sees some women getting water balloons installed on TV.

Of course, me saying water balloons just now made her jaw clench. :)

With all the practice though she has gotten really good at speaking normally through clenched teeth!

Rob said...

Oh Heather, you WILL look better, that's for sure but I'll get more men! :)