Monday, November 19, 2007

Quite the "Spry" Evening



Don't mean to leave you hanging, but well, I don't even know if famed author of the upcoming novel, Driving Sideways, Jess Riley, is still alive!??!!? Quite possibly we may have the makings of the sequel to Misery??

Here's an abbreviated update, or check in with Swishy, as she's got more of the scoop anyway.

Some highlights to the evening:

Started out with Swish getting lost to my place, then other awesome surprise guest arriving, none other than, well, I already told you up there, didn't I? JESS RILEY! And gosh, I do hope she's alive! Jess?!?!?! Please, be alive!

The last time the three of us were together, this is what happened.

So, we had some wine and cheese and crackers at my place cuz THAT'S HOW I ROLL!

Then we all did that sorority sister thing trying to find outfits to wear and I ended up with shoes I wasn’t happy with but then I was happy cuz at the bar, a girl came up to me and said, “Hey, I like those shoes!” That’s like such a good karma thing. They are like cloggy leopardy, zebra-y, tiger shoes, and really, I shouldn’t have been wearing them out, but once I got the ‘shoe compliment’ I was OK with it.

Previous to going to the bar, we all had agreed we wanted to see this FABULOUS movie, so we did:


And I was bawling, and Jess was rubbing my shoulder during it making sure I was OK. How sweet was that!

Then we went to dinner and had our drinks. Can you guess which one is mine?

And that's when the moral dilemmas we had to contend with entered into the evening, and went straight out the window. We had to ask ourselves at that point, WWJD when the conversation turned to girl-on-girl lap dances... we decided good old Jesus had left the building and Lucifer was now at the party.

NOOOOOOOOOO! We didn't GET lap dances. We were JUST discussing them! Keep in mind, we are authors. THESE are things authors talk about! Well, officially, Jess is the only author to date, but Swish and I will be someday soon. If nothing else, we've got notebooks full of our times together!

This is a lipstick touch-up:


Next up, we went to see some band of doctor rockers. Yeah, we don't get it either. But we figured if they were a bunch of doctors pretending to be a bunch of rockers, we could be a bunch of writer / bloggers pretending to be a bunch of groupies so I guess it all makes sense.



They are called Ed whom Swish nicknamed Erectile Dysfunction and we threw Blue Little Pills up on stage at them (and sorry Swish if I stole your joke, cuz I do have to give that one to Swish, cuz that's hers... she coined that one)... so, that wasn't all that great. I mean, it was, because we were like the YOUNGEST people in the WHOLE place, but we were also the only NON surgically enhanced people in that place, so we could only determine the doctors were plastic surgeons! Then we met up with fellow blogger Kristabella who reminds me of me, so obviously, she is very cool and fun and nice to be around, and her pal Darcie, who just happens to be a new neighbor of mine, and a teacher, who fortunately for her she will not have to ever teach the Manic kids!

And then, because I have this effect on men when Swishy is in town, the sparks flew. I don’t know what it is about me, but I emit this sort of elixir that from whence it comes from me, it attracts men to Swishy!!! Because seriously, whenever Swishy is in town, I help her to meet men! I know! I am her Wingman! I am her Makeout Muse! It has nothing to do with the fact that she is beautiful and charming and fun and sincere and that she alone emits a beauty that draws men to her like bees to nectar!

But, I have to also stop here for a moment to let everyone know just how equally beautiful Jess Riley is. Unfortunately, for all the men in the world, both Jess and I are passionately, madly, irrevocably in love…

NO, FOLKS! NOT WITH EACH OTHER! Although I do find her attractive… I just mean we are both married! So, sadly, we are OFF THE MARKET!

So seriously, like within THREE minutes of walking into a new bar, after leaving erectile dysfunction--heh heh TOTAL PUN INTENDED--these CHARMING men come through and one of them speaks to Swish, and she does her cute giggle, hair flip, flirt thing that girls on the make do. Not that she’s on the make, mind you. It’s just that I don’t have any of those moves of course, so I watch, with envy.

Then they walk away, then they come back, and then we spend the whole night talking with these charming men who, would you believe are LAW STUDENTS FROM NEW YORK!!! What a score! And of all the women in the bar, they chose US to talk to all night long! And they were so charming and nice and kind, they even bought drinks. You do not find young men in bars these days willing to buy women--even women with large rocks on their hands--drinks in bars. But yes, these guys knew how to roll!

Two guys in particular were very fun and sweet, unlike their other friends, like one who was nicknamed Neanderthal Date-Rape Boy, who was just flat-out mean. I totally tried to get the him drawn into conversation because I like to engage people, and he seemed bored that his friends were paying my friends attention. I like to learn about the nuances of people. I like to learn what makes them tick. So, back to NDRB… I just wanted to know why he was so angry. I asked him, “Why are you so angry? What happened in your childhood to make you so angry?” He didn’t tell me. Instead, he flat out told me, “You’re a three. Definitely a three.”

So I asked him, “OK, so I’m a three at 10:00. Do you think I will be a 10 at 3:00?”

The dude didn’t even LAUGH AT THAT? What kind of person is that? How angry of a person is that?

Anyway, back to our fun boys, who I won’t name, because I know they may or may not have very high profile fathers, who may or may not be lawyers, who are definitely NOT doctors, who may or may not live in Burr Ridge, who may or may not be hockey players for De Paul U, who may or may not be “connected,” who may or may not like the number 44, who may or may not have ever had sex with a 40-year-old thong-wearer in Fort Lauderdale, who may or may not smoke Parliament cigarettes, who may or may not be “spry,” but who most definitely were very fun –Thanks to “F” and “J” for such a fun night—and even though we know you were not ‘completely’ honest with us all night long, we harbor no ill will. Because you know everyone tells a few white lies, right?

Boys, just promise us one thing—you’ll ask the girls your age to be honest when it comes to that topic we openly discussed, OK? Because, you all know for sure that they are LYING TO YOU TOO!

Oh, I forgot one of the most important parts… the night wasn’t a complete loss for me as I did get picked up by a hottie too… but since I’m married, I had to turn the poor guy down:

38 comments:

Rob said...

Ooooo, a "Drink until I'm hot shirt! I have to get one of those to go with my "Hot feminist babes dig me!" shirt! ;)

kristabella said...

I will say, one more time on the record, that I am SO mad I had to leave early. If I get invited back for the next time, I'm staying for the long haul! And hopefully that fabulous Manic elixir will help me out too!

It was great to meet you! And I hope it is the first of many! I had SO much fun!

ORION said...

Oh so NOW I hear about this part of going to Chicago...I guess I will have to do a signing there...LOL

Manic Mom said...

Rob, it's a shirt that gets the women talking!

Kristabella--you are so invited next time!

Pat--you were supposed to have a signing in OCTOBER!!! You better get here soon!

Jules said...

Grandpa? What are you doing out at the bars?


Sounds like you guys had a fabulous night! Sorry I missed it...
Jules
House of Jules

Melisa said...

Julie: ROFLMAO! That one took me by surprise...Good thing I wasn't sipping a beverage.

Sorry I missed it too, Manic...

Julie and I might head on down there on Thanksgiving evening, depending on how things are going. We'll let you know. :)

Hotwire said...

manic, i saw that movie the day it came out and i believe that my comentary included that i felt that films like that are the reason that motion picutes were invented.

secretmom said...

looks like so much fun! great pics, and you all look wonderful!

Eileen said...

This looks amazing. I hope Jess made it so we can repeat the event!

Heather said...

Could ya BE any longer of a rambler....geesh....Wink.

The NDRB thing cracked me up. You and I would have a blast if we hung out. We're exactly alike. Well, except for the fact that I would've made out with "Drink Until You Want Me"...NOT!!!!!!

Good laughs....pop on over to my blog for some Christmas "Deals"...
Happy Turkey Day

secretmom said...

also--and i apologize if i should already know this--but how do you and swishy know each other? College? work? other?

My Semblance of Sanity said...

WOW!!!
When you three decide to ROAD Trip to Philadelphia...PUH-LEASE call me!
That sounds so fun!
I have been on many-a-girls trips and they are SOOOOOO good for your soul!
Glad you had a great (safe) time!

Colorado Writer said...

Oh. My God. You guys are hilarious!

Manic Mom said...

secretmom--SWISH and I met through the internet!!!!!!!!! Because of our love for writing and Jen Weiner we had a first date! I'll have to look through the archives, but you can read about our blind date somewhere on this blog probably in a Feb of 2005 or 06 post, I think it was, Swish?

and... semblance--have you FORGOTTEN?!?!?!? I USED TO LIVE IN BUCKS COUNTY!?!?!? Langhorne?!?!? We coulda been real life pals!!!

allee said...

Manic--You should have gone with the college connection. I was out with Swishy the other night and intentionally did not get my ID out just to see if they'd check. Didn't check. Swishy's ID was totally checked! Better keep your ID close by next time you and Swishy get together.

Swishy said...

I think it was October '05. And we have been BBFF ever since!

I LOVE YOU, MANIC! Oh, my goodness, was that a good time. I adore those boys. They are just as cute and funny and smart as can be, even if they ARE little fibbers.

And everyone, Manic is the best hostess ever!! I LOVE hanging at Manic's house! AND she's an AWESOME muse! Haha.

AND YOU ARE NOT A 3!

Manic Mom said...

ALLEE---YOU MISSED THE BEST TIME, and I was so disappointed not to get to meet you!!! NEXT TIME GIRLFRIEND!!

SWISH--LOVE YOU!

amanda said...

If I ever have a rush of blood to the head and end up i America, Chicago and Manic's house is on my list of places to be.

Glad you put my drink quota to good use!

PS Still reading...

Melek said...

"if i'm a 3 at 10, will i be a 10 at 3?" GREAT line manic!

cubmommy said...

Sounds like you guys had a blast sorry I wasn't able to come out. Maybe next time.

Dim said...

That last pic is the coolest. You gals certainly know how to have a good time!

- d.

Melissa said...

Ahh, grandpa. Nice!! Glad you guys had fun!!

KATE said...

That sounds like so much fun!! I'm so glad you got some good solid girl-out-on-the-town-don't-have-to-be-a-mommy-right-now time!!!

I absolutely LOVE the "hottie" that picked you up. I LOVE his shirt!! I need to get me one of those!!

Have you figured out Thanksgiving? I posted some good recipes & ideas on my recipe blog.
easyrecipe-kalger.blogspot.com
If you still need some ideas or help. I'm good at planning! email me sista
katealger125@earthlink.net
Love ya - kate

Beth said...

that asshole told you you are a THREE?!?! What a jerk!!! He'd be LUCKY to get a little kiss from you let alone anything else! What nerve! Boys can be such assholes....it's a good thing his friends were so sweet...

I have the feeling that you and Swishy could get yourselves into a HEAP of trouble!!!!

Tanya said...

Wow they boys may or may not have done a lot of things.

I bet they would make good book characters. Are you ever going to write a biography? I'd read "Confessions of a Manic Mommy"

Jess Riley said...

I'm okay, I'm okay! :)

Oh my God, that last photo...I forgot about that guy!

What a fun weekend. THANK YOU so much. You and Swish are the best.

And how much do I hate Mr. 'You're a Three?' Anyway, he looked like he got his hair cut by a rusty circular saw at a papermill from the 1800s.

Also: I look clinically insane in that second picture.

March to the Sea said...

i was worried about you for a bit...since it took so long to update about your weekend..thought you had fled to canada w/some hot young stud.

Andrea said...

Sounds like fun was had by all! And you are so an author!

The response I would have loved to have given NDRB:
"Honey, I think half your number fell off, because I'm at least an 8! But it's so nice of you to say so!"

Of course I wouldn't have been able to come up with that on the spot. I'd have probably just done my best fish impression (flapping jaw) and moved on.

Andie said...

you guys just crack me up.... god, i'm sure if I ever got invited to hang with ya'll... I'd have a ball with you girls! LOL

Stephanie said...

You all are HILARIOUS! Thanks for the laugh. You should hang out more often and see what other kinds of trouble you stir up. :)

Kim Stagliano said...

Priceless! Thanks for the vicarious fun!

Ello said...

You are so definitely not a 3! Can't he see a hot mama when she's talking to him right in the face?! What the heck is wrong with that boy?! Such an ass! Looks like you had a great time!

kim said...

"Drink till I'm hot" --- classic.

Anonymous said...

Steph, you can roll with the best of them

Manic Mom said...

Only the Spry ones, baby, only the Spry ones!

Thanks for stopping by, and I'm guessing it's either F or J, anon? Cuz no one knows me as STEPH on Manic Mommy!!!!

You just gave away my cover

; )

Jenster said...

Again - I love the t-shirt!

And the stupid friend sounds like a very miserable person. So sad for him.

XYZinn said...

Oh man that sounds like fun. I love me some Swishy! Wish I could've been there to laugh with you guys!

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