Thursday, December 06, 2007

Too Much Time On My Hands

I got a present in the mail today from Jess Riley and a great card where she writes about how she's glad we're friends (A real author is HAPPY to be friends with ME!) And that she knows I'll be a published author someday! How awesome is THAT! That's the kind of stuff that keeps me going! So thanks so much Jess!

She recently wrote about how her husband mentioned she has no upper lip and according to her gift to me, I guess she thinks EVERYBODY has no upper lip. Well, I have an upper lip. Mine just happens to need a shave, according to Tukey this a.m. when he announced to me, "You need to shave" as he pointed to my upper lip. I then informed him that girls do not shave their faces.

Anyway, Jess sent me this cool lip stuff called Sexy MotherPucker!

It's tingly! It's got fun slogans all over it like:

Lip Size Found Crucial for Sexual Attraction!


Scientists Confirm: Size Matters! (Duh. Like you need a scientist for that. Just get out a tape measure, right Spry-Man?)


Fuller Lips Attract Men More!

Fool Your Lips into Looking and Feeling Fuller without Plastic Surgery!

If only I could fool my ass into fitting into some smaller pants I'd be golden!

So, what do you think I did right after I suited up my three kids and sent them outside to find the nearest flagpole to go lick?

Sure, my house is a disaster. I have garland strewn all over the place. Wrapping paper bits everywhere, Christmas cards and tissue paper, receipts and ornaments, boxes ... you know, I should just take a picture to give you the visual of how Manic Mommy REALLY lives:

Looking into the living room:
At the bottom of the stairs:
In the dining room:
From upstairs, full view of the disaster:

Instead of cleaning and decorating and wrapping Christmas gifts and preparing for the neighborhood Cookie Exchange I am hosting here in one week for 30 women, what am I doing?

I am doing a scientific experiment with Sexy MotherPucker Lip Gloss to see if my lips will plump and make me more sexually attractive to men.

Because I'm all about trying things for the good of science, right? And yes, of course I documented it. But when I took the before photos, I felt like Nora Ephron and her book, I Feel Bad About My Neck cuz I looked at the photos and I really did feel bad about my neck which made me sad because when that book first came out I remember thinking, "Good God, who in the world feels bad about their neck. Butts, thighs, stomachs, yes, but a neck? Come on already!" Well, I now feel bad about my neck. I'm getting old and I don't like it! So I "scarfed" it up for the photo shoot.



Final Experiment Analysis:

The product makes my lips tingle for a while.

It tastes kinda yummy.

The color, called Nude, is subtle but nice.

The model on the package looks a lot like Lucille Ball.

The product does plump up my lips a little.

I should probably stop bleaching the hairs on my upper lip and consider waxing or even lasering the hairs off.

Jess Riley is a thoughtful gift-giver!

Mr. Manic is not home right now to be amped up by my sexiness so I'll just have to apply more later.

I'm still wearing this scarf and am kind of hot, temperature-wise, not sexy-wise, unless you're looking at my amped up lip-plumpness.

My house is still a disaster and my kids have not yet eaten.

I feel bad about my neck.


Cecily R said...

I am amped by your lip plumpness. I feel so much better about myself based on the bottom of your stairs. Since mine looks like this MOST of the time, I will only feel better until tomorrow when I am sure yours will be perfect and clean, but still. Today we are kindred.

House of Jules said...

We'll have to start addressing you as Angelina now. :)))
House of Jules

ThursdayNext said...

nice lips ;)
one of my favorite tingle-y glosses is burt's beeswax in champagne color ;)

Jess Riley said...

You crack me up. I love the before and after photos! So...does the stuff work? I may need to buy myself some, too. Since my lips are as skinny as dental floss and all...

I am Heather...creator of all things crafty! said...

Oh that hair was a I see. J/K....Seriously, stop by my blog today...okay!

AutoSysGene said...

lol! I see you accomplished a lot this afternoon. Good for you!! Happy Lip Plumping!!

Kate said...

First, quit staring at your neck. No one has a pretty neck. Necks are utilitarian, period.

The girl who waxes my, uh, eyebrows keeps begging me to wax my upper lip. I would, but where would that stop? How about the hairs on my chinnigan? And my cheeks? And probably on my neck if I examined it. But I won't. Ignorance is bliss.

Lip plumping products freak me out. The tingle reminds me of a cold sore coming on. It looks cute on you, though! Of course, as is the case in all of those before-and-after photos, you're all grim and early-photography sober in the first one and hamming it up for the 2nd. But I guess if it makes you feel that good, that says something positive about the product. :)

blog author said...

i bought some lip plumper once...and it was very tingly. but i kept feeling like i needed to check it every 5 seconds to see if the 'plumpness' had faded. i became obsessed with reapplying. so i had to quit it cold turkey.... but it did taste good

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Yeah, Swishy did say I was poofing out my lips in the after pic but I WASN'T really!!

And Jess, how could you send me something you hadn't tried out on your dental-floss upper lip in the first place! you made me your guinnea pig!?!? Well now you can tell J it does work. I wonder if it makes other stuff tingle? Hmmmm...

Oh, and I did just clean up ALL THAT MESS. i'd do an 'after' picture of the living room/dining room/foyer now but am too tired to take pictures, upload them and then post them so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Shelley said...

Hey, your house looks like my house. It's the most...wonderful time...of the year.... Oh wait, no..that's August, when school starts. Nevermind.

I remember when my oldest daughter (age about 12 at the time) came home from the mall having tried that lip gloss plumper stuff, and she was crying because her lips were stinging so badly. That sorta made me not want to try it.

Anonymous said...

Oh those lips! You make me want to switch teams!!! ;)

Anonymous said...

I just got some lip-plumping lipstick myself...they told me that it's cinnamon in it to give that tingle. Weird.

P.S. I would love to know where you got the red and white polka dot wrapping paper. I've looked everywhere for some!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Dawn--it's actually Red and Green and I got it at Hobby Lobby, 50% off before the holidays! Isn't it cute and retro!!!!

Melisa Wells said...

Hey, Sexy Mouth!

I'm always overjoyed to know that my house isn't alone in its clutterness (Is that a word? If not, I just invented it!).

I need to get someone like Alice (from the Brady Bunch) to move in and take care of the house and make the kids' lunches so I can do important stuff like read, write, and arrange flowers.

Remembering Ruby AND Suburban Scrawl

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

I WILL NOT get into details but I have found Nair works very well and is far less painful than waxing/epilators and far cheaper than laser. Although the permanence of laser is appealing to me.

As Forest Gump would say- "That is all I have to say about that."

Tanya said...

Rob - Nair lasts for only about 1 day though and smells awful. Waxing is well worth the pain.

I want plump lips.

I told my husband when we got married. I'd rather have a happy life than a perfectly clean house. Although when we get too messy the messiness distracts from the happy life.

Anonymous said...

Hey...long time no talk.


Really sexy.....really.


Eileen said...

Those are so sexy lips. Very plump.

Unknown said...

LOL! That's pretty impressive plumping!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

MARTINI!And I mean the Man, not the drink! How the hell are you? Nice of you to show up when I'm bein' all MotherPuckerin'!

Rob--I WILL NOT get into details either, but Nair leaves me with a HORRIBLE rash. I think if you do a blog search here you may be able to read about my previous experience with that damning product, and Tanya, you're right--it does STINK!

I gotta tell ya, whether this stuff works or not, I have never in my life pulled out the lipsmacker stuff in the middle of the day to apply and I found myself doing just that today quite a few times just to enjoy the tingling sensation! Whether it's psychological or not, I don't know, but Manic likey!

T with Honey said...

I got a tube of Buxom lips and gotta agree that tingle can be a little addictive. I've ditched all my other glosses and lipsticks for this one tube of vanilla-ish smelling goodness.

Oh, if you decide to take the laser route get the numbing cream and apply it 60-90 minutes BEFORE your appointment. And exhale through your nose when the laser is fired to experience less of that burnt popcorn smell. Otherwise it is TOTALLY worth it!

Carrie and Troy Keiser said...

You bring a smile to my face and a laugh to my voice! :D

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

They do look fuller. Christmas is all about the mess you make while seeking perfection. I contain my to the guest room, with the door shut. The mess is there though, mocking me from behind the door.

I bought a plumping lip gloss last year by accident. The tingle makes me worry, "What the hell is in there to make my lips simmer to just under a burn?" Some hideous chemicals no doubt. I kept rubbing it off and the rubbing irritated my lips and they, we, got plumper.

Raymond said...

Honey, my house will get so wrecked at christmas I need a bulldozer to clean it up.

Steve H said...

hot. very hot.

cubmommy said...

I should buy the stuff. I have thin lips. So it really works? Your lips do look nice and plump.

Don't worry about house being clean mine is never clean. If I step on one more Hot Wheels car I will scream.

Andie said...

I already have big ole lips so plumpers aren't high on my list. but I like the color of that one.

FYI- an easy way to make your lips look a little more defined... put a little v in the top part of your lip with white lip liner. It gives your lips that "heart" look.

and I've been waxing my upper lip for about 5 years, and the hair barely even grows on my upper lip now.

Anonymous said...

Wow never heard of lip pumping gloss...

Wonderng if you get that in the big smoke along with the Reese's... ????

Man it sucks living out in the middle of nowhere....


Karen said...

Too funny! I think I have seen that product and absolutely cracked up over the packaging.

I love that your house is almost as messy as mine. I can't even begin to list the things that I'm not doing while I'm sitting here visiting blogs. Strange. Procrastination central.

Patti said...

as soon as i saw the scarf i knew it was in reference to, getting old sucks. thank goodness for motherpuckers...

Anonymous said...

YAY MANIC!! Your house is ALMOST as messy as mine!! Now my mother has gone home I'll get on to it, promise. Couldn't do it before as I had to "Entertain" all week and now I'm cream crackered but happy that she's gone.

Great lips btw! and how do you cope with the smallest personin your house?? Just what you need to boost your confidence!

Jen Hill said...

I am impressed Angelina! Very nice plumpness action with the lips.

I too love lip plumpers! My favorite right now is The Balm's, "Plump You Pucker" in Razz Your Berry. The "Soap and Glory" line that makes your "Sexy MotherPucker" was created by the same people who created Bliss. Pretty cool and you can buy it at Target too!