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And when you enter, tell 'em Manic Mommy sent ya!

Here's the blooper video. And thanks to my camera-gal, Diva. I think she's got a future in the biz.

Who Thinks This Is A Good Idea?

So, in my attempt to become a better wife now that all three kids are in school full-time, I am trying to prepare meals. Yes. At dinnertime. I know. Shut up. I even made Mr. Manic teach me how to turn on the grill the other day, and I even flipped some chicken. It was kind of fun. I like when everything is charred so to me, if it's burned, it's probably done.

Anyway, we had some freshly caught salmon in our freezer that I took out and, well, he ended up grilling it, and there was a ton, and we ate some of it, but then there was a pretty large amount left over, and that's not the kind of stuff you save for leftovers, I don't think so anyway.

The garbage had just been picked up that day. He didn't want to throw it in the garbage and have stinky fish in the garbage for a week. I didn't think we should put it down the sink disposal because of the fish bones.

"I'll flush it down the toilet," he said.

Yep. That's what he said. And yep, my eyes bulged out of my head.

"What?" he said. "Bigger things have come out of you than this plate of fish." Mind you, it was a BIG plate of fish, and mind you, it is quite possible that bigger things may have come out of me (NOT TALKING CHILDREN HERE) at some point in my bowel experiences, but I replied:

"MAYBE, but the things that have come out of me (NOT TALKING CHILDREN HERE!) DO NOT HAVE BONES and are allowed to be FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET!"

Still, he didn't listen, and have you ever heard that old adage about mothers knowing best. Well, there should be one about wives knowing best, because yes, indeed, he did flood the toilet.

Who the hell flushes a plate of salmon DOWN THE TOILET!?!?!?!?

My husband, that's who.

Down on the Farm

Ya'll didn't know I was a country gal, now did ya?

Here are the kids having a ball driving their G-pa's John Deere!

Tukey, which I can't believe he's driving it all by himself!


Diva, being a responsible driver!


Ajers, TOTALLY clowning around - listen to me crack up in the background!



Oh, and yeah, in case you ever wondered about my choice of bedwear ... Hot! Bet you wish you had some sexy sleep gear such as this:



Come on! Pink elephants on roller skates! Doesn't get ANY better than that! And yes, Diva does have a matching set!

Advice from Me ... You SURE You Want IT?

OK, this is just wrong. You definitely DON'T want to tell family members you are writing an advice column when you start writing an advice column because then this might happen: You get a letter from one person who you suspect MIGHT be your brother, and you answer it. Later, you discover it WAS your brother who wrote the letter.

And about a week later, you get another interesting letter and you respond to it, not thinking anything of it, just responding as truthfully as you feel you can, and then you discover it is from the WIFE OF YOUR BROTHER (AKA YOUR SISTER IN LAW!) WHO WROTE THE ORIGINAL LETTER and YOU HAVE JUST GIVEN THEM COMPLETELY OPPOSITE ADVICE!

Here are the letters --

Should I throw in the towel now?

Manic Mommy
Dad or Not?
Dear Manic Mommy: WHEN SHOULD WE START? I am just around the corner from turning 30 and my wife is too. We have recently talked about starting a family. We actually have some names picked out. Sometimes we both like the idea and other times we can't imagine having kids. I talk to my siblings and they make it sound like a pain in the A** (up all night, no sleep, no social life, etc). But then I think about my family and my parent's age. My parents are almost 70 and the thought of not having them around for much longer scares me. Recently my father had an accident and I was not sure if he would make it. I see how much enjoyment my parents get when they hang out with us, maybe because I am their favorite child. I wonder if I will have that much fun when I am their age. So I guess the question is what is the right age to start a family so you can a) Still have a fun younger lifestyle or b) Have longer moments with your kids? Just looking for some help!

Thanks, DAD OR NOT

P.S. Do many men write you for help?

Manic Mommy: Dear Dad or Not, first of all, is this my brother asking this question? It sure sounds like it could be, but my baby brother would have made a bunch of typos AND he is clearly NOT my parents' favorite child.

Regardless, it's so cool to have my first ever question from a man, but I'm not so sure you're ready for the answer I'm going to give you, which is this:

START NOW!

Do not even second-guess yourselves...start working on that family now. Like, grab your wife NOW and start doing it! (Okay, you can finish reading this first I guess.)
As a parent, you can still have a lot of fun! Mr. Manic and I have a blast together, with and without the kids (maybe that's how we ended up with 3 in less than 4 years!). I'll tell you the truth, the first few years are hard, really hard. And sleepless nights, dirty diapers and mixing bottles suck, but the rewards of a baby are so worth it. They truly are!

So, don't put off what you know you eventually want, especially when there are no guarantees on when you'll get pregnant. Have fun with it, don't stress out. And don't forget to send me a birth announcement when it's time to share the great news!

Just Another Manic Mommy
Feeling the Pressure to Procreate
Dear Manic Mommy: I have been married for over two years and my husband and mom are pressuring me to have children. I personally have not been "bitten" by the pregnancy bug and cannot foresee it in the next three to four years. Everyone around me is claiming that will be too old to start. What is your advice? Should we start because of some fake time clock or should we wait till I feel the urge? Will I ever feel the urge?

Sincerely, Feeling the Pressure

Manic Mommy: Dear Feeling the Pressure, this one has me in a quandary, because if you read a recent question I answered titled Dad or Not, I urged the writer to start his family immediately. (As a side note, to which I really was not sure when I answered that question, Dad or Not was none other than my own brother, looking for advice! We'll see if he fires up a little niece or nephew for me any time soon!)

One very important detail you left out is your age. Let's pretend you are 24 or younger. Then my answer (and this is based on my own personal feelings as a mom and a woman - and reading between the lines of your question) would be to definitely wait. In my opinion, you still have some time. You've only been married two years; you and your husband should enjoy your time together.

On the flip side, let's pretend you are on the verge of 30. I would still say to not rush into it. While the answer to Dad or Not was definitely start trying for a family, I sense you are really not ready. Dad or Not, aka MY BROTHER, mentioned he and his wife have been discussing the possibility of a family together, and have had conversations about baby names. In your letter, I see no interest on your part to have a baby. And hello! You are the one who will be carrying this child for nine months. You will be experiencing all the symptoms. You need to feel at least a little bit excited about wanting to start your family.

After my husband and I had been married for a few years, he was ready to start our family well before I was. I just wasn't bitten either. And there's nothing wrong with that! You may feel a change in the future, and I hope you will be open to the possibility of a family someday. But for now, please do not get pregnant only because you are feeling the pressure from other people.

So, have a legitimate parenting or pregnancy question that won't stump me? Ask it here on Betty!

i aM aLL aLoNe

my babies are all gone.

to school.

i am here alone.

in my house.

with no babies.

no noise.

so loud,

it's deafening.

it's a weird feeling.

can i miss them already.

so much?

i might feel like crying.

so maybe i will.

Chipotle and Hot Men

Do you like Chipotle's?

You might change your mind after you read this.

And yeah, there are youtube videos too.

Mother Knows Best & So Does Mamma Mia ...

Quick--if you entered the Mamma Mia CD contest, winners are announced in the comment section under that post here: Prize Winners & Mamma Mia! Ajers chose five random names instead of just three of you. Email me your addresses.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled mom rant:

So, ya know how as a mom you're always saying things like,

"Don't do that!" ...

and ...

"You're gonna get hurt!" ...

and this one:

"Quit rocking on that stool ... keep four on the floor or else you're gonna fall over and smack your head or your chin on the granite counter top, and then you'll fall and start crying and it's going to be nobody's fault but your own and I'm just gonna stand here looking at you and I promise you I won't do a thing... no, that's not true, I'll do something ... I'll stand there and laugh at you and then I'll say, I told you so. I told you a million and twelve times NOT TO ROCK ON THAT STOOL and to keep all the legs of the chair on the floor!"

You know how you're always saying that to your kid?

Well yeah, that happened today, finally, like I've always predicted it would.

Guest Blogging

I'm a guest blogger over at The Daily Grind. Stop by and say hello to another Stephanie Blogger!

But don't forget to check out the cute youtube video of my precious Tukey down below! : )

Repeat

You may have seen this video before but it's my baby. He is starting first grade one week from tomorrow! In one week I will be a chicken whose coop has flown! I will have my days all alone. No one here. At all. I asked Tukey over the weekend, "How do you feel about starting first grade?"

"Mom, I've done this like five times already. Like when I started at Joy Bell. That was one. Then we moved here and I went to Trinity. Then the next year I went to Trinity again, then I went to Trinity for preschool a third year. Then last year I went to kindergarten. So this will be like my fifth time of going to school."

He's like "DUH" like it's no big deal to him.

But it might be to me.

So, here's his cute video of him losing his first tooth.

My wittle baby. All gwowed up.

Housekeeping at Manic's Blog

Enough of the ball talk, right? Go over to my pal Semblance's Blog and tell her the funniest thing that ever came out of your mouth, and I'm not talking like regurgitated spaghetti, I'm talking phrases and stuff. You could win a great prize. Of course, I entered, with my Boobs and Balls and all that stuff commentary.

Also, I know I still have to pick Mamma Mia winners, hold tight, I'll do that soon, but since I haven't done it yet, you can still enter to
win a copy of the CD. I'll pick three winners sometime next week.

And speaking of winners, Christine, who was the winner of the Half-Assed / A Weight-Loss Memoir book never contacted me to redeem her book, which happens to be SIGNED! In pasta sauce --HA, that is me being a joker! ... Anyway, the book is fabulous, and Jennette Fulda is a great writer and an inspiration to anyone who has ever second-guessed shoving an Oreo into her mouth. Check out her blog and weight-loss story here: PastaQueen.com.

If Christine is out there and leaves me a comment very quickly, I will send her the book. If not, the first person who comments asking for the book, who LIVES in the US, will be the lucky new recipient of this book! And I'll even throw in a Manic Mommy magnet too. Whoo Hoo! If that ain't a fire sale!

Boobs and Balls, and All That Stuff

So, I didn't want to bring this up on the blog because it's UBER personal, but Diva and I went bra shopping the other day. She's been asking, and it's just one of those little teeny training bras and the whole purpose is to cover nippage, and I'm OK with this. She told her brothers, (GOD KNOWS WHY!?!?!) and she made me tell Mr. Manic, but she was nervous about that, like she thought he would make us return them.

Anyway, not the point of the story. This is the story. We were taking Nana Manic and Papa Manic to the airport to go back home to Tampa this a.m. and when we bid them farewell, as soon as they got out of the car, Diva starts whispering to her brothers, and then I hear them discussing the bra.

"Why did you have to tell Nana and Papa about my bra?"

So then they are fighting about the Big Bra Secret and Tukey starts in about how he is a horrible person and he throws his flip-flops and starts crying and Diva's screaming and Ajers is maybe smirking, cuz I can't really tell cuz I'm driving in a shitload of traffic, and there's a ton of chaos in the backseat of the car and I've had it up to freaking here and I let completely LOOSE! (and for those of you grammatically challenged, it's LOOSE, not LOSE. LOSE is to lose one's shoe or a football game. Loose is to let loose, as what I did.)

"SHUT UP! I am about to slam on the brakes, get out of this car and walk 25 feet over there (pointing over there) and scream my freaking head off! EVERY GIRL AND EVERY WOMAN WEARS A BRA! Every girl gets boobs! Every boy will grow balls! Every boy will grow hair on their balls and every penis gets HARD! THESE ARE THE FACTS OF LIFE! NOW WILL EVERYBODY PLEASE SHUT UP!"

There was not one word spoken the whole rest of the way home, although I did hear a couple of sniffles from the back seats.

Hey, be proud of me, at least I didn't drop the EFF bomb this time.

Are You Ready to Betty?

Don't tell me you haven't done it.

Placed those fingers on the computer keys, heart racing, and typed:

J...O...S...

You've googled your ex.

It even sounds salacious, doesn't it?

Read the rest here.

And then, there's the Dollar-Menu Sex dilemma:

Most of the time, my husband and I have dollar-menu sex.

It's hot, cheap, quick and easy.

Read the rest here.

Stick around, because bettyconfidential.com is looking for fresh new voices and Manic Mommy is going to help them find those voices. And that voice could be YOURS! Stay tuned for an exciting writing contest!