Friday, September 17, 2010

PaReNTiNG 101: NoT aNy eaSieR!

Believe it or not, I get asked a lot of parenting advice here on MaNiC MoMMy and sometimes I’m stumped. Like this one. Let me tell you this story. It’s about two boys.

Boy #1 is a pretty good student and was recently chosen as Student of the Week. He received a letter of recognition that said “He has demonstrated a delightful personality but also has the leadership skills to help … his constant desire to be a positive influence in class is commendable. He has impeccable manners. He is a fine example of an excelling leader…” Boy #1 received an awards certificate signed by the principal and vice principal and was awarded gift certificates to local restaurants. He received this packet in front of the whole school and shook the hands of his vice principal and principal.

Boy #2 screwed around in PE class with another kid and depantsed him. The PE teacher saw this take place and sent Boy #2 to the vice principal. The vice principal gave him a one-day in school suspension and called his mom. While the vice principal explained to the mother that the child was very remorseful of his actions, and the kids were obviously playing around, the VP also said she will not tolerate that kind of behavior in her school. The mother explained to me how heartbroken she was, and how shocked she was, that her son would do such a thing, to bully another student, to humiliate another kid in such a way.

If I could choose one of these children to be mine, you can guess which one I would pick, right?

Do you see where I’m going with this? You got it.

Same boy. Mine. And both events occurred on the same day.

The boy is mine. The heartbroken mother: me.

The remorseful son, the excelling leader, the depantser: Ajers.

I can’t even begin to tell you what went through my mind when I answered that call from the school, and how it felt to be on the receiving end. And to call Mr. Manic to tell him, and then to come home, and prepare Tukey and Diva for what was going to go down when Ajers got home from school.

Tukey, oh boy, was Tukey upset. I explained to them that we are not raising our children to behave this way and their brother is going to be in the hugest trouble he’s ever going to be in in his whole life. Diva said she was shaking; Tukey just put his head down on the table, then went upstairs.

For Ajer’s privacy, I won’t go into details, but I will tell you, I’ve never seen such a remorseful kid. He absolutely knows what he did was wrong, stupid, DUMB. I gave him the “free lesson” speech (thanks Dad!), and let him know that if this is what it takes to make sure that he now knows that EVERY SINGLE ACTION will cause a REACTION and he considers everything he does before he does something, and that he CHOOSES THE RIGHT OPTION, then it will be a lesson well learned.

And boy, will he learn this lesson, because the kid has never been grounded before, and here’s what he’s in for: Facebook gone. Phone gone. Guitar gone. iTouch gone. Xbox gone. Friends gone.

Hmmmm, I might as well even take away his bathroom privileges too, huh?

Because let me tell you, the Shit hath hit the fan in the MaNiC house!

And speaking of shit, it’s strange as shit, because I’ve never been so mad or disappointed or heartbroken over something he’s done, but I’ve also never wanted to grab him and hold him so close and tell him that everything’s going to be OK either. And boy, that is soooo screwed up. That MUST be what parenting’s all about.

PeaCe uP!

~MaNiC MoMMy


Making It Work Mom said...

Oh My gosh! Yes my initial reaction is Oh poor baby. I would want to know what motivated him to do what he did. New school, new friends, whole new social dynamic. That really stinks!
I feel for you, but I am sure that everyone will come out fine- you have made it this far with an award winning boy!
Good Luck - I feel that days like these are in the future for me as my children get older.

Melisa Wells said...

I think you did the exact right thing. He was just fooling around, but took it over the line because he wasn't THINKING (so typical of boys).

Making the shit hit the fan for him is just what he needs. This is the part of parenting that is way harder for us than for them, even though they don't believe us about that. Just keep the long-term goal in mind: you're raising a boy who will grow into a THINKING young adult. He will remember this (probably always) and will later be appreciative that you taught him to stop before crossing the line the next time.

P.S. Good children get in trouble now and then: keeps their feet on the ground and reminds everyone that they're human. :)

Heidi @ Decor & More said...

Oh, MM, I have so been where you are. You want to strangle them and can't believe what they've done and yet you just want to make it all better at the same time. And you're right-- it DOESN'T get any easier. Bless his little heart, but good for you for taking a tough stand. It will pay off moving forward, even though it's the hardest thing to do as a mommy.
Drink a glass of wine (or bloody mary this a.m.), be strong, find your sense of humor and just love him through it. :)

morninglight mama said...

Man oh man. This sounds like one stupid moment gone too far, but unfortunately, one that has to be learned the hard way. He's clearly a fantastic kid at heart, who got caught up in the moment and did what kids do. He'll learn from this, that's for sure, and with all that's coming in the next few years, that's gotta be a good thing. :)

Anonymous said...

Good post. Good parents. Good gracious!!! 1-4-3

kathleen shoop said...

I feel for you! It's all part of learning and all kids make poor decisions. That's what makes them kids--that's why they have you for a mom. I can imagine how jarring this is--to get that call, but he'll come through it and so will you.

Wendy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wendy said...

You nailed those dueling emotions of making sure he know that is NOT okay behavior with jsut wanted to make it all ok for him. Been there. Agonizing.

Grace Matthews said...

I would be mad on the phone, laugh my ass off after, the ground him when he got home. Yes...parenthood.