Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

I’ve been in a funk the past few days. By now, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know I’ve written a novel, two actually, and the second one is what they call “on submission” with editors at publishing houses. The rejections are coming in. While they are expected (heck, JK Rowling was rejected, and even the author of The Help was rejected like 50 or 60 times), they sting. They’re not horrible rejections, and some are really flattering, like one editor said she was worried that people on the subway were reading the steamy scenes over her shoulder (wait, is that flattering?).

Anyway, this is where I do one of those hugely exuberant and wistful sighs like I wanted to write what they sound like on Facebook yesterday. SIGH. Because it’s just BLAH.

So, the only thing to do is wait. And now I don’t want to know about any of the rejections. Why bother. I’d rather just cover up my ears and squinch my eyes really, really tight like my four-year-old self and shake my head back and forth and yell, “BlahhhhhhhhhhhhhhICAN’THEARWHATYOU’RETRYINGTOTELLMEEEEEEEEE!I’MNOTLISTENINGTOYOUUUUUUU!” Like I would when my little brother and sister would annoy me.

Because it’s annoying.

I just did another one of those exuberant wistful sighs. Damn, I’m getting good at those. They’re so dramatic. And I don’t think I’m really a dramatic person. I should ask around to those people who know me in real life.

Keeping busy is what I’ve got to do now, and that’s going to be super-duper (AJer’s new word) easy. School starts tomorrow for the kids. Eighth, seventh and fourth. And then there’s the fact that the other weekend after a couple mandarin orange vodka tonics with a huge wedge of orange (try ‘em, they rock), I might have kinda told my friend I would consider training for a half-marathon with her … BWHAHAHAHAAHA!

So yeah, I have been getting up at 6 a.m. to walk/run (the running part lasts about half to three-quarters of a song). And I’ve only gotten up four times to do this, but maybe I’ll keep it up.

Today, this song below came on, and I kept playing it over and over because it spoke to me. It actually said, “Stephanie, listen to these words, maybe it’s about your book. Or maybe it’s about Natasha talking about a girl who wants to do something else.” The cool thing about this song was that it came on at the right time, when I needed to hear it:


I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

The thing about this book I’ve written that is on submission right now is that if it doesn’t get published, then I don’t know if I’ve got it in me to write a whole ‘nother book. (I just like saying it like that, even though “a whole ‘nother” makes no sense, and as I wrote that, I thought, “ooh, that would look good in a book,” so maybe I do have it in me to write another?) … after all, I think I thought the same thing after I wrote my first one, and that one didn’t sell. So maybe I do.

The rest is still unwritten …


Anonymous said...

Makes me kinda sad.

Snarky Mommy said...

Hang in there! I'm on my third unpubbed project, the one my agent just read half of and basically told me needs extensive revision. Anyone know how to make characters more emotionally invested? :)

buttah said...

I love this song...and right now, I kinda feel the same way! I have a new "chapter" in my life starting and it is totally unwritten. Sometimes I think we feel like it would be so much easier if life were scripted like a great movie, but all in all, we are the composer of what happens next...and no one else!!

Hally said...

Manic - MANY things are possible. Who knows...a book rejection could turn into a television pilot?!?! What! It could happen.
Hang in there and know that we are thinking of you.

ps - Check out the Couch to 5k/10k programs on iTunes. They are amazingly easy to ease you into running.

denny144 said...

Did you think about taking a page (pun intended) from Pioneer Woman? On her blog, she published the condensed version of what eventually got picked up and turned into Black Heels to Tractor Wheels.

absolut(mandarin)ahnie said...

make room on the couch, i've got the absolutmandarin! we all think you're wonderful and talented so who do we call to make them understand that this book MUST be published? (steamy sex scenes?!? YAY!) it will happen for you, just believe in it.

~Lil Mama~ said...

My Manic Stephanie is BAAAACK!!! Hollllaaa! Just keep writing. Like you said...really popular writers get rejected! I mean really has there EVER been anyone that was NEVER rejected...No (I mean, I don't think so. Okay, I really have no clue. But seriously if that ever happened then it was pure coincidence. Luck. A draw of the cards. Money in the bank. Right place at the right time bullshit...not real life) WOW! I just went on a little tangent. Just write. That is what you do best...well and bitch. Even though you don't have a job, except doing some internet bull. Oh and you have house cleaners....Bwwhhhaaahhhaaa! I wish I coulda BITCH slapped someone when I read that. Anywho, write. I hope it's easier to get in a better place when/if you do get a rejection..because EVERYONE gets in that bad place when something is said negative or harsh about anything we do. ((hugss)) P.S. Mandarin Orange...YUMMO! I had me a pitcher full of Peach Sangrias made by me the other night! 1st time eva!

Anonymous said...

THanks everyone for these comments, and I KNEW the first anon one was my MOM!!!! Snark, I'm with you BABE!!

Buttah, I hope your new chapter goes according to plan!!

Hally, I'm getting up again tomorrow a.m. to walk, run whatever the hell I'm attempting to do!

Denny, that Pioneer woman is ONE OF A KIND!

Absolute -- you're NUMBER ONE in my heart!! Mandarin is the way to go!

ANd PRIMA! I ADORE You for this! I was CRACKING UP when YOU wrote all of this and said I bitch well! Thank you so much for this--I NEEDED THIS LAUGH!!! Could use some peach sangrias too!

You guys ROCK!! xoxoxo


Logan Collins said...

Hang in there girl! I applied to jobs for over a year and just got my dream job. I was rejected from 4 graduate schools before a 5th one let me in and now I have a master's degree. Keep know we are reading!

Christa said...

Keep it up; rejections are (unfortunately) part of the biz. I have writer's block over my first novel. Okay, it's really total, inhabilitating fear. But you know, someday...

Anyway, good luck to you! And be proud of writing the books in the first place -- you could be totally inhibited like little ol' me!