Kids Are Resilient.
I used to believe that. I truly did. They bounce back from injuries like that. All three of my kids have had their tonsils out and the very next day they were eating meatloaf or chicken nuggets as if they hadn’t just gone under the knife. Kids break bones and come away from painful mishaps as if it were no big deal. They’re like rubber bands that snap back into place.
When we moved to Scottsdale seven months ago, everyone assured me that my kids would be fine.
“They’ll make new friends.”
“They’ll love their new school.”
“Everything will be fine.”
Yeah, some of it has been great.
But some, not so great.
They really miss their friends back home. Terribly.
They actually miss the snow. A lot.
They miss Chicago. I don’t know if they miss the city of Chicago or the idea of Chicago, but they miss it. A ton.
All of this, as a mother really, really sucks. Because this is something I can’t put a band-aid over. I can’t make this one better for them.
The other night, my Tukey came into my bed at 11 o’clock telling me he couldn’t turn his mind off. I brought him into bed with me. You know why he couldn’t turn his mind off? Because he is NOT resilient. I let him sleep with Mr. Manic and me. I will let him sleep with me all the days of his life that he needs to because I am his mom and that is my job. He’s my baby. That’s what I’m here for. To take care of him, and if he needs me at 11 at night, that’s what I’ll do for him.
Last night, when I was tucking Diva into bed, she began to cry. She said to me, “I know home is where the heart is, but I think I left my heart in Chicago.” No lie, this is exactly what she said. Does THAT sound like resiliency to you? Nope. That sounds like a kid with a broken heart who is missing all the things she was used to back home. That broke MY heart. I can’t put a band-aid over that injury. When will THAT pain go away?
Someone reminded me of the quote the other day, “You’re only as happy as your least happy child.” This is the truest statement I’ve ever heard. Moms can only be as happy as their least happy child. And sadly, mine are still finding their way here, and they’re not resilient, and they’re going through hard times, and it makes me mad that adults brush off kids by saying they’re resilient, just because they are kids. They’re little people, with big, huge feelings that should never, ever be discounted, and I love my kids to pieces and I want them to know how much I never take them for granted and how I want them to be so happy in their lives.
And they’re not right now. Some days yes, they are, but on the days they’re not, they are really, really sucky. And that’s what’s been on my mind lately. So that’s why I’m telling it here. On my blog. Because it feels good to share it here. Because it feels like there’s nowhere else to say it.
If you could stomach this, you might also like, What's Your Joy of Motherhood?
Showing posts with label diva. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diva. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
She Said I Was Fat
So, it starts in third grade. Last night, I tuck Diva in and she says, “I have something to tell you.”
It always happens like this. She waits to tell me the important stuff right at bedtime. I guess this is when she feels most comfortable though, when it’s quiet and she feels like it’s just the two of us and she has my complete attention.
“It was cold in line outside today so Melanie and Brit were hugging me to keep warm and then Melanie said I was fat.”
And then she started crying to me.
“First of all, and you know this,” I started, “You are not fat. You know this, right?”
She nodded in agreement, tears spilling.
I have heard of this girl before. This has been the third time this girl has tried to bring my daughter down. I didn’t think this was a mean girl. But now I’m wondering.
The first time Diva came home and said that Melanie had told Diva that she smelled. Well, that was true. She did smell. Because I sniffed her underarms. Then I threw her in the shower and reminded her that maybe she should start bathing a bit more if other kids are noticing her body odor. No biggie.
The next time this girl made a rude comment to my daughter was when Diva purposely did her hair so it curled into what we both thought was a cute little unique style. I sent her off to school that day proud that Diva was so sure of herself and confident to try a new hairstyle.
She came home and said that Melanie had asked her if she forgot to brush her hair that morning.
Then yesterday, the FAT comment. In all three instances, I asked Diva how she responded to Melanie. Diva said, “I say nothing. I don’t want to cause any trouble. I just ignore it. But it disappoints me.”
She actually used the word “disappoints!” That wowed me! And it also made me, as a mom, sad. I don’t want my daughter to ever feel disappointed. I mean, I know she will; that’s just a part of life, and I guess if this is the biggest disappointment she has to face in third grade, then it’s not that big of a deal.
Last night, as I tried to talk her through this, I told her that sometimes people carry their own garbage around if they're not feeling good about themselves. That they try to dump their garbage onto others to get rid of their garbage to make themselves feel better, which is what maybe this girl was doing. That maybe she’s not happy about some things in her own life, and in order to make herself feel better, she tries to bring others down a little.
We laughed and joked about garbage trucks dumping big huge loads of garbage onto people. This made her smile. I think it also made her understand that as human beings, we can either accept the other person’s garbage, or we can move out of the way of the garbage truck and let it fall elsewhere, so it doesn’t ruin our good selves.
In third grade, they have Circle Time. Diva said maybe she would bring this up in Circle Time, and I thought it would be a great thing to discuss, especially because they just had an assembly on bullying, and in a way, this is definitely a type of bullying. I emailed her teacher and explained the situation, and she wrote back to me that she was shocked this had happened and they would be having a class meeting to discuss it. I did tell Diva she is absolutely NOT to share the name of the girl with anyone else in the class because this isn’t about causing trouble for that girl, it’s about making sure all of the kids know how one person’s words or actions can affect someone else.
If nothing else, I hope I have taught my daughter to not take other people’s garbage and make it their own.
It always happens like this. She waits to tell me the important stuff right at bedtime. I guess this is when she feels most comfortable though, when it’s quiet and she feels like it’s just the two of us and she has my complete attention.
“It was cold in line outside today so Melanie and Brit were hugging me to keep warm and then Melanie said I was fat.”
And then she started crying to me.
“First of all, and you know this,” I started, “You are not fat. You know this, right?”
She nodded in agreement, tears spilling.
I have heard of this girl before. This has been the third time this girl has tried to bring my daughter down. I didn’t think this was a mean girl. But now I’m wondering.
The first time Diva came home and said that Melanie had told Diva that she smelled. Well, that was true. She did smell. Because I sniffed her underarms. Then I threw her in the shower and reminded her that maybe she should start bathing a bit more if other kids are noticing her body odor. No biggie.
The next time this girl made a rude comment to my daughter was when Diva purposely did her hair so it curled into what we both thought was a cute little unique style. I sent her off to school that day proud that Diva was so sure of herself and confident to try a new hairstyle.
She came home and said that Melanie had asked her if she forgot to brush her hair that morning.
Then yesterday, the FAT comment. In all three instances, I asked Diva how she responded to Melanie. Diva said, “I say nothing. I don’t want to cause any trouble. I just ignore it. But it disappoints me.”
She actually used the word “disappoints!” That wowed me! And it also made me, as a mom, sad. I don’t want my daughter to ever feel disappointed. I mean, I know she will; that’s just a part of life, and I guess if this is the biggest disappointment she has to face in third grade, then it’s not that big of a deal.
Last night, as I tried to talk her through this, I told her that sometimes people carry their own garbage around if they're not feeling good about themselves. That they try to dump their garbage onto others to get rid of their garbage to make themselves feel better, which is what maybe this girl was doing. That maybe she’s not happy about some things in her own life, and in order to make herself feel better, she tries to bring others down a little.
We laughed and joked about garbage trucks dumping big huge loads of garbage onto people. This made her smile. I think it also made her understand that as human beings, we can either accept the other person’s garbage, or we can move out of the way of the garbage truck and let it fall elsewhere, so it doesn’t ruin our good selves.
In third grade, they have Circle Time. Diva said maybe she would bring this up in Circle Time, and I thought it would be a great thing to discuss, especially because they just had an assembly on bullying, and in a way, this is definitely a type of bullying. I emailed her teacher and explained the situation, and she wrote back to me that she was shocked this had happened and they would be having a class meeting to discuss it. I did tell Diva she is absolutely NOT to share the name of the girl with anyone else in the class because this isn’t about causing trouble for that girl, it’s about making sure all of the kids know how one person’s words or actions can affect someone else.
If nothing else, I hope I have taught my daughter to not take other people’s garbage and make it their own.
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