Vasectomy

My friend’s husband just got the big “V” last week, and I asked the appropriate questions required of me:

“Is he OK?”

“What’s it look like?”

“Did they swell the size of eggplants?”

“Is it now the color of eggplant?”

“Is he being a big baby?”

“Do you have any extra vicodin?”

“Peas or corn?”

“How many times will he have to do it in a cup?”

“Were you in the room with him?”

She was not in the room with him.

“WHY weren’t you in the room with him?”

I am definitely going to request I be in the room with Mr. Manic when his time comes, because my friend told me a little secret – smoke comes out of “their them yonders” when they do the procedure.

I sooo want to see that.

Little streams of smoke wafting up like Native-American signals saying, “Hey, no worries down here, don’t send any help! You’re killing us all off though! But that’s OK, cuz now you can have all the sex you could ever imagine having any time you want.” Well, as long as the doors are locked and the kids are nowhere in sight and you’ve got a nice little buzz from a couple of margaritas or a couple glasses of wine, and he hasn’t been annoying you lately and you’re not too tired or full or crabby, and the moons are aligned and you don’t have your period and …

OK.

Plus, he got to see MY feet in stirrups – THREE times. It’s only fair, you know, that I should see him in stirrups!

And of course, I’ll hold his hand and tell him it’ll be over soon. Of course I would do that for Mr. Manic.

But ANYWAY, my friend said her husband said they had the radio on while they were zapping at his zoingoes, and yes, I just made up that word, and isn’t it a fun one? Zoingoes. “Zoin” rhymes with coin, and “goes” as in “He GOES to get a vasectomy.”

(Can I put that word on urbandictionary.com?)

My friend said her husband actually heard the song by the Rolling Stones, “You Make a Grown Man Cry” during his vasectomy which busted us both out in fits of laughter and then got us thinking about a great topic:

SONGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR BEFORE, DURING, OR AFTER YOUR VASECTOMY:

All The Small Things – Blink 182

Great Balls Of Fire – Jerry Lee Lewis

Beat It – Michael Jackson

Better Days – Goo Goo Dolls

Chop Me Up – Justin Timberlake

Come As You Are – Nirvana

Crank That – Soulja Boy

Crank Dat – DJ Godfather

Dancing “Queen” – ABBA

Daughters – John Mayer

Electric Blue (Balls!) – Icehouse

Everytime We Touch – Cascada

Fidelity – Regina Spektor

Fix You – Coldplay

Fix You Up – Tegan and Sara

Frizzle Fry – Primus

Gimme More – Britney Spears

“Headsprung” – LL Cool J

Here It Goes Again – OK GO

Hit Me With Your Best Shot – Pat Benetar

How Far We’ve “Come” – Matchbox Twenty

How To Save A Life – The Frey

“Hung” Up – Madonna

“Taint”ed Love – “Soft” Cell

I’ve Got To See You Again – Norah Jones

I Could Have Lied – Red Hot Chili Peppers

I Don’t Need Her – The Outfield

I Grieve – Peter Gabriel

I Have The Touch – Peter Gabriel

Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? – Oops, sorry, that’s not a song!

I Would For You – Jane’s Addiction

Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice

If The World Crashes Down – Enrique Iglesias

It’s Only Love – Simply Red

It Ends Tonight – The All American Rejects

Just A Girl – No Doubt

Just Lose It – Eninem

Hanging By A Moment -- Lifehouse

(NO) Kids Of The Future – Jonas Brothers

Last Dance – Donna Summer

Let’s Go To Bed – The Cure

Lie In Our Graves – Dave Matthews Band

Lost In A Crowd – Rusted Root

Murder Of One – Counting Crows

Naked – The BoDeans

Never Again – Kelly Clarkson

No Chump Love Sucker – Red Hot Chili Peppers

The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You – Gloria Estefan

Rise Up And Walk – Poi Dog Pondering

Rock You Like A Hurricane – Scorpions

Smack That - Akon

Sabotage – Beastie Boys

Staying Alive – Bee Gees

That’s The Way I Like It – KC & The Sunshine Band

This Is My Now – Jordin Sparks

“Hard”en My Heart – Quarterflash

“Come” On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners

This Is The Day – The The

Through The Fire And Flames – Dragonforce

Turn Me On – Norah Jones

We Be Burnin’ – Sean Paul

We Will Rock You – Queen / Michael Johns

Welcome To The Jungle – Guns N’ Roses

When The World Ends – Dave Matthews Band

Where Does The Good Go – Tegan and Sara

Wind it Up – Gwen Stefani

Witch Doctor – Alvin and the Chipmunks

I Want Your Sex – George Michael

The Shake Of Big Hands – Poi Dog Pondering

Shake That – Eminem

Snap And Roll – Soulja Boy

The Space Between – Dave Matthews Band

Nothing Left To Lose – Mat Kearney

Beast Of Burden – Rolling Stones

Pretty In Pink – The Psychedelic Furs

Release – Pearl Jam

Twist & Shout – The Isley Brothers

You Can’t Count On Me – Counting Crows

They’re Red Hot – Red Hot Chili Peppers

You Raise Me Up – Josh Groban

Most of these songs I got from my own iTunes library. I think I can create a Vasectomy’s Greatest Hits CD and sell it to the Vasectomy Docs. I’d make a killing! I know there are a ton of other good songs to add to this list, so share ‘em in the comments. Also, got any good vasectomy stories? Let’s talk appendages, shall we?

Here’s one song I thought of that men might like to hear during a vasectomy, and by the looks of the video, men might enjoy watching all the hot chicks, so boys, all three of you reading Manic Mommy, this one’s for you!



And in ever Manic fashion, I just have to leave you with my usual, and pun-intended ...

Peace UP!

"Booking" With Manic

Winners, Please email me at manicmommy@comcast.net with your full name and address so I can send you your books!

Rebecca at this reading is manic

Heather at casa de rice

Karla with a K

Shelley at SPepper22 won both books!

And here's the second part of "Booking" with Manic:

Announcement Soon

You tube's being P I S S Y !

As soon as these videos are uploaded, you'll know who the WEINER WINNERS are. Stay tuned, stay patient!

Thanks, Peace UP!

Contest Entrants & YOUR Self PROMOTION

Contestant entrants officially closed -- I'm going to bed!

If your name is posted here, it's because I have gotten your comment that you'd like to be entered into the contest to win a Jennifer Weiner GOOD IN BED book and then qualify to win her latest CERTAIN GIRLS!

WOW! And by the way, HER NEW SITE ROCKS! I just clicked on and was like, COOL! So check it out! Dawg. I feel like Randy from American Idol, and don't even get me started on the fact that I completely missed my boyfriend singing We Are The Champions because Ajers has had the flu all this week and even though we DVR'ed the show, it screwed up and I missed my Michael Johns -- CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!?!?

OK, back to our regularly scheduled blog post on Jennifer Weiner and contests and self-promotion!

If you're NOT listed here, and still would like a chance to win, you have until 8 PM tonight to enter, just leave your NAME and EMAIL in the comments HERE.

ALSO, if you are listed here, this is your chance to SELF PROMOTE your own blog, business, book (or whatever that is not gross or inappropriate!) in the comment section here. I just wanted to give others a chance to self-promote. It seems unfair that I should hog all this here blog space for myself...

So, go at it! If you haven't yet entered, please do so, and also, self promote away dear friends!

Here's the list that I will be drawing names from tomorrow! Get YOURS added by leaving a comment with your name/email by 8 PM tonight. The drawing will be held via youtube video tomorrow sometime, barring anyone else in this family comes down with the flu!

ROBIN – who didn’t leave an email but I’ll forgive her.
BINA –
MELISA – grapevine86
HALLY – hulahal –
AMANDA –
JAMIE – thisjane –
JULIE –
DAWN – Morninglight Mama
MELISSA – Hope for the Hopeless –
MABUNNY –
LAURA-Peach
GRETA
EILEEN – of Eileen Cook Fame! See, even other famous authors want to win famous author books!
COLEEN – our old BABYSITTER! HI COLEEN!
ROBIN – The other ROBIN (the one who gave me her EMAIL! LOL!)
SUE – ascapecodturns@yahoo.com
TANYA – Tanya.for.president -- Have fun in CHICAGO!
MICHELE – myboysarearmybrats
KIRSTEN – "I WANT TO WIN" BUT DIDN’T LEAVE HER EMAIL! But has the zodiac year of the rat and the astrological sign aquarius, and she appears to be 252 years old according to her blogger profile!
LAURA –
JENN –
JANELLE –
TONYA –
ALANI –
JODI-MOTHER OF SIX – If you win, I HOPE YOU HAVE TIME TO READ A BOOK!
REBECCA – Thisreadingismanic
KARI –
LAURIE – Who didn’t leave her email but discovered JW in MODE mag.
TAMMY – thopgood –
OHMOMMY –
spiritinflight
TABITHA SMITH –
GRETCHEN –
L WOERNER –
MICHELLE –
SHELLEY –
NIKI –
KWANA –
ANON NO LONGER READING – SELF PROMOTION, CONTESTS HAD ENOUGH.COM!
LISA MC –
KATIE DUG –
JULES –
AMY N –
MARTINI –
MODIGLI
STACY –
KATIE KAT –
TRISH RYAN –
DEBBIE –
STEPHANIE – NOT ME, I PROMISE!
LISA – JUJUBOO –
CELTICBUFFY –
JENNIFER –
CHERYL –
BEAR BITES –
THE GANG’S ALL HERE –
TRISH –
JENNI –
JAMES – BOOK CHIC –
SAMMIE –
HEATHER –
KATE ALG. –
SHELLEY –
DONNA –
MANDEE -
MONIQUE -
calail86
COLORADO WRITER
STEWBIE (EVIL PIGS)
LAURA SEASHORE
CUBMOMMY
NECIE

Last three on the list:

DANIELLE

KARLA

CARLA

I am going to bed, the winners will be drawn SOMETIME tomorrow, via a YOUTUBE video, so please be patient, especially since I've got a sick kiddo at home! Thanks

Shhh.... This is CONFIDENTIAL!

Contests and Self-Promotion and a GREAT NEW WEBSITE!

So, let’s see…

Yesterday, there was an anonymous comment that I shouldn’t have let bother me but it kind of did, and for me to be posting about it just means that the anonymous commenter wins a little bit because really, the reason an anonymous poster posts is to try to get a reaction from the writer, to get a rise out of the person she is ‘attacking’ for lack of a better word, even though it wasn’t really an attack, more like an aggravation, or a nudge, a bug bite.

And I feel justified in talking about this here because this anonymous poster is no longer a Manic Mommy reader, because she told me so, but come on, if you posted something anonymously and said, “Hey, you’ve just lost a reader!” does that mean you’re never really going to come back to that blog?

Or would you be just a little bit vain and sneak back just to see if the blogger would be inclined to write about you? Hmmm… I kind of think anonymous commenters get a teeny little thrill knowing they’ve stirred something inside of someone else. What do you all think? She stirred me baby!

This commenter didn’t really say anything mean, and she was probably justified, maybe. She said she was tired of me self promoting and holding all of these contests. Here, I’ll tell you exactly what she said in a minute. I’m pretty sure it’s a SHE anyway. Just my guess, because currently, I have like three men readers, and I doubt Martini or Mylhibug or Jeff would go all anon on me because of a contest I was holding?

Anon wrote this:

Contests Contests Contests... Self Promotion Self Promotion....

Frankly I've had enough... you've just lost a reader!!

Wonder why all your old readers have gone??

She’s got an incredibly valid point though, right? I mean come on! What right do I have in the blogosphere to hold contests? How ignorant of me! Why should I be giving away free stuff? That’s just really presumptuous of me and I should stop it really soon. It's very ignorant and rude, just flat-out stupid for me to think that anyone would want something fun and free!

And the self-promoting! What the heck is THAT all about? On a BLOG for crying out loud? A PERSONAL BLOG? The nerve!

Well, I’m not going to stop doing that. I started this blog 3½ freaking years ago, when I had NOT ONE SINGLE reader, and I didn’t know what I was doing, or didn’t know what an HTML was, and youtube didn’t exist, and itunes probaby didn’t exist either, in fact, we probably still had CASSETTES for cripes sake, and I had no clue about anything.

But I have learned all of this stuff. I have met AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING people through blogging, and SELF-PROMOTING, and I am doing this in the hopes of someday becoming an author, and so why the hell not?

Why should I apologize or stop self-promoting if I’m doing something I believe in, doing something I love to do, and if I’m also helping people along the way, and if maybe I’m also, I don’t know, maybe helping to spearhead a BLOOD DRIVE where we all band together and save OVER 100 LIVES!?!?!? OK, maybe I’ll stop all of this. Because one anonymous poster doesn’t like what I’m doing.

I feel like Simon Cowell. Insert cute English accent here:

SORRY. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

And I feel really good about saying that to you, Anon. (Mostly because I am certain you’re not coming back to Manic Mommy because you said you are not coming back.)

So, the contests stay, and I’ll do them when I want to do them.

Here’s another thing. Big time author, Jennifer Weiner, BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, Jennifer Weiner, must believe in the power of the BLOG if she’s having her publicity team go out and find blogs to help promote her books, right?

She’s not even doing a major book tour for Certain Girls! She’s doing a Virtual Book Tour, and having her fans promote her books. So, there’s something to be said for that. So, the contest is still running, and the winners will be announced on Friday, so you all have until Thursday night to enter, so go ahead and enter away. Who knows, maybe even Anon put in her real name and entered too. I wouldn't put it past her. Who wouldn't want a free Jennifer Weiner book!?

Now, for more on the Self-Promotion Front.

Because of this blog and because I’ve met wonderful people through it, I’ve been given a fun opportunity as Manic Mommy to do a Q&A column on a terrific new website:

BettyConfidential.com

It's for all women in all life stages and with all sorts of interests for women ages 25-49 ... relevant, irreverent, newsy ... it's a great place to connect and share!

Also, if you've always had something to say, and were never sure where to get started in this writing game, BettyConfidential.com is always looking for great new contributors, and you can contact Julie at Julie@BettyConfidential.com to learn how to write for them. Cuz I know you've all got something important to say! Even you, ANON! : )

BettyConfidential.com has all sorts of fun sections that cover topics such as:

Kissing Frogs
Navigating a Career
Shaping a Marriage
Raising Kids
Finding You

Under the sidebar, you'll find some GUILTY PLEASURES such as the fabulous Debbie from What Would Debbie Do? where she's got great advice on being married or not being married and dating and other life stuff, and then there's also the Hot Men of Ask Real Guys where you can send a message to these real live hotties and they will answer YOUR quesions about men (even if it has to do with, ahem, you know, like penis size and stuff!)

And then, here's where the self-promotion shit comes in, so you can just skip this if you're tired of it, okay! There's Just Another Manic Mommy where you can stop by and read my first Q&A column, and you'll see I should heed my own advice in the first place when it came to Miss Anon. Not to take the garbage other people try to dump on people. To just shake it off, tell 'em thanks, but you don't want their dirt. Oh wait! I think I just did!

Peace UP!

Are "CERTAIN GIRLS" "GOOD IN BED?"

CONTEST ALERT for all you Jennifer Weiner fans!


Don't know who Jennifer Weiner is?

Helloooo? Did you just crawl out from under a rock? Do you wear BLINDERS while walking past bookstores, going to Target, even the grocery store? She's everywhere.

Allow me, if I may, because I love sooo to enlighten:

Jen and Me:


Me and Jen:


Books by Jen:


Signed copies by Jen, to me. I have many more, but why make you jealous take up blog space?


Well, OK, here are some more:


Books:


So, Jen's new book is coming out April 8th, JUST IN TIME FOR MY BIRTHDAY PRACTICALLY. Certain Girls is the continuation of GOOD IN BED, 13 years after the fact.

I first discovered Jen Weiner while living in PA; I had read about her in Philly magazine. This is when I was pregnant with Tukey, and was on the verge of 'thinking' about writing again. She inspired me! I was pregnant -- I went to the bookstore and asked, "Do you have GOOD IN BED?"

Obviously, I was already GOOD IN BED since I knew what I was doing in bed since I was pregnant, right? I knew what I was doing at least--I got that part right!

GOOD IN BED became my favorite book. Jen's writing is funny and quirky. She is real and doesn't sugar-coat! She started the whole snowball of Chickliterarism that led to so many more amazing authors to follow her lead!

So let's have a freaking Manic Mom party, shall we? I happen to have legally come across four copies of the newly revamped GOOD IN BED with a hot new cover and TWO hardback copies of Certain Girls, when really, I was supposed to only receive ONE COPY of Certain Girls, which I was supposed to have kept and read for myself.

Long story short, I tried to get Swishy a copy on eBay but failed, so one copy is going to her for a belated b'day, and one copy is going to someone out there! Because I am a Pay-It-Forward kinda gal (ALTHOUGH I AM READING IT FIRST!)

But not to worry, I have already ordered MY OWN COPY on Amazon but it's not arriving till May, hence the reason I'm reading YOUR copy first. But still, you'll get a copy, which may or may not make it more fun to know it's been pre-read by moi? You decide.

This contest may be the easiest one EVER! Leave me your name and an email address in the comments section. THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO!

Like the blood drive contest video drawing, I will pull names later this week to show you who has won the four copies of GOOD IN BED. From those four names, I will then pull one of those names to also win the pre-read copy of Certain Girls! As an incredible BONUS, all winners will also receive a Manic Mommy magnet. Too much to handle, I know.

Too much...

So go ahead, leave your name and an email address where I can contact you, and let the fun begin! If you know of a Jennifer Weiner fan (and WHO DOESN'T??), please share the contest love!

You Tube TV Debut

So I took the DVD from the television show and made You Tube videos from that. There are five clips, all are finally uploaded - Some of them have my phone ringing during it. Check out the last one when the credits run and I am talking and acting like I know what I'm doing at the end of the show ... hahah.

The host, who was GREAT, was so easy to talk with, and thanks Aim, for bringing me as your guest, it was sooo much fun! See that Starbucks cup of water? The host told me I could put it on the table! I had it behind the chair!

Also, I said "UMM" A LOT. Hey, I should hold a contest to see who can guess how many times I said UMM. (Don't count 'em, really!)

Part One:


Part Two:


Part Three:


Part Four:


Part Five: