Quite the "Spry" Evening

Don't mean to leave you hanging, but well, I don't even know if famed author of the upcoming novel, Driving Sideways, Jess Riley, is still alive!??!!? Quite possibly we may have the makings of the sequel to Misery??

Here's an abbreviated update, or check in with Swishy, as she's got more of the scoop anyway.

Some highlights to the evening:

Started out with Swish getting lost to my place, then other awesome surprise guest arriving, none other than, well, I already told you up there, didn't I? JESS RILEY! And gosh, I do hope she's alive! Jess?!?!?! Please, be alive!

The last time the three of us were together, this is what happened.

So, we had some wine and cheese and crackers at my place cuz THAT'S HOW I ROLL!

Then we all did that sorority sister thing trying to find outfits to wear and I ended up with shoes I wasn’t happy with but then I was happy cuz at the bar, a girl came up to me and said, “Hey, I like those shoes!” That’s like such a good karma thing. They are like cloggy leopardy, zebra-y, tiger shoes, and really, I shouldn’t have been wearing them out, but once I got the ‘shoe compliment’ I was OK with it.

Previous to going to the bar, we all had agreed we wanted to see this FABULOUS movie, so we did:


And I was bawling, and Jess was rubbing my shoulder during it making sure I was OK. How sweet was that!

Then we went to dinner and had our drinks. Can you guess which one is mine?

And that's when the moral dilemmas we had to contend with entered into the evening, and went straight out the window. We had to ask ourselves at that point, WWJD when the conversation turned to girl-on-girl lap dances... we decided good old Jesus had left the building and Lucifer was now at the party.

NOOOOOOOOOO! We didn't GET lap dances. We were JUST discussing them! Keep in mind, we are authors. THESE are things authors talk about! Well, officially, Jess is the only author to date, but Swish and I will be someday soon. If nothing else, we've got notebooks full of our times together!

This is a lipstick touch-up:


Next up, we went to see some band of doctor rockers. Yeah, we don't get it either. But we figured if they were a bunch of doctors pretending to be a bunch of rockers, we could be a bunch of writer / bloggers pretending to be a bunch of groupies so I guess it all makes sense.



They are called Ed whom Swish nicknamed Erectile Dysfunction and we threw Blue Little Pills up on stage at them (and sorry Swish if I stole your joke, cuz I do have to give that one to Swish, cuz that's hers... she coined that one)... so, that wasn't all that great. I mean, it was, because we were like the YOUNGEST people in the WHOLE place, but we were also the only NON surgically enhanced people in that place, so we could only determine the doctors were plastic surgeons! Then we met up with fellow blogger Kristabella who reminds me of me, so obviously, she is very cool and fun and nice to be around, and her pal Darcie, who just happens to be a new neighbor of mine, and a teacher, who fortunately for her she will not have to ever teach the Manic kids!

And then, because I have this effect on men when Swishy is in town, the sparks flew. I don’t know what it is about me, but I emit this sort of elixir that from whence it comes from me, it attracts men to Swishy!!! Because seriously, whenever Swishy is in town, I help her to meet men! I know! I am her Wingman! I am her Makeout Muse! It has nothing to do with the fact that she is beautiful and charming and fun and sincere and that she alone emits a beauty that draws men to her like bees to nectar!

But, I have to also stop here for a moment to let everyone know just how equally beautiful Jess Riley is. Unfortunately, for all the men in the world, both Jess and I are passionately, madly, irrevocably in love…

NO, FOLKS! NOT WITH EACH OTHER! Although I do find her attractive… I just mean we are both married! So, sadly, we are OFF THE MARKET!

So seriously, like within THREE minutes of walking into a new bar, after leaving erectile dysfunction--heh heh TOTAL PUN INTENDED--these CHARMING men come through and one of them speaks to Swish, and she does her cute giggle, hair flip, flirt thing that girls on the make do. Not that she’s on the make, mind you. It’s just that I don’t have any of those moves of course, so I watch, with envy.

Then they walk away, then they come back, and then we spend the whole night talking with these charming men who, would you believe are LAW STUDENTS FROM NEW YORK!!! What a score! And of all the women in the bar, they chose US to talk to all night long! And they were so charming and nice and kind, they even bought drinks. You do not find young men in bars these days willing to buy women--even women with large rocks on their hands--drinks in bars. But yes, these guys knew how to roll!

Two guys in particular were very fun and sweet, unlike their other friends, like one who was nicknamed Neanderthal Date-Rape Boy, who was just flat-out mean. I totally tried to get the him drawn into conversation because I like to engage people, and he seemed bored that his friends were paying my friends attention. I like to learn about the nuances of people. I like to learn what makes them tick. So, back to NDRB… I just wanted to know why he was so angry. I asked him, “Why are you so angry? What happened in your childhood to make you so angry?” He didn’t tell me. Instead, he flat out told me, “You’re a three. Definitely a three.”

So I asked him, “OK, so I’m a three at 10:00. Do you think I will be a 10 at 3:00?”

The dude didn’t even LAUGH AT THAT? What kind of person is that? How angry of a person is that?

Anyway, back to our fun boys, who I won’t name, because I know they may or may not have very high profile fathers, who may or may not be lawyers, who are definitely NOT doctors, who may or may not live in Burr Ridge, who may or may not be hockey players for De Paul U, who may or may not be “connected,” who may or may not like the number 44, who may or may not have ever had sex with a 40-year-old thong-wearer in Fort Lauderdale, who may or may not smoke Parliament cigarettes, who may or may not be “spry,” but who most definitely were very fun –Thanks to “F” and “J” for such a fun night—and even though we know you were not ‘completely’ honest with us all night long, we harbor no ill will. Because you know everyone tells a few white lies, right?

Boys, just promise us one thing—you’ll ask the girls your age to be honest when it comes to that topic we openly discussed, OK? Because, you all know for sure that they are LYING TO YOU TOO!

Oh, I forgot one of the most important parts… the night wasn’t a complete loss for me as I did get picked up by a hottie too… but since I’m married, I had to turn the poor guy down: