Friday, August 03, 2007

Sandwich

My mom is arranging flowers in the kitchen while I’m in here doing whatever I do in here and I hear her say, “I think in my next life, I want to be a flower arranger.”

Me: “I’ve ALWAYS wanted to work at Subway!”

Mom: “Bwahahahahahahaha! That is the funniest thing I have ever heard!”

Me: “Why? Why couldn’t I work at Subway?”

Mom: “You HATE touching hamburger meat. You hate raw meat. How could you work in a sandwich shop?”

Me: “This meat wouldn’t be raw! It would be cooked! I don’t know, I just would like it. And the customers would LOVE me cuz I’d always sneak an extra couple slices of salami on their sandwiches, and extra yummy things. I could make a bad-ass sandwich! With loads of mayo, and even extra lettuce is good. Oh, and those triangles of cheese, well, they’d get like six or eight on the sandwiches I make!”

Mom: “Stick to your day job.”

Me: “And if someone came in asking for olives or pickles, which I personally loathe, I would load ‘em up on the sandwich too! And you know what else? I would give the customers more than one stinking napkin per order! What is with that? …"

[Thoughtful pause here…]

“By the way, I don’t have a day job!”

Mom: “Get one. But not at Subway.”

Me: “Yeah Mom, you’re right. I could never work at Subway. I like Jimmie John’s much better!”

OK, now I’m totally craving a sandwich!

21 comments:

TTQ said...

I want a sandwhich now. See you could totally rock Subway!

BTW- "Then get one" (job, that is)
is something my mom would say.

Jenster said...

I'd totally buy a sandwich from you!! Extra mayo, please.

March to the Sea said...

a few years ago they used to cut a "V" out of the top of subs..rather than slicing them. I was in one day and a guy in front of me says "Can you cut the sub the long way rather than that "V" thing you do?

The guy looks at him..pauses..says "can't..company policy".

I'll take a chicken w/bacon, mayo lettuce and pickles...

Andrea said...

I worked at Subway for nearly a year while I was in college (back when thee did the "V" cuts). It wasn't bad and it gave me an opportunity to try different things, but people get really picky when they're watching someone MAKE their sandwich. Sometimes you just want to scream, "It's just lettuce!" when yet another person has you take off some, then have you put more on because you took too much off...

(I think I walked away with issues - can you tell? But I still love eating the food.)

cubmommy said...

Jimmy John's Rocks!

I might have that for lunch tomorrow.

Matt said...

this is hilarious. and not just because i just finished eating Quiznos.

Manic Mom said...

I rarely like Subway sandwiches because they are so chincy (chin-see - know what word I'm trying to say here?) with the ingredients!

March--yum, that sounds good. I think they have a chick terriaki with sweet onion sauce but that always gave me stomach issues!

I do remember that V thing. Or how 'bout when sandwich places totally just cut out a bunch of the bread and throw it out! What is THAT about? I need me some bread!

Andrea--I see what you mean, having people tell you which way to make it! That would drive me crazy!

Cubmom--Yay Jimmy John's! I need to get over to your blog to see pics of that cutie baby! I was looking for you at Target the other day!

Matt--Even more than hating Subway, I HATE Quizno's! Or maybe it's just the Quizno's by my house. Not being ethically unfair here, but NOBODY there at the store by me speaks English so they ALWAYS get the order wrong!

Today, I ate a mozzarella, tomato, basil sandwich on foccacia that I found at the grocery store in the prepared foods area! It was YUM!

I still want something really meaty with a bunch of mayo and lettuce, and probably some bacon too... that sounds wayyyy too good!

Trish Ryan said...

I LOVE sandwiches...and if you'll include extra triangles of cheese you will officially be my favorite subway person EVER. I'll even nominate you for manager. Or president. Or grand poh-bah of all things that go on bread.

Don't let your mom squish your dreams :)

mcewen said...

You must to visiting the wrong branch of Subway! We always get half a tree's worth of paper napkins with ours.
Cheers

a life uncommon said...

Ha!!! I use to haaaaate touching meat too. If you do get the day job at subway... maybe you could be the person who cuts the bread in half. ;)

Judy Thomas said...

I knew someone who went into a sandwich shop and asked for minimum lettuce.... the girl behind the counter said, "I'm sorry. We only have iceberg."

Me? I want extra everything :-)

Bear Bits said...

My absolute favorite sandwich on earth is Jimmy John's #12 - Beach Club!

Swishy said...

I could never work at Subway because I do NOT like people watching me while I work. I would feel all self-conscious while I made their sandwich.

On a side note, it's 4 a.m. and Say Anything is on!

Kim Stagliano said...

No, Quizno's. Mmmmmm toasty! You'd be fired in a week for messing with their profits. But you'd probably meet a millionarie sub loving guy who wanted to run away with you, as long as you left the plastic gloves behind. Manic Dad should not let you work at Subway.... ;)

Patti said...

i twisted the whole "i hate touching meat" thing around and now am ashamed. hungry and ashamed

Monnik said...

I'd buy a sub from you too. I agree, Jimmie John's is better than subway, though. :)

Beth said...

me too!!!! When you walk into the subway...the SMELL.......OMG...if I wasn't hungry before, I am then. Just the smell alone is wonderful...and all. that. bread.

Swishy said...

Patti! HA HA HA HA.

Anonymous said...

I just had a college flashback! We had a Jimmy John's there. No JJ's in CT! I had forgotten about it! It was the BEST! I can't remember what I used to get, probably just turkey or something.
Your sis

Eileen said...

If you worked at Subway, maybe you could actually put some meat in the sub. I can never find any in there. I do like the bread. However, I think you would do well at whatever you did. Personally, I hope you stick to writing, cause it would be such a loss to all of us. Gotta go eat now.

la bellina mammina said...

You're funny!