Monday, June 08, 2009

HeRe CoMeS The BReaKDoWN

So, today, and it’s only 12:29 p.m., I’ve cried three times.

This a.m. was my x-ray to confirm the Essure procedure I had done three months ago 'took.' This is where they fill your vagina with about a ton of hardware and then stick in a catheter and shoot up some lovely x-ray dye to make sure my fallopian tubes are now scarred over and blocked.

They are.

I can officially no longer, never ever again procreate. Man, that kinda sucks to write that and is bringing me to tears again just announcing this. It’s not that I want more kids. I’m 40 for crying out loud. I don’t. But the thought that I have manipulated my body into this state makes me sad. Maybe it’s PMS; I don’t know.

Before they gave me the vaginal hardware rape and the x-ray dye, I had to pee in a cup and they tested my urine to see if I was pregnant. I knew I wasn’t. I knew the test would be negative, but I kept thinking, “Wow. That is the last pregnancy test I will ever take my whole entire life.”

So, on the table, filled with hardware and some fluorescent dye, they confirmed my tubes are blocked. Unprotected sex abounds. Whoop de fucking do.

I got weepy in the car on the way home.

Then I got a McDonald’s vanilla ice cream cone and a $1 Diet Coke to make me feel better. I should have order the freakin’ fries.

Next up, I stopped at the pharmacy to get my migraine med and my synthroid. Insurance denied. We are going on COBRA, which, if you must know, is a pile of crap. A person LOSES HIS JOB and so that means a family HAS NO MORE MONEY, right? Then COBRA jumps in to save the day on insurance. But guess what’s the laugh here? COBRA costs $1,300 a MONTH!

We’re fine. I know we are fine. But how in the hell does a family pay that much money a month when a husband loses his job and then the poor family HAS NO INCOME or no way to pay that much money to have insurance.

And duh, with procedures like the one I just had this a.m., we need the insurance. I just don’t get how it works in this effed up world.

So, when I was at the pharmacy and the pharmacist informed me that my insurance card has been denied (because we are in that interim of getting COBRA set up), I start crying. Like I’m sure the pharmacist wanted to see me crying. She told me my migraine med costs $224 without insurance. OK, NOT BEING ABLE TO GET MY MIGRAINE MEDICINE IS GOING TO GIVE ME A FUCKING HUGE MIGRAINE, right? RIGHT.

I’m not happy today. Eff-bomb the world.

(Big shift from my previous GLEE post, huh?)


becky w. said...

So sorry about your insurance situation. My hubz job is hanging by a thread these days and I have no benefits so we would be equally effed in that situation. I am commenting because I am researching the Essure procedure as of late and I am just wondering what made you choose that over another medically permanent option? This one is currently topping my personal list. I would love to get feedback from someone who's gone through it. You can email me directly at Thanks!

Travis Erwin said...

Now I feel bad for making that wise ass crack on twitter.

Kirsten said...

oh Manic, suckie suckage day. Its pretty sad when you have to choose between food and migraine medicine! Like if you have a migraine you can even make the damn food, right? Just keep telling yourself "it will all be OK"

morninglight mama said...

Oh Manic, what a disaster. I'm so sorry!! When we were going through the losing-the-job-thing last year, we opted to not go with COBRA because we simply wouldn't have been able to pay the mortgage, feed the kids AND have insurance. Thankfully hubby found a job on the very last day of his severance pay and insurance coverage, but his new insurance didn't start until the beginning of the next month... so we went almost a month with no insurance with three kids. I was walking on eggshells the entire time-- THANK GOD nothing happened!! :)

Good luck with everything!!

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

I don't know if you're a person of faith or not, but this is where I always try to remind myself "Don't tell God how big your problem is, tell your problem how big your God is!"

Good luck!

Shelley said...

Hey Steph,
Just wanted to let you know, there is a thing that was part of the federal stimulus plan where you can be on COBRA for nine months, and pay 35% of the premium, and the govt. picks up the rest. I know ours was like $1200-$1300 and the 35% thing is about $478 a month. It still hurts, but it hurts a lot less than $1300 a month. You can call COBRA for the info, you have to fill out a form and send it to them. Email me if you want the phone number, I have it in a folder here somewhere. shel_walsh at yahoo

Kristin said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry! It will get better.

MaBunny said...

Yeah Stephanie, COBRA does suck. I'm glad your procedure took though. I hope you get to feeling better - go and get those fries, with a huge chocolate bar and that might help:))

Monnik said...

oh man. The insurance situation is sucky. :(

The not being able to procreate situation is a rite of passage, and I can see where it would make you sad and reflective.

Anonymous said...

I have to piggy back on what Shelly said regarding the COBRA pmt. It's called the ARRA (The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009). I just sent in our paperwork last week. The Gvt will pay 65% of your COBRA pmt for up to 9 months. There is some paperwork to fill out and the layoff has to be involuntary, etc. We received ours from ADP services (they are handling COBRA for my hubby's company plan, perhaps they handle it for everyone, I don't know, we had Anthem Blue Cross). Here is an 800number on my paperwork but again...I'm not sure if they can help you specifically. 800.522.6621. Also, there is a website, ADP Benefit Services is in Alpharetta, GA. I hope some if this is useful to you, we are kind of in the same boat. Luckily my hubby has the military reserves to supplement our income but we are not sure what to do for the long haul! Perhaps you can Google ARRA and get some sources that way. Good luck, you are not alone in your fight!! Dee Dee

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Thank you all for these kind words and your thoughts on COBRA! I think Mr. Manic has looked into that other option.

Am in a much better frame of mind today! Thank you everyone! :)

Suzanne said...

Regarding the cost of drugs, would it be possible to get your prescription filled at Wal-Mart where they advertise the $4 prescription?

WeaselMomma said...

I too am fighting the cobra battle. It sucks.

Colorado Writer said...

It is TOTAL CRAP what happens to the families that are just trying to make it day to day in this f-ed up system of the rich get richer and the poor suffer the consequences.

We put about 3 months of Cobra on a credit card. Should have been a trip to f-ing Italy.

Melissa said...

We did the no more pregnancy thing last year so I'm feeling you there. The Mister had the snip...I don't want more kids but it still made me sad...what do you suppose that is about?

I hope that Mr Manic finds something soon and that Cobra kicks in quickly.

Anonymous said...

It should be less than $1500 a month for 9 months due to the Obama stimulus plan. Mine is normally $660 but paying $250 for 9 months. You save 45%. Your hubby should ask HR about this.

Bina said...

Oh Manic. I'm so very sorry. That is the suckiest day! Having migraines and not being able to take your meds is a HUGE problem!!!! And damn, really? Insurance costs that fucking much??? I had no clue!!!!!

Poor thing. Just your ass off, get drunk, have sex and go to bed. You do know orgasms are supposed to cure headaches, right??

Michelle said...

Ugh. I hate monopolies. My mom has to get that same migraine stuff without prescription coverage, and it isn't fun. Here's hoping that COBRA bit gets straightened out soon!

And sorta yay that the Essence worked but ... still sad. That's exactly why I don't think I've done anything about preventing kids permanently yet. Even though I don't want anymore.

And I still have that song going through my head from yesterday. Thanks ;)

Maureen Lipinski said...

Ugh. Sorry you're going through this--COBRA is ridiculous. I hope it gets better soon!

Kim Stagliano said...

This is how most people live - constantly struggling to work in a system stacked against them. They refuse Cobra and go uninsured or go onto Medicaid to protect their families. Obama will pay for 2/3 of your Cobra - ask your Cobra plan admin. He passed that plan last Spring. We got the paperwork.

It gets easier. And the fertility part does too. I cried as well. I loved having babies. I sure did.



Swishy said...

Not to scare you, but one of my friends got a vasectomy and posted on Facebook last night that his WIFE is PREGNANT with their FIFTH KID! (Of course, it COULD mean his wife has been busy while he is out of town, but let's just assume not.) CAN YOU IMAGINE???

(PS, You don't have to officially pay for COBRA until the enrollment period ends. But you ARE covered during that period and only have to pay if you make a claim.)

avasmommy said...

I'm sorry hun. I have so had these days. I went to get my car battery tested the other day and they confirmed it was bad so i thought okay, i'll leave and come back when I have more money. WRONG. Car wouldn't start. So I go in to buy the battery and my debit card won't work! So of course I cry and they have to jump my car. What an effed up world! Some days are just punch me in the gut bad! Hope your weekend goes well.

Amanda said...

just catching up after being internet free for a week!!!

Not a good day then.

Parcel leaving highlands imminently and just in time by the sounds of things! (sorry, life got in the way of the post office but I'm fighting my way through...)

Daisy said...

Oh, no! That sounds like a completely sucky day. Somehow, sex with no worries isn't quite enough. Hope your situation gets better - and soon, very soon.

anymommy said...

We've done the COBRA thing and it sucks, I'm sorry. I also totally know where you are with the tubal procedure. It's something to grieve, the end of having children, even though you know how much joy is ahead.