Butts, Boob, and Getting Some Booty

What is with my butt!!? What is the big attraction with my butt (besides its size, I mean?)

The people in this family love my butt. Why does every single member of this family feel the need to come near me and give it a little poke, jiggle or slappity-slap every time they walk by?

It's just an average butt, maybe, okay, probably a little bit too big, and as Ajers claims, "It's kinda flabby, Mom," which is okay, FINE! Then why the hell does everyone need to TOUCH ME ALL THE TIME! My space, my butt! Puhlease let me and my butt be!

And the boob thing is an issue now too. Diva is constantly trying to grope me, to casually feel a little boobalicious blob of booby. And the questions these days!

"Mom, did you breastfeed me?"

"Why not?"

"Why did you breastfeed the boys but not me?"

"Can I touch them?"

WHY? "Because I want to know what they feel like."

Good, I'll go fill up two water balloons for you and you can fondle them all day long or until they pop and splat all over your shoes, Missy.

And other stuff, like:

"Mom, what hurt more? When they cut Ajers out of your belly, or when I came out of your cootchie?"

My answer: It was really hard to get you out of there (she was 9lbs, 4oz), but I think it was mostly because she was stubborn.

And she seemed pleased that she hurt me more entering this world.

Yes, she is going to be my challenging child.

And then, Ajers today sees the word SEX on the computer. Hell, he could see it anywhere he looks, in songs, on billboards, in magazines, on TV, so why not just start talking about it. So, he points to the word and giggles.

I look at him.

"I know you know what it means," I tell him.

Giggles. Then, "Yeah, it means it's either a boy or a girl." Good, he remembered my first explanation way back when.

"But, I know you know more about what that means, and we can talk about it."

"No mom. It's embarrassing."

"No it's not. It's just a word. And I know you know."

And we're laughing with one another and I'm so proud we are having this discussion because I always want to be open with my children; I want to tell them what they want to know, but not everything, because they don't need to know everything yet.

"I knew when I was your age," I tell him. Then I say, "Just tell me two words about it."

(Here I'm thinking he will say PENIS and VAGINA).

"Three words," he says.

"Okay." (Please, please, please, don't say BUTT!)

Here are his three words:

Take.

Off.

Clothes.

"And then what?" I ask, because this is the point I would find out how much he really knew.

"They make out."

OKAAAAAAY....

"Why do people do that?" he wants to know.

"Well, I guess it's kind of like a hug. You like being hugged, don't you? It's a way of being close."

"Do you and Daddy do it?"

"Sometimes, but not all that much."

"Like on a honeymoon?" he says.

"Yeah, or an anniversary or a birthday," I tell him.
(Oh, and of course, Father's Day, but NEVER on Mother's Day!)

And that was about it for the discussion. He was embarrassed in the beginning, but I let him know it's okay to talk about this stuff with me, and now he's got some answers, not all of them, but at least we've got the door open and I'm pretty sure he feels comfortable knowing if he has any questions ever, he can come to me to ask.

(Shoot, I just realized post-conversation that I didn't explain to him that only adults do this! I'VE FAILED AT MY FIRST SEX TALK WITH MY SON!)